(cussing edited).

Why do so many people need a NAP after church? You'd think they'd be ready for a walk or something.

I'd venture a guess that they don't nap most OTHER days. Don't get me wrong: Naps are great, and sometimes people need to catch up on a little sleep on the weekends. But Mormons are SO exhausted after church. Apparently, spending the morning at church is more exhausting than going to work all day.

Why do YOU think that is?

An LDS friend of mine was complaining about this the other day. She's tired of being stuck in the house while everyone else sleeps the day away. I told her they were probably exhausted from the guilt trip.

I'm going to invite her to go do something with us one of these Sundays. There are free things to do around here that I think she could do without feeling guilty.

Sometimes I would fall asleep for 3 hours when I was home. I was drained and exhausted. It is the thing I regret most, as I carried on with the meetings even though I knew it was making my health worse. I wish I had put my health first and stopped doing the whole morning 18 months at least before I did. I even spoke to the compassionate service sister, who was kind but that just made me want to carry on even more.

I think the exhaustion is due to strain of conforming to expected behaviour, the cultish manipulation of emotions, demanding schedule with a lot of people around and noise and children, no proper refreshment breaks, knowing you are being observed, being constrained in a certain building........

<<I think the exhaustion is due to strain of conforming to expected behaviour, the cultish manipulation of emotions, demanding schedule with a lot of people around and noise and children, no proper refreshment breaks, knowing you are being observed, being constrained in a certain building........>>

That was certainly the case for me! I needed a Sunday off once in a while because it was so exhausting to be acting all the time. I never thought about others feeling the same way, though. Maybe the difference for me was that my parents didn't expect me to be active, marry in the temple, etc.

It's hard work pretending to believe horseshit.

Listening/Regurgitating the same drivel of guilt/shame and all other Mormon nonsense combined with putting on a show for 3 hours straight takes its toll.

Keeping members busy is key to retention. It keeps people from having free time to think outside of the narrative given at church.

Thank you!
After all the bad stuffis out, I have to crash for maybe a couple hours then Im ok!

I had googled this hoping honestly for a last 1 person to relate

I think now, and hope very much, that is true for tbm's. That subconsciously the truth is working on them even when they don't even know it, ozpoof



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2014 03:12PM by copper.

Yes, deep in many TBM hearts I think that they already know the church is a fraud but don't want to admit it to themselves. So they don't peek.

Well, it was never just three hours for most people, was it?

When my dad was in the bishopric, he'd go into church around 7 or 8 a.m. for meetings. Then my stepmom would have meeting for her calling right after the 3-hour block. Or he would have several. There were times she and I went home, made lunch and ate, and then she sent me back to church with food for my dad because he'd been there for eight hours without eating anything all day!

Depending on the calling, you could be at church just as many, if not more hours than a regular work day.

Even so, I never, ever got out of the building within 30 minutes of the last class ending. "Oh, I have to go mention something to Sister SoandSo..." And that would turn into a 15 minute conversation, which someone else would interrupt, which sparked another 20-minute conversation, and so on and so forth. It was often an hour or two before we even made it to the parking lot. And then there would be a couple more conversations with people spotted outside.

To this day, I hate that shit. When I am leaving a place, I say my goodbyes and I FRIGGIN LEAVE. Hard to believe, I know. I think my parents made me allergic to dithering.

Anyway, couple all that with lowered blood sugar/wonky metabolisms from not eating properly and you have a recipe for exhaustion.

My wife returns home exhausted from church. She comes home to a home cooked meal, an upbeat husband who got farm chores/gardening/outside projects (you know, physical work) done while she was sitting at church....and yet SHE is the person who needs the nap...most weeks, she naps for over an hour while I clean up the meal and entertain the children.

this nap is required regardless of whether she takes the children to church or not...

Nothing will exhaust you faster than being starved mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Being bored is hard work. Pretending you're not is even harder work.

Did you ever learn anything new that you didn't know by age 12? Even when I finally went to the temple expecting the heavens to be opened there was nothing new. The handshakes didn't seem very imaginative, the dialogue was first grade level, and we got to see for sure that Mormon Heavenly Father wants women to be subservient to the men. Already knew that.

