Subject: Brother's wedding
Date: Jan 07 18:15
Author: expatexmo

How do you feel about sitting outside the temple for weddings? I can't bear the thought of it, but that is nothing compared to my inactive father of five who will be outside the temple for the fourth time as my younger bro gets married in a few months time. As a no-mo friend said to me when I was explaining my reluctance to attend said wedding "What kind of small-minded prick do they think God is to do such a thing to a family" I had to admit he was right, but still the fact of my exclusion is hard to bear on such occassions, so much so that I am considering non-attendance. Any advice?


Subject: Just went through this...
Date: Jan 07 18:26
Author: nametaken

My brother got married in September. My father and I sat outside the temple and watched as the bishop and his wife, who barely know my brother walked out of the temple having attended the ceremony. They refused to look us in the eyes. We then greated other family members as they came out. It was awkward, humiliating, and extremely painful. No family should have to go through this.

However, looking back I'm glad I went. I love my brother and despite our religious differences and how much I strongly disagree with the church on this issue, I'm happy to have been there on this important day for him.


Subject: I hate it
Date: Jan 07 18:42
Author: Nick

I have done this for the weddings of five nieces and one sibling (to all of whom I am very close).

There are dozens of nieces and nephews left to go, but my wife and I have declared that we will no longer wait outside the temple for the ceremony to be over, so that we can stand on the steps for family pictures. We are happy to participate in the photography ritual elsewhere, but no longer outside a building that doesn't admit a bride and groom's loved ones, simply because those loved ones are not tithe-paying, temple recommend-holding Mormons.


Subject: Just go to the reception
Date: Jan 07 18:50
Author: Paul

My Sister just got married last month and I just went to the reception. Why should I take a half day off work to hang anround the outside of some temple and wait around for hours feeling uncomfortable.

My iventation was for the recption only anyways and that's the way it should be. You shouldn't be invited to hang outside some event. They know who has recomends and who doesn't. They put themself's first which is fine so put your self first and don't go to a ceramony you can't attend anyway.

Subject: The only way that this crap is ever going to stop.....
Date: Jan 07 18:56
Author: TheJudge

is when protest rallies are organized and held over this absurd practice and the news media is brought in for such events. The reasoning given not be vocal is that family is involved, which is the very reason why they get away with it.

I was in this spot 20 years ago. I did not attend. I now have two nephews and a neice where I can expect temple weddings to occur in the next 7-10 years. I will be out there at the Bellevue Washington temple with protest signs and a megaphone shouting out my First Amendment rights of expression of opinion.

The only way a change will occur is if you make a stink about it. Yeah - family is going to get hurt - but guess what - family is getting hurt the way it is now.

Subject: Re: Your feelings of angst...
Date: Jan 07 20:21
Author: SD

is exactly why they do it. They could change this policy in a heartbeat. Just look at the overhaul on the endowment ceremonies themselves. They do it to force or embarrass people into conformance. It's about MONEY!

Subject: Don't go to the Temple.
Date: Jan 07 20:46
Author: me

You're not invited to the wedding, so why should you go? Just go to the reception. That's what I'll be doing when my TBM siblings get temple hitched.

Subject: I will NEVER sit outside the temple again. Here's why. . .
Date: Jan 07 20:56
Author: Eddie

I have twice sat outside the temple while nieces were getting married. Several people approached me afterwards and asked why I hadn't been inside. I felt uncomfortable, yes, but it occurred to me that by going to the temple from which I was excluded I was legitimizing the Morg's policy of separating "good" family from "bad" family. This is wrong-headed. I will never go sit outside the temple again. My family can count on me attending the reception, which is generally more fun anyway.

Meanwhile, I'll ask the kids and teenagers why it is that they can't go inside the temple, too. Didn't Jesus say: "Let the little ones come unto me. For of such is the Kingdom of God."?

Pissing on the temple, I am


Subject: MY brothers' weddings
Date: Jan 07 21:23
Author: Kim

I missed my older brother's temple wedding because I was on my mission at the time. Ironically, that occurred for a very short window of time that I actually had a temple recommend. By the time my younger brother's wedding took place, I hadn't had a recommend for about six years. My job for that wedding was to chauffeur my 94 year-old grandma (at the time) to the temple and then sit around for hours in that damn waiting room. In the car, we followed another car downtown that had a gag fake arm hanging out the trunk. My grandma and I joked that the people in that car must be dragging someone to the temple too. (I miss her...she died six years ago today at age 101.)

