I offically resigned from the church three years ago, with the help of many of you on this board. Recently, I remarried a wonderful man who knows nothing about mormonism after a divorce that in part was a result of the fall out from walking away from the "one true church"

I don't know what it was that sparked how I have been feeling this week (although I think it may simply be that my new husband has no idea where I have been or why I feel the way I do about so many things) but it felt amazing to come back to this site and see that I am still NOT ALONE.

Recovery is a process. I thought I was almost done. I'm not.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for posting and sharing many of the thoughts and feeling that I struggle with each and every day. Thank you for being my friends, the ones I know I can turn to even at three in the morning, even when no one else understands.

I've been inactive for about 6 years, and officially resigned for 7 years.

Be patient with yourself. You are on the right track. It really helps to feel something, then stop and examine the feeling, and WHY you are feeling that way. This process of introspection works for behaviors, and thought processes.

When I first left, I had no idea how absolutely mixed-up my view of life was. A lifetime of brainwashing takes a while to get over, and you will continue to improve, as time goes on.

Also, you get over the nightmares and flashbacks--but my experience in Mormonism was extreme.

My advice is to love your husband! How great to have a fresh start on life! Sometimes, it isn't really necessary for your spouse to grasp every detail of what you're going through. Sometimes, I just say, "Oops. Cult flashback." and continue doing what I'm doing.

Yes, I've been on RFM at three in the morning, too. Sometimes that's when you need someone the most! We're here for you. Your name is hilarious!

I am happy that RfM posters have helped you. The best thing is knowing you're not alone in this struggle.

Thanks ForrestPal, I picked it because I will never forget being told in YM that it was ONLY ok to be dating non-members if you made sure your intention was to "flirt and convert"... It was our way of it being ok to step outside the fold (those pholders just didn't cut it for us) and still be good girls!
Not to mention my flirt and convert experience lead to my first disaster of a marriage... but thats a whole different story!