|Subject:||Clone army - Son with treatable mental illness not allowed to be a missionary|
|Date:||Aug 20 18:49 2003 (mormon289)|
|Author:||Attacked by the clones|
|Perhaps I should post on the biography board, but
haven't mustered the courage to do so.
The new requirements regarding missionary service, particularly about those with mental illness not being allowed to serve a full-time mission, was the final straw that caused me to investigate my doubts and brought me to this site. Waking up to reality that the church is not true and a fabrication has been a huge relief to me and this board has been my refuge.
Individually, I am what you might consider the perfect candidate for mormon leadership, and I have had a number of important positions. I am a successful businessman (large tithing income), well respected in the community, and well educated. Upon arrival in a new ward or stake, I was quickly elevated to important callings in the church: EQ President, High council, Stake Mission President, Stake Executive Secretary, and every other ward leadership position. That was until a dirty little secret came out, that was completely out of my control: my wife is a manic depressive and although she is amongst the most faithful TBM's in heart, struggles to make it to church during her down times.
Years of moving from wards and stakes could not allow me to escape from her condition coming out. She would make friends and then the word would go out that she was sick and it not only tarnished her but affected my opportunity to serve, often resulting in my release. I'd sit in meetings, where decisions were being made by "inspiration" about calling people to positions, and there would be discussions like, poor brother so and so, he'd be great in that position, but his wife is sick. I'd just keep my mouth shut knowing that my name had been or would be discussed in similar ways. It frustrated the hell out of me. Why couldn't I be considered based on my own personal worth? I put so much of my self esteem on what callings I had and what others thought of me. I'd get so angry when my wife's problems eliminated me from "inspired" callings. I look back now and can't believe how everything I did in the church, including multiple moves to get a fresh start, were done so that I could get callings! Isn't that sick?
Other than the releases, I'd get very little help or sympathy from others, including my wife's family. They were convinced that her illness was caused by lack of faith, failure to read the Book of Mormon enough, and a load of other crap. The other members, besides looks of pity, did very little to help. What would start out as a promising new start in a new ward would crash down to a whirlwind of pity and obscurity, leaving me alone with my anger and a wife and three kids that depended on me completely. Through it all, I managed to start and grow a very successful company and even the fact that I had money was often used against me and my family as a way for others to justify the problems my wife had. ( A side effect of the camel trying to squeeze through the eye of the needle).
All of this pressure, finally lead me to separate from my wife. Everyone at church turned against me and made terrible allegations. We reconciled, but I had lost any standing in the church.
I tried to overcome this, but was left for the last few years with very bitter feelings. It finally came to a head when I heard the new requirements for missionaries. My son, a great young man, would not be able to serve some day. Unfortunately, Manic depression is genetic, and he has it to. He is such a good boy. He is in his early teens, has strong faith, and wants to be a missionary some day. The problem is, he doesn't fit the "clone" mold, and despite his faith will be relegated to doing something besides a mission. This will lead to questions about his worthiness and a life time of questions about why he didn't serve a mission: was he crazy or unworthy?
His illness is very treatable, but the Mormon Leaders, feigning public sympathy, behind closed doors, and in their meetings, want nothing to do with him. I wonder what would have happened if some of the great minds and people of our past with mental illness (i.e. Lincoln, Churchill, and many others) would have been discounted and not given a chance, despite of their may strengths. Can you imagine what all of us would have missed?
I became so angry for him. I wanted to lash out. It caused me to question everything and in that search for answers, I found answers unexpected. I didn't have to lead this life of smoke and mirrors in the Mormon church, constantly managing my image, because the church simply didn't deserve that consideration. It's a fraud, causes damage when it should help, and I could escape it.
This realization has been a huge relief. It has brought focus and hope back to my life. It allowed me to realize my worth, find triumph in my successes, and to be the father and husband that I need to be: Full of charity towards them, rather than viewing them as an obstacle to my church aspirations.
Thanks to many of you for your courage in facing these facts and helping others like me to break free.
|Subject:||Re: Clone army|
|Date:||Aug 20 19:14|
|Your story is very interesting. You would think
members of the Church would be educated and "Christian" enough
to move beyond the unwarranted stigma of a mental illness. I believe
everyone suffers from a mental illness to some degree sometime in life.
