|Subject:||How do we say 'no thanks?' to the Mormon Missionaries|
|Date:||Dec 13 13:28 2002|
|My husband and I have talked about finding the church that's right
for us and joining since before we were married in 2001. We were both loosely raised as
Methodists, but religion did not play a very big role in our upbringings. We've felt a
need and desire to incorporate (christian) religion into our lives, so ... when 2 Mormon
missionaries knocked on my door a few weeks ago, I invited them in. After that first
visit, I thought I might have found a church we would be happy with. Their message was
positive, seemed to promote family values and a sense of community. Just the fact that two
19 year old, nicely dressed and polite young men were out doing "God's work"
impressed me. Typically all I see these days are 19 year old losers who dress like thugs,
drive like maniacs, can't utter a complete sentence that doesn't include the "F"
word, and have no goals, other than impregnating as many 16 year old drop-outs as
Well, with each succeeding visit, we've had more and more doubts. We are both analytical people so of course we turned to the internet to read everything we could find about the LDS ... something the missionaries asked us not to do. A week or so ago, they brought by a 2 hour video about Joseph Smith, which my husband and I watched together. I know the missionaries meant for it to inspire and convince us, but I'm afraid it had the opposite effect. It only confirmed my suspicions that Joseph Smith was just a con artist. One thing I did tell the missionaries straight up is that while we are firm believers in Christ, we are suspicious of the motives of man. Really, I guess I meant it as a warning ... if you're here to talk about Jesus Christ, you have my undivided attention, but if you're here to promote some bible thumping swindler, we're not interested. Indeed, the LDS seem really to just be the church of Joseph Smith: story teller, crackpot, adulterer, megalomaniac.
We're expecting the missionaries back this evening and as of their last visit, we're being pressured about baptism. We haven't been to any Sunday services but we did go with them to the temple visitor center just outside of D.C. ... I'm afraid we've encouraged them and now have no intention of joining their church. What really makes it hard is that we like these young men and hold nothing against them personally. Also, they showed up unexpectedly yesterday for a quick visit and my dog bit one of them. I feel bad!
I guess I'm writing to this board for advice on how to tell them, "No thanks," and discourage any nagging, hounding, or harassment, all while staying civil about it. Some of the stories I've read on this site have me worried that, having let them in my house, I'll never be rid of them.
|Subject:||They actually asked you not to research on the internet?|
|Date:||Dec 13 13:46|
|Wow, that was a mistake (for them, that is!). Yes, it will be difficult, but you need to be persistant that you aren't interested. Let them know that you have done research & have found out for yourselves that the church is not for you. Good luck!|
|Subject:||Re: They actually asked you not to research on the internet?|
|Date:||Dec 13 13:58|
|Yes indeed ... they said that if we had questions, we should ask them or look to the Book of Mormon. They said the internet is full of false or misrepresented information and lots of anti-Mormon propaganda. Of course, when I heard that Christ had come to this continent, I wanted to know if there was any physical proof to back that up, or if Smith's plates of gold were on display somewhere. It's only natural to want to dig deeper when someone tells you to take their word for it.|
|Subject:||And what did you think|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:03|
|when you read that the plates were "taken back by Moroni"?
Good luck. We had the missionaries giving my 8 yo some lessons, then decided we didn't want him baptized and told them so. (We were/are "inactive"). We never heard from them again. So maybe if you tell them you aren't interested they may surprise you and disappear! You could hope!
Whatever you say, YOU are right. You do NOT want to get involved!!!!! It is a wierd and twisted religion.
|Subject:||"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...."|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:35|
|It's just like when Toto pulls back the curtain of the wizard's control booth. All the information is out there on the net, so that you can make an informed decision, and the missionaries only want you to know THEIR version of the facts. If every investigator spent a little time researching this on the net, there would be VERY few baptisms of converts.|
|Subject:||About telling you not to go to the internet?|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:11|
|It's like a car sales man telling you not to check Consumer Reports
and not to talk to others who the the type of car he sales.
Of course high pressure salesman want to be your only source of information. Think about why.
The Book of Mormon won't help you because it's a supposed history book. It contains very little doctrine. J. Smith wrote it before he formed the church or wrote the church rules and dogma. The Book of Mormon is more window dressing than informational about the church.
|Subject:||Be prepared to say "No" over and over again.|
|Date:||Dec 13 13:50|
|They will hound you. They will send members to "love-bomb
Just say no. They won't hear it, so say it until you're hoarse.
Don't worry about being polite as much as you worry about saying NO.
No more meetings.
No more appointments.
No "one last time"
|Subject:||spend some time on college campuses|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:11|
|I'm sure you can meet some truly wonderful 19 year olds who won't
leave you feeling like the world is going to seed!
