Former Mormon Missionaries post about their missionary companions

1. He was from New Zealand. Hard working fool. Worked me to the bone...caused painful blisters on my feet from walking fast. Looked part monkey.
2. Part American Indian. He was straightforward and serious. I actually liked the guy. Converted lots of brown brothers.
3. This guy was a scriptorian. He could find his way to any scripture to support any argument against Catholicism. On top of that he was boring. Never saw him whack off even once.
4. Same person as number two. Had lots of success...followed all the mission rules.
5. This one was my favorite companion...we're friends to this day. He played the piano. He had perfect pitch. Has the Paul Dunn syndrome when telling stories.
6. Hated this guy's door approach because it was always the same. Very straight laced, popular with the girls...I couldn't wait to get a new companion.
7. My first "Greenie." What a psycho. He was teaching our contacts that God was a polygamist. Guess I should have listened to him more.
8. Another "Greenie." He thought he was the greatest chess player in the world. I would love to have punched him out. Thinking back...I wish I had...would still do it.
9. Transferred with this guy to about 600 miles from the mission home. He had surgery there. I got a vacation while he was recovering. He told me that his dad had murdered his can imagine the rest.

Subject: North Germany - early 60's
Date: Apr 04 23:39
Author: lm
Mail Address:

1. An Estonian, grew up in Sweden, emigrated to Calif. Spoke German with a Swedish accent. Favorite food: fried pig brains with cottage cheese! Pain in the ass to live with.

2. Easy going Calif. surfer, great sense of humor, a joy to be around.

3. An Eagle Scout - that was all he talked about. We lived in a 3rd story flat run over by the landlord's pet hamsters. Hamster feces everywhere.

4. Good guy - contracted meningitis, prob. from the hamster feces, and nearly died, became deaf in one ear from it.

5. Whackamatic - this guy self-pleasured daily, multiple times. Would carry his diary with him and make multiple daily entries about his girlfriend back home. MP released him early.

6. Cousin - amazing, I ended up with a first cousin I had never known before, and we had to go to Germany to meet! Lot of good experiences with him.

7. Apostate to be: was transferred from another mission because they couldn't handle him - father was a church bigwig and they were desperately trying to keep him out there. He would sit around with a paper hat on his head inscribed with "666" and tell me then about all the bogus stuff with with PGP facsimiles, but I didn't understand what he was saying then. Very intelligent, read the scriptures in the original Latin, and thought the church was all crap. Turned out he was right all along.

8. Nerd to the max - After being out over a year he still had not memorized a single scripture, and could not give the first discussion. Criticized my approach but could do nothing on his own. Nearly smacked that SOB.

9. Horny Toad - talked incessantly about all the girls he had boinked back home. Made me a little jealous.

Thinking back, it was good training to learn to work with such diverse people. Too bad it was for such losing cause.

Subject: Being assigned companions with your cousin? what a FP story that must've been!
Date: Apr 05 10:15
Author: FormerFaithful
Mail Address:

Is your cousin still active in the church?

The few bright spots in the mission saved the whole experience from being a waste.

My grandpa served in Germany- twice! Don't ask me why they did this way back when. Also missions were for THREE YEARS and not just two. He ended up keeping up his German and speaking it in the temple as a temple worker years later.

Subject: OK, I'll go too
Date: Apr 04 23:45
Author: garcon
Mail Address:

Comp. #1: Barely spoke to me at all, I don't think I could pick him out of a crowd, even a very small crowd.
Comp. #2: He promised a deaf man he would hear after he got baptized (luckily we never had to find out if it were true). He used to pray for hours at a time. One district meeting prayer went for 2 1/2 hours--the rest of us were simply walking around the room and talking with each other by the time he was finished. He now has a loyal following amongst some TBM's--I laughed every time I used to see his picture in the old Deseret Book.
Comp. #3: Threatened to through me out of the window of our apartment (I was twice his size). Spent a week's worth of food money on some saphron.
Comp. #4: Don't remember much--all I know is that he wasn't comp #3, and that's all that mattered at the time.
Comp. #5: He was frequently very upset at the whole mission experience. He would get so emotional about the 2-bit town we were in that he would go days without saying anything. One day he just walked behind me (and here's the clincher) I had to somehow devine where he wanted to go--so, as we were walking, I would turn my head to see if he had turned a corner. If I had missed a turn, he would stop and wait for me to get in front of him again. Maybe he just liked my ass? Hey, I owe him big time though because he let me read his copy of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Comp. #6: The first thing he asked me was if I liked Phil Collins. I knew right then that we would be perfect together. We spent the summer enjoying everything the town had to offer. I remember one punk group that gave a free concert in the park. Some kid in torn fishnet nylons singing 'These Boots Were Made for Walking'. Funny thing was, we were the weird ones that day--boiling sun and there we sat in white shirts and ties. He was the only comp I cried over when he got transfered.
Comp. #7: My greenie. Good kid.
Comp. #8: Another good kid from a town in Southern Utah that was so small I don't think it even had a name.

Hey, thanks for bringing up the memories.

Subject: Comps
Date: Apr 05 00:54
Author: Insomniac
Mail Address:

1. Skinny guy fighting his homosexualality by working extra hard and keeping all the rules and some he made up. Training lasts two months, but we were blessed to baptize two refugees from africa (potential American help to get far, far away from where they were from), so prez kept us together another month. Refered to prior comp constatly with very unfavorable words. very depressed trying to be someone he was not. shared first names with BKP. Cousins with Donny and Marie. Gay as a french horn, in the end (he, he, he, he, nug nug wink wink) I felt sorry for him.

2. Trainers former comp. HA, HA, HA! I was scared to death, this guy was bad, bad, bad! I think #1 "liked" him but he was too much of a ladies man. Had a great couple of months serving in Copenhagen.

3. Northern Idaho boy, I was his last comp, very ready to leave. Didn't talk much. We walked home 10 miles christmas night cuz we missed the bus by staying at the church to call home to make up for the 8 hour time difference.

4. T-Ray. Happy, Happy guy. I was his last comp. (I was a good Mishie killer) sincere and helped me mature. gave me faith in myself and what I was doing.

5. Native Mishie. Played alot in Copenhagen while our area was 50 miles to the west. Spent a good deal of time breaking rules and learning foul language in each other native languages. We worked hard (when not in Copenhagen) and baptized! The most disobedient time of the two years and it was the only real "success" either of us had. Good, Faithful, loved him then, love he now. Good times.

6. Redneck from northern Utah. I finished his training, and I didn't live up to the ideal Mish standards that were MTCed into him, sorry redneck. We would make extra spicy chili and fart on the bus to see how many people we could "contact"

7. trainee from AZ. Quite. Organized "american evening" at the church for members and investigators. would do the iggy touch down dance (Bangels superbowl) with frech bread.

8. Knuk traniee from canada. liked to laugh, spent christmas together. We rented Monty Python movies with the other elder for christmas. good hockey player. We got to travel alot for ZL duties.

9. Trainee from DC. quite. Very smart.

10. BIG elder from S utah. I pinned him once in a head lock and made the other elders take a picture to prove it, I think he is still made about that. we painted the bathroom of our appartment from scary to proud red and white.

11. Popular N utah elder, killed me. Thought is was so funny that I read the D&C backward for the number of days left. Knew I was ready to get the hell out of Dodge.

Despite free forced guilt labor for a cause I was hoping was true, the most part: good times. Thank you guys. I hope you are all happy and succesful on the paths life has taken you on since our time spent together in Et Yndig Land.

drifting off to sleep with a smiling on my face remembering the good times,


Subject: Re: Comps
Date: Apr 05 02:51
Author: dant
Mail Address:

1. nice fella from north america. spent his vacations fishing in alaska or something to save for the mish. i didnt like him because we had no investigators, only visited one inactive, no service, lunch was only 30 min and we tracked the rest of the time! looking back he was just a hard-working nice guy.

2. i was transferred after 1 month. 2 was a study maniac. had learned to read the ensign in japanese by his hump day. craziest thing we ever did was to try and knock each other off our bikes riding on black ice. ended up not liking him after 4 very tiring months. he called me when he left (as did 1 and i once again realised that i was the jerk)

3. native japanese elder. bit of a player but by then i was a workaholic. worst thing we did was ride to a town 2 hours away to eat ramen becasue another elder stuffed up a dinner appointment time while on splits. probably didnt like me because i didnt play.

4. have a photo of him sleeping on the floor in the study room with no pillow or blankets in the middle of winter next to a photo of his girl. he didnt want to be there and called her constantly. by this time i was a nazi workaholic and ended up calling him a
"shimai" (sister). he hit me and i floored him. he called the mission home but i dont know if he ever spoke to the mp. he did speak to one of the other natives that was also part of the "secret combination" that existed in the mission at that time.

