In what ways has your life changed since you left Mormonism?
Subject: In what ways has your life changed since you left Mormonism?
Date: Aug 27 16:24 2003
Author: SusieQ#1

The Mormons want people to believe that apostasy will lead to misery and a lack of "blessings" (whatever those are) and from what I read here, just the opposite is true.

I know for myself that my self respect, and self confidence took a huge jump when I left Mormonism and resigned my membership.

We are financially in a much, much better place than I ever was paying tithing.

I have a more positive attitude and laugh a lot more as an ExMormon. Just the notion that "lightmindedness & loud laughter" are a sin, and a covenant made in the temple punsihable by death oaths, puts a damper on healthy fun.

I have found that the world outside the Mormon World View is filled with so much more freedom. It is a kind of liberation that cannot be described. Colors are brighter, people of all kinds are more interesting, friends are real,all emotions are acceptable, and on and on.

How do you describe the freedom of knowing you can buy any underwear you want?

That may sound really weird to someone not familiar with Mormonism, but it is absolutely delicious to know you are not physically wrapped up in clothing that can only be bought through the Mormon Church.

I removed the Mosaic-Mormon-straight-jacket from my life and mind when I ditched those temple garments issued by the Mormon God of Regulation Skivvies and thew them in the trash!

The visual of that restrictive representative of the repression, control, and suppression from Mormonism being smashed up in trash and garbage and thrown in a land fill, filled me with a new kind of indescribable joy!

Just knowing that I do not need that Mormon deity-Heavenly Father or demon-Satan,Lucifer to reward me or punish me in some afterlife is a huge weight off my mind!

What about the rest of you?

Subject: Easter and Christmas are wonderful times now!
Date: Aug 27 18:12
Author: YukonCornelius
Mail Address:

Easter and Christmas are actually super great holidays at church for us now. My family has such a wonderful worship time now compared to Morg days where even Easter was not looked at as something so awesome. Conference was bigger than Easter in the LDS Church. Christmas in LDS church was generally just another Sacrament meeting with a few Season songs thrown in and the children singing.

At our church worship(which is fairly large at 1200 people spread out over 3 services), Christmas is a great holiday Season rather than a one-time shot. We have two Christmas Eve services(an earlier one focused on children and a later one focused more on non-children). We have a number of parties and events at Church during the Season...Christmas play, Choir concert, Christmas Pitch-In, Cookie Exchange, etc. At Easter we always have a highly spiritual Good Friday Service(and even a Maundy(sp?) Thursday Service).

I feel closer to Christ now than ever before because I am able to get past the "junk" and rely on the Bible and the Spirit to guide me. I feel that having a Pastor, trained in the scriptures(via seminary), is a wonderful thing, too. He can open the scriptures up for the congregation. My gosh...no talks on genealogy and temple. Whew! It's great.

Refreshing is all I can say. It's just like coming out of prison...after a while. At first, being out of the LDS Church is hard because you are still smashed up from the realization that it is not true. Then, one day you think about it and find a peace not known before.

YukonCornelius

Subject: Re: In what ways has your life changed since you left Mormonism?
Date: Aug 27 18:31
Author: BTDT
Mail Address:

Less judgmental, more appreciative of my never mo hubby (free to love him for who he is vs what I hoped he would become someday), enjoy sex more, more relaxed, less stressed.... just to name a few

Subject: My thoughts exactly!!!
Date: Aug 27 19:42
Author: sam

It's amazing how less judgmental I am. I look at people for who they are and not little things they do, such as drinking or smoking.
I really appreciate my husband now. He converted while we were in high school, but never really bought into it completely. I love the little things he refused to do, like wearing white shirts and ties. He ALWAYS wore colored shirts with the top button undone and to hell with ties! I remember wishing he would start wearing white shirts and stop being rebellious (man, the stupid things I've said). He could turn down a calling with no regrets, while I would take anything so as not to appear unfaithful. Looking back I know he kept going just for me, and he never did pester me about leaving.
The biggest change - Not feeling tremendous guilt for everything stupid little thing I did that wouldn't even be considered a sin by normal people!!!!!!

