| Subject: | I feel more like an adult now than I ever did as a TBM... |
| Date: | Jan 16 21:02 2004 |
| Author: | just another exmo |
| The past six-months of discovery have been the most
stimulating of my life. In fact, I feel like I have reached a whole new
level of maturity wherein I am emotionally and intellectually able to
feed myself. I have gained an immense amount of knowledge from the posters on the board. I have also benefited from the opportunity to vent here. The point of my post is, am I the only one here who feels they are growing up? |
| Subject: | Re: I feel more like an adult now than I ever did as a TBM... |
| Date: | Jan 16 21:25 |
| Author: | Rhema |
| I feel EXACTLY like you. This huge dark cloud called
Mormonism which was always hanging over my head is gone and the real me
has emerged. |
| Subject: | Definitely--Mormonism keeps adults acting/feeling like children.... |
| Date: | Jan 16 23:26 |
| Author: | Aphrodite |
| Once I figured out Mormonism was false, I went
through my second adolescence and then REALLY grew up. Now I definitely
feel like an adult, but I don't feel old! :) I seriously don't know if I ever would have felt like a real adult if I had stayed Mormon. |
| Subject: | Adolescence... That is a very appropriate description of what I am experiencing also... |
| Date: | Jan 17 18:17 |
| Author: | just another exmo |
| I am in the position of reevaluating everything I
ever believed in my life. |
| Subject: | Don't be surprised if you act like an adolescent.... |
| Date: | Jan 17 21:10 |
| Author: | Aphrodite |
| There was a great article about the second
adolescence exmos experience a couple years ago. (Maybe you could do a
search for it?) I think it's important to figure yourself for whatever you might go through during this period the same way you would forgive a teenager. Chances are that you didn't get to go through a normal adolescence as a Mormon, so you might now! Let me assure anyone who's going through this that it's just a phase and will end. |
| Subject: | I have already had... |
| Date: | Jan 18 19:41 |
| Author: | just another exmo |
| several experiences where I have behaved badly. I chalk them up to situations I should have encountered and overcome in adolescence. |
| Subject: | Maybe... |
| Date: | Jan 18 15:15 |
| Author: | sunshine |
| this is why I am prone to extreme mood swings right
now. I never thought of it as going through an adolescence again. But
really, it is a definite maturing process and for me, a process where I
am exerting my independence from the church. Not unlike a teenager
exerting their independence. I think I make those who want to control me are nervous that I am going to turn into a 'bad girl' because of my decisions. (Sound like over controlling parents of a teen girl?) Very interesting. In any case.... it is clear that I am still growing up as I am in the middle of this exmo process. |
| Subject: | life's never been better! |
| Date: | Jan 17 01:04 |
| Author: | Kate |
| Absolutely agree. Since leaving I have felt a degree of liberation & freedom that I've not felt since I was a teenager,( joined at 25, left at 34). The free agency guff in the church is a joke, I'd never felt so constricted & of so little individual worth as I did as a member. I'm learning to really enjoy life & I love being in control of myself once more..certainly not the miserable life I'd been led to believe I'd have if I left. Life is good!! |
| Subject: | Re: I feel more like an adult now than I ever did as a TBM... |
| Date: | Jan 17 01:59 |
| Author: | jed |
| Absolutely! I never felt like my own person when I
was a TBM. In a way I wasn't - I let other people and the church
control me and make my decisions for me because they "knew"
better (gag). I lived my life full of doubt, never quite sure if I was
doing the right thing or not, always looking outside myself for the
answers. No matter how much I denied it then, I was living my life based
on what other people thought - not what I thought. Of course, I always
felt like a child. I was inactive for about 2 years, I left the church about 2 months ago. Even while I was inactive, I felt like I was growing up because I was learning how to trust my self and value my own beliefs and opinions over that of others. Self respect - self love - confidence - all this I never knew while I was a member, though I pretended I did. Today I'm continually growing, back then I was stagnant. Feels great! :) |
| Subject: | Definitely! |
| Date: | Jan 17 03:50 |
| Author: | the dreaded single adult |
| ...and when I see any of my TBM friends, I have this
feeling of being, somehow, more "mature" or
"sophisticated" than they are...I don't know exactly how to
explain it--it's not that I feel superior, just...well, I guess you said
it--more adult!! |
| Subject: | It's quite refreshing isn't it |
| Date: | Jan 17 04:01 |
| Author: | Jeff |
| I always felt like I was being babysat by a bunch of
money grubbing prudes telling me how to live my life. Screw 'em. |
| Subject: | Yes, and... |
| Date: | Jan 17 04:39 |
| Author: | the dreaded single adult |
| ...it's even MORE refreshing to be able to go out with the people from work, occasionally, and feel like you FIT IN!! It's not about alcohol or coffee, either--it's just an entire mindset... |
| Subject: | The church treats you like children |
| Date: | Jan 17 04:40 |
| Author: | conformist |
| Mail Address: |
| I was on the stake young single adult activities
committee (say that in one breath!). We held a short hike activity and
invited everyone. Only about 5 people showed up, but it was still fun.
