Had a pretty nasty argument with my ultra TBM mother tonight and it made me sad to see how brain washed my mom really is. I was home this weekend, it was spring break last week, so I was getting ready to go back up to school when I asked my mom if I could borrow some money for groceries when I got back up to school. I am just a young college student, I have been trying my best to find a job, but I am having no luck. She said no, because she truly and firmly believes, without a doubt, that the reason I can't get a job, is because I don't go to church anymore and living my life without the "gospel". She basically knows I will never serve a mission and she is starting to figure out that I really have no intention of ever getting back into the church because I don't believe it. I can't convince her, I will never convince her, but it just made me sad and sick and really hurt my feelings that she won't talk to me like a normal human being, trying to figure out life's problems without dragging the f***ing church into it. I am getting good grades, I try and be a good person, I am really trying to get a job and start a good life for myself, but my mom just criticizes me and makes me feel like shit. She even said my life is becoming a failure and that I am now on a "wrong path". And that doesn't help, because I have pretty bad anxiety and little bit of depression as it is, so saying my life is a failure because i don't believe in the church really, really hurt my feelings. I am not good with confrontations, and I don't handle arguments well, so I just sit back and listen to her bitch and whine about how i'm a failure and that i'll never live a good life without the gospel. I just had to vent.

You don't have to listen to garbage and personalized it so you feel bad and/or depressed. You are doing the best you can but you would do much better if you didn't listen to stuff that hits you in the stomach.

Even if you get caught in a situation where you can't leave the room/area, you still can choose other thoughts than the ones being thrown at you. Try to find humor, laugh and keep things spinning in your own head.

You choose to let the attacks get to you. You can choose to not listen or if you do listen, arrange the comments in your mind so you don't engage or let the diatribe hit you.

Frankly, I suggest staying away from people who try to run (ruin) your life. Your mother has her issues. No need for you to let them bleed into your experience. JMHO

So sorry, rallychild. Emotional manipulation is the meanest, most hateful kind. I don't have any advice on how to deal with it, just wanted to commiserate with you.

Sorry you have the cult-think in your face.

If you're in Mordor we will be happy to have you over for a dinner appointment.

I just got back into Logan today, or I would've totally taken you up on that offer... I could really use a face to face conversation with people that really understand right now

Seriously, please go over to PostMo and PM me on that site -- same avatar. No love bombs I promise but you will get my real contact info.

You're young and you are doing something positive with your life because you are pursuing an education. How could you possibly be a failure?

I think that listening to such talk can be harmful because it can worm its way under your skin and affect your self esteem. Don't be afraid to be assertive in defending yourself in order to maintain your dignity.

I think I would fall back on, "Why would any decent human being, and supposedly loving mother, say such a thing? Will you listen to yourself?" etc.

Try to think outside the box when you get back to school. Check the local food pantries for help. Tell your professors, TA's etc. that you are looking for work. Good luck to you! I do know what it's like, there were so many times in grad school when I could barely scrape together money for gas to get to campus. Times are tough right now, but you WILL make it. Keep your chin up!

thanks for the advice, it really helps. It's just hard because while i'm trying to find a job, neither of my parents will help me pay for college (I'm 19), but will throw down 10,000 dollars on my brothers for their missions. That just proves that i'll have to bite the bullet and pay my own way.

Yes- food pantries are available to you!

Try a Catholic church and also see if there is a Manna or a soup kitchen. Some serve 3 square meals a day; You're in Logan? Also see if there's a Food Coalition up there. The one in Provo really saved me from having to starve 6 years ago.

