We haven't been back to church for the past couple months, not that big of a deal since I've done that before but usually my wife would still be showing up. Now that we don't have callings, we are enjoying our freedom and our DD doesn't want to go either, so we don't.

Anyway, sunday before last, the bishop stops by to see how we're doing. I tell him we are fine, he keeps asking (seeming very concerned) how we are. I tell him fine. At the time, I had been outside working (in the heat) and was wearing a thin white shirt to keep cool. I'm sure he could tell I wasn't wearing garmies (he didn't say anything though). He told me who they called to replace me (as clerk) and I convinced him to take the keys with him (so I wouldn't have to drop them off anywhere). He finally left and I thought all went well.

Last sunday, our HT's show up (they rarely come and usually on the last sunday of the month). I was wearing a tank top, so I'm sure they knew I didn't have on garmies (they didn't say anything though). They were wearing shorts and sandals, so I figured it was all good. We just talked about building stuff since I'm in the middle of redoing the floor. No religous message. I had a beer earlier, so the bottle was visible in the garbage. I don't know if they noticed. I actually don't mind them stopping by to shoot the breeze occasionally, they're good guys.

Last night, the elders quorum pres (my next door neighbor) and the ward mission leader stopped by. They said they were just out and decided to stop by and see how we were doing. Had a nice visit with them, shooting the breeze, no religous message.

Later, after they left, a member of the RS presidency stops by to see if DD would like to be part of a mommy/daughter bookclub, since her girl and a couple others in the ward are doing it. Nice of her to include our DD, I thought. We didn't commit to anything. My wife would have to do it since no dads are allowed.

In all of these visits they told us how they haven't seen us at church lately, its good to see us again, and they sure do miss us.

In the past, we didn't generally have so many visits so close together. While it was nice to see them again, (they're all good people), we got the sneaking suspicion that something was up.

Are we being "love bombed"? Does this continue? I was hoping to simply go inactive... just fade away. We haven't told anyone of our disbelief yet and, hopefully won't have to, since religous beliefs should be a personal thing IMO.

It usually wanes and swells, sometimes for many years until you officially resign.

Resignation often calls a hault to it, but there can still sometimes be sporatic unwanted contact after you've officially had your letter processed and have moved on.

A pretty laid-back love-bombing but a love-bombing nonetheless.

I'm guessing they liked your family in the ward and will continue on for a while. Is there a reason why you don't want to resign? Because resignation would certainly be the quickest way to end that sort of thing. Eventually they're going to realize you guys are really out anyway. :)

Don't forget that in PEC all the "problem" families are discussed ad nauseum.

It's no accident you're getting all these visits. At least they are keeping the religious messages on the downlow, still, it is annoying to experience all the fake "caring" about your welfare - it's very off-putting.

So here's what happened:

In ward council you were discussed that you have stopped attending church. Everyone in ward council agreed to visit you to fellowship you.

In short, yes you are being love bombed. Don't worry though the typical ward council has the attention span of Dori.

Having been in ward councils, I know they've talked about us. I'm ok with them being good neighbors, concerned, and friendly just as long as we don't have to discuss religion. So far, no one has pushed the issue. Not sure what I will say if they do.

It doesn't sound like they will - it sounds like they are just there to fellowship in case you have been offended or something.

Having been on the other side of it, you understand that they can't read your mind. Where you are choosing to not be direct and try to slip away without confrontation that are left guessing. If you want to be left alone, you'll need to be direct.

I'm sure you're right. I was just hoping to be inactive with an occasional visit from the HT's. I suspect that if I give it enough time, they will leave us alone (mostly) and that will be ok.

It sounds to me like your plan will play out exactly the way you want it to.

We decided not to resign yet because we live in a very mormon community. There could be consequences that we aren't ready to deal with yet. We don't want our DD shunned at school, we don't want any work related issues, our families won't worry about inactivity, but resignation would be a different story.

I think we will do it someday, just not quite yet. We only figured out TSCC is a lie in Feb and we're slowly trying to extricate ourselves.

eternal1 Wrote:
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> In all of these visits they told us how they haven't seen us at church lately, its good to see us again, and they sure do miss us.

Did they miss you enough to invite you out to dinner, or a round of golf, or a barbeque, or a couples date? That's how normal friends and neighbors behave.

Oh, right. They didn't miss you THAT much.

Sounds like you are being discussed in some meetings and they made your family a ward project lol.

