Subject: half in, half out, too scared to move
Date: Jan 02 22:03 2003
Author: IvoryTower

What made you KNOW without a doubt that you were in the wrong place? I had a big eye opener last Sunday, found this site quite by accident yesterday, seem to have been led in this direction by a series of events (now that I look back), and now have a list of things that have happened in my LDS life that just don't add up. But there's still that "what if"? Along with the "what next"?

Subject: All I can say is this...
Date: Jan 02 22:15
Author: Baz

...yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life, and you are already making the best of it.

Welcome, and make yourself at home.


Subject: We've been there!
Date: Jan 02 22:20
Author: Dagny

The history really bothered me, but I kept making excuses.
Then I read Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan and The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine.

That was it. I knew I could not believe that drivel at church any longer.

Take your time and ease into "what next" at your leisure. Read, read, read, and enjoy life.

Your own beliefs (or lack of belief) will form, and you will find your own niche. Just remember there is no rush to do anything. This is a time of self exploration. It is like you finally became an adult and no longer need Daddy to tell you what to think!

Welcome to you and all the new posters and lurkers! This place will give you MUCH to think about. This BB will make you laugh, get angry, and get much, much smarter. People will make you think about what you believe, challenge you, and will offer many views from experience. It is a great place to read about all sorts of things as we cope with our Mormon experience.

Subject: Re: half in, half out, too scared to move
Date: Jan 02 22:23
Author: Randy J.

>What made you KNOW without a doubt that you were in the wrong place? I had a big eye opener last Sunday, found this site quite by accident yesterday, seem to have been led in this direction by a series of events (now that I look back), and now have a list of things that have happened in my LDS life that just don't add up. But there's still that "what if"? Along with the "what next"?

My family left the LDS church five years ago, and we've never looked back. Naturally, when one contemplates making dramatic changes in their lifelong beliefs or habits, the prospects are uncertain and scary. For us, leaving the church improved our lives and our marriage a lot. We are now living our lives for US, rather than for a group of 80-year-old men in SLC who expect your lifetime devotion and 10% of your income to boot.
If I could offer some quick advice, go watch the movies "Logan's Run" and/or "The Truman Show." They are both about scared people leaving their familiar "comfortable" environments, and searching for new lives in a hopefully better world, in spite of fears or danger. When they make it through to the other side, they are rewarded for it.
Good luck in your journey.

Subject: Lots of little things.
Date: Jan 02 22:33
Author: Pen

In my life, there were tons of little things that didn't add up, emotionally or logically. The big thing for me is that I am a very individual person. I have always felt like a square peg in the proverbial round hole.

You know what? The "What ifs" still sometimes flare up, they do subside with time, but if you spend your entire life second guessing yourself, you will drive yourself crazy. All the stupid things I've done in my life can be directly traced to second guessing myself and THEN making decisions.

As for the "What's next", YOU decide that. It's a matter of finding out what your life will be for. Part of it is luck/fate, most of it is what you make of what you're given. I suggest you do research on religions of the world, philosophy, etc. Discover various ideas from many sources. Meditate. Pray. Think. Do whatever it is that helps you decide what truth is for YOU. Then act on it. You never quite know where you will end, and that's fine. Life would be boring if it were all exactly planned out?

I found this board by accident as well. It has been one of the greatest places for me to share thoughts and get support from some wonderful people with good insights. You know that you're welcome here, and feel free to discuss religion related topics-we've got some very bright folks around here who know their stuff. Hang in there, I've been there too.

Subject: The fear is real, but is it justified?
Date: Jan 02 22:57
Author: DeafGuy

There was no one thing that got me out--it was a slow, but growing realization that it was all a fraud.

But ask yourself this: Assuming you're sincere in your quest, why would god punish you for honestly seeking the truth? Even if you made mistakes, isn't that what repentance is for? Would god really want someone to stay in church just out of fear?

And after all, if god gave you a brain, he didn't mean for you to neglect it, did he?

So conduct your search for truth without fear, knowing that any sort of just and merciful god would want nothing else for you, even if you err along the way.

Subject: The Facts Made Me Know
Date: Jan 02 23:47
Author: Awena

The facts... (like how the "Book of Abraham" scroll was read again after the Rosetta Stone was discovered and found to be a common Egyption funerary text... nothing to do with Abraham.)

