Story # 3 Husband and Wife as The Bound
Story #3 Husband and Wife as the Bound
Stage 1. The need
The wife writes: "I was not very popular in school, ...
Stage 2. The Solution - Agreement - Trust
"... but among the LDS youth I found an instant kinship. ....I joined the LDS church at the age of 14 through the urging of a high school friend. ... married in the temple. I was 18, he was 23."
(During the first year of marriage her husband received his Patriarchal Blessing which "told of the many wondrous things he was to take part in and accomplish HERE UPON THE EARTH.)
Stage 3. Ambiguity
"Yes, but" ... "Eight months after that, my husband was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer."
Stage 4. Double-Bind - "Damned if do, damned if don't" - Reversal of Roles
"... during the last year of my husband's life ... he was virtually helpless and I was his sole caregiver. ... I had 2 sons under the age of 5." Her "sisters" in the Relief Society gave some help with her sons "for about 4 weeks." They stopped this help, they said, because her house was "very untidy," and they wondered "how wisely" she was "using her time."
(These "sisters" were using a "tidy house" as their prioritized indicator of "how wisely she was using her time." What was missing in their assessment was the basic human considerations of her situation ... the reason and reality of the real priority for her time ... her dying husband's needs, plus the continued care of her young sons. The other human element which was overlooked, was her own physical need to stay strong physically and emotionally so she could continue to provide for the needs of her family who were dependent on her. What she needed was help with the children, and help with the house work, NOT to have what little help she was being given taken away.)
The Double-Bind - The Reversal of Roles
If her priority was changed to show a "tidy" house to please her Relief Society "sisters," she would be "good," and "justified" in their eyes. (Which would be against her own best reasoning and the human needs of her family.)
If her priority was her husband's and children's human needs, her house would be "untidy," and she would be considered "unwise" in the use of her time, and therefore "unjustified," or "unworthy" of Relief. "Guilty." (Against the Binder.)
The judgment, "unwise use of time," without considering the basic facts, carried the insinuation that she was being lazy. If she were found to have such a "character" flaw, the "sisters" would then be "justified" in condemning and abandoning her, and, therefore, "justified" in shirking their responsibility. Where did this "principle" come from? Elder Packer tells us that "The Prophet Joseph Smith, when he organized the Relief Society said, "There is the need for decisions of character aside from sympathy." However, the decisions of character made by Binders are based on the unearned, manipulated "guilty" results of the Double-Bind. The Bound will always be found with some kind of "simplified" character flaw, which then becomes the whole issue; the individual human elements disappear by ellipsis.
The above systematic process falls under the LDS's general "principles" of "simplification and reduction" that we are told ...."must come. Simplification and reduction will come." ... says Packer. In reality, these "principles" become the "simplification and the reduction" of a whole set of facts which are "reduced" into One empty (negative) Word. In the case above, human facts were reduced into One ruling, a "Simplified," Sacrosanct Adjective ... "Un-tidy." Mormonism removes a mountain and leaves a mole-hill ... for a stumbling block.
Stage 5. Obfuscation - "Yes, but ... No, .... Yet IS" - Dehumanization - "Not Justified"
Packer continues with the "Yes" Agreement - Stage 2):
"The question is not whether they (the individual "exceptions") need help and comfort. That goes WITHOUT SAYING. ("But, No ... Ambiguity - Stage 3) .... "The church cannot abandon a position that has been taught by the prophets from the beginning of this dispensation." " .....There is a need for decisions of character aside from sympathy" ... (the Reversal of facts - Stage 4). ("Yet is, ... "The comfort they need is better, for the most part, administered individually" ... (Obfuscation - stage 5). (Each stage leads into another, and then compounds into a whole pattern.)
Packer does not elaborate on who will do the (silent and unofficial) "individual" administering of "comfort." Since the church and its members are officially being trained to be "generalists," the "exceptions" become "individuals," abandoned, and outside the "general" army of the "Rank and File." In this way, the General Authorities "wash their hands" of an "extraneous" problem which they claim they cannot be involved in, as these "individuals" have character flaws of their own choice and making! "Generally" speaking, those who could receive "help and comfort" within the church would be "cured" only by their total obedience to the "principles" of the Double-Bind ... (which caused the character flaws in the first place), i.e., they would be "cured" by taking their place among the "Rank and File" who are "all facing the same way" ... towards the Binder General ... by first, turning one's back to one's own Self, and then to other individuals who have become outcasts ... thus becoming one with the general corporate body. (For references in this article to Boyd K. Packer, see his Talk to the All-Church Coordinating Council, May 18, 1993.)
