|Subject:||Sometimes I feel like I had more friends when I was LDS...|
|Date:||Mar 29 23:38|
|..anyone else feel the same way? I mean, I have plenty of friends
now but, ....well, I guess it's b/c I lived in Happy valley and was mormon there for a
|Subject:||Sure. If you're active in a Morg ward and stake, it's like being|
|Date:||Mar 29 23:45|
|a member of a club with hundreds of dues-paying members who feel
morally obligated to participate regularly. You've got a ready-made community of
"friends." But how many are real friends--the kind who you can relate to even
outside of club activities? In the Morg, you have a lot of activities and a feeling of
being part of something. If you join another church or club, you'll get more or less the
same thing. (Maybe you'll have less in common because you don't have the bond of a common
Mormon experience with outsiders.)
Does it mean the Church is true? Only in the sense that it is truly a church, but not in the sense that it is the restoration of God's one and only church with the fullness of the truth. If you had been raised in an active Baptist congregation and decided to leave, you'd probably have the same feeling.
|Subject:||I felt like "they" didn't want me to be friends with anyone but women in my ward...|
|Date:||Mar 29 23:56|
|unless I was trying to bring them to homemaking or firesides or whatever. Actually, it was frustrating because it was hard finding time to be friends with anyone with all the work I had to do for my callings...especially hard to find time for my friends who were outside the church. I think that this was one of the ways that the church kept me enmeshed...it really is a "society" and a way of life...and I don't mean that in a postive way either!|
|Subject:||I had more friends before moving to zion...|
|Date:||Mar 30 07:35|
|actually, I don't have ANY (count them- none) friends in SE IDaho @
NOT A SINGLE ONE.
I don't have anybody to go hang out with for an afternoon, nobody to call up and invite over for dinner.
(dugski has a few friends, we call them up for dinner. Funny, I'm the out-going friendly one, and I'm ironically the one without friends here in SE Idaho! LOL!)
I don't think it's all me, because I have friendships from my life before, friends who have hung on through it all, who email me every day, call me on the phone, visit me, I visit them- etc.
I have cool work buddies, but I dare say that none are actually my "friend"- we're just close and friendly toward one another @ work, which is good.
I think the difference is that "active mormons" are expected to befriend-bomb investigators (I had several act "Friendly" toward me when they invited me to a church function of some ind or another) and to maintain friendships with only other active mormons, lest heathen influences from the outside world rub off on them.
I bet you did have more friends when you were mormon, I bet every mormon I know has more friends than I have ever had (and I used to have many many many friends).
The trouble is, those friends are gone now that you aren't in the church anymore, so they weren't actually "Friends" (Teh way I view friends), they were just people who shared a common goal with you- kind of like me with my work buddies. They are nice, we laugh and chat and work together, but once the day is done, we go our separate ways.
It's just the way of the world, I believe.
|Subject:||Re: I had more friends before moving to zion...|
|Date:||Mar 30 09:34|
|Hey Kymba I consider you my long distance friend! I also have a warm place in my heart for Moscow Id. and the excellent University long distance learning service. I took Reference Library courses, Museum Management, and intro courses to computers. I had to rent the computer and printer while working at a $7 per hour dry cleaning job. If that was not available it would have taken me a lot longer to get my masters in San Jose, Ca. As to friends, I have been in New York working as a librarian for four years, and have only one pal to discuss books with, and that is only on Sunday morning when we go for paper and bagels. I have never seen the inside of her apartment, only the yard and downstairs hall. At work we are just buddies, as everyone has a busy life to get home to, and I spend my weekends hanging out at the cyber cafe, or at home alone with a book. On the other hand back in Cal I have women amigas that I have been really good friends with since 1950. We write, phone and sometimes I spend my vacation there. Mostly I commute to Ca for nursing duties, taking care of my oldest daughter when she goes through chemo. You will not always have a shortage of friends, life changes your circumstances, and if you are your own best friend, it matters not in the long run. Librarian|
|Subject:||Re: I had more friends before moving to zion...|
|Date:||Mar 31 01:15|
|Id' rather have NO friends then FAKE friends and that is all the
Mormon church is about...superficial behavior. Don't kid yourself. As long as you 'roll
with the flow' you are in like Flynn...when you're not...well...weep and you weep
alone..again, not REAL friends but merely MINDLESS MINIONS..BAAAAARF...besides, all Mormon
friends can ever takl about is church LIGHT STUFF..nothing real..
Ever try to talk or hear someone try to talk to an LDS person about a serious issue???? THE TBM WILL LAUGH OR GIGGLE OR MAKE IT OUT TO BE SOME KIND OF FUN SILLY NOTHING ....give me a break. No thanks, I prefer ADULT minded adults as friends....or I'd rather be alone and just depend on myself for my own happiness...
