Subject: A question....
Date: Aug 30 22:36 20003
Author: anon

If you are all trying to 'recover' from Mormonism, then why do you stay here and talk about it? Wouldn't an alcoholic who is trying to quit not sit around and talk about beer and whine all day?

And I know this post will probably get deleted as well, as did my earlier one. Once again, ignores its own claims to except [accept?] other views and respect them by disagreeing, not fighting. I'll hope you'll be more 'tolerant', or at least understanding, this time.

Subject: For some of us, social reasons.
Date: Aug 30 22:38
Author: Pen

Ever try to find an exmormon in your own area?

It's nice to talk to somebody who actually knows where you've been and can relate to you?

Subject: Re: For some of us, social reasons.
Date: Aug 30 23:03
Author: anon
Mail Address:

is it? Is a constant reminder of your 'painful' life and past so great? if that was all that went on here, then maybe i could understand. sure, it's great to have someone that can understand how you feel. But posting vulgar mormon stories and jokes and humour is hardly that at all, which is the majority of what i've seen here.

Subject: Your response lays bare your not so hidden agenda
Date: Aug 30 23:18
Author: Mojo Jojo
Mail Address:

I am sorry Anon, but if you were really sincerely asking, then I suspect that you'd at least try to understand Pen's explanation. But you didn't, you simply took issue to criticize it.

You don't want to know why, you just want to Lord your superiority over us.

Go away!

For what it's worth, I have a TBM wife who covers her ears and say "na na na, I can't hear you," when I try to explain how I feel and why I feel it about the Mormon church, about religion, about God. I have a family who has practically ceased talking to me since they've learned I no longer believe, when we do talk, they can say what they believe, they can talk about the wonderfulness of the Gospel, they can heap scorn on anyone who disagrees with them, but I must keep silent, I have friends who are no longer my friends, because they cannot relate to apostates. In short, I have no one anywhere, except on this board, to whom I can talk freely, openly, about what I think about religion, God, Mormonism, and all related topics.

It is a natural human desire to find fellowship with others who are like you. Everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere. No one likes being an outcast. I come here, because I know here are people who are like me, who have been through what I've been through. There is comfort in knowing that.

If this isn't good enough for your Or So Superiorness, then tough shit!

Subject: Read my explanation from earlier and realize that...
Date: Aug 31 00:01
Author: Pen

...I'm here to support people I care about as they make the biggest transition of their lives. I've moved past it, mostly. Others I care about have not. I'm here trying to be a shoulder they can lean on as they learn to adjust to life outside of the church.

Subject: Alcoholism
Date: Aug 30 22:38
Author: Zapotec
Mail Address:

Alcoholics have AA. Exmormons have RfM. Live with it. And, learn how to spell while you're at it.

Subject: but....
Date: Aug 30 22:41
Author: anon
Mail Address:

An alcoholic is addicted, and may need support to quit. Are you addicted to the Church, and need support to stop attending your Sunday School classes?

Subject: No
Date: Aug 30 22:45
Author: Zapotec
Mail Address:

Most of us have lots of years in that cult. Some of us are damaged by it. For whatever reason, we feel a need to talk about it. If you don't like it, then don't read the posts. Many of us have found it useful to vent, and then found it useful to help others do the same. Why should this bother you?

Subject: Re: No
Date: Aug 30 22:48
Author: anon
Mail Address:

Sorry if I offended you. I was just asking a simple 'why'.

Subject: "Sorry if I offended you." = passive-agressive. n/t


Subject: Bull!
Date: Aug 30 23:37
Author: Zapotec
Mail Address:

You have an agenda in being here, and you don't give a rat's ass whom you offend. But, I'm not "offended." Dinks like you don't offend me. They amuse me with their transparent posts.

Subject: Just like all people, we need support and love for who we are...
Date: Aug 30 22:47
Author: Pen

...and our lives in general. Everybdody needs a support system and friends.

For those of us who have Mormon family, they don't support us at all. Hell, most of us who HAD Mormon friends dumped us, because we're suddenly too evil to be around. Suddenly, all of the people you depended on and care about tell you that you're the scum of the earth and they don't want anything to do with you, or they insist you conform. Intolerance continues...until it is unbearable.