Subject: Once I realized it was a crock, I reverted to my pre-dunking free-thinking self.
Date: Aug 27 19:49
Author: TheMollusk

I missed that the most. The thinking. You eek it out of your life so gradually that you hardly notice. They really do have a slick system set up....

Subject: Let me count the ways...
Date: Aug 27 21:39
Author: Soon2B

1) I have a more successful career and make more money than I ever even IMAGINED I would when I was a Mormon stay-at-home wife. It's KILLING my TBM at-home tithe-paying sister. And my (grown) children are happier and more open to me with me working. I understand them better.

2) I have a glass of Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay with a good salmon dish. It doesn't get better than that. Christ knew the benefits of a good wine. (Cana being a case in point.) It wasn't grape juice, folks, it was wine.

3) I am able to relate to all of my friends, Jewish, Buddhist, agnostic, and born-again. I can understand them because I am more tolerant of all faiths.

4) I have found (after about eleven years of searching) the faith in which I find peace. Amazingly, this faith is about the God I really believe in. It's similar to the Mormon God's "front-man" but it really is about worshiping Christ individually, rather than using Christ's name to worship a dead man's doctrine. The LDS church will never be a mainstream church on the inside. The fact that it's trying to present that image tells us more about what the real "guts" of the doctrine is than anything.

5) After three years of being single, I have met a man who happens not to be LDS. This is (see #1 above) KILLING my TBM sister. He loves me, he understands me, and he acknowledges our differences and loves me BECAUSE of them.

6) I am happy. Truly happy. I cannot tell you in words what that means to me. This is (see #1 above) KILLING MY SISTER.

Everything my TBM sister hoped for: that I would be devastated, miserable, depressed, and poor (not a tithe-payer) has become the exact opposite. I am truly happy for the first time in my life. I am successful, and am more financially stable than I ever was as a tithe-paying Mormon. I give to charity, but to the charities that I choose. I have control over my life. I do not give that over to any man or church.

If you are still believing the brain-washed idea that you will lose all hope of a successful happy life if you leave the LDS church, then let me be your example. Life gets significantly better when you write that letter. In my case, I found God in a very personal and very special way.

I promise. It's worth it to be true to yourself.

Subject: Re: Let me count the ways...
Date: Aug 27 22:53
Author: YukonCornelius

>Christ knew the benefits of a good wine. (Cana being a >case in point.) It wasn't grape juice, folks, it was wine.


Oinos or Yayin? What wasn't grape juice? :-) Oinos can certainly refer to "juice of the grape".

>4) I have found (after about eleven years of searching) >the faith in which I find peace. Amazingly, this faith is >about the God I really believe in. It's similar to the >Mormon God's "front-man" but it really is about worshiping >Christ individually, rather than using Christ's name to >worship a dead man's doctrine.


I think your comment is extremely important for anyone looking at joining the LDS Church, who has a background in mainstream Protestant or Catholic churches.

>6) I am happy. Truly happy. I cannot tell you in words >what that means to me. This is (see #1 above) KILLING MY >SISTER.


I know the feeling. We have family that have been hoping that the gates of hell will prevail on us and smite us for leaving the LDS fold. They truly want us to be penniless, beaten, home burned, or other travesty to prove their points. It's insane.

Subject: Re: In what ways has your life changed since you left Mormonism?
Date: Aug 27 22:08
Author: Adrienne

I basically went back to enjoying life and being able to have whatever I want to drink without anyone saying anything. Also, I got rid of an emotionally abusive ex-husband, plus my self-confidence back after enduring about a year of being told I wasn't "worthy" enough according to the Morg. I never took that oath against laughter, which to me is unhealthy because studies have shown that laughter as well as a positive attitude helps with treating disease, even preventing illness. I suffered from clinical depression during my marriage and time in the cult, which has greatly lifted since I mailed in my resignation. In many ways, my life has become much better outside, happy just like when I was a nevermo.