I loved our ward for one thing, at least. For some reason, going on a mission was not something that received a lot of attention from prospective missionaries or the other ward members. No one was ever made to feel inferior because they didn't want to go. I suppose the emphasis on a Mission is much stronger now.
|Subject:||Isn't it wonderful?|
|Date:||Aug 20 19:41|
|To finally find the truth and learn that people are
more important than church? Welcome to the board. Please continue to
share with others. I know I always hated callings. I don't think I ever
had one I liked. If I had the family you do, I would've made them the
excuse not to serve. Funny, isn't it?
|Subject:||Hey, there, "Attacked,"......|
|Date:||Aug 20 19:49|
|Thank you for your most interesting, thoughtful and
sensitive post....and welcome to the board.
I, too, have occupied leadership positions in the Morg and have sat behind closed doors and witnessed and, yes, participated in the gossiping and head-nodding, and judgments etc., that are never are talked about outside of the room yet which profoundly affect the lives of others. That, along with a number of other distasteful things, finally let me realize that a lot of "church business" is secretive and, though made under the guise of "love", is really quite control oriented and destructive to the individual(s) concerned. Church leaders love to be "in control" and possessing information about others to which most are not privy. It gives them power and a feeling of importance.
I share your disgust with this aspect of Mormon leadership and think you have every right to be pissed.
I hope things are going well for you now and hope that you will continue to post and let us get to know you better.
|Subject:||Been there...sort of...|
|Date:||Aug 20 20:06|
|My TBM wife, [and her Bishop] blamed her serious
depression and suicidal thoughts on my apostasy. If only I would come
back to the fold where I belonged and honor my temple covenants yada,
yada, sky daddy would heal her instantly, all said as if I had been out
carousing and raising hell instead working all day then coming home
night to fix meals, wash laundry, and sit on the edge of the bed holding
my wife's hand.
Gawd, I hate the way the church hoists guilt and threats on everyone. It just makes my wife's depression so much worse when they give her their "Bishop Phil" thirty second answers and solutions.
Anyway, thanks for the great story.
|Subject:||Watched that happen...|
|Date:||Aug 20 20:48|
|in several wards that I lived in. The old Bible
dictionary "despair comes because of iniquity" was thrown
around quite a bit. It really bothered me as well. Even though science
has shown that most cases of mental illness are because of something
other than sin and debauchery the church can't seem to get the old myths
out of the mix.
Rather than healing and helping those that struggle the church just inflicts more pain and agony. I also heard the counsel to read the BoM more. That counsel has led many people to leave the church when the "experiment on the word" fails.
|Subject:||Where do I begin?|
|Date:||Aug 20 22:01|
|I went on a mission; I first heard the Joseph Smith
story in the mission home. I was very green, as they called me.
I basically knew nothing of the church.
I am manic and major chronic depressive. They sent me, knowing full well I was ill prepared. The mission president wrote back to the bishop and wondered why I was even there...isn't that a boost to your ego?
Struggling with the church since birth, I can't figure one good thing it has done for my family! I was sick to hear that they would keep kids from going if they wished. But by damn, I wish they would have not let me go. It has been the biggest mistake of my life. I ended up getting married in the temple. What a farce. I have suffered with the church ever since.
My greatest regret was getting involved in the mind twisting episode of the Mormon faith. These people have added more to my mental illness than even my family want to admit.
I have had nothing but torment and heart ache from the leadership and members. The greatest relief I received was the day that I realized it was all just a lie.
They have turned their backs on me for leadership positions all along. But then came the downfall that all that I believed was just a facade. It was very heart wrenching.
I tried to tell my family, but by then they had bit the bait, hook line and sinker.
I am trying to save them from the guise of fraud, some are finding their way. But it is a hard long journey, and of course they think, well you know Dad is mentally ill.
But the truth is coming out, and one day they will see the mockery which the Mormon church has created. I have one down and three more to go...I will succeed.
If anyone reading this can, steer clear of the church…they are evil and will drag you down with their lies and deceit.
Wow, now everyone thinks I’m wacko I’m sure…but trust me, they are evil people and know nothing of compassion and love.
The best thing I did for my mental health was realize the hypocrisy!
|Subject:||Wow, what a horrible experience|
|Date:||Aug 20 23:33|
|Welcome and glad you could find some support here.
|Subject:||Thanks for the replies|
|Date:||Aug 21 11:42|
|I'll put my two cents in periodically. Thanks for
|Subject:||a horrid story, Attacked --|
|Date:||Aug 21 12:16|
|thanks for sharing it here and I wish your wife and
son peace. welcome.
I'm sorry for anyone suffering from any kind of mental illness within Mormonism, cos they won't find much succor there.
|Subject:||They hypocritical thing is ....|
|Date:||Aug 21 12:26|
|The hypocritical thing is that Mormon ex-prez
Albert Smith was chronically mentally ill and was hospitalized for it