They'll tire of it eventually - until there is another talk by a GA to mobilize the troops.

The answer is YES, you are being love-bombed.

Next they will go after your daughter.

Good luck, you'll need it.

Thanks, they are already going after her. Lots of invites to activity days, primary teacher leaving notes on the door and bringing by doughnuts. Luckily, she doesn't want to go, and we don't make her.

They will definitely continue to persue her even after they've given up on you.

But this is a great teaching opportunity! Talk to her about how to recognize fake friendships vs genuine friendships and people with hidden agendas. Talk about emotional manipulation and how to counter it. Help her come up with funny one-liners to foist off the persistent but insincere "friends".

Good luck.

You are!

I haven't been to church at all for the last three months and have had people come by, it's funny how they say the same:

how are you
great to see you
glad you're fine
we miss you
glad you're fine
bye

No mention of church, at all. I sometimes will ask, how's the ward, what's new. It's like they are afraid or must be really cautious.

Nobody dares to ask the question, why did you stop coming? I guess they figure I'm going through a phase o being offended and will find my way back. lol

I find it so odd. Why do they call or stop by to just say hi an nice seein' ya. Are they looking for some good gossip to take back? funny, some have come I'm wearing a top and it's obvious I'm not wearing garments. I wonder if that has made it to the ward council yet. =)

Exactly! That was the same conversation I had. I think when the bishop came by, he noticed I didn't have garments on, so, he sent the minions. My wife quit her calling due to health concerns, so, they are asking if she's ok, but, they've never sent the minions before, so, I think something else triggered that, possibly my lack of garments.

My husband was bishop when I learned the church is a fraud. I kept going until he was released. I have not attended church since January and no love bombing. I guess if he can't get me to go to church as a former bishop they don't see any hope. I kinda like that.

With a TBM spouse you just get constant love bombings... guess that could be a good thing if you play your cards right. :>

You were likely the 20th one down on the inactives list.

Sounds like a love-bombing, albeit a friendly one.

My love-bombing began last week, but so far it's been heavy on the bombing and light on the love. For example, I've been told that I'm setting a bad example by not attending church activities, told that I'm letting my family down (they're all exmos, but my ward doesn't know that), and asked if I'm fornicating (I wish). Now that the "For Sale" sign has gone up in front of my building, hopefully they'll realize I'm trying to move and will back off a little.

"Well, in my mind I'm fornicating with you right now."

All the better if they are the same sex.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I wish I'd thought of that! The RS president was the one who asked me such a totally inappropriate question--she's super judgemental, and that reply would have floored her.

With the word "fornicating" I just can't get Dana Carvey's church lady out of my head. "Could it be SATAN?!?!"

If you really want to fade away, stop letting them in and avoid them. They'll get the message

In other churches, that's what they do at most.

They stop by and see how you are doing. And that's all. I think you are pretty lucky because none of those visitors seems "pushy."

I think your name must have come up in Ward Council Meeting, and a plan was formed to re-activate you. It just so happened that your ward is relatively light-handed on this. In my previous wards, it would be a lot worse.....

Well, just hope that it eventually peters down to just cookies showing up on your doorstep around Christmas time.

eternal1 Wrote:
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We haven't told anyone of our disbelief yet
> and, hopefully won't have to, since religous
> beliefs should be a personal thing IMO.


There's the rub. Beliefs should be personal, but b/c you've been baptized into the mormon belief system and worked on that behalf, and b/c there are no real boundaries set up within mormonism in this area; it doesn't apply in this situation. As you well know the beliefs are a main pillar of many tbm's life. That is the thing they all have as common ground. You are a part of that flock and the leaders in turn have a responsibility to lead their sheep involving beliefs through the ranks of h.t.'s v.t.'s and other roles.

Trying to get away from discussing where you are at in those beliefs by calling them personal is not going to fit into the regime of mormonism.

Are you quite sure you aren't hiding behind the "it's personal" shield rather than just admittedly being afraid of coming "out" to them all?
I used to be very afraid of confrontation when discussing why I didn't believe those beliefs anymore. The more I allowed myself to discuss it (when others initiated it) the more comfortable I became and the less I hid behind such sayings as, "it's nobodies business" etc. Now I find sharing my personal beliefs is no different than sharing my favorite color, my favorite vacation spot, favorite food or any other ideas I may have.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2012 02:40PM by dec.