5. actually forgot the real number 3. i killed him. ex ap and part of the aforementioned "secret combinations" (as was 3) there was a lot of that crap going on in the mission. he celebrated his countdown by eating a chocolate bar each day.

6. another ozzie. whinged about me to the mp becasue i talked about my girl (that i am now married to with 2 girls). whinged about me to his family. whinged about me to everyone that would listen. he was a carbon copy of me when i had 1 and 2. worst period of my mission. never wonder about him.

7. half-cast american/jap. favourite comp. had a lot of fun (within the rules of course). instead of preparing lessons for english classes service we would go and play tennis. he was a state top 10 in the us and we had some great matches with our msf tennis racquets. he was secretary when i died and cried. tried to email me when he found out i left the morg.

8. nice fella from the us. hardworking. like me with 3. got on well.

9. my killer. green as a frog and totally missing his girl. although a yank he was dating a girl from my ward in oz. my girl back home told me she was still writing to her old oz boyfriend who was also on a mission. teased him about it all the time - told him that the other fella was going home earlier than him and shed marry him. she moved back to the us and within 2 weeks of returning the oz missionary went to the us and they got engaged!! wonder how green 9 handled it? at least i prepared him. used to talk with him about how on my last night we were going to get some ice cream and go and sit on a hill overlooking the city and just take some time to reflect. never did it.

one fella i wasnt comps with was apparently possessed by a demon and i was forced to "exorcise" him. i think it was cognitive dissonance or something. he was a damn bloody smart fella and never went above senior. felt the pressure a bit. chased him out of the apartment in my g's when he tried to bolt. the other 2 mishies prayed and received an answer that it was the devils doing and took off to ring the mp at about 2 in the morning. quite a funny night. mp never discussed it with me.

hope they all are happy with their morg lives. i hope more that they all find out the joke and can laugh with me.

Subject: Re: Describe your mission companions, I'll start.
Date: Apr 05 08:27
Author: curious
Mail Address:

INTERESTING!!! what would they say about you guys?

Subject: How do you know?
Date: Apr 05 08:59
Author: nocantel
Mail Address:

How do you know the self pleasuring antics of your companions. Don't people usually do this in private. I'm just wondering.

Subject: Re: How do you know?
Date: Apr 05 09:23
Author: -
Mail Address:

nocantel wrote:
> How do you know the self pleasuring antics of your companions. Don't people usually do this in private. I'm just wondering.

The natural male urges are "handled" discretely by most, but some seldom miss an opportunity. The rhythmic smacking from the bathroom was a good indicator, along with the early morning humping under the bed covers, followed by a long sigh. Sometimes I'd ask "What are you doing?", which was followed by instant quiet and immediate fake snoring. It was an education.

Subject: Re: How do you know?
Date: Apr 05 12:54
Author: anon
Mail Address:

Not to mention, one of my comps recorded his helmet polishing sessions in his journal and left it sitting open on his desk. Another of mine would 'confess' his sins each week.

Subject: Re: How do you know?
Date: Apr 06 00:53
Author: Plainsman

There were four of us (two sets of missionaries) in the first house I lived in while on my mission. I happened to go into the other missionaries' room and saw a "to do" list tacked to the wall. I kid you not, one item said "stop M." Part of me couldn't believe it .... the other part of me was in denial as to what the "M" stood for. My intuition told me what the whole story was.

A friend of mine left his mission early because of companions masturbating and no support from the MP.

Subject: Let's see what I can remember
Date: Apr 05 09:00
Author: Stray Mutt

1. Average Joe from Layton, Utah. More personality than knowledge or skill. Snored.

2. Surly neat freak, spent every free moment cleaning the apartment. Hated tracting and everything else about missionary life. From greater SLC area. Might have been gay.

3. From Southern Arizona, awful at driving in snow. Sincere and guilt-ridden, thought the devil was always tormenting him. Could look stylish and casual in a suit in that J. Crew sort of way.

4. Utah farm boy, would rather be helping people with chores. Knew many ways to avoid actual missionary work.

5. Navajo, intense, sincere, skeptical of white people, showed no affinity for other "Lamanites." Loved to run.

6. Another Utah farm boy, gangly, good natured, bad skin and teeth. Would rather be playing with investigator kids or fixing our heater.

7. Idaho farm boy. Greenie, freaked out that his previous companion ran off. Liked to fish, hunt and pick arguments with me.

Subject: I had 15 companions
Date: Apr 05 09:19
Author: Makurosu
Mail Address:

Six of them were during my 2 months in the office towards the end of my mission. I was able to make friends with and get along with all but two of them. All of us got on each others nerves at one time of another.

I thought all my companions were pretty unremarkable, normal people. I don't think any of them really wanted to be there, deep down, and some of them told me as much. One of them had some real anger issues directed toward his father and older brother. We got into a fistfight one day, but then it turned into the most outrageous name calling. "Your mother wears army boot! Yeah, well your girlfriend swims after troop ships!" Before long we were laughing so hard we stopped fighting, and we were friends for many years after that.

I was a district leader for most of my mission, and I'm glad I was never made a zone leader or assistant. Most of those guys were incredible assholes. Thank goodness I never had to be companions with any of them. I would have gone home for sure.

Subject: Amazing Zone Leader
Date: Apr 06 01:02
Author: Plainsman

I had an off-the-wall ZL who encouraged me a lot. He started a zone newsletter with some offbeat stories. He wrote a message on my copy of it that said "you have beautiful eyes". I just chalked it up to him being "off the wall" but i still wonder if he had other intentions. :-)

Subject: Here goes
Date: Apr 05 10:03
Author: Elwood
Mail Address:

1. Laid-back guy from Cedar City. Couldn't have asked for a better first companion.
2. Guy with only a couple of weeks to go, and his body was literally falling apart from the abuse and lack of care it had had over the previous two years. Nice guy that got royally screwed. Scared me to see what had happened to him.
3. Uptight Aussie, big inferiority complex, followed the rules 110%. Not one of my favorite guys.
4. Wierd guy from backwoods Utah. Stuck in a very small town with him. A strange experience.
5. He had a last name that meant he had to be an Assistant one day, and he was. Worked hard, he had too much guilt, but a decent guy.
6. Thought highly of himself but otherwise good guy. Handled himself well with people. We shot hoops in the chapel across the street every night.
7. Social misfit, strange guy.
8. Small town Idaho kid - overwhelmed by the job and it didn't help that he totally bought whatever drivel the MP or other missionaries fed out. He "lied for the Lord" which I didn't let him get away with. Got hurt and he was very happy when he got transferred to the mission home to recover.
9. Nice guy, nothing particularly memorable, salt of the earth kind of person.
10. Local Maori guy - we were short an elder that month so they called a local guy for one month and I got him. His earlier wild life left some damage, but his heart was in the right place.
11. The local guy's distant cousin - which meant he was related to lots of folks in the area. He wasn't handling the whole mission thing very well, but his Aunties fed us.
12. Very immature guy that had been out over 18 months and they still couldn't let him be a senior companion. He didn't want to do much.
13. Good guy, good attitude, we had fun and worked too. A good way to end.

Subject: Chile 98-00...
Date: Apr 05 10:25
Author: brainbutter
Mail Address:

1. hardest working SOB you ever met. would consistently break mission rules, but only if it meant we could work more by doing so. (i.e. working till 1 AM)

2. nice, easy-going idaho boy. good guy

3. another nice guy

4. Argentine, very fun to be with

5. Uruguayan. very rude, mean, lazy..taught investigators about how blacks are cursed and men will have multiple wives in heaven.

6. coloradoan. my favorite comp. we worked hard and had lots of converts. (I was at my most TBM with him).

7. ok guy. not much to tell

8. Argentine, pure-blood Quetchua tribe. he had EVERY SINGLE word in his scriptures color coded with highlighters by topic. If he accidentally made a mistake while highlighting, he would cut out that page and tape in one from another BOM.

9. Champion long distance runner from Maryland. health nut. very particular that we teach the discussion word for word, starting with a prayer and a song, ending likewise.

10. yet another argentine...this guy was easygoing and fun, but I was in ultra TBM mode and now I wish I had not been because we could have had some REAL fun.

11. Final comp, Idahoan farm boy. hard worker...not too bright. I Started seriously disbelieving church after one week with him. It would have fun with him if I weren't so lost in thought over the church being false.

