Until the last couple of years I would have said that I've always really known the church is true. Even without any major spiritual experiences or manifestations, I just never doubted. I presumed this was the workings of the spirit / gift of the holy ghost / gift of the sprit to have a testimony etc.

When my eyes were opened I had to reexamine my testimony and it is now clear that my 'knowledge of the truth' had been effectively drilled into me from childhood. What hope do you have of developing a truly questioning mind when you are presented with such 'absolute truths' from church nursery age onwards? 2500 hours of church before you even turn old enough to serve a mission. Countless FHEs, youth activities, firesides, seminary, HT, mission and so on. How many testimonies of others have you listened to in F&T meetings and other forums?

Looking back it is no surprise whatsoever that I had such an ingrained belief system. It truly had been systematiclly etched in my mind and I was taught that doubting or questioning was of the devil.

I look back at my mission and the very many discussions that were taught to sceptical investigators who really didn't buy the whole far-fetched JS 1st vision / gold plates disappearing act. Of course they would inevitably ask us if we were born in the church or if we converted. All of my companions were BIC and despite our best protestations that of course there came a point where we still had to develop our own testimonies and we prayed and got an answer, the investigator would always give us that knowing 'ha, just as I suspected' look.

So, do I blame myself for being so sucked in to the Mormon mindset? No. The reality is that with my staunch TBM upbringing I had little chance of escaping, but I'm immensely proud that I did eventually ask questions, that I have managed to successfully reframe my thinking and that I will never again just bow my head and say yes.

I truly believed, but I didn't have a "testimony". The church was my way of life, my paradigm.

Until I started asking why I didn't have a testimony.

Awesome post, Sherlock!

Thank you, for the many of us who still blame ourselves for not seeing the truth sooner, and for not leaving the cult sooner, and for raising our own dear children in an evil cult, etc. Some of us feel such guilt!

You are right to not blame yourself.

We were just being good, obedient children, were we not?

Congratulations on your escape and your recovery!

this girl was BIC and just always accepted that the ( Viking ) gospel was true, and look at what it did for her, she was a true believer!

the vulnerabilty of youth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFqUVb1plbM

There's no way to see that someone else is controlling your mind if you've never been able to stand back and watch it from another perspective.

+1

I thought for myself in some minor ways but it was not until my 30's that some brain cells started to wake up and start an adult life.

It's hard not to blame myself when I see how thoroughly (and worse, how willingly and enthusiastically) I was taken in by utter tripe.

The truth is we are social animals and programmed and primed to accept our childhood conditioning so we can fit into our tribe and life and time we are borne into. Mormonism exploits this natural human trait to the hilt.

"but I'm immensely proud that I did eventually ask questions, that I have managed to successfully reframe my thinking and that I will never again just bow my head and say yes."

Good for you!! Yes, you need never bow your head and say yes again! And you can apply that lesson to the broader world for the rest of your life.

Cheers to you,

Human

Christof: "We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented."
-- "The Truman Show"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2011 08:58PM by baura.

Have you noticed that the new thing they are saying is that people read the BOM and pray about it but get nothing--no burning in the bosom etc. But then they realize that they didn't need it because they knew already that it was true.

In other words, the conditioning we have put you through since birth is all the proof you need to know that it's more than the conditioning we put you through since birth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2011 09:09PM by baura.

I was told a story once in YW that did a lot to help me out. They told us that convert gain a testimony whent hey convert and that many BIC are "borrowing" their tesitmonies from family, teachers, etc. They told us that we can be "converted too." I recognized that I was borrowing a testimony and then when I tried to "convert" gain my own it didn't really work.
I don't think they meant that to occur.

"...but I'm immensely proud that I did eventually ask questions..."

and you should be!

Awesome that you got out on your own.

You know, if one were to travel in certain liberal circles, the very idea that one would deny a child ANY reality testing from age 0 to 18 beyond the narrow confines of what was prescribed within the Salt Lake City LDS church's official view of reality, those folks would call you abusive and could think of nothing better than a society where they could call CPS and have the kid removed from the home of the indoctrinating parents.

I know in the homeschooling community, the idea that CPS could come in and wreck your family makes many a libertarian out of the homeschooling parents, makes them anti-statist to the point of driving them to conservative causes. But I digress.

It's interesting that TSCC has to tread a fine line between controlling its people through fear and thought-stopping formulas in order to continue to fleece them and to continue to have future sheep to fleece, and being able to appear upright, normal, and not too peculiar. There may be depression, suicide, homophobia, repression, young adults pushed into very early marriages, high bankruptcy rates, but that has to be spun with the aid of ultra-normal looking conservative, "happy" people, Boy Scouts, and puritanical abstemiousness from all manner of substances and behavior--"clean living," John Dehlin calls it: A nice patina on a corrupt controlling group.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2011 12:46AM by derrida.

sherlock, you should be proud. This is the very thing I worry so much about regarding my grandson. He was born into this. My daughter converted. So his brainwashing is in full swing now at 2 1/2. First time he says anything to me about Mormonism I am not going to handle it well. I best change the subject.

One day perhaps my daughter will wake up. It is her birthday today and I never dreamed on the day of her birth she would join a cult. I always protected her and then she went her own way at age 21- married a Mormon. Took three yrs. for her to give in to his family-she did at age 24- and converted (I know it was not easy for her) but she did it. Now her dear son is trapped.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2011 11:10AM by honestone.