Regional Emergency Food Network Representative:


Cache County Community Food Bank
Food Bank serving Box Elder, Cache and Rich counties
359 S. Main
Logan, UT 84321
Phone: (435) 753-7140



Food Pantries in this region:

Cache County Community Food Pantry
359 S. Main
Logan, UT 84321
Phone: (435) 753-7140



Brigham City Food Pantry
272 N 200 W.
Phone: (435) 723-1449

Tremonton Community Pantry
105 S. Tremonton St.
Phone: (435) 257-2650

I was at this point with a family member once. They would have rather seen me be hungary so that they could feel I was being punished. Eventually I was so frustrated by this type of behaviour that I called them on it. After being turned down for a loan (all previouse loans had been paid back before the time they were due) I pointed out that it appeared to me that they were doing this to punish me for not going to church. I told them this is toxic behaviour amd if they only chose to help people who attended church that I would no longer be interacting with them. When they chose to accept me for who I am I told them to give me a call. Then I continued with my life. It took over a year for this particular family member to make a move and our relationship is now much better. All of the family accept me more now than they did and I am in a better situation because I accept myself for who I am and don't allow this type of treatment.

The only person that you have to live with throughout your life, is yourself. So instead of letting your Mom's cult-think hurt you, instead celebrate your own bravery in being true to yourself. That, my friend, takes courage. It's sad that she doesn't know that. *hugs*

It is fine to vent but you must realize your mom is not like most American moms when their kids are in college. We help them. And we don't talk religion and make it conditional that you attend church. So she is in the minority here, okay??? She loves her church more than her family. She is a flawed human. Don't let her bring you down.

Get around other people who will lift you up. Let her know soon that the kind of talk you had tonight will cause problems in your interactions in the future. Take the upper hand. You are an adult and need to show her you are no child anymore. Toxic people do not need to be a part of your life.

I totally agree. I've been realizing that I can't let myself be around my mom or my family for a while, because they just bring me down, make me feel guilty, and rip on me emotionally because of their religion. I need to take responsibility for myself and stay away from those kind of people for a while until i get my life somewhat figured out. I refuse to live with my parents ever again. thanks for the advice!

Dude that sucks!!!! It is pure TBM brainwashing. You are a good person in all aspects, at least it sounds that way to me!

I have read a lot on here about upstanding people who get totally dissed just because they aren't Mormon. It is really sad.

I know this is easier said than done, and I know it hurts bad, but you can't take what she says personally. It's about her and her own fears. Separate yourself. When she starts insulting you (which is what she's doing) remind yourself of all of your good qualities. She is certainly missing out!

The worst part seems to be the emotional abuse she subjects you to. There are some good Moms that are Mormon, and wouldn't heap that much emotional beating on you, but unfortunately it isn't that uncommon. It's kind of what they are taught to do.

If it would ever help to tell her this(it won't really help) tell her that my wife and I haven't been to church for two years, haven't paid tithing for a little longer, and my wife got a great job last year, making a lot of money. And I'm doing pretty well myself. After leaving, we moved to the best part of town and life is great.

So tell her the Lord is blessing us for not going.

I unfortunately have a mom who cares more about her religion that her own son who is just trying to live life. I brought up the whole things where I know quite a few exmormons who are doing much better in their lives without the church, but my mom is so TBM, she just reverts to the "that's what satan is making them think, but they'll pay for it in the end" argument. There is no convincing her. I just need to stay away from her and my family for a while I think.

Yes, the next life thing comes into play. Once again, a suggestion that won't help, but could be fun for a minute.

Tell her that if she helps you now, she'll get blessings. If she turns her back on you, she'll have to pay for it in the next life. That way, even TBM's have to worry about the next life, not just us exmos.

She won't feed you because you chose your own belief system?
That's pretty cold, even for a TBM. Can you talk to your dad instead?

See if you can round up some work as suggested, then work during your vacation instead of going home.

who would be perfectly willing to feed you or give assistance regardless of your religious affilliation. I would guess that MOST people who know you would be willing to help out if they knew there was a need.

But your mother is judgemental and punitive. She WANTS you to feel the pain of "God's" punishment.

My advice is that you distance yourself. If she is willing to see you go hungry to teach you a lesson or try to force your compliance, that tells you a lot about the woman.

BTW, does she also think the other millions who are having a hard time getting a job during the recession are ALSO being punished for not being Mormon? Or punished for something else?

And calling you a failure because you aren't living according to HER desires? What mother SAYS that? EVER?

A controlling and abusive one.

BTW, Does she kick puppies, too?