Subject: Re: Describe your mission companions, I'll start.
Date: Apr 05 10:28
Author: Peekay

1. (MTC Companion) Arrogant and into outward appearance. Always had to have the best brands of clothing, etc.
2. Japanese, very controlling, not sympathetic at all. Always complaining of stomach problems.
3. Laid back mostly, but wanting to work hard too. Taught me a lot of the language, and showed me missionaries could be regular humans after all.
4. One month to go, trunky as hell. Didn't want to work at all, yet we had three baptisms. Hmmmm.
5. Japanese. If my first Japanese companion was controlling, this guy was a dictator. Thought we were out there to sell BofMs. I've never truly hated someone as much as this guy. Always complained of stomach problems (funny how the Japanese ones frequently complained of stomach problems.)
6. Former army guy. Didn't want to work much, spent a lot of time reading, and had quite a book collection. Called home frequently.
7. Nice guy with only a couple months left. Wanted to succeed, but didn't want to work hard to do it.
8. Nice guy, very emotional. My first junior. Wrote to at least a dozen girls. Had quite a network of friends, and we spent a lot of time visiting them.
9. Japanese. I was expecting another power-hungry freak, but this guy was my favorite companion. Unlike the other Japanese comps I'd had, he was fun-loving, with a bit of a mischevious spirit. I was sorry when we split up.
10. Humble and likeable. Had made many friends in the city, so we spent a lot of time visiting them.
11. Another humble and likeable guy. Wanted to work hard, yet still managed to enjoy himself.
12. Hard worker, yet quite judgemental of other missionaries.

Subject: Re: Describe your mission companions, I'll start.
Date: Apr 05 11:59
Author: still tbm
Mail Address:

Argentina...late 1970's.

1.Very hard worker from N. Utah. OK guy.

2. Utah valley elder. He had his sights on becoming ZL, AP, future GA etc. He was always right and he would belittle investigators for rejecting us. He did not get along with other elders and more than once made the statement that the spirit had born witness that he was right and they were wrong. I recently came in contact with him and he has humbled himself quite a bit over the years. A pretty good guy now.

3. A good guy from my own high school. We didn't know each other prior to mission.

4. A Wyoming convert. A little strange

5. Native Argentine. Hard worker, a little proud.

6. Another native Argentine. Spent 2 weeks with him when he confessed to his gay tendencies and then confided something he had done in his last area. He was exed and sent home.

7. Replacement elder for the exed comp. He was from UT and seemed to be in outer space.

8. Greenie from So. Cal. We remained friends for many years. He was very much pro America and anti Argentina.

9. Almost greenie from So. Cal.

10. Native Argentine. Never got up before 10 am, drink mate and then walk to town to shop for dinner. Come home, eat and then dring mate, sleep the siesta until 4 pm then drink more mate, go out and visit members, come home and drink more mate. If you don't know what mate is:

11. Good elder from So. Cal. Could not stand blacks though. This was just after the revelation so it was a new way of thinking for us.

Subject: Japan, Mid 80's...
Date: Apr 05 12:20
Author: Shaggy
Mail Address:

1. Trainer was a good guy from TN, I think. Made contact with him again recently. I liked him, even if sometimes he drove me crazy.

2. Big, athletic type from Cali. Only had him a month. Was shamelessly out for NUMBER ONE, which meant he left Japan with LOTS of gifts from members and investigators.

3. My first Canadien comp. Really had his own demons. I am sure he's no longer active. Taught all the people in english class how to say 'boobies"

4. My next comp from Cali. Was homosexual but hadn't come to terms with it yet. A pretty nice guy.

5. My next comp from Canada. His parents were from Japan. He had only learned the bad words from when his dad swore at him. He became my best friend.

6. THE MACHINE. A BKP clone. We were ZL's together and no one was worthy to be alive. He moved back to Japan, got married and I hope he dies a slow, tortuous death.

7. Fresh air. a greenie from Idaho. Hugh talent with the language. was goad to be back on the island when i got him.

8. Everything my number seven greenie was, my number 8 greenie from WA wasn't

9. Benson scholar, parents both BYU professors. My last greenie, only one from UT. He thought he knew EVERYTHING, of course.

Subject: Re: Describe your mission companions, I'll start.
Date: Apr 05 12:27
Author: tanstaafl
Mail Address:

1. Great guy, easygoing, helped me tone down some of my gung-hoedness. Knew the difference, and taught it to me, between working hard and being a fanatic. We would usually get back to the pension close to or after midnight, but only b/c we had people to see in and the evenings were when you could see them.

2. Great guy, but extremely lazy. Only, of course compared to the way me and my first comp worked. In the real world, he would not be lazy at all. Great basketball player, even better than me (at least on defense ;-))

3. The sorriest excuse for a human being I have ever met in my life (and I know lots of lawyers and journalists ;-)). I can remember my first MP interviewing me and asking me about him, I was 4 mos. in country and he spoke no english so I knew he was aware of this guys mental problems (calling him an asshole would be an insult to actual assholes (like myself)) but we were baptizing every week. (The holy grail) so I bit my tongue and said everything was fine. MP knew I was lying. I should have said Lo puedo aguantar presidente.

4. Perhaps it was b/c of where I my last comp experience, but this guy was one of the nicest guys I've ever met in my life. He was also black which I thought was so cool since I had grown up with the Mark of Cain b.s. guilt.

5. Another great guy, but extraordinarily lazy, this is a guy you want to know when you were in college to party with. Life of the party type. This guys laziness would have translated to the real world though, he really was lazy. He would fake getting sick all the time, sometimes I would get so frustrated I would leave him in the pension and go out by myself.

6. My first greenie. Emotional issues, which I did not help him resolve. He left the mission, never to return, so maybe its good that I wasn't sympathetic enough with his problems.

7. Another great guy, Only with him a few weeks, and my first american comp in 6 months.

8. A real prick. Played football at the Y, but not very good, never made it back on the team after his mission. Seemed to resent that someone who did not get up at 5 am to exercise could be not only his senior comp but could be a DL as well.

9. Another greenie, this time an innocent small town Utah guy. Nice guy. We kicked some major ass in the bautizar department once I got rid of Elder Jockstrap.

10. A computer geek that I never got along with. (This was pre-PC era, he programmed video games, remember atari) I was his second comp and he wanted to do everthing the way his first comp did. I imagine I too took out frustrations on him, since instead of being sent to be ZL in a good bapping area like I was told I would be, I was sent to be DL again, and in a hell-hole which the MP threatened to remove the miisionaries unless the members gave us some contacts. (MP had changed from gregarious Native to cold-blooded corporate lawyer from US. He conducted Stalinesque leadership purge of those w/ less than a year to go, wish he had purged me somewhere else though.)

11. My last stop, and I got a comp who was fairly green and yet more trunky than me. He was "in love" with a girl in the ward and I was always telling him to cool it. He was also from a small Utah town probably laVerkin since he told me this taxes are unconstitutional spiel he had been told by his dad. He was quite surprised when I told him they were and the reason I knew was that I had actually read the constitution and he hadn't.

12. My last comp, great guy, by this time I was very trunky, and he took it in stride.

Subject: Well, in Switzerland, very early 60's, number one was . . .
Date: Apr 05 13:28
Author: Schweizerkind

the best comp I had. He was liberal politically and otherwise and was riding his trunk to some degree. But we got along just great and could justify limiting tracting hours, since he was also president of a small Swiss branch, for which we could always find something to do. Must have changed a lot after the mission. He's now high up in the BYU administration.

Number two was really riding his trunk -- even a little too lazy for me. We got along.

Number three was a "white horse," as we called super gung-ho missionaries. Nice guy from southern Idaho, now an M.D. I must have hampered him somewhat with my irritable colon syndrome which was beginning to manifest itself. Still, there was no serious conflict.

Number four was also something of a white horse, but otherwise a nice guy. We got along. After the mission, we wound up competing for the same girl, which neither of us got. Last I heard, he'd left the Morg.

Number five was my first junior, a native German who had immegrated to Canada where he worked in a slaughterhouse. Very arrogant and abrasive. We didn't get along at all.

Number six was another kid from southern Idaho. By this time, I was quite trunky, and we wound up spending quite a bit of time tracting out a miniature golf course in our area. He didn't seem to mind. He became a CPA. I think it was during this time I had my only baptism, courtesy, primarily, of a member who had done most of the work. Fortunately, the new family promptly thought better of the whole thing and fell away.

My last six months I was in the mission office, living in the mission home, editing the mission newsletter. Made some very good friends with other members of the staff.