Subject: For the better, big time!
Date: Aug 27 22:13
Author: 2 lazy 2 log in

This is going to sound really evil, but I probably would still be in the Church today if my mother were still alive as she was very, very domineering. So as much as I miss having a mom, my life is way better now that she's gone because now I don't have someone breathing down my neck, preventing me from being my own person.

I don't have to pretend to be stupid anymore. Not that I ever did, but now I don't get looked down on for being a smart girl. In fact, people respect me because of my intelligence. I am able to choose my own friends. I may not have a ton (I'm rather inept socially), but the ones I do have are all interesting, kind, and caring people. It's quite a change from my Mormon days when I basically had no friends at church and the only friends I had at school had to either be in Girl Scouts or preapproved by my mother or grandmother. My quitting Mormonism has also opened a lot of doors that were previously shut for me. I am no longer made to feel that my only worth as a human being is my ability to catch a temple worthy man and the number of spirits I bring unto the Lord. I can go to school -- and not just be going to find a husband. I can also read, watch, listen to, eat, drink whatever I want. I no longer have to waste time at church and church-related activies -- time that I put to much better use doing homework and other useful things. Like sleeping, for example.

I truly believe that if my mother hadn't died and I were still stuck in Mormon-dumb, I would not be the person I am today by a longshot. I'd be far more miserable and alone. I'd probably be at BYU right now, trying to force myself to throw up so that I could be skinny and perfect and land myself an eternal husband. Eff that!

Subject: I'm happier. Much, much happier. Infinitely happier!! n/t


Subject: Life is the same...only exponentially happier
Date: Aug 27 23:02
Author: Tyler

I still have ups and downs, good times and bad. I was young and not able to make much money so comparing my financial situation from mormon to ex-mormon doesn't have much relevancy.

The best part is the vastly improved appreciation of all things. The world is so diverse and beautiful, full of life, hope, prosperity, joy and opportunity. Every day feels like a tremendous blessing and sometimes I feel very awed and grateful that some force within or without awoke me from my slumber.

I went from knowing most everything, to being firmly convinced I know absolutely nothing...and I love it beyond words!

Tyler

Subject: Life is so much better.
Date: Aug 27 23:08
Author: Betty

As a family we are so much happier. It is so nice to have Sunday as an actual day of rest and to not have the stress of endless callings.

It has been like a weight being lifted off now that we don't have to try and be perfect. That impossible task was very draining.

We deal with problems in more effective ways now that we rely on our own judgement rather than the scriptures and what the church leaders suggest.

It is like a whole new world.

Subject: The LDS Church needs to read comments like this to see that their
Date: Aug 28 11:11
Author: SusieQ#1

fear tactics to keep the members afraid of leaving, and paying tithing are not factual!

The general theme of the comments is that people are much happier, no more fear, financially better off, better able to take care of themselves and their family, more independent, and other churches provide more enrichment for those that choose them. Those that went to the temple are happy to be free of the underwear and the whole temple experience.

Subject: An uplifting and liberating change
Date: Aug 28 11:16
Author: GayRM

Since leaving morg, I have begun to discover my individuality, my real self. I have set my gay side free, I am so happy now, I can't believe how much dumping the trash has changed my aura.

I have always felt a bit freaky as a morgbot, but now I don't anymore. I was always uncomfortable to be around friends who didn't understand morg, but now I can have new friends and not even feel slightly freaky! I am happier now than I have been all my life!

Subject: My family is so much happier.
Date: Aug 29 00:13
Author: ORFinn

I was a convert so my parents are happy, my siblings are happy since I've left mormonism.

There is a lot less fighting in our household. My husband exited mormonism mentally long before I did. He would go around so cranky on Sundays. Every Sunday I heard, "I hate Sundays."

My older children are happy. I don't ask them to go to church. My youngest child is happy. Sundays are family day, and time to have fun and play.

Life hasn't been perfect. We have had our problems, but we handle them a whole lot better with a lot less fighting.

Subject: My self-esteem and confidence has soared. (One swearword inside) . . .
Date: Aug 29 00:21
Author: free

I think one poster said it right - - and I am sorry not to give credit where it is due - - I realize that there is no middle-man between God and me. I really only need to please God.

