Thread closed before I could reply!

Hey! Looking at your posts, I see 2 things -

1. You are worried about losing your status ("golden child"), disappointing those around you, and losing your support network of friends and family.

2. You are worried about rejecting the script that has been provided for your life (high school, mission, college, marriage, yay!)

These are totally valid concerns. You need to address both of them head on...

1. If you choose not to go on a mission, guaranteed you will lose some status and cause some disappointing. Only you will know how much, and probably not until after the fact. HOWEVER, who are you living your life for? Yourself? Or somebody else? Only you get to do the hard work, experience the good times, muddle through the bad times. You need to do what is right for YOU.

2. There are infinite ways to live a good life! There is no recipe for success. But hard work (which it seems like you know how to do), and following your heart are good starts. Ok, platitudes blah blah blah. Seriously. You are worried that if you go somewhere new you won't have any friends? So are 95% of all college freshmen. Don't go to BYU, move into the dormitories, and I guarantee you will have plenty of friends if that's what you want. College is a great place to figure out what to do with your life!

Most of all, it seems like you just need some time figuring this all out. You don't have to tell your family you aren't planning on going on a mission - just tell them you are going to wait until you are 19 or 20, you need the extra time to grow up a little. Monson said guys CAN go on missions at 18, not that they HAVE TO. Move out of the house, explore the world, go to college, but figure out what you want, and what you need, and then do it. People who are open to new things find new things. People who are open to new people find new friends. Be brave and have fun :)

Confused teen -

Hang in there, kiddo!!

I, like summer, am a nevermo. I cannot give you advice about going on a mission, but I CAN tell you that the vast majority of young men and women your age are NOT going on a mission - so you not going will only be a big deal to your family. Please don't misunderstand - that is very important to you and it speaks to your integrity and loyalty. Those traits are very good, noble ones to have, and they will serve you well out in the real world. However, I think you will find that once you are out amongst the "unwashed" that there is a big, bright, absolutely wonderful world out there, and young men like yourself that are obviously smart and driven are the ones that are going to be making this world a better place for all of us.

I bet you shine.

You are well on your path to complete non-belief in Mormonism. You are too smart and too open-minded to last very long in the LDS church. You sound a lot like me when I was 18. I started reading some "anti-Mormon" books which really opened my eyes to the truth about Mormonism. Instead of going with my gut instinct and researching further to confirm my doubts about the church before committing to a mission I went on my mission. I got pressure from my Bishop to ASAP, didn't want to dissapoint my parents and the ward, and somehow that maybe I could gain a testimony if I served honorably.

I actually completely LOST my testimony on my mission and it ended up being one of the worst things I ever had to endure. You spend TWO YEARS running around trying to sell a religion that you don't believe in yourself to people who don't even want it. Going on a mission was one of my BIGGEST regrets in life.

I understand your concerns and worrying about dissappointing your folks but it is INEVITABLE that you will eventually find your way out of the church. So its better that you start to make this transition sooner rather than later. And a mission is only going to make it that much harder.

You will eventually have to come clean to your folks but if you aren't comfortable with it right now, then tell them and the Bishop that that you are not comfortable with serving a mission right now and that it doesn't FEEL right. Tell them you have done considerable praying (and reading scriptures) and you have NOT received an answer to go. YOU are and ADULT and you have to start acting like one and letting others KNOW that you hae a RIGHT to make your own decision instead of being forced to do what others tell you to do.

My recommendation to you is to get AWAY from your parents, ward and Mormon friends. Move out and start going to a NON-Mormon college. Get a roommates who are not Mormons and develop a new circle of friends who will be your support system as you transition out of the church. This is essential. Mormonism creates a culture of dependency and people have a difficult time leaving it because of this. You really need to get away PHYSICALLY and surround yourself with people who are not Mormon. This will be your new life and you will actually be surprised by how much BETTER and NORMAL it is. You will have freedome of conscience and can pursuit things in life that YOU want. Several years from now you will laugh at yourself for actually considering staying "in the fold." You will be SO VERY GLAD you moved on with your life. Good luck!!

Thanks for continuing my thread. I appreciate the advice given.

I am thinking about making a list of references and videos that I have been researching so I can show them to my Dad (I have a strong relationship with my dad...he is the hardest working man I know). Anyways, I am not sure if this is a good idea or not. On the one hand, it will help him show how I feel. But I do not want it to seem like I am trying to convince him to leave the church because that always just sparks unwanted emotions. You can't convince others to leave the church, it really only works if you find out yourself.

What do you guys think?