I-was-lucky-according-to-some-stories-I-heard-ly yours,


Subject: My comps... truth is stranger than fiction LOL
Date: Apr 05 14:17
Author: JeffSD
Mail Address:

1 Was comps with him for 1 month. Liked the guy a lot. He really liked the Grateful Dead. He had a girlfriend that we spent all our time with. Only did missionary work once with him. We spent most the time with his girl and that was it.

2 Had a girl friend convert in another area and that’s all he ever talked about if he ever talked. Was with him for two months. I was on splits with the Zone leader at least 3 times a week. I could not stand this companion.

3 Nice guy with manic depression. Always talked about killing himself. Spent P-Days at his shrinks and tried to do tracking between his bouts of depression. Mission President told me he was gay and that is why he was depressed. I talked to him a while ago and he never told the mission president he was gay, we both are however gay LOL.

4 Comps with the AP for two weeks- nice guy, trunky as hell. Cant remember much except he looked at a nude photo book and confessed to me.

5 Second AP companion, this time for 7, yes 7!, months. Typical rich kid that thought they were the shit. He was nice but very spoiled. I had a major crush on him which made life miserable. He knew I was gay and told the Mission President- I lied when the mission president asked me. (More stories here if anyone is interested).

6 Third AP companion, this time it was the Zone Leader from my first area that I went on splits with all the time. I loved this guy we got along great, I still wonder what happened to him. He played football for BYU.

7 My first greeny. Great guy hard working, played the piano like no one I have ever met. Very intelligent, got along with him great. I think he was gay too- but not sure.

8 Stuck up cocky guy from SLC. I could not stand him. Never even thought about him until now in years LOL. He never thought I was doing things right. I was senior and he hated it. He ended up being an AP.

9 Hard worker who would get mad if we left later than 9:30am sharp but had no problem coming home at midnight. I felt sorry for him. Ended up being an AP too LOL.

10 Nice guy with an identical twin on a mission too. We got along great. Was only for with him for two weeks and then I was transferred to my previous area for the last two weeks of my mission.

11 Missionary from my younger group in the MTC. A little shy and timid. I was with him because they were having a regional conference and the Mission President thought I could handle it better than he could. Did not really get to know him that well, spent almost the whole time getting the missionaries ready for the meeting.

Subject: My companions
Date: Apr 05 15:46
Author: bouillabaisseur
Mail Address:

1. Very hard worker (we only ate two meals a day so we could spend more time working), but laid-back at the same time. Used to BRT by borrowing a guitar from the investigator and playing a few Doors songs.

2. Self-righteous, whiny, anal-retentive prick. I was only with him for one month, and it was the longest month of my mission.

3. Flirted with beehives.

4. Just a good, normal guy. A lot of fun to work with.

5. Always depressed.

6. Nothing but inertia. Stayed at rest unless acted upon by an outside force (me). Apathetic about missionary work and obsessed with his girlfriend at home.

7. Pretty average.

8. My greenie, from Brazil. Obsessed with being "highly effective." He wore a fanny pack in which he kept a tiny military set of scriptures, shrunk photocopies of the discussions, duct tape, toilet paper, a bunch of toothpicks, and a sawed-off Franklin planner (he cut in half so it would fit in his "highly effective bag"). He was a nut.

9. Former pro rugby player from New Zealand. Your typical dumb jock. Later got in a lot of trouble for dating, drinking, and watching the Super Bowl. He was applying to various colleges while I was with him (planning ahead for when he went home). One of them asked him to submit an essay on an invention which had changed his life, and he wrote about the condom.

10. I felt sorry for this guy. He had a good heart and was as sincere as can be, but always felt inadequate. We had some great times together, but I wish he had some self-esteem.

Subject: Sacramento, California
Date: Apr 05 15:49
Author: coveygirl

Thought you would like a lady missionary's

1. MTC Comp, a 24-year-old convert from Canada. She
was the epitome of "Sweet Spirit". Soft-spoken, on the
plump side, and motherly. She helped me get through
the MTC experience which I even wrote to my parents
as using "sleep deprivation and brainwashing tactics."

2. My trainer was from Ogden, UT. She looked down on
anyone who had money as "prideful" and couldn't wait
for the United Order to return. Couldn't stand the sound
of other people chewing food and would eat her
breakfast in another room. (I ate Cap'n Crunch just to
bug her!) Would hide the dinner calendar that the Relief
Society would pass around to feed the missionaries
because she didn't like to eat at other people's houses.
Would always get on my case for the stupidest things:
"Your milk is about to expire!" "Don't sleep on your
stomach--you'll ruin your back!" I think she was
probably bullemic. She would just eat a bowl of broccoli
for dinner and then sneak candy bars under her bed.
She loved to go tracting in the pouring rain. Last I heard
she married a man with 10 kids.

3. Next comp had bright red hair and was known for her
firey temper--everyone was afraid of her. For some
reason I wasn't. I saw through her tough exterior pretty
quick and didn't let her push me around. She was a
natural teacher and a great artist who made me a lot of
nice teaching aids. She made a big deal about the fact
that she was from Hawaii because her dad was a
professor at BYU Hawaii. She didn't like to admit that all
but the year before her mission she was from St.
George, Utah. For all her tough-talk, she was too
chicken to go tracting with me.

4. She only had two months left to go and was very
trunky. She would always talk about how she couldn't
wait to get married and have children--she was going to
"start" with seven kids and see how it went from there.
She was very patient and easy going. Our landlady was
really wacky (diagnosed multiple personality) and she
came over one day and said God had inspired her to
come give us each a haircut and a makeover! I didn't let
her get near me but my companion let her give a
terrible haircut just to be nice! She was from some
small Utah town.

5. My first greenie. An Idaho tomboy who liked to call me
a "Utard" and had a problem with swearing. She had
loved her MTC companion and would call her on the
phone every chance she got and totally ignore me.
When this former companion got sick after 2 months
and had to go home, my comp became depressed and
wouldn't do anything. She called her Bishop dad who
gave her a blessing over the phone (I didn't know you
could do that!) I didn't enjoy my time with her but she
later wrote me an apology saying she had done some
growing up and that I was the "Best Damn Trainer in
the Mission!"

6. I was transferred to gorgeous, woodsey area of
Northern Cal where I met my poor gloomy companion
from West Valley, Utah. She was fairly green and her
trainer had taught her that if you were having any fun,
you must be doing something disobedient. She said
she had not enjoyed even ONE DAY of her mission so
far. I decided to try and change that and told her that it
was our responsibility to show others how the gospel
brings us JOY--or something like that. She was an
accomplished pianist and I was a singer so we would
go around putting on religious mini-concerts for
members to invite their non-member friends to. We
were together six months.

7. My last comp was an acquaintance of mine from my
Salt Lake area high school. She was one of the
ultra-popular crowd who was rich, beautiful and wore
designer dresses. She went on a mission because her
boyfriend had just dumped her. She might not have
given me the time of day otherwise, but we became
friends and had some good success together. We
remain friends today.

Subject: What a mission! haha
Date: Apr 05 15:56
Author: Makurosu

I was busting up reading about your companions. You must have learned a lot during that year and a half. What about the sister who got a blessing from her bishop over the phone. Did he have her put the phone handset on her head?

Subject: Oh, dear god....
Date: Apr 05 16:58
Author: Exmorg

#1--MTC: Nazi-sister who bitched about my every move and took everything to the extreme. Huge Hugh Nibley fan. Hated me for learning Spanish faster than her pace. Interestingly, she was divorced.
#2--Another Nazi-sister who would give me a hard time if I wanted to take a 30 minute break for lunch. Unusually hairy. *uck*
#3--Total bitch who hated me for no apparent reason (still not sure to this day). Was sent home for having sex IN THE CHAPEL one month before the end of her mission. (Sweet, sweet justice!)
#4--The only one I actually liked and got along with. A very sweet woman who I'm sure is living a good life now, whether mormon or not. I wish I'd stayed in touch with her.

Only had four because I went home early due to a knee injury. That's the only time I really felt the "spirit." ;)

Subject: Great way to avoid some work I don't want to do (Peru, 1972-4)
Date: Apr 05 18:10
Author: Yikes!
Mail Address:

1.Mission Home (this dates me). Convert, S. Cal. Nice guy, liked hanging around with him. Asked him what he used to do on Sundays before he converted. Me, BIC from small northern UT town. I couldn't imagine doing anything on Sun. other than going to church. Yikes! But enough about me.

2.LTC (MTC now). Heber City native, a little weird. Thought he would have been a better district leader than me. Who knows, maybe he would have been but sure stepped on my ego at the time.