However, someone up the chain chastised the president because we didn't
have a married couple there to "chaperone" us. We were all in
our twenties! |
| Subject: | ...think I can top that one... |
| Date: | Jan 17 09:33 |
| Author: | the dreaded single adult |
| Our stake came up with the brilliant idea that NO
SINGLE ADULTS could stay overnight at a hotel on temple trips...the
temple was a six-hour-drive. Now, figure that drive, both ways, and a
couple of temple sessions (pre-1990...longer...), and you've got a
recipe for falling asleep at the wheel. Why couldn't we stay in hotels? Because, you see, if we did, we might HAVE SEX! Yes, we are going to put on Sunday dresses, drive six hours, and then solicit clandestine sex partners on the temple grounds, to take back to our hotel room, where 5 women are staying ("Move over, Mary--John and I need more room!") I was so angry, I could hardly see straight! I was in my 30s, and had: 1)joined the church myself (not because of parents); 2)brought myself to church every Sunday; 3)filled several assorted callings, over the years... ...and, besides that, isn't it their belief that SATAN was the one who wanted to FORCE everyone to behave? What's up with that? ...and, guess what? Some people have sex in other places, besides hotel rooms. SOME PEOPLE DO IT WHEN IT'S NOT EVEN NIGHT TIME!!! I had every intention of blowing them off & doing what I wanted, but no other women would do it. "Oh, NO! We can't make hotel reservations; the Stake President said NO!" I think that was really the beginning of the end for me. How dare they put my life in danger that way? Yes, they definitely treat you like children... |
| Subject: | On the single adult activities committee... |
| Date: | Jan 17 18:30 |
| Author: | just another exmo |
| Mail Address: |
| (man these callings are a mouthful!) in my
university branch, we planned a campout with both men and women (hate to
call them boys and girls) invited. We had planned for the men to campout
overnight and the women to return home after the campfire and not stay
overnight. The BP got wind of it and nixed it. The only fun I think we ever had was a group of us going skiing after classes during the summer without the BP's "approval" and without chaperons. |
| Subject: | unchaperoned young adult activities..... |
| Date: | Jan 17 18:51 |
| Author: | Randy J. |
| These comments show how insane the church's rules
are. If the leaders are afraid that guys and girls will "hook
up" during an overnight campout, do they not realize that those
same people have cars and phones, and they can go out on dates and make
out all they want to? Don't they realize that a guy and girl could leave
a church dance and go out in the parking lot and neck? Then there's the silly rule that missionaries aren't supposed to get rides from single female church members. As if a 10-to-20-minute ride to church is going to be interrupted by pulling over for a threesome. |
| Subject: | Re: I feel more like an adult now than I ever did as a TBM... |
| Date: | Jan 17 09:53 |
| Author: | wisedup |
| I agree - mormonism represses every aspect of a
person's life. The gossipers in the ward reminded me of a bunch of kids
ready to tell the teacher - especially when I would see them in the
store - when I was filling my coffee mug. One time, the bishop caught me
in the store with a mug of the evil coffee. He looked at me like I was
such a bad little boy. He was so angry - he turned red. Talk about
immaturity. A bunch of little kids running around thinking they are
gods. Yuk. I always hated the idea of interviews. The leader would sit there and ask all kind of questions. Me Da Da you ga ga. They always want to know your business - like they can tell you how to live a mature life - yea sure! Once you break the cycle of dependency - you realize you are fully capable of running your own life. |
| Subject: | THE WORST is when I was in my late 20's and single in a family ward. They literally treated me like a child, not even a teenager! I wanted to yell, "Did a stupid ceremony all of a sudden make you superior to me??" n/t |
| Date: | Jan 17 10:30 |
| Author: | effulgent |
| Subject: | I went through the same thing . . . |
| Date: | Jan 17 18:25 |
| Author: | imaworkinonit |
| As a member of the church I was always looking to
other people for answers. When I left the church, I finally realized that what I thought mattered It's a really good feeling to be able to make decisions my own. I feel so free. |
| Subject: | Absolutely agree with the point that we are now adults. |
| Date: | Jan 17 21:01 |
| Author: | free |
| After all the crap I went through years ago in the
church before finally getting out, my young daughter looked up at me and
said something so profound: "Mother, don't you see that this is
God's way of letting you know that you are to stop pleasing?" When I am in that "pleasing" mode, I realize now that I am probably being manipulated. Pleasing is done by a child trying to get the approval of an adult. This is what the church wants -- you to be child-like and pleasing and controlled. My daughter's counselor said all the time that the church deliberately wants to keep its members in a child-like state. Now that I am an adult and no longer have to "please" I feel so empowered! It is the best feeling ever! And it is my God-given right. Thank God I have grown up and evolved out of that controlling church. |
Recovery from Mormonism - The Mormon Church - www.exmormon.org |