My jack-mormon dad, of course, didn't get to attend either of his sons' weddings. He refused to go sit around for hours needlessly though so my TBM mom lectured him about getting down to the temple so he would not be late afterwards for the photos on the steps, and NOT to forget to bring the camera. He forgot the camera. Mom was pretty pissed.

My most vivid memory of the day though was the icy glare I received from my beyond ultra TBM grandpa, who had come from out of town, as he came out of the temple. He shot me a look of death as he would have had no reason yet to think I wouldn't be inside the temple with the rest of them. He made it a point from that day on to remind me that since I was not attending church that I would be going to Hell.

I just love the "love" that mormon families have for one another.

Subject: Same goes here
Date: Jan 07 21:36
Author: exmo with mormon sibs

I've got 2 sisters and 3 brothers all mo. Couldn't go to my older sister's temple wedding even though I was a bridesmaid (the other one got to go). I felt real left out at the reception since it turned into a big morg fest, but the day wasn't mine anyway, so I was graceful and left.

My first brother to marry did it last year. He lives in another state, so that gave me an excuse not to go. My nevermo grandma says "why go 600 miles just to have some mints?" she won't go either if she can't go to the wedding.

My next sister is marrying in June this year. I suspect it will be the same. I really feel it's a waste of time to go through 2 states just to go to a reception. I do give money for gifts, so maybe it'll make up for not being there.

Of course, their thought of it all is "well, if you were a member, you could go". I don't understand how they can marry in the temple when NONE of their other family can go. But, what else do they do? So, I'll just keep on sending my $50.00 per sib, there's only 3 left, I think I can afford that. The last one's still in high school, so I'm good for a few more years.

Subject: Been there, done that.
Date: Jan 07 21:46
Author: Frustrated, but taking note.

I did the same thing last month. Flew cross country to be a bridesmaid for my sister's reception. I felt so rotten to be plunked down in the temple waiting room. How insulting is that!? My little sister's big day, and I couldn't even be there. Instead, I get to warm a chair in the lobby, while people like the damn home teachers (who don't even really know my sister) are allowed to be there. What kind of a jerk would come up with this idea?

Someday, when I get married, I insist that everyone who means anything to me will be invited and will have an opportunity to be there if they so choose. I won't shove out those I love, because of their beliefs.

Subject: To be fair
Date: Jan 07 22:01
Author: exmo with mo sibs

Me and my hubby got married in the bishop's office (I knew him from when I babysat for his kids when I was a member in YW, thought the courthouse was too cold impersonal, anyhoo) with only my grandma and his sister and NO ONE ELSE! We sent announcements since we told no one we were getting married to begin with. So, I guess tit for tat for getting left out, huh? I just don't like the guilt trip my mom gives out for not being at the receptions. If she chooses to be Mormon, she sacrifices family things same as me for not being mormon.

Subject: Little Sis' wedding was a drag (strong language)
Date: Jan 07 23:18
Author: kitcat

I mean my nevermo hubby, toddler son, and jack mo Mom waited outside while my Sister was getting married- AND I WAS THE MAID OF HONOR, DAMNIT!

The highlight was trying to keep my son (whose a handful) out of swimming in the fountain.

It was such BULLSH*T seeing my pompous TBM Aunt acting in surrogate for my Mom (doesn't want to go in the clubhouse). She was so smug with her self-satisfied smile. Oh how I wished I could have given her a black eye!

At the cultural hall, our old stake prez was coming thru the recieving line and he asked me "How does it feel?" with a weird look on his face, almost satanic. He is a weird SOB. He was pushing my nose in the fact that I married a nevermo. I wish I'd have kicked him in the balls! Weirdo!

All I know is that this cult DIVIDES families instead of bringing them together and it's CHURCH first, then family.

I hate this MOTHERF*CKING cult!

Subject: I remember at the age of 13......
Date: Jan 07 21:48
Author: Mandy

....I told my nevermo mom that I wanted a temple wedding. She flipped out and I just couldn't understand why.

Well, as things go, I am no longer in the Morg. 2 years ago, I had a beautiful outdoor wedding with everyone around me. Friends and family were there to share in it. It was August in Idaho and it was sooooo green. The reception was rowdy (one uncle ended up duct-taped to a chair), loud, and soaked in champagne. I would never want it any other way. I feel so sorry for family members who are left out of such events by a greedy, elitist corporation. If the tables were turned, how would they react?

