How the hell can I leave? I am a 14 yr old, and I hate them! For so many reasons. Let me list why i hate Mormons

1. They are tearing apart my family.
2. They are the magic solution to everything. We wont see a councellor because of how bad Dad is acting. We'll call the bishop!
3. Money. 10% gone
4. They lie about their past
5. Rules. When I'm older, I'll want the odd drnk. I'll want to go out and work on sundays
6. I can't get away from them.
7. It is plain fake

Okay, I live a five minute walk from the Temple. 90% of the people around me are mormon (that is an honest to god true number). My only way away from them is when i go to my dads. How do i get away?

And prepare yourself for the future.

Pay attention in school. Get good grades. Get a part time job.

Save your money. Be ready to move out when you turn 18.

Prepare for a life on your own now as best you can.

Since you know what you want to do (be independent,) prepare NOW.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2011 05:50PM by WiserWomanNow.

I would add be sure and go to college. There is plenty of money out there to pay for it if you are willing to put in the time applying for it. You may have to work part time but if you want an education bad enough, you will. Grow a spine, don't look back and whine, wish your family well, get a sense of humor about it and have a great life. You can't control teh family you are born into, but you do have control over the rest of your life.

Most states allow minors to have input on whom they live with. Is your dad willing to get a hearing so you can voice your choice? My oldest son was 17 (still a minor) when I got divorced and he chose to live with me. When my youngest turned 18 he moved in with me too.

Just wonderin'...

Ron

You need food, clothes, and shelter until you're old enough to provide them by yourself.

So start preparing. That means do your homework, save whatever money you can, use your brain to reason and make plans. Don't make waves so high you lose control and crdibility.

Stay reasonable and civil and don't tell them the church is a fraud because they might make you be interrogated by the bishop. I'm sorry to say it, but if you're cornered by him, it's better to lie and not let him know you don't believe. That always leads to big trouble for someone you age.

It's hard, but you'll have to go along and get along for now.

If you're a reader, you can find sanctuary in books and on line. You can possibly eventually get a part time job on Sundays and miss meetings if that's bothering you.

In the meantime you'll have to learn to nod off when TBMs rant and in church. Good luck.

I spent 37 years in the Morg - at least you have a shot at having an authentic life build without the Morg. I know it's hard, but keep in mind that many of us envy the chance you have at escaping at such an early age.

Raptor's advise is sound - focus on going for a school outside of Utah and work for it, save for it and once you're there, don't go back. Go live life for those of us who lost so many years wasted in the Morg.

Definitely do well in school. Prepare for college out-of-state. You'll love it when the time comes, and it will pay off for the rest of your life.

In the meanwhile look at dealing with mormons as a test case. Many of us on this board have to deal with mormons all the time, and have learned to appreciate them and let the things we don't like bounce off of us. The skill of learning to deal with people pays off, be it with mormons or anyone else. And sometimes you even realize that the people you didn't like aren't as bad as you thought after all. I'm a firm believer that 99% of people, even mormons, are fundamentally good, even if misguided. Their fakeness and nosiness are methods they use to cope with or hide from the real problems that they KNOW exist. There are real people underneath. It's one bad apple in the early 1800's who's to blame, not most mormons, who are victims themselves.

I don't buy that 99% of people are fundamentally good. It's believed that 4% of the population could be diagnosed as a psychopath. Psychopaths are not capable of empathy.

And it is the "good" people that can do the most harm to someone.

Let's don't assume if people seem harsh and/or negative that they're okay and we're somehow to blame. Not saying this to anyone in particular but it's common problem with those who grow up under mormon control.

Did it ever occur to you to just pretend like everyone else? That’s what they are doing the only difference is they think the pretending is real. Since no one can tell who is pretending or not why not pretend? Like the above posters said your education is the only thing truly of importance right now. Want to fade into the woodwork? Become one of the “Great Pretenders”. You will get approval and some privileges that will certainly disappear if you are a bad Pretender. Love will disappear as it is conditional upon belief so pretend! Play the game “better” than them. Bide your time.

