10. Have a massive clearance sale at City Creek just for Swedes.

9. Purchase SAAB's assets and give every member a new car for every year they attend meetings and pay tithing.

8. Tell them that masturbation is no longer sin, and hopefully they'll be so distracted they won't notice the truth.

7. Send special "minder" couple missionaries to watch over them and make sure they aren't exposed to "unworthy" information.

6. Reintroduce blood atonement.

5. Install special software on members' computers so that whenever they try to access critical web sites, Richard G. Scott appears on the screen, staring soulfully and saying, "I plead with you not to do this."

4. Provide free membership to Dieter Uchtdorf's tanning salon.

3. Two words: Reparative Therapy.

2. Give members a choice between attending church or being forced to read "Thomas Monson: To the Rescue" over and over.

1. Teach the truth about the church's history and truth claims. Oh, wait, what was I thinking?

...because I was laughing so hard while reading this I started crying. They were laughing because I was laughing. Man. This was good. Thank you.

I bow to your glory.

Also, I think 8-10 should apply to anyone who is/was active in the church past the age of 16.

Those folks used to get into their ships and go to Scotland to rape & plunder my ancestors. Did they quit doing that?

"Provide free membership to Dieter Uchtdorf's tanning salon."

Laughing my effing @ss off~~~ LOL LOL LOL