Subject: Elder Russell M. Nelson and doughnuts
Date: Apr 22 15:25 2004
Author: temple name: Jonathan

Russell M. Nelson: "Our Sacred Duty to Honor Women" (May 1999 Ensign) from Priesthood session:

"Tonight I am attending with a son, sons-in-law, and grandsons. Where are their mothers? Gathered in the kitchen of our home! What are they doing? Making large batches of homemade doughnuts! And when we return home, we will feast on those doughnuts. While we enjoy them, these mothers, sisters, and daughters will listen intently as each of us speaks of things he learned here tonight. Itís a nice family tradition, symbolic of the fact that everything we learn and do as priesthood bearers should bless our families."

Do Elder Nelson and his male family members make sausages on the night of the General Relief Society Meeting??

Subject: How sweet - "Let's honor our women, and have them make us some doughnuts!"
Date: Apr 22 16:07
Author: Idiot #2

Maybe later, we'll honor them some more by having them do the dishes and bathe the kids. I love honoring women - it's a "tradition" in our home!

Subject: This explains why many Mormons are overweight. 

Subject: If Nelson is so interested in the women hearing about the things they had learned,
Date: Apr 22 16:11
Author: an126

wouldn't it be better if the women could attend the priesthood session also then they all go home, make donuts together and enjoy each other's company over donuts and coffee (decaf, of course)?

Subject: How Freudian is this! 

 

Subject: This has got to be apocryphal.
Date: Apr 22 16:45
Author: activejackmormon

Even a clueless dope like Russell Nelson knows how silly and sexist this sounds. I know one thing for sure, if I was to utter those words, my wife would turn me into a permanent soprano and I'd be starring with either Motab or appearing on HBO.

Subject: He really said it....really. (see link)
Date: Apr 22 17:09
Author: CLee

http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1999.htm/ensign%20may%

Subject: ROFL!!!!!
Date: Apr 22 17:51
Author: still laughing

Too funny!!!! I'm sending you the cleaning bill, since I just spewed Diet Coke all over my monitor after reading this!

Pure gold!

Subject: I knew Elder Nelson's family. He has 9 daughters and a wife so
Date: Apr 22 17:52
Author: free

he definitely has a duty to treat them right. He's outnumbered and so is his son. I might be wrong on the count. He might have 10 daughters and one son. His last child was a boy.

Subject: Sausages and donuts -- very funny!!!! 
Subject: This is the single funniest post I have ever read on this board and there have been some good ones!! ROFLMAO!!! 
Subject: Donuts, sexism, priesthood...yes, one eternal Mormon
Date: Apr 22 20:28
Author: cricket

Merry-go-round. Thanks for this hilarious thread which is now illustrated with two graphic images of donut affair at the Nelson home.

http://www.latterdaylampoon.com/foyer/prophets/russellmnelson/

Subject: Mmmmmmmmm, Donuts! 
Date: Apr 22 20:32
Author: Homer J. Simpson
Subject: Re: Elder Russell M. Nelson and doughnuts
Date: Apr 22 21:41
Author: Anon

I thought it was Monson who always went ballistic whenever his favorite doughnuts weren't on the table.

I wonder why he is diabetic????

Subject: "And when we return home, we will feast on those doughnuts." ROFLMAO!
Date: Apr 23 01:30
Author: No. 33

That's one of the greatest lines from any General Authority. Words to live by! And not just a few doughnuts, but "large batches" of doughnuts. Thank god the Word of Wisdom never mentioned anything about consuming massive quantities of doughnuts!

But I know what Russell is up to. He's shrewdly playing the "mental association" card.

If he can get all those priesthood session attendees to associate in their minds large batches of doughnuts with attendance at priesthood sessions, maybe they'll be more likely to overlook the sheer tedium and boredom of priesthood meetings, but rather will look forward to attending all such meetings as visions of feasting on large batches of doughnuts dance in their heads.

Actually, I think I'd rather be at home making the doughnuts than having to attend priesthood meeting. I wonder if the womenfolk get to feast on the doughnuts too?

When he talks about the priesthood blessing the family, I think he's missing the point of his own talk. The doughnuts are the blessing that he is focused on. His own talk makes the doughnuts the main entree. The incidental blathering about what went on in the priesthood meeting is just an excuse for feasting on massive quantities of doughnuts.

And when we return home,
We will FEAST on those doughnuts! Dammit!
We'll feast like insane freaks!
Massive quanitities!
Womenfolk, get those doughnuts ready!
We will feast! I'm here to tell ya!


(And with the conclusion of the Apostle's emotional outburst, an aide walked up and escorted the visibly agitated Russell M. Nelson from the podium back to his seat. And as other attendants dabbed the sweat from the forehead of the now-seated Apostle, and gave him pills and a glass of water, the audience could still hear him muttering loudly, "You got that right! Gonna do some serious doughnut feasting! Feast! Feast! Gimme doughnuts, woman! When this is over, I do testify I'm gettin some big-ass doughnuts!".)

Wanna know why Saturday Night Live doesn't do more spoofs on Mormonism? It's because the Mormon leaders are doing it themselves. You just can't top the funny material they produce.


Recovery from Mormonism - The Mormon Church  www.exmormon.org   

Listing of additional short Topics  |  Main Page