My advice is to cut contact. Every time you ask her for money is a chance for her to bitch you out. You shouldn't have those sorts of folks in your life.

Of course, it is probably hard to emotionally distance yourself from your family.

Your mother may be following the example of the Mormon god:

" ... [D]ivine love ... cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional.
...

"Perhaps no love in mortality approaches the divine more than the love parents have for their children. As parents, we have the same obligation to teach obedience that our heavenly parents felt obliged to teach us."

http://lds.org/ensign/2003/02/divine-love?lang=eng


It looks to me like your mother is trying to "teach obedience" to you in the same way "Elohim" does--by withholding blessings until you conform to expectations. It's just too bad this plan allows no room for conscientious objection.

Good luck, though, with your schooling and finding a job! : )



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2011 02:53AM by Fetal Deity.

It's good that you recognize that your mother has been 'brainwashed' by cultic Mormonism. That said, you're not obliged - ever - to "just sit back and listen" to your mother - or anyone else - "bitch and whine." We teach people how to treat us. If you tolerate sh*t, people will sh*t on you and treat you like a doormat. You need to learn to define boundaries with immature, dysfunctional people like your mother.

The next time your mother begins to rail on you about not participating in the MORmON Church, calmly and firmly ask her: "Why would you - or anyone in their right mind - believe that some guy in the early 19th-century who used his hat and a rock that he believed had a supernatural power to supposedly 'translate' a book that he called "The Book of Mormon"?!

You're mother would probably react by saying: "That's an anti-Mormon lie!" to which you could reply: "No, Mom, it's what Mormon Apostle Russell Nelson wrote about in his article in the July 1993 issue of the Mormon Church's Ensign Magazine. Here's the relevant quote, mother:"Joseph Smith would put the seer stone into a hat, and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely around his face to exclude the light; and in the darkness the spiritual light would shine. A piece of something resembling parchment would appear, and on that appeared the writing. One character at a time would appear, and under it was the interpretation in English. Brother Joseph would read off the English to Oliver Cowdery, who was his principal scribe, and when it was written down and repeated to Brother Joseph to see if it was correct, then it would disappear, and another character with the interpretation would appear. Thus the Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of God, and not by any power of man."

The article, "A Treasured Testament", is online at:

http://classic.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=05169209df38b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

You can then ask your mother why the LDS Church doesn't teach members or potential converts that JS used his hat and small rock to 'translate' the Book of Mormon.

You can also ask her why the church doesn't teach Latter-day Saints or investigators that JS made other men's wives, single women, and girls as young as 14 his plural wives, as the church's Family Search (genealogy) website shows. She can see the partial list of the women and girls by going to www.familysearch.org and entering JS' birth info. (1805 in Vermont) and clicking through to Ancestral File 1. The full online list is at http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/

Don't fear confrontation; it's an organic part of life, as we see in nature all the time. In super-dysfunctional/cultic Mormonism, being 'nice' (and not being real) is held in high regard. Unhealthy and immature is esteemed while asserting oneself and speaking one's truth, whether it agrees with Morg Church doctrines and teachings and Mormons' beliefs or not is condemned.

Here are more 'faith-busting' facts to keep in your mental 'quiver' should you ever need them with your 'brainwashed' mother:

Latter-day Saints don't realize that official LDS material (online and in print) proves that Joseph Smith (JS) was an adulterer.

1. The LDS Church's section summary for D&C 132, the 'revelation' on polygamy written (down) by JS just over 166 years ago, says:

"Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Nauvoo, Illinois, recorded July 12, 1843, relating to the new and everlasting covenant, including the eternity of the marriage covenant, as also plurality of wives. HC 5: 501–507. Although the revelation was recorded in 1843, it is evident from the historical records that the doctrines and principles involved in this revelation had been known by the Prophet since 1831."

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132)

According to LDS scripture, two key polygamy "principles" were:

i. A Mormon priesthood holder could desire and marry only virgins who were "vowed to no other man" (i.e., not betrothed to a fiancée, or married).
ii. The first wife (Emma, in JS' case) had to give her consent to the plural marriage.

The scripture in question was D&C 132:61:

"And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood—if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else."

