Subject: "The best part of waking up is Folger's up your butt."
Date: Nov 27, 2007
Author: Punky's Dilemma

This is perhaps the funniest and most memorable RfM line for me.

I get more mileage from this story than probably any other story.

Does anyone know where it might be posted? I have a friend who would like to read it.


Subject: Re: "The best part of waking up is Folger's up your butt."
Date: Nov 27 16:51
Author: eloher      [note:  TBM = Mormon.  Mormons abstain from drinking coffee due to the "Word of Wisdom"]

Bwahahahahaha! Yes indeed, that's my story. I don't think it's been archived.

Basically, my uber-TBM mother was told to do coffee enemas by an uber TBM quack homoeopathist. It's "medicinal" so therefore doesn't go against the Word of Wisdom. Never mind that my mother doesn't have colon cancer, precancerous polyps, or anything wrong with her that would require enemas on a regular basis like the "Dr." recommended. His recommendation was once a week to clean things out.  Mom does then every day, sometimes twice a day when she needs a pick me up.

She was in complete denial about her addiction. She does an entire coffee pot directly into her colon where it is absorbed in much greater concentration than if she had digested it. One time, my little brother switched out her coffee with decaf and we all watched as Mom had terrible headaches, was exhausted, and had no energy. She was going through withdrawal- serious withdrawal. When we told her what my bro had done, she finally realized she was addicted, but that's ok, it's "medicinal" so doesn't matter. She's able to justify it.

As a teenager, I came up with that little variation of the jingle and Mom was about ready to kill me when I'd sing it as she headed upstairs with her pot of coffee. :^D

We had the most fun toying with her and dropping hints about her coffee consumption with her TBM family and guys that she dated. We were subtle enough that they didn't catch on, but we had fun seeing just how many different shades of red she could turn. Bwahahahaha! One of the best was when my oldest bro got back from being stationed in Hawaii and gave Mom a Kona blend for X-mas. She opened it right in front of her parents and siblings. HAhaha!


Subject: Can this get archived?
Date: Nov 27 16:55
Author: Punky's Dilemma

It's been like three years, and it's so memorable I find myself referring to it every so often.

It is a great illustration of intellectual compartmentalization about Mormon doctrine and "right" behavior. Sometimes it explains better than anything else I can say about the mental binds you experience as a Mormon.


Subject: That ain't right, that's just WRONG! ...
Date: Nov 27 16:56
Author: Timothy

Funny as hell though.



Subject: Probably a niave question, but It wasn't heated up was it?
Date: Nov 27 16:59
Author: Primus

I mean it was room temperature.


Subject: "quack homoeopathist"
Date: Nov 27 17:02
Author: Steve

that there is what we call repetitive and redundant.;-)


Subject: Coffee enemas are a very old treatment.
Date: Nov 27 17:06
Author: Matt

They work because the membrane is quite thin and the caffeine very quickly gets into the bloodstream.

Tobacco enemas (someone blowing smoke up your jacksy) were also popular for similar reasons.


Subject: I have never laughed so hard at anything on RFM before! Thanks! n/t


Subject: Re: "The best part of waking up is Folger's up your butt."
Date: Nov 27 17:41
Author: Fedelm

I definitely think this needs to be archived, as I remember it being one of the best laughs I had from this board.

Admin note:  It is now archived  :-)

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