Awww...it's not just Mormons. Even Hollywood is knee-deep in that trend. Unfortunately, black babies/children are the least wanted and the most accessible to those seeking adoption. And, I personally think, it's great when someone who is good at loving, opens their homes and hearts to a child, of whatever race who is at risk. Especially children who are not wanted simply for the color of their skin.

What bothers me? The dishonest practices of many agencies in Utah in regards to father rights. But that goes for every race.

I agree. I know multiple families that have adopted black children. They didn't set out to adopt a black child. They just chose to adopt and the children that they were matched up with, by the birth-mothers' choice, just happened to be black.

Correct. I adopted a black baby at my most TBM. My child is 10 now. He has 2 best friends on our street. One is black. One is white. Nobody cares who is which. They're just rowdy boys.

My son is thriving.

;o)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2014 05:47PM by shannon.

But how will those kids fare among Mormons once they become teenagers and want to date the blue eyed blonds?

They'd fair just fine at my house. My blonde, blue-eyed, GORGEOUS daughter thinks black guys are "hot"...and even when I was TBM, I would have had no problem with her dating one. Everywhere are bigots. Every religion, every creed. I think they'd fair worse in one foster family after another...and another. A lot worse. Unless they get an awful Mormon family...but that also happens across all groups.

That said, reading the BofM together and explaining church history would suck! That alone, if I had a black child, would have pulled me out of the church. Fast.

I never know quite how to react to these conversations when we have them here due to this embarrassment: I love babies; black babies are all the prettier.

In truth, I would have loved to raise a black child. I hope that I will not be flamed for this. I did try to talk DW into adopting a 12 year-old engaging homeless boy I often talked to when worked in Congo. He had had a traumatic amputation of his left forearm, and it could have used additional surgery and he could have highly profited from a good prosthetic. But we're old, and she pointed that out, and it did seem like folly, and we never did do it. It was an opportunity missed.

For both of you. But what a beautiful thing that you thought of it. That you wanted it. That you cared about him and for him, and made him important during the time you had while your life crossed with his. Thanks for sharing, Chudgie. I kinda, sorta think you're great.

Well, there's no sense in thinking I'm great. I am a push-over for lots of things, though, and let my thoughts and passions clog my inner works. You'd be sorely disappointed.

In order to truly understand just how grinding (that's everyone's word for it, kind of sucked dry of meaning now) real poverty is, one has to go to places like that. I've seen kids who didn't even have clothes. Lots of homeless kids everywhere. They never have clean water to drink or adequate food. It's too much to put into words. So in many ways, I've seen to much and can't forget it. Situations are often hopeless. I liked this kid because he was obviously quick and bright, and cheerful despite himself. I thought that he could have made it.

Cludgie, I hate to say it, but who knows? Maybe it was for the best. It would be a grievous thing for parents, desperate to see a better life for their child starts getting it into their heads that an amputee has a better chance of making it to America and giving them even dim hope of being able to follow years later when child reaches adulthood in a land "where everyone is rich."

Sometimes, it's just hard to know what "right" is. I do admire your capacity for compassion. It's increasingly rare these days.

Byw, lost the other thread. What state was your rental in?

Oh, hey. Rental is in Central Washington town. Beautiful place.

I'll always carry some guilt about the kid, but it's diluted with guilt about the other kids, the so-called shegue. Here's a web site:

http://pix4notes.wordpress.com/2007/01/20/sheguekinshasa-street-children/

It doesn't really capture how most of the kids are only maybe 3 to 10 years old, abandoned because their family thought they were "sorcerers." In Congo, toddlers are believed to have more powers of sorcery than older children. Somebody in the family gets cancer, and the family members try to find the sorcerer responsible. They often take the toddler and abandon him or her at the river. European orphanages sometimes get them, but mostly the girls. The boys are taken in by other boys, and sleep in piles like puppies at night in the entrances to closed down shops and places. They sometimes beg in large groups and are in real need. Can't give them money--invariably starts a fight. You haul the group over to a vendor and buy them each a bag of water, a baguettine, and a couple boiled eggs. Then you have to run like hell to avoid an even larger group coming over for the free food.