Read everything, hide what you must and if you’re caught with something deemed questionable just say “I was just getting their opinion so I could understand better,(which is the truth so no lies here folks) no worries, my testimony is stronger than ever!” See? It’s easy! And you are doing exactly what an Apostle said to do.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2011 07:22PM by AmIDarkNow?.

I agree with the above advice. Get very good grades, apply to out-of-state colleges, get a scholarship if you can, then once you are ready to start your first year of college, get the hell out of Utard so fast that even the Road Runner can't catch up with you. :-)

Stick with school.
It'll open doors.

Lie low and bide your time. Prepare for your future. Fake it if you need to (Joe Smith did, look at it that way.)

Your day will come.

And I just wanted to add -- welcome!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2011 08:19PM by summer.

and had the same problem. I was very vocal for a while but that didn't go so well so I had to lay low. The day arrived when I could leave and make my own decisions and I didn't wait for an invitation. I started working full time +, got my own place and kissed the church goodbye. Good for you for knowing what you want but you may have to accept the status quo for a few more years. Tough it out and get yourself in a good situation so you can make the move when the time arrives.

I had a similar situation when I was your age in the 1960s. What made it different was that my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and the county put me in an LDS foster home. My heart goes out to you. You'll always have us to write to, and that may account for something.

Observe and learn what you can change and what you cannot change, then put your efforts in changing what you can.

I suggest changing your thinking to what you do want (the good, the positive), and like about life, what your goals are (educational, etc.), and changing your attitude (find gratitude) and change your focus.
Keep your focus on your education,for instance.

Time is on your side. You have time to create your own World View and give yourself permission to allow it to evolve.

You are a minor and in your parents home and subject to their rules and home environment. If there is anything you can negotiate with your parents that will make a change for you for the better, see what you can do.

You can take negative emphasis off of yourself by being a helpful family member, doing things to help without asking, and being a productive member of society. Volunteerism is one way to do that.

Best wishes to you. This is a time of finding your place in the world and it will, later, seem like a very short time.

you are getting great advice here. Please take it and do continue to check in here often. You are at a very difficult age under the best circumstances but you will get thru this important time of your life. Good luck to you!!

You've been given some wonderful advice/tips here and it all seems in your best interest. As a minor you would need to save and just plan for your future. You sound like a very intellectual young man. And don't forget, you can do anything you set your mind to. Good luck, sweetie.

Here is what I say, keep going with the flow and "fake the funk!" Infiltrate the establishment, go on a mission, maintain high callings, become one of the "top 15" then pull the damn rug out from the whole circus!

Wouldn't that be amazing if that was how the whole thing fell?

You guys are some of the best people on the net! I love this website, cos you really care.

Other people who are teens have posted on this forum before and you should be wary of announcing your apostasy while you are under your parents care. Parents have kicked kids out and refused to pay for things like your first car or college tuition.

It would suck to be completely dependent on yourself at 18 unless you have a skill at that point.

Good luck.

Some suggestions:

1. There are worse ways to get a start in life than to grow up Mormon.
2. The hardest parts of enduring Mormonism are faced by those who are adults. I know its hard on the kids but you've got it easy in comparison to the adults. The TBM's give 10%+ of their gross income, serve in lots of callings, home teaching, chapel janitor, temple janitor, more kids than they can handle, etc. while their peers can build/live normal lives. You won't have to endure that.
3. Too many "apostate" youth in the church turn to drugs/alcohol as their vehicle to cope. Please don't do this to yourself. It's not worth it.
4. The hardest part of being Mormon is all the guilt trips and feelings of being inadequate. Even if you have to go to church you don't have to conform to those feelings.
5. The place where you will find the most exmormons in the world is where you find the most mormons. Look around you and approx. 1 in every 4 of those you think are TBM are really closeted exmos. And there are also those in your local community who just quietly live their Mormon-free lives.
6. I'm getting a little tired of all the "get out of Utah" BS we hear on RfM from time to time. But I forgive those who spread this BS because they probably lived in Utah or Davis counties so they're justified in their simplemindedness about Utah. Those particular counties (especially Utah) are just too "OMG" for normal people ;) And if you feel the need to get out of Utah when you're 18 then I totally understand. Places like Weber County, Summit County, and Salt Lake County are much better :) And they're full of openly exmo people too :)
7. So your dad is apostate/exmo? Why not confide in him? I'm guessing he'd be more than happy to help you cope. You may not think he knows much about you but he probably knows more about you than you do.
8. Good luck to you. It looks like you'll be living cult-free for the supermajority of your life.