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A Binder and the Young Widow
Stage 6. Accusation - "Not I, but YOU are guilty" - Projection
This wife (as well as her husband and children), was abandoned by her general church "family," her adopted "brothers and sisters," and then left to cope with her dilemma as best she could ......
She was 23 when her husband died. "... about a year after my husband's death I began receiving letters from a man whom I had dated before my marriage, also an LDS convert. At the time of this story he was attending BYU ... the letters he wrote hinted at quite a bit of emotional intimacy, and he stated that he would be visiting Michigan in a few months and hoped to see me. He also stated that I was "the only one" he had told he was coming to Michigan. Well, he arrived as advertised, about 3 months later, but he wasn't alone. He b(r)ought a female "friend" along from Utah who later turned out to be his fiancee. After he told me he was marrying her, I told him I no longer wanted to write to him, see him, etc. ..not in a mean way, but I was firm about it. He showed up a few days later on my doorstep, tearful, asking why I "shut him out" of my life like that ..."
(This last statement was a projection of his guilt of shutting her out of his life. He was saying, "Not I, but you, shut me out." He was also implying that he expected to have an intimate relationship with her in "time," at the same time that he expected to have a wife for "eternity." In the days of polygamy, a man was allowed to have many wives sealed to him for "eternity," and at the same time, to marry widows (who were sealed to first husbands) for "time" only. This "idea" subtly lingers on in the minds of the Priesthood members today.)
Stage 7. You "Chose" the hidden "meat" - Punished for being Punished - Don't see this Punishment, see it as "Good." - Black is "White" and White is "Black" ... at the same time.
"The bottom line is, (I am not trying to brag here!) he desperately wanted to rekindle a relationship with me, but because I had that terrible stigma of being a Temple Widow, aka used merchandise, his LDS "conscience" forced him to choose someone else. That is about the time I wised up. I read in one of the "unofficial" Church books "Doctrines of Something-Or-Other" by Joseph F. or Joseph Fielding Smith, I forget the exact book, something about how "Yeah, if you really want to, men, you can marry a temple widow (Really bad paraphrase here:) but if you want a family that will last for eternity, then you must get a wife who has not been previously sealed...or else all the children you have with her will end up belonging to her and her sealed husband, etc. ..." And then I could see this happening to me over and over again... I am branded an Untouchable."
(At this point she discovered the hidden "meat" she unknowingly had "chosen." This new (to her) consequence of her temple marriage was part of the hidden "meat" she was not given before going to the temple. That was her first punishment; she had been given only "milk" and had made her "choice" on that basis, then later, she was held accountable for the "meat" that had been kept hidden from her. As a result of that insult to injury, she was "punished" again (Punished for being Punished) by the results of the far reaching ramifications of the now known "meat," which were:
(If an eligible young man was a True-Believer-Mormon, and he married this previously "sealed" widow, it could only be for "time" ... in this life. He could only have a posterity of his own for "eternity" if he could be "sealed" to her, which was forbidden because she was already "sealed" to her dead husband. "Yes," a woman can be "sealed" ... however, to "but" one husband only. "Yes," the husband is to be sealed to one wife, "and," to many more ... if he so desires. In this wording, the "and" is equal to a "but."
(Part of the hidden "meat" which seemingly concentrates on the fidelity of a monogamous union, deftly ignores this far reaching concept of Celestial Marriage which embraces, and requires, polygamy (which, they would have us believe, excludes bigamy).
(The image that the church advertises to the public, emphasizes visually the "Yes" of a happy to-getherness to be experienced in a monogamous, nuclear family here on earth, and, implies that the same will also exist in the Celestial Kingdom. "But," (according to the doctrine of Mormonism), this will not be the case; the hidden "meat" is that polygamy has been written into its design; husbands will have additional wives in the hereafter that have, or will be, "sealed" to him, creating general purpose relationships for populating their husband's new "earth" which he will inherit and rule over as a God.