The factual evidence against the church proves it is a sham. Thus, I've not struggled with "what if it's true after all" thoughts.

Not to mention that the same studying and historical evidence debunks Christianity, too, so how can a sub-sect of Christianity be the one true religion?

Don't sweat it. =) It's scary to be thrown into the big bad world from your sheltered Mormon life, but if you hang on, you'll see that the world is big and wonderful, not bad. =) You're giving yourself the gift of freedom. You're gonna LOVE it out here! =) Congrats on having a mind of your own. =)

Subject: Been there… in fact I’m still there.
Date: Jan 03 00:12
Author: JayT

Brainwashing from ones youth is a tough thing to shake. It takes time. I’m emotionally 95% out of the church even though I still attend about half of the time for the sake of family unity.

Good luck. It’s an exciting journey.

Three great benefits for me include: 1) no more needless guilt for not measuring up to church perfectionist standards required for the upper levels of the Celestial Kingdom, 2) a fresh opportunity to explore life, history and philosophy outside the limitations of Mormonism, and 3) no need to believe and participate in nonsense, contradictory doctrines and bizarre rituals.

One mixed blessing: The realization that there is not “one package” that contains everything a person needs to know, and that it's my responsibility to figure out the meaning and purpose of life.

Subject: It was really tough for me to trust myself . . .
Date: Jan 03 00:42
Author: imaworkinonit

when I stopped believing. "What if I'm wrong" was the question that tortured me non-stop for most of the first year out. So I just studied and studied. I re-examined everything I once believed. All the evidence and moral thinking I did just kept disproving the church. And gradually I learned to trust my own brain.

Once I gave myself permission to think freely (and stopped wearing my garments . . . which were a symbol of my reluctance to let go until I was SURE), I felt an incredible relief and I have never doubted my decision since.

Key points that helped me decide: Book of Mormon anachronisms (plants, technology, animals); The book of Abraham facsimile translations; Preface to History of the church vol. 5 (polygamy practiced BEFORE telling Emma OR writing down the "revelation" about it); dishonest and evasive scholarship by mormon apologists (FARMS, John Gee); and lack of answers to prayers.

IvoryTower wrote:
> What made you KNOW without a doubt that you were in the wrong place? I had a big eye opener last Sunday, found this site quite by accident yesterday, seem to have been led in this direction by a series of events (now that I look back), and now have a list of things that have happened in my LDS life that just don't add up. But there's still that "what if"? Along with the "what next"?

Subject: Facing the truth is the first, most difficult step, and you've done it
Date: Jan 03 11:19
Author: CO2

Finding this board is a big help. Don't be afraid to post your thoughts as you go through the process. Most of us know what it's like, and can empathize and would be willing to offer some of our personal experiences.

The process of dis-believing can be fairly traumatic.

Here are some things that might help:

1) You are not losing your testimony, you have decided to see things as they are, not as the church would like them to be. You will have to remind yourself that God would not create inconsistencies just to test your faith. I mean, how stupid is that? Why would he? Galileo said, "Faith cannot contradict reason". Read, read, read. Even read the TBM apologists and you'll see how silly and hollow their logic is.

2) Trust yourself. You are the best judge of what and whom you decide to believe. Even on this board (as you may have seen) there are differences of opinion and belief. Some are athiests, others are agnostics (like me), some have become "true christians", etc. But there's one thing that we all agree on, Mormonism is a myth. Plain and simple, it's not what it claims to be - "the only TRUE church on the earth".

3) Get ready for the upheaval in your life and with your emotions. This is probably what you fear the most. Like almost anything in life, when you gain something, you will lose something you now cherish. At times, you will probably wonder if what you are gaining is worth what you are losing. Just remember that you will no longer be living a lie. You will be in control of your mind and your beliefs. Just hang on -it's going to get bumpy.

4) If you need some additional support, post your personal email address and ask for some advice. You will be surprised at how many people here have gone and are still going through your same experience.

Good luck to you and to all of us.