A lot of the LDS people think they are God (like Joe-Orem stated so eloquently). I don't think I am God, because that can make you an asshole, but I also now know that I don't have to please these "assholes."

My whole life has dramatically changed with my new mindset -- and it is such a relief not trying to have to please everyone. I just please God and live by my own inner light and conscience.

I can write a book about how my whole life has changed for the better. I am so much happier, even if my Mormon family can't deal with me leaving and are distant.

Subject: Ditto to all of the above and . . .
Date: Aug 29 00:30
Author: Wag

. . . add to all that . . .

Our marriage is a million times better than it EVER was in the church. Now it's just US and no longer a threesome with us and the friggin' morg. And sex? Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!!!!

Even my wife's MAJOR health problems are no longer quite as troublesome as they were before. Personally, I think the church was stressing her out enough to complicate her already hugely bizarre medical difficulties.

Overall, we're both just a HELLUVA lot happier since we left the church.

--Wag--

Subject: When one expects blessing for good deeds (like the church promises).....
Date: Aug 29 00:45
Author: Sunbeam

....one receives nothing. It is when one gives and expects no blessing in return that one gets blessed.

I think people who have their hand out with expectation not only get nothing but start to loose what they already had.

I was raised Mormon and we had many hardships. Raised by a single mother of three. The church promised many blessings and it seemed the opposite occurred. But once my mom was pushed out of the church because se didnít marry a white guy, it seemed her troubles were over. Her life continues to improve. My adult life without the church has been one blessing after the next.

Subject: I love your thoughts. I always thought that true giving was with no strings attached. (n/t)


Subject: Where do I START? How has my life changed?
Date: Aug 29 01:40
Author: imaworkinonit

First, I want to say that I was generally happy in the church. I have a great husband and kids, and things have always gone pretty well for us. But since we have left:

I have become an adult. I have learned to think for myself, make decisions better, stop looking for constant approval and reinforcement.

I read more. I think more. And I'm not afraid to ask any question or to actually find out the real answer. I've learned so much about myself, human nature, science, health, and many subjects related to AND unrelated to Mormonism. Learning that I had a narrow and distorted world view has left me thirsting for more information and made me ask more questions about everything in my life and the world. And I can think more clearly than I did before. And it's exciting to learn new things.

I feel like I have more power in my life. I get to choose what I want instead of asking what I should do. I used to pray about EVERYTHING . . . and it was paralyzing because I could never figure out what the answer was . . . LOLOLOL!!!! . . .now I'm agnostic for that VERY REASON. If there's a God, He was definitely hiding from me for good reason.

I am happier. I was happy before, but that happiness was clouded by feelings of guilt (over STUPID things) and inadequacy. I was always trying to live up to a standard (of housekeeping, of spirituality, of motherlyness, or whatever). And I always fell short of what that standard was (the standard was near perfection). After I left, I realized that I got to decide how I wanted things to be. I don't have to live up to anyone's standards but my own. And the funny thing is that without guilt to bring me down, I think my life has improved dramatically.

And I'm sure my husband is thrilled not listen to me going on guilt trips anymore. He was always amazed at my ability to feel guilty about ANYTHING. He used to make fun of it. It used to make me so mad because I thought that guilt was going to help me improve. I thought guilt-tripping was the proper and pious thing to do. Now I see it as a useless, no, a DESTRUCTIVE force that holds a person back from change. Getting rid of guilt allowed me to change some of my least desirable habits.

We can get by on less money now that we don't pay tithing. My sister has been amazed when we have compared notes on expenses and realized that she needs more to survive than we do, even though our house payments are pretty much the same.

I used to see the world as a dangerous and evil place. Now I realize that most people are good people. And instead of expecting an apocalypse, I see great medical advances and human progress.

I'm less judgmental of other people.

I'm kinder to myself, and am starting to see myself as someone who I need to treat nicer (with proper rest, relaxation, and kind self-talk). This as opposed to the opinion that I was supposed to wear out my life in service to others, or in just getting all the work done that needed to be done. I'm realizing that my body is more than a tool to just be worn out.

I could go on . . . but that's enough.

 


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