(All such polygamous "marriages" are, however, members of the One numberless Family belonging to Adam. Again, "Simplification and Reduction" is the Principle. The numberless, individual, nuclear families on earth become, in the Celestial Kingdom, the One General Family of Adam. The nuclear family disappears by de-personalization; it cannot exist in a large, "general" polygamous herd of cows belonging to one bull. The great numbers of "wives" necessitates an absentee husband and father ... said husbands now becoming traveling studs ... his main mission being to impregnate his many wives.
(Wives and women, here referred to as cows, comes from Heber C. Kimball who said: "I think no more of taking another wife than I do of buying a cow." (The Twenty Seventh Wife, Irving Wallace, p. 101.) By the same analogy, as he referred to his many wives as being "cows," he was indirectly referring to himself as a bull ... a "stud.")
How this plays out in The Pattern with this widow:
Polygamy (the hidden "meat"): "Yes," it was a practice and "a position that has been taught by the prophets from the beginning of this dispensation" (with Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and others, both secretly, and openly), "But, No," it now carries a penalty of excommunication from the church. It no longer allows a man to marry a woman for "time" only, and, at the same time allows him to marry another woman for "eternity" as polygamy was previously practiced. However, this "doctrine," "Yet, Is;" it not only is looked forward to (in the Celestial Kingdom, as described above), this idea still exists and is embedded in the group-mind of Priesthood Binders in the church. The young man in this story expected this widow to be intimately "his" in "time," and, at the same time, to have another woman sealed to him as his wife, for "eternity."
Applying the results of this "doctrine" to this widow's experience, she was being told through leaders that she was "justified" in her sorrow (over the loss of her husband) and in her loneliness (having been abandoned and no longer "useful" for new studs looking for a Celestial Cow). She was being told "Yes," your cause is just, "But," we can do nothing for you." Again, she is advised by the leaders to "set aside personal (individual), human interests. This stage says "Simplify and Reduce." She, like the nuclear family, is to disappear as an individual entity. Packer advises one to see this kind of experience as equal to "a very, very bad experience in the second semester of the first grade".
This statement contains the church's doctrine that we are all to be considered, and maintained, "as little children" in this life. We are to stay in the "first grade" and live on white "milk" alone; the black, hidden "meat" of complete human sacrifice of self is not to be seen. It is covered up with "milk" words meant for children, e.g., "trust," "faith," "obedience," and the label "sacred," all of which, when complied with, creates the numbing state of no-mind that is required for The Pattern of the Double-Bind to operate successfully ... to turn the world of reality upside-down. It is designed to reverse the order of natural law, to see the true white as "black," and to see true black as "white," ... to juxtapose them, in back formation, together ... (at the same time). This is the dual mind of the Binder operating as the "White" Guardian, and the "Black" Enforcer; first, in a zig-zag pattern (stages 5 and 6), then both together, at the same time (stage 7).
A member of the church, having been stripped of the realization that she, or he, has a Self, becoming totally dependent on the Patriarchal leaders, then totally abandoned, feels the terrible void and deep depression of the "Black Hole" spoken of in some of these posts. For this widow, all seeming support and strength given by others, when all was well, was withdrawn from her. She was avoided when her individual need for support was the greatest. Caught in The Pattern which projects blame from the Binder onto the Bound, she unwittingly accepts the unearned "guilt" that results from "It is you, not I, who is to blame." This leads to the acceptance and submission to values that have been turned upside-down through the Double-Bind. Helplessness, and hopelessness is the result. She can never win, nor "do what is right." She cannot think her way out of this illogical "logic" ... (another Double-Bind.) Intellectual inquiry has been forbidden; it is the enemy of the Binder.
Stage 8. Bound - Love/Hate ("Voluntary Union") - Depression.
At this stage, the Bound still is reflecting the mind of the Binder ... even though direct contact may not be there. The Bound has reflected the mind of the Binder for such a long period of time that her mind, like a tape recording, replays all of the Double-Bind arguments internally when the right buttons are pushed. She can, even if she leaves the current Binder's environment, still be under the control of The Pattern. Unless she can see this trap, she will be drawn to another Binder without realizing it. In the case of this widow, "because of the very low self-esteem" she was left with, she "immediately entered into a mentally and physically abusive relationship, but that is another story."
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Next Page: Story #13 Wife and Husband as Bound
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