It's weird, but way down on the site is a picture of a kid lying dead after being hit by a car (exceedingly common) in a rainy season rainstorm. I was there and witnessed that. So bizarre seeing a picture of it on the Internet.

My formerly TBM sister adopted a black child that was placed in her home as a foster child when he was an infant. It was the only family he had known, and adoption in that case I think was appropriate.

Unfortunately they moved from California to rural Morridor a few years later. It was a horrible mistake. He was raised in a horribly racist Mormon community. I believe that the culture in that state and in the cult created a horribly cruel and abusive environment in which he was raised. He also was also raised with zero connection to black culture.

On the bright side, he grew up to be a great guy, very talented, kind and personable.

Black culture is American culture. A very important part of it especially in terms of music. I do not say this because i am black either. Adopting any child requires a good deal of research amd empathy like looking at stories of adoptees especially when they are a different race from their parents.

I have no problem with whites adopting blacks. Blacks adopting whites. Onr day i would like to adopt. Children need homes and families. But Mormon doctrine is warped and screwed up and totally racist. Ideally it is probably healthier for a black child in a white family to live somewhere diverse where they are not the only black adoptee and away from stupid racists or people who are thick enough to believe that brown equals evil. Wtf!?

There is a huge christian baby-snatching business out there. If you buy a foreign-looking kid, everybody can see how holy you are. I live in my country's bible belt and over here, it's hip to buy a little Chinese (that's actually how they call them, as in "the Robertsons got themselves a little Chinese").

Mind you, I'm not saying that every adoption is like that but it's a growing trend and many countries are closing their borders to international adoption. That's why nowadays, they usually tail foreign aid organizations (if they don't have one of their own) and steal "orphans" from disaster areas.

Here's some background info if you can stomach it. My wife stopped reading about halfway through. Too nauseating if you actually see it happening around you:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Child-Catchers-Trafficking-Adoption/dp/1586489429



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2014 07:29AM by rt.

Sounds good to me. And probably even better that he is black as, from I understand there is a surplus of black children that need adoption and Mormons need a little diversity, especially in Utah.

I think it's wonderful. I remember, long long ago, when a white friend in grad school adopted a black baby. It was controversial at the time because the minority groups in elite schools thought it was condescending and racist. But one time we went to a zoo in a very black part of town and I was amazed at how "normal" (meaning not elite univerity kids) folks treated my friend and her family. They treated them with gentleness and respect.

More recently I learned that an old friend who is still TBM adopted a young black boy. We would not have anything to talk about given our conflicting views on Mormonism, but I sure admire that friend's decision. It's a strong family and the kid will do really well there.

I don't think I'd adopt a black child and rear her in the rural Mormon world. But in a diverse city, sure. Even in Salt Lake City, maybe, because there are enough good people there to make it work. The trend is great news. It tells me that like gay marriage, younger Mormons are becoming more and more progressive, more and more human. If the church has any chance of changing from within, it is through these decisions by people who no longer respect Mormonism's racist and gender-based teachings.

I think the diversity will do them good. Being cynical though, I hope this is not a back door way of increasing numbers of black members to attract even more black converts in the long run. If so it will be likely to fail, as black kids will have even more to swallow to stay TBM.

Also, I read departure story one about a family who left the church when the parents did research over questions that were raised when it came time to explain to their black kids the priesthood ban;this exposed the parents to other church history problems and burst the faith bubble. Parents who really love their kids are going to have some real issues to deal with, and unlike black converts they will have been exposed to the real racism and attitudes that only get expressed when a room or chapel is filled with only white face.

