|Subject:||Being an active single in the Mormon church past age 30 is just preparation for the next life|
|Date:||Feb 20, 2008|
|I didn't marry until I was in my mid-30's, and so
endured the indignities the church foists on unmarried singles. It still
pisses me off when I see some smiling 21-year-old kid fresh off a "mission"
getting married to an 18-year-old fresh-out-of-high-school little girl, with
neither having a career or a degree, and both being held up at church as
shining examples of young Mormonhood. I've already stated openly that any
kid who shows up at my house to marry my daughter when he has no real job
will get a load of buckshot in his garments. (As I come from two families
with a history of excessive violence, such statements are taken seriously).
Saying stupid things like that at church keeps me on the fringes and out of
higher callings (which is fitting since I don't believe anymore anyway and
only attend to keep TBM wife happy).
But,really, being an active single in LDS-ISM past age 30 is just preparation for the next life--under Mormon theology, anyway. In D & C (Dumb & Crazy) Sexshun 132:15-16 it says that people who don't marry may be exalted, but they can't have an increase, and are "appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister to those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory".
If you're an active single over 30, it's already that way. You'll be given every calling and assignment that comes along and be asked to donate time and money to every ward project. After all, since you're single, and probably don't have children, you obviously have all the time and money in the world to devote to church activities, whereas the married couples WITH children, especially the YOUNG married couples (people younger than you) who have YOUNG children, are busy raising those children. THEY had faith. THEY were obedient. THEY followed the teachings of the church and the prophets. THEY didn't wait until they had college degrees and/or careers to marry and start having children. But YOU, on the other hand...
So the older singles become the mules of the ward and serve, in effect, as the "ministering servants" for the ones worthy of a "far more weight of glory", etc. They're better than you NOW, and they'll be better than you THEN.
It's just preparation for the the Great Beyond. Really gives you something to look forward to, doesn't it?
|Subject:||You pretty much summed it up!|
|Date:||Feb 20 15:08|
|Author:||Deenie, the dreaded single adult|
|I can't even tell you the number of times RS
presidents from other wards in our stake contacted the singles' ward RS to
get someone to take care of an elderly member, baby sit for members during
the day, go over to clean and make food for someone recovering from an
These were tasks they wanted done during the day. We (the singles' RS presidency) would patiently explain, ONE MORE TIME, that the "sisters" in our ward were working women, and weren't available to run others' errands, etc., during the day. "Maybe a young married woman, who is staying home, and doesn't have any children, yet. Or one whose children are in school during the day," I'd suggest.
They always acted shocked and appalled that we were all working. I asked them time and time again, "How are we supposed to pay our bills? We have rent, electricity, phone, gas, food--just like everyone else!" Haughty sniffs and rolling eyes were all I ever got as a reply. Apparently, it never occurred to them that we had to LIVE, too.
And once we were back in a family ward, you're right---those callings were piled on, as well as tons of 'special requests' for other service or goods. Never mind that I explained that I had to live an entire life--work, keep up the house and yard, shop, etc., and there was only ONE of me; they were thoroughly convinced that I had tons of time, and all my money was up for grabs.
If one of us was sick, had surgery, was out of work, had a car stolen, etc., do you think there was any help handed out to the singles? *I* never saw any.
Ministering angels, indeed. As I've said before, it was like looking forward to spending ETERNITY as an unpaid "Alice" from the Brady Bunch, without so much as a "Sam the Butcher" as a diversion!
Who needs THAT garbage?
|Subject:||Sad, isn't it?|
|Date:||Feb 20 15:12|
|Especially since most other middle-class Caucasians
*do* put off marriage until their educations are complete and their careers
are established -- often well into their 30's. That's considered the
responsible thing to do in the rest of America.
As you point out though, Southern Man, the church sees such behavior as irresponsible . . . unless, of course, your name is Steve Young. Then it's OK.
|Subject:||Re: Sad, isn't it?|
|Date:||Feb 20 16:00|
|Thank you, Southern Man for the understanding! I am
going to print out your post. Thanks for the exact quote, that all this is
When I left TSCC [this so called church], people used to ask me why I would be so upset about singles being relegated to a lower position in the hereafter, or that in the hereafter we might be forced into a polygamous marriage, and all of the other stuff you mentioned--if it all isn't true, anyway? My answer is this:
Even if it is not true in the hereafter, mormons make it true now! They make it happen right now, when the married people act like "Kings and Queens, Priests and Priestesses" and treat singles like second-class servants.
I've been single and divorced longer than I was married, and I've always felt like there is no place for an unmarried woman in the mormon church.
|Subject:||Right on, forestpal!!!|
|Date:||Feb 21 00:49|
|I was unmarried (divorced) when I joined the church,
and I caught myself MANY times feeling absolutely miserable in a culture
where there was such a huge emphasis on being married.
I was shocked to see bright, attractive, university-educated women married to lowlife redneck dorks simply because that was all that was available within the Mormon ranks in that area. But by golly, they were married in the temple and crankin' out the babies right on schedule.
Shortly after I moved to New Mexico (closer to SLC than before) the RS pres in my new ward got kind of cranky when she kept calling me and asking me to do things and I always said "sorry, I can't do that because we are working overtime." At that particular time, we were working from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. five days a week. And this woman couldn't understand why I was so fiercely protective of my Saturdays. . .
|Subject:||Re: Sad, isn't it?|
|Date:||Feb 20 17:23|
|It is sad, that what is normal outside of Mormonism is
looked down upon. Most single people put off marriage and thinking about
children until their education is complete and they have a stable income
because they prefer to be self-sufficient. I've never heard TSCC offering to
pay the bills for single adults so they can provide babysitting services.
