Children of Recovering Mormons

Subject:	Children of a Recovering Mormon
Date:	Jun 20 23:45
Author:	Aubrey

Need some good, helpful advice.

I have three small children, 6,3,1. I've been out of the church for 8 years now(and loving every minute of it!). But my family are still all TBM. I feel a lot pressure from them, that I'm not raising my children in the Church. They've tryed a few times sending me Primary children's song, "Friends" magazine, etc. I've asked my famly to stop wasting their money on things like this for my children. I've been frank with them, that I don't want any of it. I'm trying to be respectful to their feelings, and not be completely rude to them. They are very loving and kind grandparents to my children. But it honestly really upsets me.

And I'm also worried in the future, when my children are older that they will try and bring them into the church. Children are so impressionable, as we all know, and I'm concerned. I'm not sure how to be firmer with my parents without hurting our relationship.

Has anyone else on the board had a difficult time with this?

Sincerely, Aubrey

Subject:	Yes...
Date:	Jun 20 23:51
Author:	anon

my children are being indoctrinated by their grandparents right now. I'm in Korea, and going through a divorce. So my control over what the children are being exposed to is very low. Wish I had an answer for ya. I don't know. Buy 'em the Tao of Pooh or something...I plan on exposing them to ALL the belief systems of the world in the hopes they can make up their own minds.

Subject:	I took my kids to another church
Date:	Jun 21 00:02
Author:	Violotron
Mail Address:

as a 'defensive' move. I lived in Utah and the invitations to primary and all, started coming. So my never-mo husband & I took our kids to a non-denominational church, so the kids could say that they DO go to church. Had their OWN church to go to. I found that I liked it very much, it was so mellow and non-dogmatic, totally different from what I grew up with. We eventually became Presbyterians.

Now, my kids are older teenagers, they are accepting of many different beliefs. They were taught to not judge, and they don't judge.

You might want to check out mellower churches in the area, or even Unitarians, which are VERY non-dogmatic.

But you don't have to take them to church at all, just be firm with your folks. I am only describing what worked for me. Take care

Subject:	Re: Children of a Recovering Mormon
Date:	Jun 21 00:02
Author:	Tyler

My boys are 7, 5 and 3 months. Been out 8 years also

My mom takes the boys every sunday so they can feel the Lard's spirit in church. Yesterday, she asked about my son's baptism.

I told her how I felt about the church, in a very kind, non argumentative way. I explained that my son would be making his own choices. I further explained that morality, ethics honesty, were virtues found within a person and that no one owned these virtues.

There is no easy pat answer here. A one time shot rarely works. I think that your feelings need to be known over time and time again.

Secondly, while the church's presence can be a nuisance in the extreme, I truly wouldn't worry too much about your kids turning into raging fundamentalist fanatics. Yes they may pick up a lame tidbit or two. Nothing that love and a little explaining can't fix.

My son said as we drove by the Jordan River Temple "Daddy, That is where we go to be together as a family in heaven".

I lovingly said "son, actually we will be together forever no matter what, and a temple is not necessary for that". he gleamed a big smile and felt much better. then I said "finish your beer please!" LOL

3/4 of the kids who grow up in religious homes hate it to death. Yours have about a one in million chance of converting against your loving example.

Good luck

Tyler

Children of Recovering Mormons:	I agree with you "actually we will be together forever no matter what, and a temple is not necessary for that."
Date:	Jun 21 00:30
Author:	rpm

Words of wisdom.

rpm

Subject:	I felt the need to prove to my TBM family...
Date:	Jun 21 00:03
Author:	Dad
Mail Address:

that we could do it better without the Church. I think my oldest son suffered from our desire to be overzealous exmos.

I'd say relax. You don't have anything to prove. Just do the loving thing and forget about trying to play one up with the TBMs.

Subject:	This is a real problem of mine also
Date:	Jun 21 06:26
Author:	whitecloud
Mail Address:

I have 2 children aged 12 and 8 and a TBM mother who wants to convert my children to mormonism so she can be with them in the celestial kingdom. Sigh. I am left out of the loop pretty much as I am apostate and a dead loss- she has turned her attention to my children who she can still save.

Unlike other people who have replied to you I am unable to take the threat of my children being converted to mormonism lightly. I have taken fairly drastic action. I allow my mother to see her grandchildren on special occasions but not at other times.My TBM mother is very arrogant about her religion and doesn't respect my wish that they are not hit with a load of mormon propoganda.It is truly awful that I have had to take this action with my mother and very painful.

You know- you do have rights. You are an adult, you are a mother, and you are able to decide how you want your children to be raised. It took me quite a long time to stand up to my mother. Eventually I realised that she was being unreasonable, and disrespecting my role as a mother. In continuing to push mormonism on my children she was pushing me around and being a bully.

If, knowing your views, your parents still continue to push mormonism on your children you are entitled to take action. Make it clear to your parents that continuing on like this will mean limited access to the grand children. This will let them know just how seriously you view their attempts to indoctrinate your children.

Don't worry too much about damaging your relationship with them. You are not solely responsible for the relationship- they have responsibility for it too. You have told them what is acceptable to you. If they go against you *they* are damaging the relationship. You have rights- they need to respect your rights or suffer the consequences.

Good luck!