Sometimes on RfM I'll see a post by a "drive by troll" that usually starts with.

"I was googling ideas for FHE,"

or

"I was searching for YM/YW ideas"

or

"I was looking up things for Primary/Sunday School"

Afterwards, the drive by poster is horrified at all the shit that is talked about towards their precious church. Which usually causes a reaction in their post summed up as:

"Wow. You guys are a bunch of Satan Fucked Bigots."

And then the guilt and shame statements come out because, you know, they don't have anything of real value to say. So we get:

"I am deeply saddened at how bitter and angry you poor fucks are."

However, as Anagrammy pointed out in the last "drive by" is that one reason people are searching on the internet is because the manuals are full of fuck all.

When you aren't getting banal bullshit, you are getting jack shit.

You're supposed to have Family Home Evenings once a week. That's, like, 8,000 family home evenings a year. That's an assload of activities you need ideas for.

Sure you could make rice crispy treats again and passively aggressively let Billy know he needs to stop masturbating in the bathroom for so long because there are 8 other fucking people in the goddamn house that need to use the only fucking bathroom in this house!

But everytime you do that, shouting erupts, and mom cries in the kitchen before making that casserole that is slowly poisoning everyone.

And that's just Family Home Evening. The last calling I had was teaching primary, and those manuals are mostly toilet paper.

Rifling through each week was, "Fuck, not doing that. Fuck no, that'll get me eaten alive by those bored little snot monsters." So, you end up giving up and saying. "I guess we can color again for a little while."

It's not a surprise that online communities of Mormons sprout up everywhere trying to help each other spruce up the corpse of those god forsaken lesson plans.

With the adults you can throw out a "controversial question" and let the ward crazies chew on it - which will help waste at least 15 minutes. But those children see through that bullshit. Many times they'd just spout out the "acceptable answers" in random order until they "nail it."

Kudos for them for figuring that out.

"What's the first principle of....?"

"Jesus!"

"Obedience!"

"Tithing!"

"Prayer!"

"Reading Scriptures!"

Oh, Mary got it right. It was...one of those.


And let's just say that YM/YW "jobs" are horrifying callings to "magnify" if you are trying to correlate shit. It's best to just trash whatever they give you and START with the internet.

But that's fraught with peril since the internet is filled with immodesty, immorality, and Satan Fucked Bigots.

But what else are you supposed to do? The last time you tried giving the "licked cupcake" lesson with props, Timmy licked that cupcake in a way that made Sister Pickleberry sit down heavily and fan her-flushed-self.

Every kid unlucky enough to be BIC knows every approved answer and every approved question that he or she will ever hear, by age 7.

After that, it is what feels like an eternity of rinse and repeat.

At least there is the occasional cupcake. Hormones succeed in breaking the monotony for a while.

It's not exactly rocket science. It's just a handfull of pat questions with a handfull of pat answers. And don't you dare asking genuine questions or giving genuine answers, it will result in akward silence or the ward crazies will go extra crazy.

The reason mormonism has "all the answers" is that it has defined in advance "all the questions".

In my priest quorum class we not only knew all the answers but we numbered them as well (for efficiency).

So when the teacher would ask "what do you...." We'd yell out "#4!" (repentance).

The bishop wasn't too fond of that. Also they didn't like that when we entered the room each week someone would reach up and push the clock ahead by 20 minutes. They had to reset the clock each week. That's what they get for having a clock with hands within reach.

The one word summing up the lds experience for me is bor-ring, with a capital B that rhymes with T and.... la,tee,da (however the song continues),

And those teaching/talking in the lds cult who are trying to keep anyone's attention, whether they are teaching nose-dripping-squirmy-2-year-olds or teens squirmy to catch a peek of something-or-other and who bolt out the door as quick as possible, know that in order to survive until the time allotment is AT
LAST over, knows they need H*E*L*P pronto.

They must find outside ideas---not those in the manual written by the deft and senile.

I was a primary teacher once. I had an assistant teacher as well which made things very easy for me. He was a pokemon fanatic. So he would bring in all his collections each week and that took care of that. Sharing time sucked cause we actually had to pretend like we gave a damn for nearly an hour.

Yeah, it's not very original. Like we haven't seen this before a million times. One can wonder why they are looking for gospel lesson material on a site that is forbidden, they might aswell go to a porn-site to prepare for that no-sex-before-temple-marriage lesson in sunday-school.

What really happened: They know that church leaders have strictly forbidden members to visit sites like this. Curiosity got the better of them and now they feel guilty and lash out on us to dodge the guilt and feel rightious and superior.

Licked cupcake lesson?! Hahahaha! I've never heard of that. That's hilarious. Frankly I don't think that lesson would work with me because while I wouldn't want to lick cupcakes other men have licked, I would like to lick other women's cupcakes!

Yeah, get over it, lurker. Mormons are boring and you know it. Why else would that thread topic make you react like that?

Please share this site with your friends. PLEASE. Save a life or two.

Otherwise, I hope you found great FHE material on EX-MOTHER-FUCKING-MORMON.ORG



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/16/2013 02:11AM by spicyspirit.

A Cabbie Note to Trolls from RFM...

As you are, we once were.

As we are, you may become.

I suppose it was more entertaining for some of us (the really sick ones, myself included) to spar with the like of SMAC, Snow, and Calcified Crud... Sometimes they could fill up an entire board in less than an hour... Even Van Hale put in several appearances and was always amazed when someone called him by name...

And then there was the "free speech crowd" who insisted they should be permitted here... They made it hard to tell a troll from a net rat...

I was cured of any notions along that line when one of the yayhoos impersonated me and announced that Jay Leno had just dropped dead of a heart attack.

As you are, we once were

As we are, you will become



Just a couplet

Ana

Having a bad day- an extension of Monday, and it includes a dead Jeep, brokeness, a work hours cut, an ulcer, and bad frizzy hair- and reading your wonderful prose really helps me feel better!

Is that a direct quote from Anagrammy?

Did she really say 'the manuals are full of fuck all'?

This post is completely accurate. I'm so glad I never really had to teach because I don't think I could of handled that BS. Granted...it might of gotten me out of the church sooner so maybe I should of done it.

Somebody said "Oh My Heck" and I thought that was the weirdest thing I had ever heard in my life, so I googled it, and it brought me HERE.

I was a primary teacher for what 12 years! It was really a challenge to get the little buggers to sit for 5 seconds. But I was good at it and we did all kinds of activities (all out of my dime). I played guitar. We sang songs. We had lesson visuals. I made videos with the kids and did skits. We did iron-on tee shirts for mother's day. Etc, etc, etc. That's probably why they had me there for 12 years.

I taught primary and youth sunday school for many years. I love those kids, many of them only had 2 or 3 other teachers I had them at 7-8 and got them back at 12-18.

I kept telling them to find out for themselves. That if they think they are bored now, wait until they are 40. One or two have left, I hope the rest make it out.

I am sad if I made them strong enough in the cult to resist the truth.