It's also true that most people get judged if they have to work on Sundays in order to provide the basics for survival. The exceptions are if you're in a career like law enforcement and medical, or if your name happens to be Steve Young.
|Subject:||It always surprises them to find a single, successful woman|
|Date:||Feb 20 19:00|
|When I first moved into the ward I had bought a house
and my TBM sister and her family lived with me for a time. We all moved into
the new house at the same time.
EVERYONE in the ward assumed I was living with them. When they moved out into their own home after a year or so, people were SHOCKED that the house was mine.
I remember in RS once the prez announced a valentine's day couples activity--it included a speaker that was going to talk about "Increasing your spirituality as a couple" or some trash. The RS president saw me, stammered and said, "of course, this event would be just fine for the single sisters to attend as well." Gee Thanks.
|Subject:||Re: Oh, Lord..|
|Date:||Feb 21 00:25|
|Author:||Hap E. Heretic|
|how I came to hate and LOATHE the single's programs in
The meat market wards, the single adult dances (for ages 30-110), the punch-and-cookie mingles....
The whole mentality of the Mormon church basically brands anyone over 25 and unattached defective or second class, for time and all eternity. As if flying from cloud to cloud, waiting hand and foot on the married "exalted" folks on the top rung of the CK is supposed to be some great consolation prize.
The whole system basically sucks.
Personally, I'd rather remain single on my own terms with all my options open than get married after two dates with a virtual stranger I met at a church dance, just to make the "status quo" and rule my own galaxy, compliments of the Morg.
|Subject:||Preparation for the next life?|
|Date:||Feb 21 01:07|
|I'm barely prepared for this life. I am thinking that
whatever happens after that will be too restful for me to fuss about who
Being single past the age of 30 in TSCC IS total hell. In fact, that's when I started to "fall away."
I got smart when I realized that individuals were not respected. Only MORG units were respected. I'm sick of worshipping MORG units and Morg-bots.
I am sick of the lazy attitude people get after they realize that now that they are married, they've made it. And they really think they have!
I have never been to a more lazy, boring church meeting in my life than after I realized that those people are conned into thinking they are already wonderful. That's why the spiritual level lags lower and lower and lower.
I think God knows when people aren't trying anymore.
I hate TSCC! It is NOT God's church!
|Subject:||I identify with Alice.|
|Date:||Feb 21 03:11|
|Author:||go ask alice|
|Do you know that "ministering angel" has been
Yes, just like so many other things in the mormon church, they have popularized the role of "ministering angel" for today's more modern singles.
By the way, thank you for the D & C quote, because the re-definition is very different!
Are you ready for this?
The "NEW ministering angel" does missionary work! Yeah! They teach the gospel, as in "ministry." Sometimes a ministering angel is sent to Earth for a special mission to comfort the sick and help the poor. (Not doing a very good job, are they.)
Mormons have told me that they would luuuuuuve to be a ministering angel! If only they could live to be so very worthy of even that (humble-humble) lowliest position in the CK! I'm not kidding. One lady said she would dream of being a ministering angel in Africa, to be able to comfort the little starving children there--Does that means she would die first?
Hey, what's wrong with being "Alice" by the old definition.
You have the honor and privilege of waiting on Kings and Queens, Priests and Priestesses. You can bask in their glory, and--who knows--some of their specialness might rub off onto you. Maybe minisering angels are midwives, helping with all those spirit births.
You will have had a lifetime of practice, learning your "place," You will have learned to accept that you are not good enough to be chosen by a man. You will have learned humility by not being seated with the married women at the RS luncheon. You will have learned patience and forbearance, by standing against the wall at a dance, while the men walk up to you, eye you up and down, and move on. You will have learned longsuffering, by listening to endless testimonies about happy the married people are, and how much they love each other, and how they can not LIVE without each other, and yet you LIVE, somehow....
This was one of the reasons I left TSCC.
|Subject:||Being a widow of a nevermo is even worse. That's why I followed counsel....|
|Date:||Feb 21 04:08|
|came over to a Southern State to embark on what became
a dreadful nightmare but that's another story.
Thankfully, I escaped the abuse and I'm safely home, out of the church and fiercely independent.
|Subject:||All of these posts are excellent.....|
|Date:||Feb 21 05:51|
|Author:||Recovered Brainwashed Morgbot|
|and so true. I didn't grow up in TSCC (thank goodness)
but it seemed to me when I used to go that the morgbots had been brainwashed
from a very young age (ie while still in the womb) to aspire towards early
marriage and kids. I think it's all about locking people in to the morg
early - making them dependent on it and its programs so they won't feel as
though they can ever leave.
One thing that sickens me most though about the way the morg treats single people over 30 (and indeed all ages) is as follows:
Single people are brainwashed into thinking that if they prove their faithfulness by not pursuing dating opportunities outside the church, God will reward them at some point with a morgbot spouse. They are taught they would be doing something "wrong" if they fell in love, dated, etc a non-morgbot. I saw a lot of women in their thirties (I'm giving the example of women because I am one and had single women friends who had just turned 30) missing out on such opportunities with non-morgbots because of the brainwashing of the morg, holding on to the notion that one day they would meet the perfect morgbot. Some could have had a great relationship, children etc with non-morgbots who were very interested in them. Yet they turn such opportunities down when they come along. Eventually, those opportunities become fewer and far between. It's terrible to think that some people might be missing out on relationships and children altogether because of TSCC.
I think such emotional manipulation is disgusting. To think there are so many brainwashed morgbots spurning what could be great romantic opportunities because they think it would be a huge sin to become involved with a non-morgbot. It's an example of cultish brainwashing and indoctrination at its highest. And just so wrong! To be messing about with people lives in such a way is sickening. Who does this cult think it is to be telling people who they should and shouldn't marry.
By the way - who's Steve Young?