Oh wait. I did learn for the first time ever that Lucifer seems to have more power than the rest of the heavenly bunch and he gets a special apron. In full disclosure I must admit that that was new.

I get the same feeling of exhaustion now when I have to sit through long conference calls that are being held solely for the sake of the leader's ego and his need to hear his own voice. I just want to lay down on the floor and go to sleep after. Or have a drink--which is an option I have now.

We used to come home from church, buy a sandwich or something on the way home, and then collapse into bed for a nap (after carefully hanging up our church clothes, of course.)

I remember wondering why 3 hours of church made me more tired than a regular 8-hour workday.

Because it's the biblically mandated day of rest.

There is an emotional component to being exhausted.There is also the prospect of it being the weekend and your are in dress clothes and terribly bored.

I remember reading that JS told one his exhausted cohorts that the spirit wears you out but that you can get used to it. i mention this because being tired after church happens in other faiths.

I do feel like a day of rest is good for the soul. That for me included at least a half a day of sleeping and relaxing and hanging out. I still nap in the middle of Sunday, no matter what I did that week or how much sleep I got.

We left the church when my kids were little. Getting them to church, and getting them to behave in church was frustrating and exhausting.

It was quite a production getting them up, fed, dressed in their Sunday best, hair styled, and out the door, while lugging diaper bag (just re-stocked with snacks, entertainment and diapers), plus carrying supplies for whatever calling I was doing at the time. And somebody nearly ALWAYS messed their diaper, lost their shoes, or got hungry one last time before we left the house.

Once we got there, it was a battle of wills to keep them quiet enough to avoid dirty looks in sacrament meeting. After all, they WERE kids, and we expected them to be quiet during an ADULT meeting. Either my husband or I were almost always in the hall with kids, and sometimes both of us were.

I'd come home from church annoyed at the kids and exhausted. In fact, the whole routine started to seemed pointless, since none of us got anything close to spiritual edification from being there.

To be frank, 3 hours of meetings are beyond ridiculous for young children, especially when most of what they do is not age appropriate, and they are expected to sit quietly for too much of that time.

After the very real and very demanding work of getting yourselves and the children ready, and then trying to keep the kids corralled and quiet during Sacrament, You could hardly pay any attention to what was being said (often no loss) and missed anything of even remote interest.

I can remember coming home, getting out of my church wear and into PJs, and just flopping into bed and sleeping SOUNDLY. I would make sure to stop at Mickey Ds first and getting something of substance for everybody, if I could afford it, so nobody could whine and bug me about being hungry.

And THEY would have you believe that Sundays are beautiful and uplifting. Bah, humbug.

DH and I were surprised how much better we felt throughout the week after we jumped ship. We never take naps on sunday anymore. We don't feel the need. We usually spend the day out sightseeing, boating, or working on our hobbies. It's so much more rejuvenating. We no longer dread Sundays.

I had a Primary calling for nearly a decade before leaving the church. I like kids and I'm a trained teacher, but getting my class to sit still on uncomfortable metal chairs, be quiet, sing the same songs multiple times and then give them a boring lesson in a stuffy, closet-sized classroom left me exhausted. I'm not much of a napper, but I came home every Sunday with a splitting headache and had to sleep for an hour or two.

I think church is the hardest for children, which means that it's no easier on their parents or teachers. If the church would adjust what it expects of children and ditch its current Primary program for something more kid friendly, I think church could be a better experience for all.

After I stopped going to church, we still had HTs come over for a while. One time, he mentioned how busy his Sundays were. I looked at him and said "But Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest." I could see the cognitive dissonance spinning in his eyes.

Because it is emotionally draining to sit through three hours of hearing "You're special. No, you're a piece of sh!t. No, you're special.....You're not good enough. You're not humble enough. You don't do enough. Don't forget to pay your 10%! Shame on you for not wearing garments! While we're on the subject, shame on you for not going to the nearest temple. You're a piece of sh!t! But you're a child of God!"