3. First comp in field. BIC from S. Cal. A bit strict but I liked him. Made me practice basic Spanish and discussions while we walked. But I needed it. Had sense of humor. Tooks naps during study time. Became ZL. Stopped taking naps. Got in touch with him via email a while ago. Very conservative, still has sense of humor. CPA. Had great room and board in this area by the way.

4. Was difficult to get used to a different comp in a very different area. Former wrestler from Ogden. Made me help him with neck exercises by pushing on his head. Wanted to be a Doc. District Leader. Last area but dealt well with being trunky. Room and board with a dentist's family.

5. Vague memories. From Ogden. DL. Told me I didn't impress him as a missionary. Didn't help inferiority complex.

6. From Ogden. Played violin. Probably gay. Irritated the hell out of me, not sure why. Saw him in the Ogden temple once post-mission, didn't talk to him.

7. Lazy jerk from Snowflake. Had just come out of the mission home where he had been because he didn't want to work. Lorin Dunn told him to get it together or go home. He didn't go home but didn't get it together.

8. Lazy jerk. Don't remember much else besides his name.

9. Lazy jerk from SLC. Had been in LTM together only in different districts. Spent time in the mission home trying to get his head together. Lawyer, but I got into a better law school. (I can be so immature at times). OK, he makes more money.

10. Favorite companion. From DC and Logan. First junior. Nice, hard working, devout guy. Got up early. Easy to get along with. I cried when he was transferred. He became senior comp and DL in his new area. Saw him once in a while in college and got to know some of his family. I think he is an orthodonist.

11. First greeny. (We weren't supposed to say greeny or use other slang). He thought I was hot shit. Usually I would have eaten this up but it bothered me. Extremely uncious. Would make good bishop. Wrote my family a letter when I came home saying how great I was.

12. Second greeny. Had problems with culture shock or maybe he just didn't like Peru (I liked it a lot). I didn't think I did a very good job as trainer for him.

13. Convert from VA. Self-centered jerk. Rude to landlady, who was a real sweetheart. Attorney. Caught him on Today or some such talking about the children's legal agency he heads now.

14. Don't remember much about him other than his name, he was a little rebellious, had a nice time with him. Good change from #13.

15. My last area. I was a BP, favorite thing on my mission just wish I would have known more how to help branch members. Comp was Navajo who grew up in Placement Program in Phoenix. He understood clearly what the trade-offs had been. Better education but alienation from roots, not completely accepted by whites vs. bad reservations schools or boarding school. Other Indians called him apple when he was home for the summer (red on the outside, white on the inside). Told me about the mystical beliefs of Navajos, which he bought into but over all more urban than I was. We had some rough spots but got along over all. Wrote to each other for a while after he was transferred. Good guy, glad I got to know him. One of the eye opening experiences of my life. He wanted to be an attorney, wish I knew what he was up to.

16. Last comp. Me, DL. From Logan. Father was football coach but he was not a jock. Mellow but hard working. One of my favorites. Put up with me while getting ready to go home. But I think I handled trunky pretty well if I do say so myself. Parts of me really didn't want to leave.

17. Traveling comp, #9. Who, if you will remember, was a jerk.

Such memories. Thanks for starting the thread, Dark Sparks.

Subject: sister missionaries
Date: Apr 05 18:13
Author: carmella
Mail Address:

1. MTC companion--psycho woman. Not mean psycho, but very unstable and competitive Had a gorgeous singing voice.
2. Native. Very Asian. Very intellectual and serious. A good person, but not very personable.
3. Native. Trunky but way fun.
4. Native. Psycho. Way into wierd control games. I'd wake up in the morning on the floor--she'd insist on sleeping right next to me--she'd be staring at me and as soon as I'd start to move, she'd jump up and run into the bathroom. Took all my food money and only let me eat native food (the gross kind). Cussed me out in Korean telling me I was a flirt and thought I didn't understand her. Then later told me that I was her favorite companion. I wondered how she treated the ones she didn't like!
5. Native. She was awesome. Kind, funny, spoke to me in English. Everyone loved her.
6. American greenie from my area in California. A real solid person, very dedicated but not self righteous.
7. American greenie. Kind of annoying with a shrill giggle, but a nice girl.
8. Native greenie. A total doll. Wish I'd stayed in touch with her.
9. My favorite--my now husband. Not actually my companion but we worked together closely (but not too closely:)

Subject: Re: Describe your mission companions, I'll start.
Date: Apr 05 18:58
Author: Bart Roberts
Mail Address:

A total asswipe!

Subject: Hmmm...let's see.
Date: Apr 05 19:21
Author: Dydimus
Mail Address:

1) MTC comp: ok. got in trouble because we did a split without permission so I could go do temple sessions.
2) Trainer: An English, Oxford guy, had a high opinion of himself. Did have prejudices against Americans, but ok.
3) Ah...My crazy, lazy one. After I left area, they had to pull the my ex-comp and his new comp out. Him and his new companion were renting pornos and sleeping all day.
4) Regular, boring guy. Just really mellow.
5) Next Greenie. Complained about back problems for two months, finally got shipped home.
6) English from Sheffield. Went on Day-trips and tours all over England and France. (Yes outside of area). Greatest friend ever, but we were lazy...hmmm? also had more baptisms with him than any other.
6) Did MTC at the same time; we all hated him at MTC, turned out to be one of my best companions.
7) Idaho greenie; laughed at farts and bathroom humor. Could always keep him laughing doing prat falls or "Nyuk, Nyuk-three stooges" lines.
8) O.K. one. He had done over half his time and was just waiting out the rest. He bought a copy of Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. AP's found it. (I never knew APs searched our flats).
Typical really 1 you really hate, 1 you really love, 1 crazy and the rest were alright guys.

Subject: My comps
Date: Apr 06 00:43
Author: bcouns
Mail Address:

(1) In the MTC I had 3 comps. Our district had 8 elders in one room and 2 in a different small room. One of the elders in the small room was from a small 80% LDS town in Wyoming where everyone knows everything about everyone else and he had boinked his girlfriend back home right before coming out but forgot to tell his SP. So he fessed up in the MTC and then got sent home to face the most humiliating thing that could happen to a 19-year-old boy. So my comp got sent to be with the Wyoming boy's comp and I got put in a threesome with 2 other guys. My first comp was from So. Calif and went to Ricks. He was a cool guy but had a bad temper. The other 2 guys were decent guys. One was from south Washington state and later AP in my mission and made no bones that he came from royal church lineage since his dad was SP, Regional Rep and recently released as an Area Authority Seventy. The other was from Safford, AZ and a good down-to-earth humble likeable guy.

(2) My trainer had 2 months to go and was super-trunky and anxious to get back to Canada. Needless to say he went home honorably, soon got engaged to a girl he met soon after returning, broke it off, got engaged to someone else, got married and had a kid before I got home 21 months after him. I on the otherhand was gunho and anxious to work hard and anxious to baptize thousands. I probably worked less with this guy than I ever did the rest of my mission.

(3) After 2 months with my trainer I got xfered across the mission to be with one of my MTC group buddies and I was senior comp. He was very intellectual and later left the church and became a homosexual. One of our investigators served a mission herself eventually and also left the church for reasons I still haven't found out about yet. We were together for 1 month.

(4) I trained my 1st greenie (from Logan) for 2 months and he was a lazy bum but good-natured who could only think about his girlfriend back home (who dear-johned him after 21 months and got married at 23.5 months). He was super-disappointed that we didn't baptize our first week even though he never wanted to get out of bed.

(5) I got xfered to a different area and served one month with one of my other MTC buddies who was Mr. Depression Depression Depression. All he could talk about is how depressed he was. He really didn't have a testimony at all.

(6) My next Jr. comp was a guy with 4 months left to go on his mission. He was very fun-natured and had been a DL but got demoted to Jr companion when he told Prez about a roadtrip and a necking session he had with one of the sister mishies. In reality though the rumor is that she gave him a blow job but this missionary forgot to tell Prez about that. He called his SP dad back in Washington state almost every day back home and we had about 13 baptisms in an area that averaged 3-4 per year before we got there. Prez thought we were great missionaries. Little did he know how disobedient my comp was. But we worked and he partied when we weren't working. I really enjoyed those 2 months more than any other period of time on my mission. He and I still keep in touch. He's temple-married, has 2 kids and is excited to teach early morning seminary (his current calling).

(7) I got xfered to a new town and spent 3 weeks with a psycho by-the-book loser who got demoted to Jr comp because his greenie had been leaving the apartment at night to boink the girl next door and was eventually released/disfellowshipped by Prez. This loser was the epitomy of TBM-weirdness and had no people skills. Personally I liked him and respected him but felt sorry for his lack of concern/care for others.

