I want to let you know that YOUR page was the reason I left the LDS faith. Thank you for setting me free and enriching my life. I'm currently writing my story, in the hopes that someday it can be on your page.
You are making a difference!
Reading your pages I found the letter "This Former Jehovah's Witness discusses the 1975 prophecy" and it made me shiver. I too remember that and remember not feeling worthy! The fear and terror! And then I left at 18 years old, having family still in it. Today my brothers are still very strong in it, and when we discussed recently the 1975 prophecy they told me exactly what the witnesses told that writer, that some had gotten overboard but the society didn't say it! I spoke to two others who had been the same age, they too had been told the same thing and we were all doubting if our memories were wrong.... but here I read we were not the only ones and this was a congregation not in California so it wasn't just our local congregation!
I am very happy with my life at this time, but know how hard it has been through the years to let go of all the mind control that was done as a youngster.
I copied this article to pass on to my friends who like me have family in the Witnesses and are being still told we all made this up! Thanks again for putting this information out for all who are searching for answers to read!
Dear Eric:
I was particularly moved by the story of the mother who wasn't able to see her son's wedding. It is something that I can relate to. I am twenty-three and am not married. My younger sister, who is twenty-one is now preparing to tie the knot. She will be married the in the Arizona Temple, and as an ex-Mormon, I will not be able to watch the ceremony. I had prepared myself for this, but this is the sad part. Her fiancee's parents will not be able to watch the ceremony. Her future father-in-law is not LDS, and her future mother in law is not "temple worthy". It is sad, and I will be there with them on the temple grounds. But, I know that it will be so hard for his parents. In the Catholic Church, though we do practice closed communion (i.e. communion amongst ourselves), we do not bar anyone from entering our churches, and certainly do not require a statement of worthiness in the form of recommend to enter our sacred spaces!
Thanks for your good work!
PS As on 26 December 1996, I am no longer a member of the LDS church! DEO GRATIAS!!!!
Your site is a great thing and I hope that you keep it going. I am sure that the need for it is great. God bless you.
I've been reading the unfriendly responses to your web site and I cannot believe the nerve of some of these people. They completely dismiss and invalidate the experiences of others with their smugness and superiority.
Let me say three things.
First of all: They maintain that the only reasons that someone would leave the church are that they never had a testimony to begin with, they were insulted at church and aren't ever coming back (this was the first question I heard), they fell under the spell of the anti- and lost the spirit, or they sinned and lost the spirit. It has to be one of these things or there remains a possibility that the church is not true. That's why TBM's [true believing Mormons] refuse to believe that maybe the spirit, or whatever, may say "no" when asked if the Book of Mormon is true. Doubt, they say, arises from sin. If you can't get the spirit to tell you the church is true, there is something wrong with you, not the spirit...not the church. To protect their own carefully cultivated testimonies, most Mormons refuse to believe that anyone could leave the church for other than said reasons. That is why you receive all this hostile mail. If they see intelligent people sharing experiences of their exit form Mormonism in a dignified manner it is a threat to very foundation of their faith.
Second: Somehow we who leave Mormonism are lifted up in our pride. We don't humble ourselves to the council of the brethren and the promptings of the spirit. We are leaving the church even though we know it is true. Just who has the pride here? Who is humble and teachable anyway? In order to rationally assess my feelings about the church, I had to come down off my high horse and realize that Mormonism was not true just because it was all that I had experienced. The collective experience of humanity is infinitely diverse, Mormonism is only a small part of it. As for me trying to convince myself that the church is not true to assuage my guilt...well, frankly I'm tired of having to convince myself over and over that it is true by ignoring the facts.
Last: I did have a testimony once. When I prayed and asked if the things I was studying in the scriptures and at church were true I felt good. I interpreted that feeling to mean that they were true. Later, when I ventured outside the light, sanitized version of church history that we all hear in Sunday school, I found out that my testimony, of Joseph Smith especially, was based on half truths and outright fabrications. My testimony, that is, my strong belief gained through prayer and study, doesn't make something true, especially if it is based on things that never happened.
I was comforted and encouraged by the stories on your site, Eric. Keep up the good work. It wasn't until today that I read the unfriendly letters. I was so incensed that I could do nothing until I responded. If you are inclined to post this, feel free to use my address, bring 'em on!
solomonskink@geocities.com
Thanks!
The account of your experiences with the Mormon Church sound similar to mine. I joined the Mormons in 1978 aged 16 after being contacted by missionaries; served a mission (England Bristol), married in the so called temple, accepted many callings, served as an Elders Quorum President, etc.
I think I always had little misgivings about the church but suppressed them in various ways. You know the deal, doubts are evil thoughts planted by the devil, the counter-balancing of doubts with personal spiritual (emotional) events, thinking that no one else seems to have these doubts so the problem must be me, and the rest. I can now see what a massive emotional investment and commitment I had to the Mormons and this really hindered my breaking away or thinking properly.
But I did it, and my wife didn't leave me, I do not feel a burnt out and worthless husk of my former self ( one of the many things that I suppose played a little my mind was once during some home teaching as a young man my Bishopric partner pointed out a shambling, scruffy, seemingly down trodden chap, and told me that used to be a shinning and important member of the Ward, but was excommunicated!) BUT, HAVING LEFT I FEEL JUST THE SAME AS I ALWAYS DID - AND I LOVE IT!