Even if you believe it. These poor people don't realize how depleted they are.

I'm laughing!!

I was fortunate in that my parents allowed me to do whatever I wanted after church. However, it's difficult the express the rage I felt when I had to get ready for the three hour Sunday prison block at church. Every single minute was excruciating. I feel sorry for my mom having to get me ready and listen to me complain. Those three hours are unnatural for anybody, especially a kid.

People who are introverts can find it incredibly draining. You have to act like you are perfect and sociable for the whole time.

I am strongly introverted, but can be very sociable. Back in the days when I enjoyed going, it left me tired.

When I started hating it, it left me tired and very depressed.

I knew it was time to stop going when I'd go home at 2pm and cry myself to sleep.

Three straight hours of meetings would exhaust anyone. I don't know how Mormons do it. Or even *why* they do it.

I wasn't allowed to change out of my dress clothes even after we came home from church. No walks. No TV. No computer. No radio. No video games. No homework.

Eventually, you get tired of watching the same church documentary for the 1000th time.

Napping was literally one of the few things we COULD do on Sunday. My dad tried to impose a ban on that too, but that went over about as well as you'd expect.

Because church (ANY CHURCH) sucks the life out of you.

I was raised Catholic and just one hour of that crap left me worthless for anything else for the rest of the day.

God I hated Church.

I'm sure multiple hour sessions would have had me wishing for death.

Definitely!

I refused to let home teachers or visiting teachers come over on Sundays. I made it on several peoples shit list for that.

I despised Sundays beginning in early childhood. A teaspoon of guilt would turn my father into a raging a55hole--imagine a bucket that each and every talk dished out--you're not doing enough--you should repent. As a TBM adult I was 10 times nicer, but still irritable and mean to my family. I left and STILL hated Sundays. I'd try to get stuff done and meet tons of resistance from DH and daughters. Finally, I worked 12+ hours every Sunday for three years. Ahhhh.

Church was soul sucking, guilt giving, physical and emotional torture. Exhausting.

And people talk about Catholic guilt! I was raised Catholic and I never had to pack for as many guilt trips as I went on during my 13 years in the Mormon church. I felt like a big pile of $hit on most Sundays. I would leave wondering if others had felt the same way. Turns out they do.

Thank you for sharing!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2014 11:39PM by lovespring.

I have heard that most churches are actually built by Satan and that he is lulling people to sleep with the services that are preached today. Therefore, when you get home you fall asleep because Satan is lulling the churches today. He wants all to be asleep so that they are not doing what God wants. That's my take on it.

I never, ever liked church, and for three hours with babies and toddlers....it was an impossible assignment. I had been trained at the university in childhood education and childhood development, and I found the cult extremely insensitive to the needs of children and babies. Back then, there was no facilities for nursing moms, or hell, for even changing babies.

I remember thinking, I see that other denominations have play areas outside for kids, why does not the supposedly truest church on earth not have such facilities? Kids need to have breaks after sitting for a while.

I was often out in the church foyer, or more often, heading home way early with kiddies in tow. It was unbearable.

The LD$ cult demonstrated over and over to me, with the long block of time required for church, no decent facilities for the kids, and expecting youth to go on missions at the time of life they need to be discovering who they are and getting a decent education, that they did not really give two hoots about their members needs.

Yes, church mentally, physically and emotionally drained me and literally made me angry inside. Early on in my life I was filled with emotional dissonance, things did not add up. And then, I read Fawn Brodie's book "No Man Knows My History" and studied university philosophy, and was soon heading out the Cult door.

Boredom fatigues people.

What a great question! I wonder how members of other demoninations are after church; when I was a non-mo kid, we'd get home from church and play or visit with grandma or go sailing--a whole day after a *short* church service that was uplifting.

As a born-and-raised Catholic, we were free to do whatever we wanted. We would often stop at the deli on the way home from church to get cold cuts and Kaiser rolls. Then, once home, we would change out of our church clothes into something comfortable. We would have our lunch and then do whatever. My dad liked to watch football on the TV. Once church was over, it was over.

having the life sucked out of you causes exhaustion.