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/61#61)

In the case of 11 women that 'prophet' and Mormon Church president Joseph Smith made his plural wives, they were already vowed to their husband, and as married women, certainly not virgins (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/).

"...for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else." The 11 women belonged to their husband.

JS committed adultery at least 11 times (12, actually, when you include his extra-marital affair with teenager Fanny Alger, servant girl in the Smith home; ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/02-FannyAlger.htm).

The LDS Church has a partial list of the married women, single women, and teenage girls that JS made his plural wives on the church's genealogy website at http://www.familysearch.org/eng/default.asp

Enter Smith's first and last name, birth year (1805) and birth place (Vermont, United States). Click on Search. Then click on the underlined Joseph Smith (Ancestral File 1). Scroll down to see the partial list of his plural wives. Note when he (at age 37) married Helen Mar Kimball (May 1843) and her age by clicking on her name (she was just 14).

JS' marriage to Fanny Alger can be viewed on the church's FamilySearch.org website by entering her first and last name, marriage year to JS (1835) and selecting "United States" and "Ohio" from the drop-down menus, and clicking on Search, then continuing from there.

Why did Joseph Smith make married women his plural wives - committing adultery in the process - when the Lord forbade it, and did so not just once or twice, but 11 times? Why wasn't he excommunicated for adultery?

The Mormon Church and LDS 'prophets' have taught for generations that adultery is a 'sin' next to murder and any church member who has committed adultery does not have the Holy Ghost with him/her and cannot receive revelation from God.

JS disobeyed the 'revealed' word of God (directly to him, no less) every time he desired, pursued and married a married Mormon woman. In the case of at least one of them, Sylvia Lyon (married to Windsor Lyon), JS fathered her daughter:

“On January 27, 1844 her [Sylvia’s] only surviving child, Philofreen, also died. At this time, Sylvia was eight months pregnant with her fourth child, Josephine Rosetta Lyon. Josephine later wrote, “Just prior to my mothers death in 1882 she called me to her bedside and told me that her days were numbered and before she passed away from mortality she desired to tell me something which she had kept as an entire secret from me and from all others but which she now desired to communicate to me. She then told me that I was the daughter of the Prophet Joseph Smith”. (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/08-SylviaSessionsLyon.htm)

In May 1843, JS made a 14-year-old, two 17-year-olds and a 19-year-old his plural wives. The 14-year-old, Helen Mar Kimball, was his youngest-yet plural wife, as the genealogy data on the list of JS' plural wives on FamilySearch.org shows.

One wonders why, of all the single women in Nauvoo who were in their 20s and 30s, JS pursued and married teenage girls young enough to be his daughters and other men's wives.

On July 12, 1843, just two months after JS married the teenage girls mentioned above, he wrote down a 'divine' death threat ("threat of destruction") directed at his first and only legal wife, Emma (who was Relief Society president) girls and women) if she didn't accept his plural wives, remain with him, "cleave unto" him, and accept polygamy. D&C 132:52 and 54:

52 And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those [plural wives] that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure [virgins] before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.

54 And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law [polygamy].

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/52#54)

How extraordinarily convenient for JS that the Lord was willing to turn a blind eye to his adultery (no rebuke, no revelation that he should be excommunicated), and back him up in his practice of polygamy by threatening to kill (destroy) Emma if she didn't get on JS' polygamy 'wagon' pronto!

According to the 'revelation' on polygamy that JS wrote down on July 12, 1843, the reason for plural marriage was to get virgins pregnant so that they would bear children, thereby increasing God’s glory:

“But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified.”

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/63#63)

In JS' day, the only way for Mormon women and teenage girls to "bear the souls of men" was to become pregnant through sexual intercourse (human artificial insemination wasn't developed until the 1940s).

Gaining access to females who could "multiply and replenish the earth" was important to JS. In the case of 16-year-old Lucy Walker, whose mother died after the Walker family converted to Mormonism and moved to Nauvoo in the spring of 1841, he separated the teenage girl from her father (by sending him away on a 2-year mission to the Eastern United States) and her surviving siblings (her sister, Lydia, had died only months before of “brain fever”) by placing her siblings with families in Nauvoo and ‘inviting’ the unsuspecting girl to live in the home of ‘the Prophet’ (himself).