Subject: what helped me was...
Date: Jan 03 12:16
Author: danboyle

I pretended I was in a hotel room, alone with no one to worry about or answer to. just me and the scriptures and my books to study and decide. I imagined what would be my decision if all I had to worry about was how "I" felt about the church, not what someone else felt about it. It is MY decision and only I am responsible for my decision. The decision is easy when you ignore what your parents, family, friends, relatives may think.

Subject: know how you feel
Date: Jan 03 13:48
Author: canada

the inconsistencies in the church are too much to overlook. what separates us from the animals? our ability to reason.
If we completely neglect reason and go ahead blindly simply because it makes us feel warm inside...well, i just couldn't do that.
You need to be true to yourself. and it will be painful for you, and your family, but in time everyone will heal and you will be making decisions for YOU.
contrary to what the church teaches, you CAN be happy without following "god's commandments". Sure, your family will have real-life prodigal son stories for you... but remember- YOU make your own decisions. you dont become a drug addict because you stop going to church. You've got to do what is right for you, and you are probably smart enough to make decisions on your own. You don't need your life to be directed by the church.
for me, i just couldnt live as a member of the church. i had to stop lying to myself.
good luck

Subject: Read all the exit stories linked on the front page of this website.
Date: Jan 03 14:56
Author: girl in the box

They really help to put things in perspective, and will make it easier for you to examine your own feelings about the church.

Here is an archived thread from this BB about what made people see that the church wasn't true. Scroll down to "What was the last straw that got you to leave Mormonism?"

Subject: I'd be interested in hearing about your "eye opener".
Date: Jan 03 14:57
Author: Tyson Dunn

I'm also wondering about the things that don't "add up". I know for me that the everything adds up in the Church story, as long as I recast it in the light of a self-perpetuating gerontocratic fraud run by a few "choice families" at the hub of things.


Subject: Re: I'd be interested in hearing about your "eye opener".
Date: Jan 04 01:57
Author: IvoryTower

Thanks for all the comments! If you want to know the whole "eye opener" story it's at It's all on one page, and it's long. I spewed. It may sound silly in a lot of places, but I was honest. I feel better than I have in ages!
Tyson Dunn wrote:

Subject: I think you left for one of the 3 reasons.....
Date: Jan 04 04:05
Author: Satan's little helper

I read your journal. I know this is gonna sound wierd and I apoligize but let me try.....I think you are leaving for one of the reasons that the mormons always use to explain people leaving. PEOPLE OFFENDED YOU. Your journal entry is full of how the mormon leadership disappointed you because you didn't get your needs met.

I don't know how to say this politely, so please accept my apology. You are dependent. You depended on the church to sell you an insurance program and you turned your brain off to accept it. If you give them money you will have more money. Yeah RIGHT!

Now you are starting to wake up. And in that process you are going to look at you OWN behavior and find that your bishop's inability to pay your bills is not a reason to leave the church. YOUR need to get support from them is. You have been suckling on the teat of weakness and now you are hooked.

I really do believe that we live in a society that MOST of us agree that people will have rough times and that we should all share somewhat to help those in need. But even as a card carrying ACLU liberal....I can feel the judgement when I stand behind someone using food stamps...It kinda creeps up on me....I try to stop it but it is there. If they have a bunch of kids....I know that I think that they should PAY for their choice. I think you should too. To hell with the church. It is your responsibilty and if you need help get it...but at some point ya gotta stand up. It is the consequence of choices. You made a choice to do what THEY told you to that you are about to start thinking on your own will NOT obviate your responsibility.

NOW the good news. You are waking up. You are going to be able to start making decisions that make sense for you and your family. You are going to be able to do so without some judgemental jerk telling you what he thinks god wants you to do. YOU will decide. Because you will no longer be weak. You will take charge of your own life and will make these decisions as a whole person. A whole woman. A woman who has as much to contribute in the home as outside. A woman who has the POWER to lead her own life without THEM.

We all participated in our own victimization. They did a good job but we participated. That means we can STOP participating NOT because they are fouled up (though they are of course) but because we want to live a full and powerful life and can't do that if we are doing things "their" way. Don't leave because they pissed you off....leave because you no longer needed out grew realized how silly and limiting it was....LEAVE because you life is gonna be a LOT better without it.....and ya know what will be.

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