Back story:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,497449,497449#msg-497449

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,499363,499363#msg-499363

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,500245,501391#msg-501391


Things are on the upswing for me. While nothing is super great right now, it is much better than a week ago. I started this week off meeting with the estranged wife's lawyer.

Which is a fabulous way of starting the week off by the way. Seriously, if you just love Mondays, you really should consider meeting with another persons' lawyer before going to work Monday morning. Fantastic! Maybe you too can be yelled at by an overcompensating stranger that "This is my office and if you don't like it, you can leave!" At which point you get up and say, "I'd love to. This wasn't my idea to come here in the first place. Besides, it's not like I'm the one paying for this. Ha ha!" And then have everyone in the room suck air and go, "Will you at least stay to sign this agreement?"

But I also saw my doctor yesterday too. We discussed all the bad symptoms and he doesn't feel that messing with the meds is a good idea at this time. Everything that I was on was already finely tuned for maintenance - and psych meds and I do NOT get along. So don't mess with what can still work in the future. However, I will be seeing him weekly until I leave for Utah.

I'm still working out like a bo$$, but I did give myself all of Sunday to hobble around without going to the gym. And then I took it fairly easy on Monday as well.

I slept better Monday night. I only had a few convulsions - managable. And I haven't been drinking at all.

However, there is still something else that is really hard for me right now.

I will most likely never see my dogs again.

Somebody took them away just to hurt me; and they succeeded.

Try and keep the long view man, we're here for you.

Sorry for your loss with the dogs... Don't take the dogs from the man. (sigh)

Glad your drinking seems to be in a good place for now. Congrats.

I'm so sorry, Raptor! My sister stole my dog from me once just to hurt me. I was fortunate enough to get her back but it was the longest three weeks of my life. My dogs are my babies.

Many years ago I was engaged, and she and I moved into together; she had a dog and a cat. The dog was particularly friendly, a pit bull/boxer sort with some other stuff mixed in. I used to love to take him fishing with me...

So in letting go of the relaitonship (after a couple of failed reunions), one of the old boys at the sober clubhouse said to me, "Look, was the dog afraid of her?" I nodded...

"That should tell you something."

Okay, I don't know if that'll help, but you're getting a lot of support here. Shoot, Cousin Socrates even kung fued a trollish sort for you, and that guy is easily the gentlest individual it's been my pleasure to meet in a long time.

Raptor Jesus Wrote:
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> Back story:
>
> http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,497449,49744
> 9#msg-497449
>
> http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,499363,49936
> 3#msg-499363
>
> http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,500245,50139
> 1#msg-501391
>
>
> Things are on the upswing for me. While nothing
> is super great right now, it is much better than a
> week ago.
...

Pillows can't hug us back -- but sometimes they're about
all we've got. You sound like the type who'll make it
through to see better days. Let us know how things continue
to work out -- as much as you feel comfortable sharing.

Uncle Dale

About the dogs - hopefully they're at least being well taken care of. Good to hear that you're doing better.

Same here.

There are good things in your future (I looked in my crystal ball LOL)

Anagrammy

I thought you and your wife were on friendly terms? I guess not man, that sucks.

Oh my. This is not a happy time for you. No wonder you are having a hard time!
I'm so sorry about the dogs.
Hang in there.
You know what they say: "In the end if things don't get better, it's not the end." :-)
Life is tough!

Glad to hear some things are getting better.

Sorry about the dogs though. I don't know what I'd do if someone took my Boston away :(

Working out helps a lot
Drinking can make me depressed
Sometimes people hurt us and get away with it and nothing bad happens to the mean one in the relationship. They appear victorious.
I would rather be kind even if it costs me something.

Glad to hear you're taking positive steps, RJ.

to paraphrase A.A. Milne:
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, we’ll always be with you.

((hugs))

this really hurts!!
"I will most likely never see my dogs again."
I guess they go to the ex huh??? or is it your living sitch? I can not live without my two doggies! i might pop a tent somewhere if i had to to keep em...but i know sometimes you cant control what happens in your life! :(
I sure hope you get it all worked out RJ!! << man hug>>
:)
just sayin!

Lived in a tent for months because I couldn't get a place that would take my dogs. :)

Hey, ex-Mrs. RJ!!! How dare you!

I thought it was cool of you to stop in and post a few times, but no! I revoke your coolness. That is a very sucky thing to do.



Raptor, I hope you can work out visitation or negotiate something, but that is a massively low thing to have done to you. Shows you a lot about your ex. I'm sorry. I would have to work through a lot of hate and revenge fantasies if anyone took my furbabies.
I hope you catch a break from the suckitude one of these days soon. :(

RJ, I had an inkling about the dog situation. I don't know if it's because I've seen waaaay too many divorces or what, but I'm truly sorry about that.

Really glad things are looking up for you. You deserve it.

Carmen

I'm sorry :( I can't imagine being separated from my pups. Hopefully you can work something out with visitation.

... that there is no problem so great that it can't be overcome by an adequate dose of high explosives.

Here's a clue. You're funnier than hell, dude. If you ever stop posting, I will blow your a** up!

Timothy

We are here in case you need some local support! Seriously, if you ever need to get out, we are close by.

On the other hand, with a Monday like that, the week is just bound to get better!

Because I am documenting the symptoms - I want to document all of them.

While things are very much better - I still have horrible headaches. And part of that is my fault because I haven't been eating like I should. But even when I do, there still is a constant dull pain headache.

The other weird thing right now is the "flash" of anxiety I get.

When something comes along that would cause a little anxiety - like bad news or a small inconvienence. It's a burst of fire in my brain that quickly travels down my spine and across my shoulders and chest.

It goes right away, so I don't stay in a state of anxiety or rage, but it is still very physical and far more dramatic than the situation would deserve.

I'm sure these axiety explosions are what are causing the majority of headaches.

anxiety sucks and can cause a person real physical problems that are hard to understand unless you have lived them.

For myself I had to make a conscious effort not to get too worked up over things to avoid causing myself those physical symptoms and I keep a xanax perscription handy for more accute attacks where I feel like I can't breath.

For me I'm lucky I suppose I typically only get the physical symptoms when I allow the stress to go on for a little while vs. just a day or so but it has helped that plenty of medical personnel have assured me I won't just quit breathing from stress or for no reason even if it feels that way.

Sounds like your amygdala is working over time - PTSD can do that. Glad the flashes of anxiety don't last long, but they do take their toll. Do you have time to do some meditation or deep breathing for a few minutes a day? That seems to help me, but I do not have near the response you do, so could be too little for you.

Wishing you peace and happiness