Bottom line, you didn't really have more friends, per say...it is just the way the cult is designed so you feel ISOLATED IF YOU LEAVE IT...and out of sorts..that is their game plan.
|Subject:||After my freshman year at YBU|
|Date:||Mar 30 08:35|
|I got a call from one of my best friends who had stayed back east to
attend the U of Maryland. He told me he'd spoken to many in our graduating class and
they'd all, without exception, had miserable, lonely first years away from home.
I was pleased as punch to tell him I'd met and befriended over 200 people my first year (I was speaking of my campus student ward), and I patted myself on the back for my wise choice in attending the Lord's university.
Now, many years later, that guy still has several long-term friends from way back then, friends he made the hard way, when he was lonely and isolated. Meanwhile, I can remember the names and faces of only a few. I've been out of the church for a while, and I have only one Mormon friend. And she lives in Utah.
Mormon friends are not friends in the real sense, so you will never have as many 'friends' as you did before. Gaining a true friend takes time, luck, compassion and patience. And you may have to be disappointed a lot when those friendships don't work out. But at least you'll still have some close friends around when you get old and won't lose them simply because they live on the wrong side of the new ward boundary or were assigned new people to VT.
|Subject:||It is one of the three fold missions of the church|
|Date:||Mar 30 09:42|
|1. proclaim the gospel
2. redeem the dead
3. Perfect the saints
As taught in the sixth discussion
Stay up late
|Subject:||quality versus quanity versus superfical versus real|
|Date:||Mar 30 10:22|
|Friendships with Mormons for the most part are superficial because
the thing that we had in common was THE CHURCH. It didn't matter what the subject might
start out in any conversation it always ended up being about THE CHURCH.
In my opinion Mormon friendships have a phoniness to them because we don't dare to be who we are, let alone express who we are. We all talk the same script that has been written for us by the Church.
The need to be perfect permeates every thing and so we wore the mask, played the role, and continued being the Churches definition of us. No one dared disagree with anyone, you buttoned your lip, and when you unbuttoned your lip you said only what would be Church appropriate.
Church friendships are superficial. And before anyone asks just look around and see how many Mormon friends you have left after you leave the Church. Being a convert I had friends in both worlds but sadly, I spent more time with my Mormon friends, the Church sees to it that you do, meetings, meetings, and more meetings, callings, callings and more callings. I don't miss my association with that Church.
Personally I'll take my non-Mormon friends who are more real, more sincere, and we aren't afraid of each other's "warts". The only script we have is to be respectful of each other but we sure as hell don't have to agree 100% nor do we have to be perfect.
I'll take real over superficial any day.
But as Dennis Miller says, "That's just my opinion, I could be wrong."
|Subject:||Oh yeah, about those warts...|
|Date:||Mar 30 10:41|
|It's been a real adjustment for me outside the church community to
find that people I think are my new friends can disagree with me wholeheartedly and still
want to associate with me! I am still not used to being liked in spite of my warts, which,
by the way, I don't feel I have to hide now!
|Subject:||As an old geezer ...|
|Date:||Mar 30 10:27|
|Ah yes --- TOOO MANY friends!
Grandkids come by the hoards (and by the millions in Mormondom)
Weddings to buy gifts for, from not only family but everyone in the stake and valley !!!
Then there's those blessed assignments at the stake farm on your only free day .... or a worthless purchase from your quorum "friend."
Friends are nice, but too many are H - - -
Been great cutting away from the church and finding life is really beautiful when you eliminate the letters L. D. S.
|Subject:||People crave a sense of belonging ? nt|
|Date:||Mar 30 10:37|
|Subject:||"Friends" are a dime a dozen...|
|Date:||Mar 30 15:49|
|Author:||girl in the box|
|...best friends come one in a lifetime, and they're the only ones who will stick around that long.|
|Subject:||'Friends' or associations of convenience?|
|Date:||Mar 30 17:23|
|Helen hit the nail right on the head, as far as I'm concerned. I had many, many associations in the church but only a couple of real friends. Often, when a change of ward/stake boundaries separates so-called 'friends', they don't see each other for months or years - and even then, it might just be an accidental meeting at a regional conference. Such 'friendships' also tend to fade with a change of calling/home teachers etc.|
|Subject:||Fewer, but Truer. n/t|
|Date:||Mar 30 17:33|
|Subject:||I thought I had lots of friends as a TBM....|
|Date:||Mar 30 18:54|
|Until I left the church and they all dumped me. How christ like. Now I have friends who support me even when they disagree. How refreshing.|
|Subject:||What happened to all those "freinds" when you were in the Morg?|
|Date:||Mar 30 20:19|
|Seems as though those "freinds" weren't really freinds if
they aren't around.
|Subject:||Hey, they'll even send you a monthly magazine called "The Friend"...|
|Date:||Mar 31 01:23|
|But only if you or one of your relatives Pay for it.|