(8) I was suddenly transfered and sent to the traditionally top-baptizing spot in the mission as a new DL but for some reason we just weren't getting baptisms. By this time I had 9 months tenure and had my first comp who was harder-working than I was. He was from Sacramento with 2 months tenure and a good-natured guy and a true angel. He would've become an AP on his mission if it hadn't been for his two at-fault accidents while driving. He really was a good driver but just had two split-second booboos. I really liked him but he got xfered after one month because Prez made him a SrComp elsewhere.

(9) I got a visa-waiter greenie for a month who was waiting to goto Brazil. He was from Ogden and always talked to his girlfriend on the phone. He didn't like to work but had good people skills. We baptized a few people during that month.

(10) I had my hardest-to-get-along comp for 3 months and he was a brand-new greenie. Later in my mission I heard horror stories about him from later comps. But he would always tell me that the reason we fought was because I was just a bad person. I was so so so happy to be rid of him after 3 long months.

(11) My next comp was an overweight easy-going guy from New Mexico. He was a bit weird but I really liked him. We were only together one month because Prez never let any of us stay in one area for more than 6 months and 2-3 months was normal. It was very rare that anyone had the same comp for more than 2 months and changes after one month were quite common.

(12) My next comp was for one week. He had been out for 3 months but always talked about going home and how much he hated the mission. Well he booked a flight one day so I called the Prez. He and Prez fought on the phone. His uncle back home in south Utah county was his SP and they got along super so his uncle called him and talked him into going to the mission home to spend the night. We went up there and this rodeo cowboy comp of mine stuck to his guns after talking to the MP at-length and a GA where they warned him that he'd regret the decision.

(13) I got a new comp for one month who was headed home soon. He was from a small town in Wyoming, super-shy and had a very very low self-esteem. No kidding - he had spent his entire mission as Jr comp. But that last month Prez had mercy and made him a Sr comp.

(14) Then I got a visa-waiter greenie (my 4th trainee) for one month and he was from Takoma, Washington. He was really shy but easy-going. Then he got his visa and off he went.

(15) I got another greenie (my 5th) and he was staying in my mission so I had him for 2 months. He was a decent-leader type of guy from Cedar City who later became DL/ZL but didn't have a brownnosing nature about him at all. By this time I was out about 18 months so I had no aspirations for other leadership positions left in me.

(16) The greenie got xfered to be a SrComp so Prez gave me an oldtimer who had 2 months left til going home. Prez told me this guy wanted to work really hard so we worked like crazy for 2 weeks until I got emergency transfered thanks to what was going on in the area I was headed towards.

(17) The next 6 weeks were HELL like nothing else I had ever experienced. I was put in a threesome where I was the DL & Jr comp to the ZL (another MTC buddie) and a VisaWaiter with a big attitude. The VisaWaiter was a total asshole from central California and he thought that God's purpose for him coming to our mission was to give us all some extra help/training because we weren't as good as guys like him who were headed towards foreign missions because we got called to stateside missions. The Zone Leader was a total bossy jerk from Toronto, California who always criticized everything I did and all the missionaries in the Zone hated him with a passion except this VisaWaiter asshole. Believe it or not these two guys clicked super-well and I hated every hour/day with them. This is the only time I ever begged for a transfer. I finally got it after 6 weeks. I always prayed that this asshole's visa would come through but it never did and he followed the ZL's lead and became a total criticizer of ever last single thing I ever did. I had been xfered in there because the previous guy couldn't stand it either. My replacement also went crazy too until the visa waiter got his visa two weeks later. Believe it or not we baptized 6 people in those 6 weeks but they all eventually went inactive within 1 year. I still shudder when I think how hellish those 6 weeks were with those two assholes.

(18) I then spent a month with a comp from Las Vegas in a new area who had just 4 weeks to go. This was also my last month (of 13) spent as a DL. My comp was anxious to go home and always took a picture of his girlfriend with him into the bathroom when he'd take long showers but never get his hair wet. This guy averaged 5-6 showers a day but rarely had wet hair. One day I barged in unannounced and he jumped 2-3 feet in the air. Anyone have any idea what he was doing? It starts with M. We actually baptized 3 people though.

(19) My last 2 months were spent out of the bureaucracy (Prez always released anyone in leadership spots to be Sr comps for their last 2-3 months) and I was on a bike again for the summer. My last comp was a BYU engineering student from Montana and he was my 6th & final greenie. We baptized 3 or 4 and had another 12 (in 2 families) scheduled for baptism the last sunday but they both had to be cancelled because they were couples "living in sin" who needed some time to get previous marriages cancelled.

At the beginning of my mission I was very shy, rigid, non-outgoing and naiive. I had no idea how masturbation happened until my 1st greenie explained why Elder B (my DL's comp) was taking long showers with sex toys. But I learned alot on the ways of the world from my comps. I also was a very very hardworking SOB who didn't give a darn for anything but working hard. But over time on my mission I developed the philosophy of putting my comps' needs first and then worry about the work afterwards. The phrase "if you are not one then you are not mine" was always on my mind as I strived to get along with them all as best as I could. By the end of my mission I was alot more easy-going and laid-back. I tried my best to obey the rules but I was willing to give any of the missionaries all the slack they needed to be sane. My poor trainer --- how he hated my rigid greenie attitudes on exact obedience and fanaticism.

I reckon that I figured out how to get the Southern Baptists and AME adherents into the baptismal fonts. I did it by bearing solemn forceful testimony about the Book of Mormon and giving them loads of info about the Tree of Life stele, stories of Quetzocoatl, stories of the ruins in Latin America and a slick explanation that the BoM being true meant they needed to join the true church and then we'd pray, they'd feel the Spirit and then they'd commit to get dunked. I probably had about 150 investigators make the commitment to be baptized but only around 30 of them actually got baptized. Most of the other 120 dropped out suddenly and usually I learned that the culprit was Anti-Mormon literature. I had a reputation of being very good at resolving concerns of investigators who had been infected with Anti-Mormon literature. I'd just politely explain that Jesus had many enemies who distorted the truth and very often the ANTIs had some poor examples which were easy to refute. So in some of these cases the investigators overcame their concerns and got baptized. But sadly many of them didn't overcome their concerns and drifted away from their commitments and dumped us. Always though the APs would call me and try to get me to "work harder" to get these investigators baptized. Whenever I honored the investigators' wishes that I not contact them I'd get chastized by the APs for not having enough faith. Jeesh!! I wasn't going to play the arm-twisting game. I must have had the mission record for failed baptismal commitments. I didn't believe in being pushy or manipulative. So if an investigator said "NO" I'd be respectful and let them know that we'd be happy to answer any of their questions. Sadly though I was ill-informed on the difficult issues of the critics and I definitely deceived them on the Adam-God, Polygamy, Masons/Endowment and BoM archaelogy issues by repeating FPRs on these issues which I heard through the mission grapevine. It wasn't until the glory days of the Internet that I was finally able to efficiently study these issues without too much effort. I did have a few investigators try to set me straight and look into these issues with more-depth and some of them made some very serious efforts in this regard.

Since I entered the mission at age 19 as a Sr. at BYU majoring in Computer Science I quickly gained the reputation of being very smart and good with numbers/organization because the APs told everyone this and the APs were almost always missionaries who had spent some time at BYU. When I came home I immediately re-enrolled in school for one year straight and worked as a programmer, CompSci 142/143 TA and eventually as a MTC teacher for 8 months. I wish so much that I would've spent my last month on my mission looking deeper into those troubling issues I was discovering as I was helping investigators overcome their own concerns. But I was too busy building up the Kingdom to do this. If we would've had the Internet like we do now there is little doubt in my mind that I would've spent the year after my mission studying my way out of the church and I would have left BYU and gone to work for Microsoft in the Fall of 1993 while I finished my last 4 GE classes at a Jr college in the Seattle area & earned my BS degree and then left the Church before getting married and having children which makes the issues of my departure in 2000-2002 so much more complicated.

Right now I'm far away from Utah and really free from the church for the first time ever in my life. I see missionaries almost every day as I commute or run errands. Many times I want to invite them to lunch and help ease the stressful burdens they feel. I really feel sorry for them and the unrealistic expectations placed on them and its accompanying guilt trips and psychoticism.

If I had to do my mission again I would've been more easy-going. I would've spent all my time making friends and BRTing & service instead of trying to convert everyone. There is no way I would've broken free until I was financially independent from my parents.