“While living in the Smith home, Lucy remembers: “In the year 1842 President Joseph Smith sought an interview with me, and said, ‘I have a message for you, I have been commanded of God to take another wife, and you are the woman.’ My astonishment knew no bounds. This announcement was indeed a thunderbolt to me...He asked me if I believed him to be a Prophet of God. ‘Most assuredly I do I replied.’...He fully Explained to me the principle of plural or celestial marriage. Said this principle was again to be restored for the benefit of the human family. That it would prove an everlasting blessing to my father’s house.”

“What do you have to Say?” Joseph asked. “Nothing” Lucy replied, “How could I speak, or what would I say?” Joseph encouraged her to pray: “tempted and tortured beyond endureance until life was not desirable. Oh that the grave would kindly receive me that I might find rest on the bosom of my dear mother...Why – Why Should I be chosen from among thy daughters, Father I am only a child in years and experience. No mother to council; no father near to tell me what to do, in this trying hour. Oh let this bitter cup pass. And thus I prayed in the agony of my soul.”

Joseph told Lucy that the marriage would have to be secret, but that he would acknowledge her as his wife, “beyond the Rocky Mountains”. He then gave Lucy an ultimatum, “It is a command of God to you. I will give you untill to-morrow to decide this matter. If you reject this message the gate will be closed forever against you.”

“Lucy married Joseph on May 1, 1843. At the time, Emma was in St. Louis buying supplies for the Nauvoo hotel. Lucy remembers, “Emma Smith was not present and she did not consent to the marriage; she did not know anything about it at all.”’ (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/23-LucyWalker.htm)

Not informing Emma of his latest plural marriage and first obtaining Emma’s consent was a violation of the Lord’s commandment to JS: “…if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent...for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else.”

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132/61#61).

Secretly marrying Lucy Walker was not the first time that JS did not obtain Emma’s consent (she discovered her husband and teenage servant girl Fanny Alger having sex in the barn and complained to Mormon Apostle Oliver Cowdery, Joseph’s second cousin and BoM scribe, about her husband’s extra-marital affair; Fanny was sent away by Emma because the teenage girl was “was unable to conceal the consequences of her celestial relation with the prophet”, in other words, Fanny’s swelling womb; ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/02-FannyAlger.htm).

2. In the BoM, in Jacob 2:24, it says:

"Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord."
(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/jacob/2/24#24)

However, in the 'revelation' on polygamy that Joseph Smith wrote down on July 12, 1843, it says (in verse 1):

"Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you my servant Joseph, that inasmuch as you have inquired of my hand to know and understand wherein I, the Lord, justified my servants Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as also Moses, David and Solomon, my servants, as touching the principle and doctrine of their having many wives and concubines"
(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/132)

How is it that in the BoM, the Lord, who according to scripture is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, condemned as "abominable" the practice of David and Solomon of having wives and concubines, but then contradicted himself in the 'revelation' on polygamy to JS by saying he "justified" (i.e., approved of) the practice?

Answer: When JS WROTE the BoM prior to its publication in 1830, he had only one wife: Emma. But in July 1843, when he wrote down the 'revelation' on polygamy that supposedly came from 'the Lord' (into his mind), he had several plural wives (ref. http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/). In July 1843, Joseph Smith had forgotten what he wrote about David and Solomon and their practice of having wives and concubines 13+ years earlier.

3. A Seer Stone and a Hat - "Translating" the Book of Mormon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPnu0bx3oWg

4. For generations, a fundamental Book of Mormon (BoM) 'truth' was the following: "Wherefore, it is an abridgment of the Record of the People of Nephi; and also of the Lamanites; written to the Lamanites, which are a remnant of the House of Israel;" (ref. http://www.inephi.com/1.htm).