It's difficult to say I wish I had never had anything to do with the Mormons, because through them I met my wife, I have had some genuinely good times, and besides wishing doesn't change the past. I do feel I have been seared by my Mormon experiences though, and although my feelings against the church may dim in the future as yet they are still quite strong, and can flare up with little provocation.
Like you, I would strongly advise anyone thinking of joining the Mormons not to do so.
All the best
London UK
I just finished reading the letters posted from Mormons that have visited this site. The one characteristic that they all share in common is their predictability. Good, active, temple-recommend carrying Mormons making rash judgments about people they don't even know. No doubt close to 100 percent of these letters come from Mormons who have been physically, mentally and most of all spiritually conditioned and brainwashed since birth and don't know (or want to know, for that matter) any other mode of thinking or way of life.
The bottom line is that Mormonism, with all its historical inaccuracies and questionable doctrines, is an outmoded religion that can't come to terms with today's society. How are two members supposed to get married right after at least one of them (98% of the time the male) returns home from a mission and be able to finish college and have babies at the same time? How is the mother supposed to stay home and raise kids and the father bring home the bacon when it costs so much today to buy a house and maintain a middle class standard of living? Not only that, but the father's salary is also supposed to be enough to not only pay tithing, but to send all eight + kids to BYU and on missions! Does the church have any grasp on reality?????? What if the mother wants to work? Or why is a husband considered evil if his wife has a better job and makes more money? Why does it matter who tends the kids? Where does it say in the standard works that the priesthood is only for males (and non-African Americans pre-1978)?
Doesn't the practice of polygamy break the law of chastity? D&C 132:61-64 tries to rationalize polygamy by saying it's OK for a priesthood bearer to have many wives as long as they're virgins, but if a woman marries more than one man she is an adulterer and "shall be destroyed" (v. 64). Nice rationale, isn't it? And yet this section is talking about God's PRIESTHOOD!!! Am I missing something or does that sound abominable? Poor Emma Smith!
I am a twenty-four year old return missionary and recent graduate of BYU and am glad I made it all the way through (barely) without getting married. Frankly, my beef with the church is not so much its doctrines, but its unbelievably high expectations that are too much to bear. Basically, I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I remember sitting in church meetings at the "Y" and getting enormous headaches with all the things that I heard that I was supposed to do. Then my headaches would turn almost into migraines when my then bishop (David Haden) would call up three people EVERY WEEK WITHOUT PRIOR NOTICE to bear their testimonies before the CLOSING song and prayer of each sacrament meeting. He wouldn't announce any names until all the talks were over. During the talks he'd watch over the congregation like a hawk in order to discover his prey he felt "inspired" to embarrass each week. Everyone would avoid making eye contact with him like the plague. Consequently, sacrament meetings were uneasy for not only myself, but for a lot of other people as well. Just looking at all the people be nervous each week is not my idea of an "uplifting" experience. With it being my senior year, I no longer needed the annual ecclesiastical endorsement (which, by the way, can be refused if you do less than 100 percent home teaching) so I stopped going altogether. I couldn't wait to get out of Provo and lead a normal life elsewhere. I told my roommates why I didn't want to go to church and by the looks on their faces I must have been a son of perdition to them.
Anyway, my disallusionment with the church came long before then. My mission president in Chicago, James R. Maddux, a millionaire insurance salesman and executive with an ego the size of the galaxy, would give out cash and prizes to the zone with the most baptisms each month. One time the big prize was a big lunch and a White Sox game. Was this a mission or an insurance sales contest? What happened to "leaving the world" behind? Consequently, many baptisms occurred with people who weren't supposed to have passed their baptismal interviews. Of course, inactivity almost always ensued immediately. My mission president also had the audacity to publicly exclaim who his favorite missionaries were in various zone conferences. To be a "favorite", all one had to do was brown-nose and baptize--which I'm sure is quite common in most missions. Only his "favorites" got to be designated zone and district leaders and AP's of course. This kind of gall disturbed me and many other missionaries throughout the length of my mission. And he probably still wonders why our mission didn't baptize like it should!
I'm just tired of being told what to do and how to do it all the time. I can and I am certainly old enough to make my own decisions. Most church leaders have a superiority complex which irks me.
Church leaders are theoretically inspired and deserve respect. But, my conclusion is that respect must be earned and it can't be given solely because of the title or calling you bear. Respect is earned by sharing varying points of view and not by demonstrating intimidation, tyranny and/or superiority which are quite common characteristics among Mormon leaders (particularly bishops, stake and mission presidents, etc.).
I haven't been to church since BYU and don't plan on returning. Unlike others on your site, I've only received two phone calls from my local ward and no home teacher visits. This ward doesn't even care or want to know why I don't attend church anymore I've done nothing morally wrong except feel like I'm not good enough to be a member since I do have a questioning mind and that I, wanting to keep my sanity, cannot possibly live up to the church's expectations. I think testimony meetings are ridiculous (especially forced testimonies every Sunday and testimonies of children under eight years of age who I thought were unaccountable) and I also think that I can live my own life without my bishop knowing every personal aspect of my life.
I'm lucky that I am the only member in my immediate family and do have their support. I consider myself a non-denominational Christian now. I empathize with others on the web and sincerely wish things well for them. God speed.