Telling you that there are worse ways to get a start in life than to grow up Mormon won't help you at all. So take #1 off that list. Some other suggestions:

1. Be aware of how inappropriate it is for certain questions that old men ask behind closed doors of children (and even adults) in interviews.
2. Be aware of the brands/types of alcohol that Joseph Smith used to drink. He also liked coffee like me :)
3. Start setting boundaries with the youth/ward leaders. If they try to guilt/manipulate you into doing anything then start proactively recognizing this.
4. Don't make commitments to them. My favorite saying to the Morg leaders after I left was "I will consider your suggestions as soon as I see progress on having my personal questions taken seriously". Basically I wrote up a list of 10 things I found most troubling about the church with questions for the leadership on how they'll officially resolve them. I gave this list up to the Bishop & Stake President.
5. From time to time leaders would say "keep your covenants" and my response was "I made a promise before baptisms to have faith and to repent of any dishonesties. I did not make a covenant to sweep under the rug any possible dishonesties in church history/doctrines. Are you suggesting that I made a covenant to sustain any lies or dishonesty?" They'll never answer that one directly. Instead they change tactics. For example, they'll say "what about your family" or "what about living a good life" or something like that.

Heh. My parents won't support me with anything because I refused to go on a Mission.

Save your money, blue and score high on your SATs. You'll need all of the scholarships you can get. You have a difficult time ahead of you. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said, but I will add this; don't tell your parents until you're ready to leave.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/21/2011 09:54AM by Strykary.

Are you from a divorced family? Can you live with your Dad half time? I hear that you can petition the court once you are twelve for something like that? I may be wrong. have your Dad check it out....I assume he lives in the same city.

Best thing to do is have tons of nonmormon friends. They need you as much as you need them. My daughters grew up in Utah and almost no one would be friends with them...well, they didn't go to each others homes....for a short ime, my one daughter got to go to a girl's home who was one of 10 children. That scared me as I felt they were not being watched carefully - she was 5th grade then. So she did not go there much.

Anyhow, my oldest - 7th grade- at the time would have loved having someone like you make friends with her. Make it really apparent that these friends may not be Mormons but they are true friends and you will be hanging out with them. If mom doesn't allow it, just one more thing to tell the judge if you get to do that.

4 yrs. seems like a long time but you can survive and then high tale it out of Utah. The rest of the US is not like Utah. Find a school if you are going to college that has nearly no Mormons.....there are lots of them. Keep your chin up and sit through what you must. But give them a piece of your newfound knowledge every now and then so they can ponder on a few things. Mormons need educated....express yourself within the limits you are allowed and refuse to do any interviews. That is so ridiculous.

Pretending is painful but til you are free it may be what you must do. Then come here when you want to vent. Welcome and I hope your kind is the wave of the future. Mormonism is a hoax and all people need to know.

Focus on school, but get a job or two that will keep you occupied most of the time and give you the money you will need when you are able to make the move out of your family home. Read lots, or find other escape routes that will keep your mind active, but allow you to remove yourself mentally from your current life. You can think of those things when you are in a situation that you need to be in, but do not have to actively participate in.
If you can participate in something that you like as a job or extracurricular activity through school, do so with gusto.
Study, stay active, physically and mentally, and find things that will make you happy for you - if it is a worthy goal, take the steps necessary to make that goal happen. Instant gratification is not going to happen here, as you seem to know. Since you seem to have access to the computer and have found this site, you can visit and make use of the wisdom here. But as has been mentioned on other threads, there are mormons watching the site, so anonymity is going to be important if you do not want more personal pressure.
Best wishes, you are in a very emotional time of your life, in a society that thinks things happen immediately - you will need to embrace time and keep a level head here.

Woah. So many suggestions. I know i am prepared for any situation. also, on an off topic note, does anyone know what the "Big Guys" are planning to do sith CCNZ now its closed. I would love it if it reopened as a movie theatre, showing EVIL R rated movies. or as a DREADED public school ;)