I've been out of the church about 13 years, but wy wife and two kids have stayed. My son was lucky to get into BYU. He's had a good experience there even though I knew being at BYU guaranteed a mission.

It's really important to me that he have a foreign experience on his mission. My wife, too, wants that for him. I told him to tell his Bish and SP that his apostate father insists that he go foreign. He told them he'd go wherever he was needed...obey, obey, obey.

He just got his mission call to Minnesota.

I am not happy. Even my wife is unhappy. Son seems fine with it. Seems like all his friends are going to Europe or Africa.

I want to write a letter to the missionary department telling them I'm the father, I view this assignment to Minnesota as not being in son's best interest, and suggesting that the Morg can pay for his mission if that's where they want to send him. I will make clear that my son does not know I am writing this letter and, if he did, he would be mortified. On the other hand, if they have need for a young man of his talents in a foreign country, I would pay for the mission.

What do you think would happen?

Should I intervene in this way?

Is there anything else I can do besides put on a happy face?

Eddie

I think it is very unlikely that they would change his call based on your letter. However, I can't see that it would hurt to try.

What if they tell him he can't go on any mission at all then? Would your son be mad at you?

Why would you pay for any of it?! The church can pay for it. All they are going to do is turn your kid against you. You might get lucky, and he might see the church for the pile of crap that it is, I hope. At any rate I wish him the best. Missions suck.

Why not pay for him to study abroad for a year? Why pay for the mission? The church has so much cash, they can afford a mall.

Let me get this straight. Your son has been assigned to Minnesota, where he will be safe from most violence, be well-fed, have access to good health care if he gets sick, and will not need his passport to get home if he realizes that he's selling snake oil. You'd prefer that he go overseas, which these days means he'd have a high probability of being sent to a third-world country. There he will likely face violent crime (either because of economic disparity or anti-American feelings), may not have enough to eat, will have poor health care, and be at the mercy of the LDS if he wants to come home early.

Your son hit the mission call jackpot. Leave it be.

Have to agree with this. Your son will be taken care of and will be close enough that you can get in the car and be "in the mission field" quickly and easily if needed. Don't try and fight this - your son can always go on a study abroad when he returns to college to experience a foreign culture. Count your blessings on this one.

My sister was on her mission stateside 7 years ago. She was almost 24 when she went, & had some college & had lived by herself in a big city. When she went on her mission, she lived in squalor, ate horrible food, didn't have enough for food most of the time, & wasn't allowed to ride a bike or drive a car. & fell on the ice a lot during the winter time, even though she was wearing proper winter boots.

I grew up in MN - outside the Twin Cities. Honestly, it's exactly as mysid said. Do you know where exactly he will be first?
Advice: Make sure he has a good pair of boots and a good jacket.
Missionaries are well fed by members there. The healthcare is great. People are mostly pretty nice.

first: To allow member imput would be to violate one of the cardinal rules of a theological cult. That is "no one volunteers for anything". All jobs MUST be from inspiration.
Second: It would create a political atmosphere causing the conflict between the classes in the cult.
Third: No one is going to tell the big 15 how to run the cult.

Eddie,

"He's on a mission from Gawd"...

Only Gawd can change the inspiration that sends him to 10,000 lakes...

I'd rather see him stateside than in some fuggin 3rd world country that will make him gird up his loins and wish he was in Minnesota...

If you are the one paying for this mission I'd say STOP.
The cult can pay for its own sales force.

Offer to pay for his college instead of wasting his time and your money.

I know people who botched their testing at the MTC on purpose so they wouldn't leave the country. Perhaps this is why he is happy to go to Minnesota.

In the 90's, my brother received a mission call to the next state that was less than a 4 hour drive from home. My dad was angry and really wanted him to go on a foreign mission like all his friends. They requested a change, but the new mission call was still in the states. The church likes to have the upper hand. You can ask for a change, but you might not like the change either.

Eddie,

You say you've been out of the church for 13 years. I'm assuming you are no longer Mormon because you know it's a fake church. So why would you send your son out to lie to people in hopes that they will join a fake church? This makes no sense. If you want your son to travel to Europe, then send him there to travel and learn, not to lie to people.

I believe it can be changed. When I received my call they had put my availability date to go to the MTC sooner than I could go. When I called to let them know I wasn't able to go that soon the lady quite annoyed said. Did you want to change your call? I told her I was fine with the call but the date was wrong. But, from her tone it sounded like it probably happens more often then one would think. I think it's funny that I remember when and where I was when I called because I thought her reaction to my call was a little strange and with a bit of an attitute.

You are paying for the mission so I don't see why they would care. But on your application they ask a lot of questions to see if you are a good candidate for going foreign. IF you know a language, what nationality you are etc. Also they are keeping missionaries with any disability, mental/emotional or other wise state side.

Good point about the fact they probably will not let YOU chose where he goes. So if you request a change they may send him to mongolia or somewhere really remote and scary. Or some other state side mission of their choosing.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2013 07:50PM by luvcake.

I'm going to guess that he's going to end up in MN.

Obviously, I don't know your son but maybe consider while he is there suggesting he keep an eye out for things that will broaden his experience. The National Farmers Bank Buidling, MN Institute of Arts, Native American history and Reservations, Luthern history, French Roman Catholic experience in America, some great countryside, life of people in the inner city.

You can learn something most anywhere new.

Since he's not in the 3rd world, he probably won't need the Mayo Clinic. But hey, if he does, its there ;)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2013 08:39PM by lulu.

