Taking my power back means I was in the drivers seat. From now on, I made the decisions about what to do with my time, who to spend it with, which books to read, what foods to eat and drink, what movies to see, what clothes to wear, and on and on with no fear of repercussions, or disappointing some ecclesiastical figure who would chastise me for being disobedient to the Lord's commandments. That also meant I had no guilt or regret over my right to change my mind and build a new World View. I had no fear of disappointing God or Jesus Christ, or any other religious figure.

1. I repeated as often as necessary:
I am a free adult. I don't report anything to anyone. I can respect and honor other people's wishes as needed as a courtesy.

2. I own my choices to how I respond to others. No one can offend me unless I "take" offense, for instance. That's a biggie. I soon realized that when I took my power back and owned it, I had no reason to give any power to offend me to anyone! What a relief! The LDS have been taught to believe that people leave the church because they are "offended." There maybe many things that are offensive, but that is a flimsy reason and one that doesn't work when we own our own power.

3. I determine what is about me, and what is about someone else.

I will learn not to take anything personally, even if it is about me. Those that criticize and find fault with me, for instance, are telling their story, not mine.
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best.
(References from a little book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz)

4. Another important thing I learned:
I do not have the power to change someone else, or their beliefs.
It's an invasion of other people's rights to assume I have the right to tell someone else what is right or wrong about their religious beliefs. Or that they must change their religious views to suit me. Doesn't work that way. I tried! :-)

There is no need for me to make sure someone else "sees the light" and thinks like I do. We don't all have to agree. We can have different opinions that are valuable.

5. Being assertive required that I was clear minded, confident, and know I was on solid ground. I could be assertive in many other areas of my life, but Mormonism was like fighting city hall. It was all powerful, I was outnumbered. I was out gunned. Initially, I even had a quiver in my lips when I spoke against Joseph Smith! I had been a good student of Mormonism, and not speaking evil of the Lord's anointed! That sure stopped in a hurry!

6. Humor, laughter, writing satire was my friend all along the way.

7. Taking my power back means I learn to accept other people AS IS -- and show unconditional love. It's not easy, but it has a big pay off when I let go of trying to fix other people. This is a biggie for me, because I got the FIX-IT personality! :-)

8. It meant that I could no longer be bamboozled or manipulated by the emotional ploys of Mormons, or anyone else.
This also applied to the work environment. (Saw some of the same outrageous behavior there as I did with church members. Gosh, people's behavior is the same everywhere, just the faces change.)

9. When I own my own power I don't give it over to such negativity as: anger, hate, rage, bitterness, resentment, etc. as they begin to own me very quickly. My new rule: feel the emotion, and then let it go. I would practice forgiving everyone, everything.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

Anger and resentment take you away from love. Forgiveness is a return to love.
Forgiving is all about letting go--of anger, resentment, sorrow and the victim feeling. (unknown)

Conclusion:
Once I stopped giving the Mormons permission to manipulate me emotionally with their threats, and attempts to control me through religious notions, a whole new exuberance overtook me! Just the idea that I was OK the way I was took a bit of getting used to. But, I knew I was never, ever going back to that closed box of black and white, right and wrong, righteous, unrighteous thinking in Mormonism or anyplace else. I had snuck out through a crack, and they could not drag me back in! Ever!

Taking my power back has been a long process. After all, I had 30 plus years of trying to make me fit into the box of Mormon commandments and rules, traditions/rituals; wearing the dress that didn't fit, including the regulation 24/7 undies!! I had no idea, initially, now cramped I was in the little tiny box, and that there was a whole world outside Mormonism that was filled with authentic joy and inner peace! Hello World. Here I come!

Now I can't imagine what I was thinking at the time. I am so grateful I changed my thinking!
I understand how it all came about. It was a natural progression from my naive childhood religious training to being supportive of my mother and our little family joining Mormonism - with no clue what we were getting into. Why would we think it was anything other than just another Christian Church - which was highly prized with our heritage of Christian ministers.

It's natural for human beings to see the world only through their eyes. Changing from a concrete World View with little to no deviation, as well established by the heritage, family, social support system of the "tribe", to one that is open and evolving can be jarring and upsetting when confronted with different opinions. Learning the skills of a skeptic, using logic and reason in a new way can be difficult. It can all: feel wrong at first. Eventually, we each find our niche, usually through experimentation. We find what works for us as a former Mormon.

It's an exhilarating experience! Scary at times! Taking off the Mormon filter from our eyes and ears takes some getting used to. We often completely change our hair styles, and our wardrobe, discarding the regulation garments. The world looks much different. There are new ways of looking at everything. All of our thoughts and actions take on a new perspective.

Now, much of that life, is a distant memory -- with only the fun, good stuff rising to the top like cream on fresh milk!
What wonderful freedom! I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and I choose to stay as much as possible in a state of mind that generates love, acceptance, respect, and gratitude and fun and laughter. The more I practice those thought patterns, the more I change my world into one of freedom and joy! And that's what I want for the rest of my life.

"If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."
— Joseph Campbell



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2012 02:31PM by SusieQ#1.

How does that manifest in your life?