Subject: Sister List - had too many comps
Date: Apr 05 21:19
Author: JustStoppingBy
Mail Address:

1. A Maori (native New Zealander) trainer. 1st Pres' fave. Pretty and a real charmer. Pres said I am so lucky to have the very best mishie, ever, to be my trainer. BTW, Pres. was a real piece of work himself. Spent hours at people's houses watching TV, cleaning their houses and babysitting. I have never cleaned so much in my life. Fell in love with an elder in the mission. They prayed together to see if they were each other's eternal comps. The answer was yes. Needless to say, elder went back to the U.S., she in NZ - -they never saw each other again after the mission. Ooh... that burning in the bosom thing again.

2. A Kiwi. Really sweet girl. We got along very well. She hasn't had a baptism or taught anyone in over a year. Pres said I had to act as the senior although I'm actually the junior in the companionship. Huh??? I've only been out less than 2 months. In hindsight, I'll admit that I was rough on her. I worked her to death because I wanted her to finish her mission well. We were in a brand new area with zero investigators and 6 weeks before she goes home. We baptized 2 the week before she went home.

3. A very strange Aussie that all the elders joked about. Liked her a lot and we got along very well. Has no mean bone in her body. Turned out to be one of my good friends. I lost a lot of weight just watching her eat. 60% of the food went into her mouth. The other 40% fell all over her clothes. All her clothes had food stains on them. Sample of things she regularly ate: mixture of boiled brown rice, alfalfa, 1000 island dressing, soy sauce and catsup - - all in one bowl. YUMMY!!! At a teaching appointment one night with an investigator and a member present, she stood up from a sitting position on the floor, her slip fell down on the floor. We were all busting (and so was she) that the investigator's front dentures came flying out of his mouth, across the room. We had to search for the dentures afterwards.

4. Idaho, gorgeous but smelly girl. She only bathed every 2 or 3 days. During that time, she would wash her hair with vinegar. The vinegar wasn't the problem, it was her B.O. Spent a lot of time stalking someone she had a crush on.

5. Greenie - a Maori. My favorite companion. Really cool chic. Had a lot of fun together but we worked very hard as well. Talked a lot in her sleep about Mahana, the cows and playing basketball with the elders. Loves to eat and can outeat the elders. Had to stop her from scheduling 2 dinner appointments in 1 night because my stomach could only carry so much. Ever been invited to a Maori's house for dinner? What a feast! They would have 8+ different entrees and then they would apologize up and down because they didn't have time to prepare more. Then they send you home with bags of food. It's a mishies dream.

6. Another Maori. A real nut case. Loves to argue with me just for the sake of arguing and raising her voice. I'd hang my towel on the rack next to hers. When I turn my head, my towel ends up on the floor. I would hang it back up again, only to find it on the floor again and again and again and again. What the heck was that all about? My towel was always cleaner than hers. The elders avoided dealing with her.

7. A Texan who was always saying: "Texas Rules!" She was a little snuttie. Unceasingly bragged about the wealth of her family. Yet they lived in this medium-sized trailer. Always acted and told me she was too sick to even get out of bed, just to avoid working.

8. Another Maori. Very rebellious, very selfish and extremely difficult to work and live with. Made my life and the sisters living with us, a living hell. Constantly disappeared during church and other ward functions. Helped and talked an elder into running away. He eventually was located and sent home.

9. A Maori - psycho queen of them all. Everyone was afraid of this dingdong, even the elders. Every night I went to bed, I never knew if I would wake up alive. She was so angry and she had so much hatred. The elders begged the 2nd Pres not to put her in their zone. We lost all our investigators because at teaching appointments, she would tell our investigators that Joseph Smith was a f***ing asshole of a man and so was God, Christ and all the other prophets. She had real issues with men. The rumor was, her Stake Pres from home thought that by sending her on a mission, she would be cured of all her ills. Later on her mission, one of my best friends was her ZL. During zone meeting, she started cussing at him and physically attacking him for absolutely nothing and wouldn't stop. They took her to the mission home. At the home, she grabbed a lamp and threw it at 2nd Pres and proceeded to attack him. It took a few elders to stop her. She was tiny but very strong. Had that evil look on her. Pres. thought it would be best for her to spend the night. What a mistake! It was the night that the new mishies came in and spent the night. They were all freaked out because they could hear strange sounds coming from her room. They described the sounds as wailing and gnashing of teeth.

10. Final comp was comp #5, my greenie. I tell you, I had the strangest companions that on my last and final 2 months, 2nd Pres. asked me who I would like to have for my final companion. What a relief! At least at that point, I knew that with her, I not only would have a blast, but I would be rest assured that I would not go home in a box.

You'd be so proud of me - - I never once asked any of the Pres' for a different comp. I endured it all! I sometimes wonder how I'm still alive!

Subject: Thanks, everyone
Date: Apr 05 22:46
Author: Dark Sparks

One interesting thing I noticed was that many of us stated the companionships that broke the most rules were the ones that got the most baptisms.

Following all those mission rules just made us miserable and that misery affected our effectiveness. I wonder how many of those missionaries are now totally inactive and much happier.

Anyone who went on a mission could relate to each of the experiences described above. Thanks again.

Subject: Okeydoke...
Date: Apr 06 04:08
Author: Cezoram
Mail Address:

All in all, I think I was lucky because most of my comps (10 out of 11) were decent chaps with no problems of an extreme nature. Anyhoo:

#1 had one month to go, so he was a bit of a slave driver; but other than that he taught me the most useful and truthful things about Japan, the people, and the language.
#2 was the pain-in-the-butt (and that's putting it nicely). He was short, and from the sticks, and therefore had a very obvious complex. He had the art of apple polishing down to an art. My 4 months with him were hell. 99% of what he told me about Japan and the people was BS. He was the only companion I prayed to get away from.
#3 was a tad strange, but easy enough to get along with. He pretended to know a lot.
#4 was a very quiet guy who would curl up and go to sleep every chance he got. He rode his bike with his feet sticking out and did a lot of talking to himself. I think he was just "doing time" to please someone.
#5 was one of my favorites. He was from Vegas and cool. On P-days we would buy and eat lots of junk food.
#6 was my first junior. He was a baseball fanatic. He'd always join boys playing baseball. I didn't mind--it gave me many breaks.
#7 was just "different." An easy-going, very "different" sort.
#8 was a new elder; very laid-back, teachable, and easy to get along with.
#9 was a good guy, but had a lazy streak. The less we did, the happier he was. Together we worked on plans to dupe the DL, who was an MP butt-kisser of the worst kind.
#10 was also from the west coast, so we spoke the "same language"--great guy.
#11 was the first elder that showed me that you don't have to have a bloated head and stuffed shirt to be from SLC. Also a great guy.

Looking back, I find it hard to believe that I went through such a thing. There were really some jerks that I knew in the mission but (very gratefully) never had to experience as a companion. Thanks to my last two comps, my last few months were relatively easy and enjoyable... but I would NEVER do it again without a handsome compensation package. And I mean HANDSOME!

Subject: ASL mission, early 90's, 21 or so companions...
Date: Apr 06 05:14
Author: DeafGuy
Mail Address:

I was way too self-absorbed, self-righteous, etc, so I don't know most of my companions nearly as well as I should have, but here goes...

1. MTC comp: Guy from the SLC area, heartbroken to be torn away from his girlfriend. They'd "accidently" meet at night in the MTC parking lot, which totally freaked me.

2, 3. MTC comp redux: My first MTC comp got tossed out into the field a bit early, and I got put into a threesome with a hulk of a guy who I can't remember anything else about, and a Utah Valley morgbot.

4. Mission field trainer: Trunky and lazy. We covered the southern half of the state of Indiana, sharing an apartment with the two elders who covered the northern half of the state. Every morning, my companion would drive us south to another missionary apartment which would be vacant because the tenants were out actually working, and we'd just sit there and vegate all day, then go back home so the other two elders we shared an apartment with would think we were working. I was about to blow my top, but fortunately it only lasted 2 weeks...

5. Mission field trainer redux: This is the guy I really considered to be my trainer. From Mesa, Arizona, and a hardcore, dedicated tracting elder. We'd use up all the miles on our car, then hit the streets on foot to get as many doors as possible. (and to tie into the popular "how do we treat tracting missionaries" thread, we had a box of 3x5 cards with names, addresses, and tracting info. When someone would slam the door or otherwise indicate they weren't interested, we'd note the date, and mark them for re-contact in six months--some of those cards were *years* old, with "N/I" [for Not Interested] marked down every six months...) I about worshipped this guy, but for some reason that I can't remember, he wasn't speaking to me when we transferred, and so we never had contact again except for a letter or two later in my mission...

