I have a new job and most of my co-workers are LDS. I was raised Christian but am non-practicing. Anyway, I was invited to a wedding by a girl who works in the office. I think she is Mormon and the card says: "Invite you to their Wedding & Reception".

I know I can't attend a church ceremony and I would feel awkward announcing my "lack of faith" by waiting in a special room. There is a separate time for the reception on the invitation,but only one venue is listed for both the Wedding and Reception. I assume it is a church, but "LDS" is not in the name.

Questions:
a) Would it be okay for me to attend only the reception (of course, I would bring a gift from the registries listed)?

b) Since I want to avoid awkward social/religious situations, would it be better if I did not attend (there is no RSVP instruction) and just sent them a letter that I appreciate the invite, sorry I could not make it and send a gift from the registry?

c) Other suggestions on how to handle the situation?

Any advice/comments would be greatly appreciated!

option B would handle it. There would be no need for further explanation.

Generally, if it is a temple wedding, the invitation will say so. It will say something like, "they will be sealed for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake temple, followed by a reception at [this address]". It doesn't sound like this is the case.

Even if it is a temple wedding, you would only really be expected to go to the reception unless you were family or very close friends. They don't invite everyone to go stand outside the temple during the ceremony.

You can always google the address and see if it's a church, rather than just assume it is.

Thank you for the replies. I will have to drive by the location as I can't get a street view on it in Google maps (and I don't remember a temple being there). But it sounds like I could go to the reception either way and I can opt out (with a gift) and it won't be awkward. Thank you, again. :-)

newby Wrote:
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> Thank you for the replies. I will have to drive by
> the location as I can't get a street view on it in
> Google maps (and I don't remember a temple being
> there). But it sounds like I could go to the
> reception either way and I can opt out (with a
> gift) and it won't be awkward. Thank you, again.
> :-)


It's nice of you to want to send a gift, but there's no need to "opt out" with a gift in order to be polite. Unless I were also friends with her outside of work, I wouldn't send a gift if I weren't attending--just my opinion.

(I also don't get how she can include registry info but nothing about how to RSVP? Sounds like maybe she cares more about getting gifts than about whether guests actually attend.)

I could see where going to the reception and possibly the wedding might not be a bad idea as I could meet people and it might be fun. I don't know her well enough to know what her intention is - maybe she didn't want to exclude me or maybe it's about the goodies.

Both are good points for me to keep in mind (thank you) because I suspect this is not the only wedding that will happen while I am working here.

I am not a very outgoing person so I do feel a little relieved that it is okay to not attend and send a small gift. Also since I am new in the office, I don't want to make any unnecessary waves. That's just my style - for better or for worse. :-D

The invite you got say "Wedding and Reception." So I seriously doubt if it is a temple wedding. It would say so if it was, according to tradition.

At least go to the reception. And have some fun.......

Unless you're close friends, then she shouldn't be making shallow invitations to coworkers. Instead, she has created a social dilemma for you. Maybe she's trying not to cause waves in the workplace by inviting some but not others. But maybe she's thinking, "The more guests, the more presents."

"The more guests, the more presents."

Always the money, always the money. EVERYONE does this for weddings and graduations and special occasions.

But why rude? I would say being polite and being courteous. Probably inviting everyone in her office, which is what decorum says one should do; invite all or invite none.

DavenotinTX Wrote:
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> But why rude?

Because unless the invitee has previously expressed a desire to attend the wedding and/or reception, then it puts the invitee in the position of either taking part in a social event the invitee doesn't want to be part of, or requiring the invitee to reject the invitation, which makes it seem like the invitee is rejecting the inviter as a person. No invitation = no pressure, no obligation, no decisions, no anxiety, no need for advice.

I think the concept of social obligations is kind of sick. Attending something because you feel obliged, not because you actually want to, just so you can have people who don't really want to be there come to your gathering in return?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/23/2013 01:41PM by Stray Mutt.

If you decide to attend, I would go to both the wedding and the reception. However, your option "B" would work just fine. If you send a gift, I would keep it small -- perhaps a nice picture frame. And if you don't want to send a gift, a congratualtory card would be perfectly acceptable.

Here where I live, it is common to invite co-workers to a wedding, usually the boss and those within your department, even if you're not close to them, and especially if you are inviting most. Some people get invited out of politeness so that they are not the only ones left out.

People outside that closer group you work with are invited if you are close to them.

Again, here where I live it's fun because it is always a non-mormon wedding.

I think that if you are not attending you just rsvp no and there is no need for a gift.

If you are not comfortable attending, then decline.

Good luck,