However, in light of DNA evidence of the past 20 years that has consistently shown that the ancestors of Native Americans came from northeast Asia and not from ancient Israel/Judea, as described in the BoM, the LDS Church has officially abandoned its 'truth' - taught to millions of church members and potential converts since JS' day - that American Indians are Jewish in origin (via Laman and Lemuel, who came from Jerusalem with Lehi, Sariah, Laman, Lemuel, and other Jewish family members).

Here is what the Introduction of 19th- to 20th-century editions of the BoM, including the 1981 edition that many Latter-day Saints living today used in church and at home, said (emphasis in capital letters is mine):

"The Book of Mormon is a volume of holy scripture comparable to the Bible. It is a record of God’s dealings with the ancient inhabitants of the Americas and contains, as does the Bible, the fulness of the everlasting gospel.

The book was written by many ancient prophets by the spirit of prophecy and revelation. Their words, written on gold plates, were quoted and abridged by a prophet-historian named Mormon. The record gives an account of two great civilizations. One came from Jerusalem in 600 B.C., and afterward separated into two nations, known as the Nephites and the Lamanites. The other came much earlier when the Lord confounded the tongues at the Tower of Babel. This group is known as the Jaredites. After thousands of years, all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are the PRINCIPAL ancestors of the American Indians."

Here is what JS wrote in March 1842 in a letter to John Wentworth, editor and proprietor of the Chicago Democrat newspaper:

"In this important and interesting book the history of ancient America is unfolded, from its first settlement by a colony that came from the Tower of Babel at the confusion of languages to the beginning of the fifth century of the Christian era. We are informed by these records that America in ancient times has been inhabited by two distinct races of people. The first were called Jaredites and came directly from the Tower of Babel. The second race came directly from the city of Jerusalem about six hundred years before Christ. They were principally Israelites of the descendants of Joseph. The Jaredites were destroyed about the time that the Israelites came from Jerusalem, who succeeded them in the inheritance of the country. The principal nation of the second race fell in battle towards the close of the fourth century. The remnant are the Indians that now inhabit this country."

(ref. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=c26876e6ffe0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD)

Here is what the LDS Church is now saying (emphasis in capital letters is mine):

"The Book of Mormon is a volume of holy scripture comparable to the Bible. It is a record of God’s dealings with the ancient inhabitants of the Americas and contains, as does the Bible, the fulness of the everlasting gospel.

The book was written by many ancient prophets by the spirit of prophecy and revelation. Their words, written on gold plates, were quoted and abridged by a prophet-historian named Mormon. The record gives an account of two great civilizations. One came from Jerusalem in 600 B.C., and afterward separated into two nations, known as the Nephites and the Lamanites. The other came much earlier when the Lord confounded the tongues at the Tower of Babel. This group is known as the Jaredites. After thousands of years, all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are AMONG the ancestors of the American Indians."

(ref. http://scriptures.lds.org/en/bm/introduction)

"...among the ancestors of the American Indians" clearly implies that there were other ancient people(s) who were also the ancestors of Native Americans, which is, of course, exactly what scientists concluded (no evidence exists to support the Mormon idea of Jewish ancestry of American Indians).

The HUGE problem for the LDS Church is that for the BoM to be true, the ancestors of Native Americans have to be Jewish/come from ancient Israel/Jerusaleum, as described in the BoM.

5. "DNA vs. The Book of Mormon" (ref. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svfxSscxh8o)

6. Joseph Smith's Changing First Vision Accounts: http://www.irr.org/mit/first-vision/fvision-accounts.html

7. Digital photograph of the title page of the 1830 edition of the Book of Mormon that shows that Joseph Smith was the author and proprietor (he claimed he was the 'translator' of the ancient gold plates): http://www.inephi.com/1.htm

8. Book of Mormon Tories (plagarisms in the BoM involving two American history books, one published in 1789 and the other in 1805, that were available to Joseph Smith): http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/magazine/pmm_article_full_text/211

9. The Lost Book of Abraham (more proof that Joseph Smith lied about his 'translation' ability): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcyzkd_m6KE

10. The 'motherlode' of historical info. about Mormonism (including many quoted official church sources, and their references): http://www.utlm.org/navtopicalindex.htm

