Quick backstory: My family and I recently moved back into the ward we lived in when I came out of the closet as a non-believer first to my wife and then to the bishop. At the time my wife thought I was as TBM as they come. I’d served a mission, served in a bishopric at a young age, HP group leadership, and was now in the young mens presidency. We moved from the ward and neighborhood just a short distance away. During our two year hiatus from the ward both my wife and I stopped wearing garments, paying tithing, and attending church each week. In fact up until yesterday I hadn’t been to church in about three months, maybe longer for my wife, we can’t remember. In the last couple of weeks my brother living in CA found this site, deduced that I Seneca was his brother and told me he and his wife are separating themselves from the church (way to go). So as you can imagine church yesterday was almost unbearable. My two kids are a little hyperactive so sacrament meeting was spent shushing and whispering mild threats to my children. Sunday school was both fun and sad. The lesson topic was tithing so watching the instructor weave a delicate little path through that minefield was entertaining. Listening to the members claim to “know” blessings they had received were the direct result of tithing wrapped up in a neat faith promoting package was very sad. HPG was extremely entertaining. My HPG is comprised mostly of older men (60+) with a couple of 30 something’s thrown in for good measure. This leads to things like fascinating debates over the possibility of Satan having altruistic intent when the lesson topic was dealing with hardships. I’m not sure how we got there but the comedic value was off the charts. Overall it was fun to see old friends and to laugh in my head at the really useless and weird conversations people were having. I will probably become semi-active for the social aspect of church and nothing else.

HPG seems to bring out the wacky in a ward, doesn't it? (At least so I gather, it's a lot tamer in RS...)

The comdey in the HPG is worth almost anything evil the church dishes out. I love it. I always leave with a smile. The first thing my wife asks when we get in the car after church is "any stories?"

It sure does. In most HP groups you've got blowhards who have "worked" their way to the top (like me up unitl 5 years ago) and older men who have lost their politeness filter...they don't care what you think and therefore have the freedom to speak their increasingly crazy mind.

It always cracked me up watching old guys debate in SS.

They are very young. All they currently care about is fishy crackers and friends. At bedtime I tell and read a wide variety of myths about life including some from the bible. As far as I can tell they view church as a social gathering. In the past I've told them I attend church to think and sing. So far so good. It will get increasingly more complex. I don't think my children will like the church as they get older...I'm fine with that.

Why did you go back?did I miss that somewhere?

Also, if you don't mind sharing, explain your screen name. I may know you based on it I just want to clarify.

We went back because virtually all of our friends are LDS. The street we live on and the neighborhood in general is very densly populated with mormons. Most of our neighbors know nothing of my apostacy and my wife's inactivity. A few close friends know about me but my wife has kept her growing dissatisfaction with the church very close to the vest.

Seneca is my favorite philosopher. If you know me please let me know how.

...where going to the same church isn't a prerequisite for friendship.

Such places exist. In fact, they're quite common.

Now, imagine after several more years of going to church for the sake of keeping friends, and your kids start to actually believe the Mormon baloney, or at least want to get baptized -- because all their friends are. What then?

I agree. Perhaps later at another more convenient time. There's really no reason to blow your life apart. If you like it, fine. You live in your skin, your marriage, your job your street your life.
Its when it starts to hurt you need to leave. When it is no longer funny anymore or, or when someone harshly judges one of you your wife your kid for only being what they were born to be, when one of you begins to cave to the pain of finding nothing funny anymore and cognitive dissonance doing a number on your peace, your joy, your tranquility or hope of tranquility in the middle of the night. Maybe that will never come.
Maybe this is your niche in life . Maybe this will be alright. Maybe that's a possibility - this is about you, not about me.
You're describing your reality. Ok Seneca dance dance dance the music's on the night is young now. What have you to gain- either way? leaving its only believable when life within the circle of the church is unlivable when only leaving will solve the pain. But are you passing on the pain? its your not pain
whose will it be?

perhaps it won't be for several generations. we can always hope.

For the record, we have later church so me and the kids still were able to get in some fishing and lunch at their favorite restaurant before church. When church conflicts with what we want to do I'm not sure how well church attendance will fare.

Hmmm...I agree with the one and only. I am not sure why you are going. After knowing the church history, that's the last place i'd want to be. I also agree with Stray Mutt. I'd keep my kids as far away as possible - in their own best interest.

When I do go to sacrament with my tbm parents, it is so difficult to sit and listen to the bs that comes from the so-called inspired...I don't know how you sit through 3 hours of it. It's such a waste of time, imo....

It was difficult telling my parents that we weren't going to be baptizing my kid. Of course, my mom went into sob mode but I can't be affected by the guilt she's trying to impose on me. The church does not make me happy, why should I act like I am? Did it for too long.

Good luck Seneca, you'll get to the point where you've heard enough and it won't matter who knows what. if they are real friends they'll still be your friends. If they're not, you'll know soon enough. Better yet, move from the Mormon neighborhood and find one that accepts you for who you are.

* The church does not make me happy, why should I act like I am happy in it?

Imagine what they are brainwashing your kids to believe. Imagine the guilt trips. Imagine how they won't be good enough to be a date or marriage material if they don't do requisite mission. Imagine the sexual disfunction they will instill. Imagine the lies they will expect them to accept, the lies you will have to tell to keep those friends for them. Imagine the shallow girls who main goal has to be to marry and marry young before they give into temptation. Worth it?

Glad to hear that you got value out of it. Now that I know the truth, it is getting harder and harder to listen to what is said in church. I am worrying more and more about what damage is being done to my children. I am very excited and nervous about where my family is going to end up.