The Hero—always has a leadership calling, Bishopric, Presidency something The Scapegoat—the rebel, inactive periods followed by repentance? The Lost Child—the people who tend not to talk or participate, just have to show up because the wife or parents demands it, they would rather be doing anything else. The Caretaker—worker bees, always at every function serving or cleaning up.
I guess these roles aren’t so much assigned as they are taken on in order to survive in a sick situation, roles taken based on personality types.
So at the end of the day only the mentally healthy get out of Mormonism, so we could say when asked why we left, “Because we got mentally healthy enough to leave our dysfunctional Mormon Church Family.”
In the ward that I grew up in there was always a scapegoat. Every time someone would stray they would find someone to pin it on. Eventually it was my turn.
Even to this day (haven't been to church in about 6 years and exmo for 2) there are still people who blame me for there kids going inactive or apostate.
One example is my best friend who, as far as I know since I haven't seen him in about 2 years, is still inactive stopped going around the same time I quit. His parents of course had to have a scapegoat, because there's no way it could be their fault or the fault of the church. They would tell him I'm a bad influence, I'm leading him down the garden path, etc. Beside not believing and living my life my way, I'm not that bad. All I'm saying is that he's his own man, and if he chose to live his life that way it's his choice. No one made him do anything!
Of course the church can't see that. It's like being on drugs. When your addicted, you don't see that your not in control or that your a complete A-hole. Once you get clean everything gets clearer and comes into focus.
I don't have to deal with it anymore because not only am I free of the church, but live about 3000 km away from where I grew up. I just feel bad for the kids that came after me, who had to go through the same crap. It's a vicious cycle that I hope one day no kid will have to go through.
I was the lost child for so long. I only went to church because it was one of my husbands demands. I did anything to avoid praying (even at home), giving talks, going to homemaking, or any church related activity. I had nothing in common with anyone, so I usually just stayed quiet on religious subjects and bit my tongue when I heard something stupid.
Now I'm like the scapegoat, only I have never "repented" and returned again and again. My little sister is a whore because of me, my cousin was on drugs because of me, blah blah blah. Everything bad that happens in the family is my fault because I'm a dirty apostate. I'll never be happy, I just feel guilty, I know it's really true, I have no morals....SNORE!!!
Oh, sorry I fell asleep. The same tired old arguments tend to wear me out these days.
Eventually I got tired of the role and living up to the expectations of others, and just wanted to be myself. I think we sometimes still find that hard, because our TBM families and other associates still want to fit us into one of those boxes. The problem for most of them is that we just don't fit.
For example, I think my apostasy would be easier for my Mom to understand if I had left to become a hard charging, party animal. But that's just not my nature or ambition. So I think the rebellion against Mormonism is just harder to fit into her worldview.