Stupefying boredom is very tiring.

RB

Psychic vampirism?

Maybe because it's Sunday and napping is encouraged. I mean, that's what I napped after church.

For women with kids, the Sunday marathon starts well before Sunday: washing, ironing, assembling, locating lost socks and shoes, packing the baby bag/entertainment bag, and getting everyone bathed and their hair washed. It gets worse on Sabbath morn when you have to cook breakfast, get everyone fed, dressed, and transported to church, then wrangle kids in your dress clothes for three hours while pretending to listen to excruciatingly boring talks and nasty gossip. That's enough to wipe anyone out.

Dealing with kids who have behavioral issues like ADHD can be hell on wheels at church, as can taking care of colicky, screaming infants or angry toddlers (or all of these at the same time). The block was literally a three-hour wrestling match with my kids that left me exhausted, angry, disheveled, and in need of a giant mug of coffee and some Netflix-and-chill. And that was when I succeeded in keeping them from escaping the building. I'm amazed we lasted as long as we did. Eventually, we figured out that Sunday was a lot more peaceful and restful without church.

It's an emotionally draining place. All of that pressure to be perfect.

Why would you go to church?

Because they didn't get enough sleep the night and weeks before Sunday?

Because they can't figure out something else to do that "keeps the sabbath day holy".

Because they take literally the Sabbath being a "day of rest".

In my day, you had to take a nap because no one would allow you to do anything else. And because you had to get up at 5am to make it to one of many sorts of meetings that began at 6am. (When I was young, we had priesthood for a while at 6am in my dentist's office.)

Anyway, you'd go home to wait for the afternoon or evening sacrament service and weren't allowed to watch TV, go play, or even do homework. Some families didn't allow you to change clothes. So many people ended up napping in church clothes just to fill time.

We had to take naps on Sundays when I was in elementary school for this exact reason. Well, mostly so the parents could get a nap. My mom deserved one after getting all the kids, including a baby ready for early morning Sunday School, getting hubby off to penishood meeting, planning dinner then coming home and serving dinner, cleaning up, etc. Dad deserved one because he had a penis.

But we couldn't play on Sunday afternoons since we had to go back to church in the afternoon for Sacrament meeting. So it was nap time. I hated Sundays. But as we got old enough to read, it was ok to just stay in our rooms and read. By the time we got in Jr. High, we'd have things going on with church friends in the afternoons and naps let up. So the younger kids probably didn't have to nap either.

I can't blame the parents. I'd have done the exact same thing and made everyone let me nap.

Honestly, I didn't read through every single comment yet, but I've studied burnout among therapists and came to the conclusion that inauthenticity can contribute. I actually did a presentation on how inauthenticity contributes to burnout because it takes so darn much energy. In this case, authenticity is defined as recognizing your internal emotion and bringing it out into your relationships with others (and hopefully being understood, from a relational perspective).

When this was posted, I realized the possible parallel.

When you're a TBM, you're not allowed to feel angry and you're looked down on if you disagree. You're involved in all sorts of inauthentic relationships all day long while you're at church. I remember this exhaustion. I remember being in Gospel Doctrine classes, never feeling like it was okay to ask any questions or really have an opinion. It was exhausting to stuff all of those feelings inside and pretend like I didn't have any opinions.

The church acts like a vampire and sucks your energy and will to live a real life out I've noticed. In my former YSA (the horror!) the worst was the marriage class it was like attending a brainwashing class in a dystopian novel. Whats missing is a man on the intercom droning "believe have faith lose your brain and happiness will follow" or "joseph smith is the prophet...the book of mormon is true..."

Just reading about church exhaustion exhausts me.
God how I hated Sundays. I'm glad to have you fine folks on this board who understand. Now I know im not the lone ranger.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/11/2016 07:05AM by aquarius123.

TSCC SUCKS the life outta' ya'

It doesn't put in as much as it takes out. It's unsustainable.

imaworkinonit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why do YOU think that is?

Confronting cognitive dissonance for 2-3 hours must take a toll.

Because it's stupifyingly boring!