Mormon missionaries are not the only truly terrific young people out there (though they can make a good first impression!)
|Subject:||The commitment pattern|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:15|
|The missionaries use a sales tool called the commitment pattern, ask
them about it. Its steps are:
1. Build relationships of trust
2. Present the message
3. Ask for a commitment
4. While doing all of the above, resolve concerns.
It is very difficult to say no to missionaries, because during each of the first 3 steps above, they are trying to do number 4, and they believe that you are saying no because they haven't done a good job resolving concerns.
So, your choice is to either convince them that they are wrong, or just say know and let them leave feeling that they haven't done their job.
|Subject:||Re: The commitment pattern|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:21|
|I hate to be trite. But I'll do it anyway. Trust your dog!|
|Subject:||Be prepared for mssionary manipulation tactics. Link inside|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:37|
|Here's a link to missionary techniques from this site's "short
|Subject:||Re: How do we say 'no thanks?'|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:38|
|Author:||Richard the Lion Hearted|
|I was Mormon for over 30 years. IT'S A TRAP! Avoid it at all costs!
I had to hire an attorney to get the church to take my name off their membership rolls.
The Mormon cult wouldn't give me freedom to "escape" their control until I
threatened leagl action and a letter to the editor. MORMONISM IS VERY DANGEROUS.
Remember, the young missionaries are probably good kids, but they have been brainwashed by experts (Mormon Church), The missionaries mean well, but they too are deceived. I know. I was one for two years in South America in the 1970s.
I wish I could go back and undo all the evil I inadvertantly did by speading the lies of Mormonism.
Instead, I try to warn good people like you to avoid Mormonism like a plague!!!!!! God bless you.
|Subject:||Let me tell you how.|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:41|
|Some background: I'm 39. Born LDS. Served LDS mission. Grad of BYU.
Married in temple. Divorced from my wife partly because of the church. Removed name from
church. Married again and I'm as happy and content as I could have ever dreamed.
How do you say "no thanks"?
Tell them straight out that you have prayed studied and feel that the Mormon Church is not for you or your family. Tell them that you would like them to respect your desire that they will no longer approach you regarding learning more about it. Don't let them ask you any more details about why you feel the way you do. End it there and respectfully guide them to the door. It will be difficult but they will leave.
The next thing that will happen is they will either try to come to your home or someone will try to call you regarding your decision. This will be the time to give it to them double barrel. First, tell them that you feel terrible that they havent respected your wishes and you hope that what your about to say won't harm them too deeply. Tell them that you've discovered the real "MEAT" of the church and that you dont want anything to do with a church that worships a charlatan, adulterer and conman. Tell them that you dont want anything to do with a church that still believes in polygamy and is sealing men to more then one woman (granted their first wife has passed on) in their afterlife. I call it spiritual polygamy. If they continue to persist, tell them that you will go to the media about the Mormon Church's aggressive tactics. They will then leave you alone for some time.
You dont know how fortunate you are. I wish my father would have had access to the kind of information you do. Good luck in your search.
|Subject:||it's even worse|
|Date:||Dec 13 14:45|
|>Tell them that you dont want anything to do with a
church that still believes in polygamy and is sealing men to more then one woman (granted
their first wife has passed on) in their afterlife. I call it spiritual polygamy.
The first wife doesn't have to be dead. All he has to do is divorce her and demonstrate that he's meeting his financial commitments (e.g.alimony, child support) to her. He can then be sealed to #2 while #1 is still very much alive. If #2 dies, he can marry #3 and then be sealed to three wives.
|Subject:||You must very clearly and consistently JUST say, "I am not interested in learning more about Mormonism" or . . .|
|Date:||Dec 13 15:07|
|the missionaries will not stop bothering you.
They have GREAT SUCCESS with people who have trouble saying, "no", because they are very persistent. They are under enormous pressure from their Mission President to produce "baptism" statistics. You are a very important statistic to them.
Other posters are right. They will try to "understand" your concerns so they can "resolve" them.
This tactic keeps the door open to them.
They WILL have neighbor members call on you to keep the door open. Watch out for the Mormon LOVE BOMB.
What you described happened to my wife and I in 1974. We, too, were "impressed" with the missionaries. Joining Mormonism was the biggest mistake of our lives. Believe me, it is nothing as kind and nice as the Methodist Church.
They will give you the "milk" to get you baptized and then later give you the "meat".
The milk is only a nice appearance; the meat is really spiritually abusive.
Suggest you strongly say that you do not want to continue with the discussions. All of us on this board are some stage of emotional, spiritual, and psychological recovery from the damage Mormonism has done with our lives.