The son of a US Senator was sent to the New York mission. When he got mugged in a nice suburb they then sent him to...Harlem. Liked it so much, apparently, he went to Columbia University Law School.

What have you got against Minnesota???

When he gets back, offer to pay for a semester abroad. Then he can have a foreign country experience and actually enjoy it.

I can tell from the tone of your post that you only want what is best for your son. At this point, though, I agree with the other commenters who advise leaving the call alone.
Understandably, the money makes the issue a bit more problematic because, well, it's money. It just smacks of "helicoptering" - like parents who complain to college deans about their kid's grade by saying "I'm paying the tuition".
Just my two cents.

In thinking about this... first of all, he is an adult, it's his wish to serve a mission, and he is OK with his assigned area.

I say: stay out of it. It's his life. Just send money and make it out to the church and use it as a deduction on your taxes if that is how you file. Keep good records.
That is how I would support him. This is about him, not you anyhow.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2013 09:49PM by SusieQ#1.

First, don't pay a dime. If you refuse to financially support his mission TSCC will find the money to do it for you.

As far as where he is going, meh. I went to Rome and it kicked ass, but only because I wasn't the best missionary. The missionaries who really put their heart and soul into being a missionary don't appreciate the foreign country.

"Count your blessings," eddie.
My son was originally 'called' to go on a mission to the Ivory Coast. After checking the news, I saw that there was civil turmoil there, with attacks on police occuring regularly (there had been something like 200 policement killed in that country in the previous year or so).
I was upset. I called the mission president there and talked to him about the security there. At first, he was put off that I would even question them about it, but he did give me information about what they do (pair a white missionary with a local black missionary, and order them to stay in their apartments when there was unrest/problems in the streets).
I wasn't impressed.
Turns out that my son had a very difficult time with the French language when he was in the MTC in Provo, and said he couldn't learn it. The next day, he was shipped off to east LA.
Let him go to Minnesota - it's safer there, and it's almost like going to another country with all the Scandinavians who live there...

After serving a difficult foreign mission myself, I can say going to Minnesota will have its advantages. Except for the fact that in the winter, your son is going to freeze his seer stones off.

Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it.

He could be sent somewhere horrible and come home sick and malnourished.

This has been said before but I have to chime in. I went to a developing country, lived in squalor, basically camped for 2 years, lost a LOT of weight, got sick often and permanently ruined my GI tract (no joke). It was utterly miserable physically and I hated that part of it. Sure I speak spanish, who cares? On the other hand my buddy went to Nevada, gained weight (too much!), was relatively safe, had great hospitals around, and had a great experience.

I sometimes feel like I took advantage of the people's ignorance, superstition, and general lack of critical thinking skills to get them to join the church. I feel bothered by even now writing this. In the states people are going to have access to information via the internet, their own ability to read and hopefully their own education. Its a lot harder to get converts in the states.

A mission can be a good growing experience for young people. I feel like I'm a better person for having gone. I do not believe int he church any longer but at the time it taught me to work, focus, and have patience and tolerance for other people.

Let him go, I won't pretend to know if you should foot the bill or not. When he gets home, sign him up for a study abroad in Europe and he'll thank you for that experience for the rest of his life.

My hubby was really well fed on his mission to Nevada too :)

and send him on "junior year abroad" or "at sea"?
If you want to send him on a foreign experience, send him.
TSCC does things for their own benefit.

My best friend in college was the son of a Mission President. For reasons that are irrelevant to this, his dad contacted SLC to get them to change my friend's mission assignment. Denied! I think that if they were to make changes it would give the appearance that the assignment wasn't inspired.

I second what others have said. I was a missionary in Bolivia 30 years ago and still have physical ailments directly resulting from my time there.

I'm originally from Minnesota and am pure Norwegian. In the more rural areas of Minnesota, it's easy to feel like you're visiting Scandanavia. They have a unique culture and a fun accent. The people are wonderful.

He's over 18, he's happy with the assignment. I don't see where it's your business.

What if your son had applied to three different universities: an Ivy League school, the nearby excellent state school you went to, and a small private college that your wife went to. (Ferinstance) Your son is accepted at the Ivy League school. You are unhappy because you wanted him to attend your alma mater; your wife is unhappy because she wanted him to attend her alma mater, but the son is happy because, Bonus! He gets to attend an Ivy League school. Money is not a factor in this decision.

Why is it your business to attempt to interfere with his adult decision, right or wrong? How will he ever learn anything about making decisions and taking personal responsibility if you continue to helicopter in and rearrange his life to suit you all the time?

Back off dad, and let your kid make his own mistakes, learn his own lessons, and be responsible for HIS OWN choices. Your time for serving a mission is past. It's your son's time now.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2013 01:54PM by steve benson.

I guess you could write and say you insist he's going on a mission to a highly developed western European country or he's not going. But, you would need your son's cooperation in taking a do or die position like that.

I agree with many posters that just specifying "foreign" could get him sent to someplace really awful. I recall a friend of dh's once spilled his guts to us about how awful his South American mission was -- he got terribly ill, had poor medical care, suffered residual health problems still.

Actually, come to think of it, another friend of dh's got very sick in a pretty developed western European country and suffered continuing severe illness (not to mention depression) for years thereafter.

At the moment, I am residing in a highly developed and civilized western European country on a long-term corporate assignment. I am in the most civilized and well-run country one could imagine. Yet, it was still a major adjustment when I moved here -- and I had a generous relocation and ex-pat package from a major corporation!

I would not ask for foreign unless I specify exactly where. And, I think the U.S. is not so bad!!