Subject: Recovery from Mormonism
Date: Sep 24 18:43 2002
Author: JohnnyRansom

Many trolls in times past, as well as other well intentioned
individuals have pointed out that at times, the RfM discussion
board seems to be nothing more than a place to rant and complain
about the Mormon Church, Mormon Doctrine, and Mormon culture.
Others have pointed out that a fair amount of patently false
accusations are made against the Mormon Church and its leaders.
And a few have pointed out where some have made faulty
arguments in an attempt to justify their lack of faith or belief in the
Mormon Church and its doctrine. And the accusatory question is
raised, "What does all this have to do with recovery?".

Having decided to take the question seriously, I have pondered
over the very idea of "Recovery" and what it means and implies. I
have arrived at a number of conclusions which I wish to share

Recovery means to reclaim, or to obtain that which was lost or
stolen, or to attain to a state of normallcy or a desired state of
being. In the case of alcoholism, recovery entails the reclamation
of control over one's life or as Alcoholics Anonymous puts it in their
12 steps program -- a restoration of sanity. In the case of recovery
from abuse, it is a reclamation of not only personal control, but
often of self-respect, personal dignity, physical, mental, and
spiritual health, and freedom from recurrent physical injury and

When a person has a malady which they desire to recover from, a
specific pattern or method is helpful in obtaining such a recovery.
Generally speaking, the procedure is as follows:
  • Identification of the specific malady or symptoms.
  • Identification of the cause of the malady.
  • Removal, where possible, of the causal agent.
  • Protection of the weakened area from reccurent injury or
    reinfection or opportunistic infections.
  • Strengthening of the body and immune system to prevent
    future injury or infection once healing has occurred.

If one examines the various different programs of recovery, one
will find all of the general elements one uses in treating medical

In some instances, there is a need to greive for that which is lost
and may never be reclaimed -- such as in the death of a close
loved one. It is can be helpful to be aware of the various stages of
grief which a person generally passes through:

denial -> anger -> bargaining -> depression -> acceptance

It can be helpful as it allows a person to recognize why they are
feeling as they are as well as determine whether they are stuck in
a given stage for some reason. It is also helpful to remember that
not everyone will spend as much time in any given stage as the
next person, and this does not always correlate to the significance
of the loss. One person may reach acceptance more quickly than
another. One person may be "stuck" in denial or anger or
depression for a considerable period of time, whereas another
may even seemingly skip one or more stages such as anger,
bargaining, or depression.

Now, as to how this applies to Recovery from Mormonism and the
RfM Stories and Discussion Board, I believe the following things
ought to be considered. The Discussion board is often one of the
first places a person finds information about the specific cause of
their malady. The stories likewise serve to help a person identify
and clarify the symptoms of their malady and the source of their
discomforture as it pertains to Mormonism.

Once the identification of the causal agents have been made,
treatment can progress. Almost always, the treatment is self-
administered in the form of removing that which causes the
discomfort, for example: ceasing to adhere to strictures one
deems inappropriate; such as no longer paying tithing, attending
church, wearing garments, abstaining from alcohol, coffee, tea, etc.
Additional measures may include avoiding "church friends" or
spiritually abusive or manipulative family, friends, or church

The Bulletin Board also offers a safe place to vent frustrations,
disucuss problems and challenges with others or internal conflicts
which one might find difficult or impossible to do at home, with
friends, or with Church advisors/leaders for fear (whether justified
or not) of harming or even losing valued relationships with family
and friends. The Bulletin Board also provides a forum for soliciting
the advice of others who have walked the road before on how to
deal with difficult and challenging situations.

The Bulletin Board and stories also contain valuable information
that may be used to strengthen or fortify oneself against the
onslaught of personal attacks or the seduction of returning to
Mormonism. It provides a place where one can rally courage from
the support of others to make difficult and even painful decisions
which one desires to make in order to further the individual
recovery process.