(4), 6. Another threesome, after my companion got stolen by the mission president to be a zone leader and later AP, I was put back with #4 and his companion, a guy from north of SLC who couldn't get his mind off girls. He was always talking about the girls back home, or the girls in the wards we went to, or the girls he saw while tracting, etc...

7. Transferred across the country (as is usual for ASL missionaries) to Oregon. My companion there had succeeded in convincing the mission president that we were "service" missionaries, and that he only went around all day interpreting for members at job interviews, doctor appointments, etc. I'm still not quite sure what the MP expected *me* to do, since I obviously couldn't interpret. After a couple weeks of tagging along with him, I blew up, we got to the point of shoving each other around, nearly to blows, the MP separated us, and that led to....

8, 9, 10, 11 (and maybe more...). A succession of missionaries who were in the regular English-speaking missions, while I was awaiting orders from SLC for a transfer to a different mission. Which didn't work really well for me, because I'm deaf, although back then I had a smidge of hearing that worked sometimes, sorta. But it still made for some weird moments, like how I'd be teaching a principle from the discussion, then ask a question (to make sure the 'gator understood and all), and I'd be unable to understand the answer, at which point my companion would take over and there would be several minutes of exchange until the comp looked at me again, and I knew it was time to "teach" my next principle... Ugh. At some point in there, the MP finally put me in the mission office, where with nothing else to do (other than occasionally serve as the required companion for someone who was running trivial errands), I read through most of the Old Testament in a week. This was also when I saw a visiting General Authority wandering down the hallway in nothing but his one-piece garments...

12, 13. Finally got transferred to San Jose for all of two weeks. I still don't know why, but it worked out well for me. Anyhow, got in yet another threesome with a guy from Utah Valley and a recluse from Southern California. The other Utah guy and I really hit it off, and we were plotting all the ways we could totally revamp the area and start actually baptizing people for a change, and I thought this guy was the most spiritual, dedicated missionary I'd ever met. He's now exmo, too.

14. Transferred to Hawaii, and totally freaked out. My companion was an apostate, doing things that made my hair stand on end. But after the mess in Oregon, I was determined to make this work out, so for a month, I slogged it out. Couldn't handle it, tho, so I went to the MP to ask for help in reforming my companion. I never even mentioned the really *serious* screwups my companion was doing, but the MP blew his top and kicked that poor guy out on the spot--flew him out the very next day.

15, 16. Yet another non-signing threesome, although this time they mostly didn't teach with me around, just did splits that kept me out of anything I'd have to participate in.

(3). The morgbot from back in my MTC days...and ewww, what a control freak. He took it as a personal insult that I was senior companion, and therefore the designated driver. He insisted on trying to figure out where we were going and just telling me to turn right, left, whatever, without telling me where we were actually headed. He also found it necessary to criticize everything about me, from my clothes to my food choices, to the way I signed. I was miserable, and having a total idiot for a MP (as I'd already learned after the episode with my prior companion), I had no one to turn to. So, I flew the coop and bought a plane ticket back to my last mission, San Jose, as I didn't actually want to go home. And that led to...

(12), (13). San Jose redux: My prior two companions found me in the employment office, and brought me back into the fold. I stayed a little while longer with them, then transferred back to Oregon.

17. Another companion from California, and a pretty cool one. We hit it off, and we were both really dedicated about changing things (seeing as how the local MP still thought ASL missionaries were some kind of service mission deal), and really dove into things. This was probably my most intense period of magical thinking, particularly encouraged by reading some of those Grant Von Harrison (if I got that name right...) missionary books, where he'd talk about how perfect obedience to mission rules would bring the powers of heaven enabling the obedient missionary to convert thousands and thousands of people. I swallowed hook, line, and sinker, and the two of us made every effort to strictly live all mission rules, and what do you know, we baptized a couple of people, the son of an inactive member, and a cute 14-year-old who thought she'd have to marry one of us. Not thousands, but the work has to start somewhere, right? Or something...

18. After finally staying somewhere long enough that I felt I could finally unpack my suitcases, I was transferred to Los Angeles. I ended up with another SLC area native, this one fresh out of a mission somewhere in the midwest, where he'd been companions with my companion #3, the one I'd fled in Hawaii. And this colored our interaction right off the bat. I felt like the guy never gave me a chance, just hated me solely from what our mutual companion had told him. We fought a bit for a couple weeks, then he snuck out one night and flew home, leaving behind a note that said something about following the example I had set (in leaving Hawaii).

19, 20. So, back to the non-signing threesome routine. This time, I even baptized a couple of people. How fun is that, teaching a discussion where you ask, "Will you be baptized next week Saturday?" and not knowing what the investigator replied until after I'd left and could ask my companion in private, "so, what'd she say, yes or no?" Yes, as it turns out...

21. My first greenie. I was determined to do everything right this time, so I made his life hell, pretty much, but he was a decent guy who put up with me anyway. He was almost a jack-mormon, from the heart of SLC and having almost only non-mormon friends (something I found hard to believe back then--non-mormons in SLC?!?), and even his girlfriend was non-mormon. Along the way, I met companions #6 (who was *still* talking about girls...) and #12, who had both also been transferred to southern California missions.

Subject: San Jose 96-98
Date: Apr 07 15:52
Author: Toolshed
Mail Address:

1. (Idaho)Went to dinnner appointments only. If I had not been such an ultra-TBM out to baptize the world, we could have had a lot of fun. Instead I demanded a new trainer.

2. (Indiana) New trainer. Hyper, fat, high-volume farts that smelled like sweet-warm milk. "Worked hard"

3. (England) Greenie. Whiny, snivelling dork. Complain, complain, complain, why, why, why. And then at dinner's he'd control the conversation with wacky, far-out doctrines and try to commit members to weird, pointless things. Future high priest leader for sure!

4. (Utah) Nice guy, laid back. Tough area. A depressing low key time for me so I'm glad I was with him.

5. (Florida) A cool surfer dude. His attitude rubbed off on me, which I am thankful for.

6. (Idaho) Sullen, quiet, brooding, by-the-book all the way.

7. (Utah) Jolly, happy, emotional. We made home-made salsa together, that's what I remember most. And each bought a three pound bag of peanut M&M's that we ate during companionship study. I fell in love with a girl in this area at this time and asked to be ET'd or else I'm afraid I would have started wandering away at night to her house (gee, why didn't I???)

8. (Virginia) Jolly, happy, socialable. Great rapore with the members. In actuality he was awesome but at the time I acted like I hated him.

9. (Canada) A greenie from my home ward! Everything went smooth. We worked hard, got along and had fun (good Pday activities in our zone)

10. (Utah) I was his second companion. He was nearly a golf-pro at home and seriously felt that if he had stayed home he'd be well on his way to turning pro. He was trying in vain to wean himself off Prozac so we stayed in a lot. Heavy user of Utah swear words.

11. (Mississippi) Totally into body building. So I started working out with him. No regrets there. His way off motivating himself was to look in the mirror and say to himself, "Man do you ever look ________ (terrible, like shit, like garbage, fat, etc.)

Then I went home and two weeks later was back to doink that girl who I fell in love with on my mission!


3. Mormon Missions - regrets?      

29. Missionaries Were Here 

39. Missionary and Death of a Parent 

50. Missionaries Use Manipulation 

74. Missionary Companions

76. Crazy Mission Rules 

85. Regrets of LDS Mission II 

 94. New Missionary Standards

99. Missionary Farewells 

120 Missions Promote Lying 

116 Met with Missionaries

142 Regrets Mormon Mission III

151  Saying  'No' to Mormon Missionaries 

154  European Mission Experiences

181  1st Presidency on Missionary Work

205  Missions - Future Apostasy 

209  Control at the MTC 

214  Breaking Mission Rules 

241  Suicides after a Mission 

244  Some Mission Rules 

257  Mormon Grandparents are Stalkers

289 Not Allowed to Serve a Mission

298  Mormon Malignancy Seen in Missions

299 "Get the Fire" PBS Film - Missionaries

309  Happy that Your Mission was Finally Over?

328 Mormon Parents Rat on Missionary Son

361  Missionaries Pressured to Marry Soon after Missions

364 Breakdown of a Mormon Missionary in Japan

404  Missionary Program and Immigration Fraud

395 More Mormon Missionary Abuse

425  More on Mormon Missionary Abuse II

431 More on Mormon Missionary Abuse III

454  Depression and Mormon Missions

477  A Missionary's Food Budget is Reduced to $130/mo

522.  Nightmares of Being Called to a Second Mission 555  Japan Mission under Groberg - a Cruel Experiment



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