That's what I did with my parents. Although I did a TON of research. My mother asked me why I stopped going to church and I FINALLY admitted that I no longer believed. She asked why and I told her that I studied the history and claims and realized that much of the history had been been censored and changed. I realized that the prophets, including Joseph Smit, were not inspired men of God. I explained that I studied both sides, pro and anti, and realized that the antis had to say was actually true and that the LDS apologists were the ones spinning the issue or misrepresenting the truth. It became abundantly clear to me that the church was not true and Joseph Smith was not what he claimed to be.

She asked what I learned and I mentioned several things like Book of Abraham, changes in the temple, masonic similarities, blood atonement, Adam-God, etc. She said she wanted to read my "research." Surprisingly she and my Dad were more open minded about it than I thought and they both eventually resigned from the church after a few months of reading my material.

Maybe you can get your dad to actually read MormonThink etc. Chances are he will tell you it is anti, tells half truths & misconstrues the truth, will "drag" you down, is influenced by "the adversary" and is not worth your time, etc. He will bear his testimony to you and tell you that you just need to have faith and not try and intellectualize things.

Hopefully he will be open minded and keep the lines of communication open with regarding your journey. At least he will understand, somewhat, of where you are coming from and are TRYING to know the truth. Make sure he understands that you are being sincerely seeking the truth no matter where that leads you. Make sure he understands that you take the church seriously and that you are not doing this on a whim or to find an excuse to not follow the church.

Also, a few questions....why do you guys close threads with too many posts, and, what does TBM stand for?

TBM = True Believing Mormon or True Blue Mormon

Threads are closed to conserve bandwidth. You are always free to continue the topic in a new thread.

There is a video online that explains to TBMs why people leave the church. It might be a good place to start with your father.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZQJc5SxnVs

Do NOT go on a mission! My mission was Hell on earth even when I believed in it, I can't imagine being a non believer on a mission. I mean its Hell as a non believer just to sit through church for 3 hrs.

I think the best approach is to use the TBM methods against them, tell them that you 'feel' that you need to go to college for a year. Go far away and NOT to BYU whatever you do. Then after a year you can tell them that you haven't been going to church and decided to not go on a mission or you can continue to tell them that you 'feel' like you need to finish school, either way I think they will be less shocked when you don't go if you keep putting it off. Also it will be less embarrassing for your family if you're not physically there in their ward when they find out you're not going.

I know a family that had a son go to college and decided not to serve a mission after going for a year, the best part was that the family blamed 'college,' not him, for him not serving a mission. From what I could tell the son still had a good relationship with his family.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/19/2013 12:24AM by rusty123.

I am at work and didn't read the whole thread, but I can chip in with the mission part. I absolutely regret every minute of my mission. It was NOT the best two years of my life, and it was not a pleasant experience. I wish I never had gone, there's so much more I could have done.

Also, don't think foreign language (if that's what you might want from it) adds to anything because the mission language program is a joke. It's not inspired and even where I work when people say they have "foreign language abilities" on their resume, and I find it's from their mission, I pass them up. I had to unlearn and relearn so many things.

Anyway, best thing I did, follow the evidence and truth. It made me happy and not so confused. 9 months ago I wasn't sure what to think (my username), but now I am a lot happier and a lot less confused since I got out of the Mormon church.

That's all I can say, hope it helps.

Thanks for all replies everyone.

Hello Confused Teen,

Just now found your post. As an RM and former college administrator and counselor I can see you are looking for a little help making the transition from living at home with family as a TBM golden child to breaking away and making a rather large break from your parents' and church life outline. It would be nice to have a bit of time and not be expected to jump into a mission immediately but that seems to be what is expected of you. I think you already know it would be a pretty miserable experience if you now know or at least suspect strongly that Mormonism is fundamentally false. So your idea to go away to college is most likely your best choice. It will also buy you a bit of time before you make the revelation about your change in faith, unless they really insist you go on the mission. In that case you will really be forced to make a stand.

Not knowing you, your interest, nor where you live I really couldn't make any suggestions on what would make a good fit for your further education. I don't recommend any form of religious school. I know that as someone who went on to graduate school I sometimes wish I had first gone to a high ranking, small college to get a good foundation and later transfered to a larger university that had a good program in my graduate field. However, if you are looking to broaden your horizons, a larger university might suit you better. If you are in Utah I think the U of U might be great as you would find diversity and probably quite a few people in your same situation. You mentioned wanting to find a support system and I think that might work rather well. Westminster in SLC would allow for a smaller school experience and yet provide diversity in religious beliefs. If you are in California there are a lot of great schools to choose from.

You sound grounded and intelligent so I'll just extend to you a hand of support and the observation that I think you will make a well thought out decision and ultimate choice that will get you through a rather unpleasant disruption of family harmony.

Good luck and don't be afraid to take it slow. There is no reason to rush through this transition.