Quick backstory, when my older brother was in Afghanistan my mom had his power of attorney. He was out of the church but she paid tithing on his check without him knowing, and is now convinced that is what brought him home safe and got him back into the church.

When I was 16 my parents bought a car for me to drive and in order to keep it when I moved out I had to pay for it. They’ve given me two extra years, and I finally have all the money. But now my mom has decided instead of paying for the car the only way she will sign the title over to me is if I pay tithing on the value of the car. Because she believes I will get the blessing of a renewed testimony. As much as I don’t want to give any more money to the church I also can’t afford a new car.

Anyone else ever have someone try to manipulate you back into church?

That is so low. Jeez. I think that might be some special kind of manipulation that your mom is into. it seems like most parents use guilt and alienation to pull their kids back in.

This is SO messed up. It doesn't follow the spirit OR the letter of the law...

Usually the church itself only tells you that you can’t see your kids get married unless you pay the tithing tax. Your Mom has been pretty inventive with it.

When I was a teen I had to pay 10% tithing, 10% into a mission fund, and 10% to my parents. I remember a coworker finding out and saying, “You have to pay another tithing to your parents?”

My parents justification was that when the Bishop approached them about giving me a job (I worked for him) he said that it would “Help the family,” so now I had to help. Never mind the fact that I paid my own expenses such as clothing, school fees, etc.

That's beyond being manipulative -- it's despicable. In the same case as yourself, I'd shop online for a personal loan to cover a used car. If parent doesn't want to sign over the one you're driving, it can stay in the god d_d driveway.

your mom is doing bad stuff to you and your brother. My sympathies. That has gotta suck

Manipulative and sick.

Take your money and buy whatever car you can afford, even if it means a huge downgrade. You'll be happier in the long run not having mom's yoke around your neck. The only way to win is not to play their game.

"Mum, tithing is paid on receipts, not on expenditure. Do you pay 10% tithing on all your outgoings?"

Ah and your botrothr may only be back in the church because he feels owned by the church.

Oh mom. she is losing control over her son and needs to let go. Better said than done.

Wow, your mom's a master of manipulation! She learned from the best, though (the LDS church.)

If the tithing is equal to or less than the amount you would have paid her anyway, I would do the practical thing and pay it. However, I would write the check out and show it to her, but only hand it over once she's signed the title over to you. If she asks why, tell her that she reneged on her first deal with you and has not proved herself trustworthy. That should give her something to think about!

Otherwise, go shopping for a used car and use the money you saved as a downpayment. If you get a reliable brand and have it checked out by a trusted mechanic before you buy it (most dealers will let you do this,) you should have no more trouble with it than you do your current car.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/10/2012 06:14AM by summer.

Life is just a roulette wheel for all the churches out there. You pick 8 churches to each get 10% of your gross income. The rest goes to taxes. In the end if you got lucky and picked the right one then it won't matter anyway because you'll be fried for eternity for giving tithes to 7 abominable churches of the devil. So much for the fire insurance. But don't forget that Jesus loves you ..... because you'll make great bbq chicken.

If *you* make the decision for *them* to pay tithing, how can you think their so-called blessings stem from them? The lord knows you're a blackmailer and he knows your sons see you for what you are.

Good grief!

Are you going to college? My wife took out a little extra on a school loan and bought her old Accord. I think that's about the cheapest way to do it! If anyone else knows why that might not be a good idea, speak up.

I am so sorry you are being pushed around like that.

Actually. I think the best advice is to confront your Mother (calmly and respectfully) and point out that forcing you to do something like pay tithing or attend Church is Satan's plan.

+1

Awesome.

"Do __________________, or suffer the eternal or immediate consequences." So it's no wonder the believers also resort to extortion.

You should just pay tithing on the 10% they are giving to you... meaning only 10% of what you have saved.

This is sick, I'd like to understand how the church manages to brainwash people into paying tithing. I look back and want to kick myself for all the money I gave.

Call your mom on her actions. Tell her that mormons are supposed to be honest people but she is acting in a very dishonest way and damaging the image of mormon mons in your eyes. Yep, use the guilt trip on her.

Why dishonest? Because she practically stole money from your brother to pay tithing to the church without your brother's permission. Taking money from people is called stealing, no matter what her 'good' intentions were.

And dishonest with your because you had a verbal agreement. Tell her you thought you could count on her word because 1. she is your mom and 2. she's a member in good standing (yes, use it against her again). She is not fulfilling the part of the deal, call her bluff, tell her that if she is not keeping her side of the agreement you will find another alernative. Controlling parents, especially brainwashed parents, LOVE having some power to manipulate their children. If you tell you you don't need her help, she will be devastated because it will indicate to her that you'd rather have no transportation than give in to her demands. That's standing up for something, even if it means difficulties for you.

Then tell her that if tithing is so important to her, she should pay it from the money you will pay her for the car, it will be her money AFTER she signs the title over to you and she can use it as she sees fit. Tell her the church can get its money from her, not from you.

Don't give her any money until after she signs the title over.

And like they say, be ready to walk out. I know you may be thinking what am I going to do if in fact she keeps the car. I'm sure that with your gained confidence you will be able to find another one and negotiate it well.

Good luck,

Refuse. In fact, I would be tempted to walk away from the deal, even if she drops the tithing requirement.

Tell her that she agreed to a certain price, and you are expect her to be "honest in all her dealings" (that's a question on the temple recommend interview). And then don't ever do business with your mother again.

It's not a choice between that old car vs. a new car. There are other used cars out there, and THIS one is WAY too expensive. Your mother is manipulative and she needs to learn that you are immune to it.

Apparently your mother forgot that you can't force anyone to heaven. Did she forget the mormon ditty that "God will force no man to heaven"?

She is implementing satan's plan in an attempt to get you to heaven. She is acting like one of his minions.

As a mormon, she is supposed to be setting a christ like example. How does she view her actions as Christ like?

She is not being honest with her fellow man. She is doing things that cause contention in her family. She shouldn't be able to get a temple recommend if she answers those questions honestly.

Mia Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "God will force no man to heaven"

Right, that's why he created people willing to do the forcing for him.

nicole456 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Anyone else ever have someone try to manipulate
> you back into church?

Gordon Hinckley recites the MORmON incineration threat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xaYMdHNILw

wow. i would call her out and then stop talking to her.

Do you belong to her ward? Is she demanding proof you paid the tithing? Or can you just tell her you paid it? Did she say specifically you had to pay tithing to the Mormon church? Because paying 10 percent of the worth of the car to a charity you believe in (Boys and Girls Club/World Vision/Inner City reading programs...) might be a way to get your car without compromising your principles.

And extorting you into paying money to the Mormons is a compromise of principles - believe me.

That is forcing you to be righteous. Does she not understand that if it is given without your personal faith then no "blessings" will be returned? Speak on her level.

The car was purchased with money that was already tithed. THe church would get double tithing. Since tithing is the "Lord's" money, you could offer to have the Bishop mediate on the matter to make sure the tithing accounting is correct. I'm sure the bishop would side with her, but she might not want it to go that far and she might back down.

If I were you, once I had the signed over title in hand, I would tell your mother that you were praying, fasting, and considering going back to church. But after her little stunt, and seeing how being in the church has warped her view on tithing, you will NEVER step into a church again. Thank her profusely for helping you see the light.

Then mention that you will never forget this manipulation of hers...especially years down the road when it comes time to choose a rest home for her to live in. Haaa haaa.

well nicole456, don't take it. state your case, set up your boundaries, and that's that. don't get into the whole "buy your way to heaven" paradigm.


about your car you can go to craigslist.org maybe? to the college near you?