It's not support to stop attending church, it's support to fill in for the "friends" and family who dumped us cold because they are intolerant enough to view us as evil.

Subject: Re: Just like all people, we need support and love for who we are...
Date: Aug 30 22:51
Author: anon
Mail Address:

And you honestly believe that you find that replacement here? I have seen little love shared here. Wouldn't by putting the Church in your past and finding new, non-member friends who know little or nothing about a church you believe is wrong be better?

Subject: I've met a lot of people here that I do consider friends.
Date: Aug 30 22:53
Author: Pen

People who haven't been through this entire mess with their own lives don't generally seem to understand what being an exmormon is like. Some do make an attempt, but it's one of those things you'd have to experience first-hand to really understand.

I have never-Mormon friends. I value their friendships very much. I also value my exmormon friends, because they actually know what I've been through.

Subject: Re: I've met a lot of people here that I do consider friends.
Date: Aug 30 22:57
Author: anon
Mail Address:

And I can understand that. But wouldn't the constant reminder of your 'painful' life and past be a bit annoying?

Subject: Not really, no.
Date: Aug 30 23:02
Author: Pen

More often than not, my exmo friends and I do not even discuss Mormons. We discuss our lives, what's going on, just the usual stuff people talk about all the time. But, when we have family and such act badly, and feelings are hurt, it is nice to have a shoulder to cry on... and somebody behind the shoulder who knows exactly what you're going through and have been through.

My exmormon friends do not remind me that I am exmormon. My family and ex "friends" do. For my exmormon friends, my beliefs are respected and cherished. I am loved for who I am and what I stand for.

Subject: Did you actually write that other post or just cut and paste it from Farms? N/T


Subject: Re: Did you actually write that other post or just cut and paste it from Farms? N/T
Date: Aug 30 22:47
Author: anon

I specified in the other one that I copied it and reposted it, just to see the reaction to it and everyone's opinion. And no, I didn't get it from Farms, I got it from an article from

Subject: Tolerance of idiocy is a shortcoming. (nt)

Subject: Re: Tolerance of idiocy is a shortcoming. (nt)
Date: Aug 30 22:54
Author: anon

You are calling my original post 'idiocy'? I have asked a question to further understand the posters of this board. Once again, members ignore the claim that posters should '...consider alternate views as valid, valued and recognized. Please respect the views of others. Disagree, don't attack.'

Subject: If you really want to know what goes on here...
Date: Aug 30 23:18
Author: Red Wing

read Kristen's post below in this thread, she explained it perfectly.

Subject: Re: Tolerance of idiocy is a shortcoming. (nt)
Date: Aug 30 23:12
Author: Gatpomb

There are several different ways to ask questions. Many of them are for the pure desire of knowledge. However, I have seen apologists ask questions that would be thrown out in legal situations as leading, inflammatory, prejudicial etc. When a question is asked in a pure manner, the person asking it does not seem to have an agenda in the question. Let me give an example of two ways of asking the same question.
1. Do you prefer chocolate or vanilla?
2. You're not one of those people that like chocolate better than vanilla are you?

One of these questions looks like a sincere attempt to elicit information. The other is an attempt to inflame an opposing viewpoint. I have seen people hide behind the "innocent question" claim. Sorry, it just doesn't hold water with me. Many people on this board are intelligent enough to know when they are being baited. Sorry to disappoint those of you that think you are slipping your agenda past blind eyes.

And, on the subject of having people to discuss and bind with, I also disagree with your statement about not seeing the love on this board. Even when differing viewpoints are discussed, I feel respect for my opinions. I definitely feel camaraderie. I think of it as recovering from a serious illness. It is great to meet fellow survivors and compare scars.

Subject: Hey, anon. This is why people come here.
Date: Aug 30 23:01
Author: Kristen

1)They don't know ALL of the dirty secrets that the COJCOLDS leadership has worked so hard to keep secret. It's all out in the open here.

2)People don't know how to resign. You can get help here.

3)Others have gone through the exact same stressful situations in dealing with judgemental family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. and can help by offering advice or just telling you they understand. You'll notice the same type of stories posted over and over because most TBMs have the same reaction when people leave.