I hope you can hear our hearts, and God bless you.
|Subject:||Re: How do we say 'no thanks?'|
|Date:||Dec 13 15:15|
|Thanks for all the advice and forewarning ... I wish we could just move house before 7:30 pm tonight ;-). My husband loved the comments about trusting the dog's instinct but I do feel really horrible and irresponsible about the incident. The unannounced visits have been tiresome. Yesterday they caught me off guard, in the middle of wrapping Christmas presents, and wearing a ratty house coat. I was flustered to the point where I forgot to put the dog in the basement before I ran upstairs to change into more appropriate clothing. He easily jumped the baby gate (dog owners understand) and charged. He's a 115 lb. Great Pyrenees. One of the young men had the presence of mind to lock himself in the downstairs bathroom. The other was running upstairs as I was running down. The dog caught him on the back of the thigh ... thankfully not tearing his trousers or breaking the skin. God was definitely looking down on me (and them), otherwise, you would be hearing about me and my dog on the evening news. So I did have a moment where I felt that, since my dog had bitten one of them, the least I could do is join their church. Yes, temporary insanity, I know, but it did seem harsh to tell them we aren't interested after that incident. Tonight's the night ... unless we manage to move before they show up.|
|Subject:||Mormons always drop by unanounced|
|Date:||Dec 13 15:21|
|Author:||on the way out|
|This drives my friend a new convert crazy. She doesn't yet
understand that mormons do not respect normal society boundaries. If they had not dropped
by unexpected. They would not have gotten in the quagmire they did.
What would be even more useful would be to print out the stuff that you found out and give it to them and ask them to sudy it for a logical explanation. Maybe you can save them too.....lol
either way be glad that you have a logical mind. my friend is an artist and very feelings oriented and they snagged her like a fish. Now she is trying to make sence of it and it is almost impossible.
|Subject:||Since you have already heard the lessons,|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:20|
|You can truthfully say that, after hearing what they are about, you
are convinced it is definitely NOT for you. You tried, afterall.
They came. You listened. You decided NO WAY!
|Subject:||Re: How do we say 'no thanks?'|
|Date:||Dec 13 15:29|
|Best way is to say "NOT NO BUT HELL NO!" If you have a
cross necklace, wear it where it is visible. Don't let them in the door either.
Ya gotta wonder about a so called church that wants baptism BEFORE attendance don't you?
|Subject:||Don't say thanks. Say a big fat NO and mean it.|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:03|
|Follow this afvice or you'll have drop-in mormons at your door off
and on for years. I'm not joking or exaggerating.
You must be clear. "We made a mistake when we let you in so many times. We have decided the answer in a very firm "NO. Good-bye and good luck, but don't come or call again because the answer will remain the same. Take us all of the call and check back lists because we do mean what we say."
I think up to half of their converts are people who have trouble telling sweet young guys "NO." Those people are sorry. It doesn't get any easier, just harder. Do it soon. You'll be glad.
|Subject:||Re: How do we say 'no thanks?'|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:16|
|Mormons just don't get it. You can be civil, but you must be direct;
otherwise, they will continue to pester you, interpreting your politeness as interest.
You've got to establish your boundaries, clearly and unequivocably, or Mormons will
continue to violate them.
May I suggest the following as a possible response:
"I don't wish to offend, but what part of 'no thank you' don't understand?" We are not interested in any further contact with you, or anyone else from the Mormon Church. Please do not come by, call or visit again. Merry Christmas."
|Subject:||Isn't it weird how they try to baptize you before you even attend a meeting?|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:19|
|Tell them that. (perhaps would get them to think, doubt it but could
happen) Also tell them that you do not want to be rushed into anything, and even though
they are nice fellows, they are being pushy. Anyone that tries to rush a person into
joining a religion (any religion) does not want that person to think for themself.
There are SO many different ways to say no, be nice and firm or be mean and firm, but be firm regardless. These kids are actually using a hard sales technique and will try to 'overcome' your objections. If they do, interrupt them and say 'what part of NO do you not understand? We wish you well but we are not going to talk about it any longer, we are not interested!'
|Subject:||VERY IMPORTANT: Tell them to remove you from their Area Book.|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:19|
|While you've been meeting with the missionaries, they've been
creating a paper file of basic information about you and your family. This file allows
future missionaries to hit the ground running, if they ever decide to contact you again.
And, trust me, they inevitably will.
So even if they agree to abide by your request not to visit you, somewhere down the pike, others will come in their place, unless you make it clear that they should keep no record about you.
|Subject:||The "Area Book" will say something like this|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:27|
|"KBR and her family are awesome. They felt the spirit pretty strongly, but then they found some lies about the church on the internet. Maybe they'll come around so check back in a few months. Oh yeah, watch out for the dog!"|
|Subject:||It seems easier to dissuade them if...|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:25|
|you have another faith. For example, let them know you are
investigating other faiths and have decided to practice something else. Being a faithful
follower of another church has gotten them off my case. Makes me a lost cause, I guess...
|Subject:||The next time they show up|
|Date:||Dec 13 16:45|
|do NOT let them in the door. It doesn't matter if it's raining,
snowing, bitterly cold, do not let them in the door! Be prepared, they may try to
gently push their way in. At the door tell them that you're no longer interested and want
no further contact with them or anyone else. If your wishes aren't honored you'll go to
the media (Mormons will go out of their way not to get negative press). Be harsh if you
have to; it will save aggravation down the line.
Now, a question for anyone: Is Giselle's missionary/friendshipping/love bomb experience archived anywhere? That might be helpful for KBR.