Subject: Re: Brother's wedding
Date: Jan 07 22:08
Author: Dark Sparks

How about revenge. When my daughter gets married (outside the temple) we're thinking of having a big wedding without any of our Morg relatives invited, have lots of fun, party, etc...the normal stuff for a wedding.

Then the next day we will have a reception where we will invite all our Morg relatives, just a regular boring Morg reception. The word will get out that Morg were not welcome at the wedding...only invited to the reception.

Subject: Good idea, and don't forget to serve...
Date: Jan 07 22:14
Author: Kim

those little green and pink mints in the paper cups and a nice cup of Kool-Aid.

Better yet, serve "Endow-mints." They're easy to make. All you need is some Crest Mint toothpaste, waxed paper, and a pastry bag with decorative tips. Mmmmmm!

Subject: Thanks, you all have...
Date: Jan 08 12:14
Author: expatexmo

helped me to justify not spending the $$ to fly transatlantic for a dull mo reception. My dad will have my youngest sis to keep him company. And I will not have to endure a cultural hall type fiesta with red punch and cookies. I toast him with some Mumm Champagne on the day!!

Subject: I have a related ?
Date: Jan 08 12:28
Author: rhys

There are a couple of mentions in this thread about being a bridesmaid. I don't understand what the function of a bridesmaid is at a reception. Typically, bridesmaids serve a function at the wedding, so I'm at a loss to understand those of you that mentioned you were bridesmaids but weren't at the wedding. Thx for any explanations you provide.

Subject: Bridesmaids
Date: Jan 08 12:54
Author: Mandy

Bridesmaids generally play little or no role in Mormon weddings. They are just decoration. My matron-of-honor was Mormon and married and had ABSOLUTELY no idea what was expected since my wedding was civil (in some ways more than others).

Subject: If Morgs actually valued family....
Date: Jan 08 12:36
Author: U of U Cobalt

Then why couldn't they have a civil ceremony and then get sealed a week later? Then they could get their ritual in while including all of their family.

Subject: That would make TOO much sense, however...
Date: Jan 08 14:08
Author: Kim

...the bride and groom may then do "the big nasty" before they make it to the temple (like [if] they haven't done it already) and in all its hypocritical piousness, the Mormon Church cannot deal with that.

Subject: I refused to play the waiting game . . .
Date: Jan 08 12:49
Author: Schweizerkind

for the weddings of two sisters and two nieces. I have attended the receptions. My nevermo wife was really pissed that we couldn't attend our favorite niece's wedding.

And-it-rankles-to-this-day-ly yours,


Subject: My experience
Date: Jan 08 14:21
Author: larryex

My daughter had a temple sealing which I was not allowed to attend. This follows the temple sealing of my son two years ago. As far as I know, the Mormon Church is the only religion that does not allow family members (unless approved) to a church wedding. I regret not being able to attend either wedding, but I think that someday both of my children will have even greater regrets their father was not permitted to attend.

There is an alternative for the bride and groom; have BOTH a temple and civil ceremony. Unfortunately, young idealistic Mormons choose not to do so, because they (mistakenly) believe it will lessen the significance of their sealing. This could not be further from the truth. There is nothing in LDS doctrine that prevents this alternative.

Subject: Re: Brother's wedding
Date: Jan 08 14:28
Author: Owen

I had to wait in the waiting room of the St. George Temple this summer as my oldest son was wed to his bride. The only satisfaction I had was knowing that MORE of our family was out there with me than inside with him. Why? Because my wife and I have 7 children and you can't get in to see a LDS temple wedding unless you are old enough. So I'm in the waiting room with 5 of my children but I knew this day would come when I decided to become Catholic. The Mormon church had every right to kick me out of their secret ritual, but what can they say to my 5 LDS worthy children, all excluded and shut out of what should have been a family moment?

The LDS church is really stupid. They should allow and encourage couples to be married for "time" in the Ward building so EVERYONE came be there. At this time they could do their missionary thing, like they do at funerals when non-members are present. Then the couple would go directly to the temple to be sealed for "eternity" in a private ritual. The LDS church allows for weddings like this in Brazil where public law prohibits secret weddings.

I feel excluded from my family. Many times I feel like I'm just a "business manager". I feel like I'm just going through the motions of being a father. My wife blames me, I blame Mormonism and its lies.


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