4)By getting help here, people get to know others and do develop friendships that go past cyberspace. As you'll notice, there are many IRL (in real life) get togethers where exmormons meet each other. There are people here that have been friends for years that met here. They go on vacations together and talk to each other on the phone. I've made a couple friends here that I email with regularly.

5)No one else can understand what you went through. No one else can relate. Nevermos have no clue what goes on since it's all kept so hush hush. Where else can people go get support where others know exactly what it feels like?

6)The COJCOLDS, it's leaders, and members keep doing stupid things. It's fun to hear about it here since many share newspaper articles or book reviews.

Does this answer your question?

Subject: Here's an addendum to answer your question about it being a reminder.
Date: Aug 30 23:56
Author: Kristen

Here's an example. Let's pretend that two women meet in a support group for women who were molested as children. They rely on each other, develop a friendship and become life long friends. Does being friends remind them every time they see each other that they were molested? No. That may be something they have in common that they can support each other on for when stressful situations from their childhood or family arise. However, that wouldn't be the basis for their friendship. It would just be the reason they came to meet each other. As with any friendship, you continue to find things in common to keep it going.

As with anything in life, there is a recovery period. You go through the steps you need to in order to get to a healthy life. You're seeing a majority of people while they're going the early steps. You'll also notice another group of people who are here to share their expertise and knowledge. I don't want to name them all because I will forget a name and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Many people have come and left because they no longer need the board. I am no longer a recovering exmormon and come to hear the funny stories, unusual news articles, new historical evidences that arise and hear how the people I know are doing. There are other people that do that as well.

Also keep in mind that people overlap from one group to another. One day, a person can be a well adjusted exmormon that doesn't need help. The next day, they have an emotional crash when a spouse, family member, friend, etc. does something horrible that hurts them badly. Or, a struggling TBM learns of the historical inconsistencies and dives into a heartfelt discovery of those inconsistencies and shares what they learn, thus becoming a fountain of knowledge.

What other questions do you have?

Subject: Because mormons are uptight goobers
Date: Aug 30 23:18
Author: Tyler
Mail Address:

And coming here is fun as hell to poke fun at, ridicule, and point a finger of derision and scorn at all things mormon, the culture, the hypocrisy, the shallowness, the conditional love, the judgments, the close-minded fanaticism, the pious self righteous and the complete lack of the ability of mormons to think rationally about the world about them.

Did I cover most of the bases? Probably the best reason to come here is when some clever exmo shoots off some sacriligious as hell joke that causes one to shoot their piping hot coffee on the computer screen, and to pull a groin muscle falling over backward laughing their ass off!


Subject: Re: A question....
Date: Aug 30 23:21
Author: Mogsot

I agree there is alot of anger at RFM. Anger is part of the recovery process. The length of time that the anger persists is directly related to how heavily invested exmos have been. When I first started visiting this site, I couldn't understand how Steve Benson could still exhibit so much anger after ten years. OTOH, look at how much he had invested. He was living in the inner circle of royalty. When you have invested much, anger is stronger and takes longer to dissipate. My anger is dissipating but still surfaces on a regular basis. When one recognizes that they have been told an enormous lie and that lie deals with the core of their life, strong, protracted anger must be displayed before healing can begin.

Subject: Anger lights the fire to see my path. nt

Subject: Re: I'm LDS
Date: Aug 31 00:30
Author: Fence Sitter
Mail Address:

Unlike the scripted control of the LDS church. This provides an outlet for people to have opinions. The thinking has not already been done here! I also doubt you are posting because you sincerely care about anyone's methods to recover.

Subject: Disagreement vs. Fight
Date: Aug 30 23:31
Author: Mojo Jojo
Mail Address:

Who says that disagreements can't involve a little [personal] now and then?

So, hypothetically, if I were to say that your post and subsequent replies mark you as an insufferable, self-righteous git, then could this not, under some conditions, be considered a disagreement?

Or, were I to say to you that your posts and replies evidence the intellect of a fruit gnat, then could this not, by some ways of thinking, be thought of as a disagreement?

Finally, suppose I were to theorize that the main reason you came here was to prop up your own lilliputian ego by putting us down, then might not some conclude that this is merely a disagreement?

Besides, it takes two people to fight. If one slogs, and the other doesn't slog back in return, then it's battery, not a fight.


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