Subject:

We Thank Thee, O God, for Our Policy Makers -- a poem

Date:

Jul 20 17:16 2005

Author:

Stray Mutt


This little poem was inspired by a thread about Pharisaical nature of modern LDS leaders. (It's not to the tune of anything, so far as I know.)

We thank Thee, O God, for our policy makers
Thatís why we are Mormons, not Lutherans or Quakers
We know it is to our eternal advantage
To have all out thoughts, words and deeds micromanaged
We want to make sure the Lord likes what weíre doing
From eating and dressing to speaking and screwing
Our days are all planned out, each hour and minute
So we wonít be able to fit one sin in it
Which pronouns are proper? Which music accepted?
Should I use my right hand even if itís infected?
Does God prefer cotton or white polyester?
We canít let these unresolved issues just fester
Our faces unwhiskered, our toenails unpainted
ĎCause we wouldnít want the poor Holy Ghost tainted
Our bodies are sacred, so no mutilation
Except for a nose job or breast augmentation
No farewells for elders, no sleep-over parties
No Monday Night Football and nothing too arty
No stained glass, no murals, no frescos or friezes
Just pictures of Joseph and Malibu Jesus
We canít be alone with the opposite gender
Unless youíre the bishop or some sex offender
On cloning and stem cells and Third World starvation
The Brethren are silent; not one revelation
They swallow a camel but strain at the gnat
So glad to have policy makers for that
We donít need a sermon, just give us a lecture
How Godís in the details, but not the big picture
The heavens are open, a new dispensation
Of policy statements but no revelations
The prophets donít prophesy; we should still follow
Our Pharisee leaders. Just send us a memo

 

 

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