11. Rethinking Mormonism: http://www.i4m.com/think/

12. PBS FRONTLINE + American Experience: "The Mormons" (4-hour documentary film aired on PBS in '07 that includes excerpts from interviews with President Gordon Hinckley, Mormon Apostles Boyd Packer and Jeffrey Holland and member of the First Quorum of the Seventy and church historian Marlin Jensen): http://www.pbs.org/mormons/

13. 101 Doubts about Mormonism: http://packham.n4m.org/101.htm

14. Contradictions in Mormonism: http://packham.n4m.org/contra.htm

15. The Untold Story of the Death of Joseph Smith: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvSo0ate4tM&feature=related

16. ‘Faith-disrupting’ teachings and statements of Mormon ‘prophets’ (after Joseph Smith): http://mormonthink.com/prophetsweb.htm#apostleadmits

17. How Mormonism 'programs' people and affects their self-esteem: http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

18. 40 fears created by LDS 'programming': http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/fears.htm

I think you have to call her on her behavior. She may not realize how ugly it is until she sees it from your perspective.

You might write a letter or email where you cite something she said, explain how it made you feel, explain why it is manipulative, and then ask if that was what she intended.

It might be too much to do it with everything she said. Choose one or two things that were most hurtful.

When asked to defend her behavior she will likely deny it, defend it, back away from / retract it, or apologize for it. Put the ball back in her court and then once she responds you will be able to form a better decision about how to interact in the future.

The way that I got my Mom to stop criticizing me is that I simply, silently walked away, every time she did it. I told her I would do that every time she criticized me and I followed up on it.

It sort of took the wind out of her sails and eventually, it worked, and she stopped. It wasn't productive for her anymore.

I had a controlling uptight parent.
My brother and sister recommended this book:
Your Erroneous Zones by David Dyer
Very old now, can be picked up in a used book store.

He details every manipulation game ever played and gives step by step healthy responses to it.
Worth finding and studying.

I'm sure you'll find work. It's hard to know you just have to look elsewhere for confirmation and support because the under-pinning of your life as you had expected are gone. A non-supportive toxic parent is hard to deal with. But you are and will continue to break away.
Don't worry about being non-confrontational. Being confrontive and standing up for your own beliefs in a polite way are two different things.... and you know the difference!!!

Just keep doing it, it becomes easier with practice!

(another old book well worth it is: When I Say 'No' I feel Guilty!)

that goes double for anyone who is putting themselves through college.

I try not to tell people what they should or shouldn't do. In the following sentence I will fail at that. You should not be around people who tell you that you are a failure.

So either she knocks it off, or you stay away from her.

I know things can be risky on the internet. But if want to use the above email to get in touch with me, I'll send you some food money. It won't be much but anything is better than nothing.

A fellow Aggie with many pleasant memories of Logan.

A mama dog don't treat her puppies like that!

You got some good answers here. To which all I can do is add you can consider it a fine lesson on how NOT to treat others!

you omitted a few words

She basically knows I will never serve her by going on a mission

you will do fine grasshopper. Everyone in college and recent grads are having problems finding a job right now.

would feed you if I could.

But think of how grateful your children will be that you are taking the hit for them right now. Your children may someday meet their grandmother, and they will worship the ground you walk on!

Hey, RC, where is your dad in all of this?

Family is overrated.

It always amazes me how family can treat strangers better than their own flesh and blood.

As you get older you will realize that life is too short to invest time and energy in toxic relationships (family or others). Is it really a relationship worth having if you have to walk on eggshells around them?

Life gets better when you cut those family "cancers" out.

Redeemable by you for one free trip to the grocery store on good old SD. I'm in Utah not far from you and it would bring me great joy to undermine Mommy's curse on you.

LAY THE GUILT ON HEAVY
"Ask her to answer from a TBM perspective"

When Jesus fed the 5,000, He did not ask if they were members, and when he healed the lepers he did not ask if they were members of the Church.

Heap the guilt on from a TBM point of view

"Charity is the pure Love of Christ"

Ask her if she would be approved of by Jesus if she would not help you or any other non member..

JB