I think this is right. When people do things out of love, they make good decisions. Over time, that same love will force the parents to adjust their attitudes. It's just like gay marriage. The more gays Mormons know, the less likely they are to support the church's homophobia.

My guess is that the vast majority of white Mormons who adopt black kids will reject its racism sooner rather than later. They aren't going to reject their own children.

So they want to be like Romney, eh? A baby is a baby, but to do it to show you are not prejudiced is just stupid.

it's all about the intent behind the adoption. If you have ill intent, you are REALLY stretching things by jumping through the hoops that need to be jumped through to be an adoptive parent. That's a costly way to compare yourself to the Jones next door. I would think that if you're going to invest the money and time into adopting any color baby, that means you really want that baby and will love it. But who knows, I do know sick enough TBM's that would do it for favor and not for the kid.

This could be a good thing. The Mormons have a lot to learn about diversity. And maybe the kids will become exmos someday. One can hope.

Wasn't there a time when adopting Native American children was all the rage? For Mormons it's Lamanites.

yes, I lived on the rez for a long time and I know a lot of natives that were adopted by Mormons. They are the old new black I guess.

Former Governor Huntsman adopted "a little Chinese", and he posed with that child and his wife in all the campaign and newspaper photos. Where were his other chilren? I honestly think that a lot of Utah people adopt children of other races to prove their holiness. I see this as another step on the path to becoming a big-time church leader or GA (or governor or president.) It is like having a dog.

Not everyone is like this--don't misunderstand! But I happen to know personally, and have had meaningful conversations with, Mormons who are just following the latest fad. My friend's Japanese son won't even speak to them, now that he is grown up. He feels like he was just used to promote his parents, who turned out to be huge con-artists, and cheated many of our Mormon neighbors out of so much money that they had to sell their houses. It just depends on who the adoptive parents are.

Cludgie, many of us want to help the children in Africa, but it is difficult to get supplies to the interior, because of all the corruption. Friends have seen tons of donated clothes and food stolen right off the boat, at the docks. If you know a reputable charity, please let us know. (I'm not sure this is allowed on RFM, but maybe you could give us a website.) Do you know if the Red Cross has been successful? Unicef?

You generally have to find a charity that accompanies the shipment directly to the location, or one that accepts money on this end, and then applies the money directly at the location of need. the only thing coming to mind is Doctors without Borders/Medicines sans Frontieres. Catholic and 7th Day Adventist charities I think are a good bet. You are right--you can never in your wildest dreams expect to send anything to Africa. All items shipped like that are taken over by a local "big man," either a tribal chief, military officer, or politician-thug, and distributed for his profit. The LDS church can't seem to learn that lesson very well. They once tried to give a new stethoscope to each doctor who participated in a church project in a hospital in Kinshasa. It caused such a big fracas, and I think they ended up giving them to the head guy, and the next thing you know they were being sold by vendors on the side of the road.

Sorry, I don't want my daughter dating an american black. It's not the color it's the attitude. My great,great,great,great,great relative was a slave so I'm entitled...Right... I spent 3 yrs in W. Africa & my girl could date one of those good men anytime.

<snort>

;o)

smacks of racism to me.

Brandon Davies, a former BYU power forward now in the NBA grew up in my ward in South Provo. I don't want to say to much about his family out of respect cuz they are really good people and deserve privacy. Brandon's story is really unique and his mom is an awesome lady. His Mom adopted him for the right reasons and not to be a trendy "let's adopt a black baby cuz Mormon's love black people and I'm a trendy rich Mormon mom from the Alpine area" type of decision. From what I've heard about the type of life Brandon would have had, he's lucky he was adopted into a Mormon home.

"But how will those kids fare among Mormons once they become teenagers and want to date the blue eyed blonds?" - WHy can't they date the blue eyed blonds or the green eyed brunettes or the redheads or any of the girls they like?

Steve Trumbo (some of you may remember him from BYU Basketball) quite a ways back is my adopted cousin.