Nevertheless, the Bulletin Board can also be a rough place and
sometimes even counter-productive to the process of recovery
from Mormonism. At times, trolls may visit and taunt or abuse
those who post or visit here with the old mind-control techniques of
shaming and guilt-tripping, warnings of divine judgment and
retribution, accusations of sin or desire to sin of all kinds, etc. At
other times, discussions of personal agendas of regular posters
may become heated and the board errupt in a volcanic flame war
of opposing personalities and posts full of vitriol, contempt, or
anger directed at other posters. Fortunately, the moderators and
other posters on the board are usually able to minimize such
occurances when they get well out of hand, or appear to be on the
brink of becoming so.

Can recovery from Mormonism take place at the RfM website and
discussion board? I think the evidence bears out the fact that it
can and does. It is certainly not a perfect system. Perhaps an
even better system might be possible. However, the RfM
discussion and story boards definitely do help in the recovery
process. Just like AA, there are some who recover and then stick
around to help others, and there are some who simply move on
with their lives, finding other things to fill the void which
Mormonism or the RfM discussion board and group once filled.
Hopefully, whatever the path one takes, it leads one to a full
enjoyment of life.

Subject: Recovery from Mormonism -- addendum
Date: Sep 24 18:53
Author: JohnnyRansom

As to the patently false information and accusations which are
made on this board... I think it is important that such things are
corrected when they come up. Falacious arguments are less
effective in defending and justifying ones position against the
assaults of others. In other words, when patently false or
misleading anti-mormon information is posted, it SHOULD be
challenged and countered with accurate information.

There is more than ample evidence which demonstrates the
Mormon Church to be the fraud that it is. It is unneccessary and
counterproductive to make falacious arguments, misquote church
leaders, etc. in the promotion of "anti-mormonism" or recovery.
Let's keep it accurate and real, people. Fighting lies, fraud and
deceit is most effective when using truth, facts, and brazen
honesty. =)

Subject: Recovery from Mormonism is a DO IT YOURSELF project!!!
Date: Sep 24 19:06
Author: SusieQ#1

It is about personal discovery and rewriting thousands of scripts that ran automatically in our heads and realizing that we were OK all along.

NEVER forget that there are NO RULES about this process and NO time limit or restrictions. For some, it is a mouring process!For others there is an ongoing process dealing with heavy Mormon influence in our lives.

I never felt I was SICK so I never felt I needed any recovery! :-)Mormonism did not make me SICK! But it did educate me about human nature!

I have been angry! SURE. I was angry as a MORMON much more so than as a FORMER/POST Mormon! This time of my life is NOT about anger, it is about fun and enjoyment with NO outside restrictions from an overly zealous, outrageous,over the top bunch of religious wackos - as in the "penishood!"

I am an happy to be an independent person, and thinker and not feel any obligation to defer to anyone,especially NOT ecclesiastical leaders with their shorts in a knot!

The healthist way for me to deal with 35 yrs of Mormonism is to laugh as much as possible at how goofy it all is. And pat myself on the back for being smart enough to figure it out and not be damaged by their stupidity!

Subject: Re: Moving on
Date: Sep 24 19:27
Author: born free
Mail Address:

Great post. I want to learn from my experience in the church, to approach life openly and to make the most of every day. Not to judge others by silly standards like their underwear lines. To walk away a bigger, better, smarter person than I was before. To never forget that no one has a monopoly on the truth.

I also want to not care about it anymore. I want them to stop calling me for every stupid excuse in the book. I've had more phone calls today than in the last two years combined. But, I guess they'll eventually get it.

This board helps to get the anger out. I still have alot of it, more than I even want to admit to myself. No one understands like those who have been there. But soon, I hope, the anger will be gone, and I can look back and take the good and leave the bad forever. Is that realistic? I welcome suggestions on how others have accomplished it. I have seen some of you on this board and admired you. And I have enjoyed your humor too, it helps alot!