Something I realized a long time ago and wish i'd known sooner.

Relics from the past that clutter our lives can become anchors that weigh down our future.

We may not realize it. The pretty little dish, the doily that grandma made, the quilt that lays on the bed, or covers the baby.

Every Holiday the bad memories that are so lovingly stored away are brought out and put front and center for us to see every day for several weeks.

Never mind that granny was a bitch, and that quilt weighs 200lbs and the dish has a pattern that we hate.

Nevermind that our parents were snarky and fought over the chair that dad hated, but mother adored. The dishes have chips and were there for every miserable holiday.

We surround ourselves with these THINGS, and tell ourselves that they are precious. They remind us of the past. A past we are paying $100's of dollars for our therapist to help us recover from.

As the Holidays arrive, we may want to think about this beforehand.

Are we making the recipe we always hated, but feel we have to because our mother or grandmother did? Are we decorating our space with their old memories? Memories we'd rather not have?
WHAT exactly are we doing to ourselves and our children?

Is it time to make OUR memories precious? Time to make our space, our mind, and our time something to value and think about?

Maybe its time to rent a condo and spend Christmas someplace that you've never been. Forget the attic full of old ornaments that remind you of Christmas's you'd rather forget. Maybe its time to pass the old relics onto the local antique store or children that want them.

Just a thought.

My family is remarkably free of heirlooms. We have a history of denial and privation. I'm trying to collect interesting old things to leave to my son. I'd love to have just two generations of co-ownership of collectibles to establish continuity in a material sense. I guess I feel that way because it hasn't happened for me. My father intercepted everything from the generation before him and sold or traded it off.

Don,
I can also relate to that. My own family never kept a thing.Nothing. As a result, there've been times I went a bit overboard buying things. It astonished me when my children showed zero interest in having the things I had bought in an attempt to build childhood memories for them. At the time, I would have loved to had something, anything from the past.

There's a flea market close to where I live. One day I realized that if I really really wanted those things, I could go in there and buy just about everything my parents had. Not only that, but I could buy it for next to nothing and in better condition. Cheap!

It's just stuff.

I would have liked if my grandparents had left me one of two things. Memories of unconditional love and wonderful times, or things that had good memories for them.

I have to admit the few heirlooms I have are meaningful and not sad. I can only imagine how awful it would be if Grandma was bitch and Grandpa was a cranky old buggar, and you trot out their 'stuff' evey year at holiday time. I would heave them into the rubbish and make your own memories in that case.

No one else wants the relics, either. Things are. Of selling, these days. No one wants gold guilted china and sterlingsilver that can't go into the dishwasher, or old style oil paintings in ornately carved frames, or Hummels and hand painted plates. Yet, there is value and workmanship in these heirlooms. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Just try to get rid of fir coats. People almost spit at you!

My children like modern, clean, simple and spacious.

iPhone won't cooperate. What I means was, gilded china and other relics don't sell, these days. What charity takes antiques as donations? Anyone know?

You might try a consignment store or an auction house, Joy. Actually, silver cutlery can go in the dishwasher (all but the hollow knives.) My SIL uses hers every day and throws it in with everything else. Just make sure it isn't touching any stainless steel.

Amazingly, the relics we keep are evidence of happy times or of long ago family history. We have antiques going back to the 17th century, photographs back to about 1840 - of people in our history we never met but know about. We have books back to the 18th century. We have cameras in our family, including one used to take the only known picture of the Wright brothers together. We had - it is now broken - a Christmas ornament our whole family adored from the 1940s. We have a set of dishes which have been in the family since about 1830 - a set for 12 some never used because our family history in that line had small families. Yes, our home is overfilled. But we are also filled with wonderful memories. My parents never argued. Out home was not only a refuge for family but also for friends. My DW and I have had the same: not only twelve children who get along together, but friends they had who were "adopted" into the family.

I am sorry the OP and others had problems but they should seek to end the cycle.

that have good memories. I do hope there are things my kids will want. After my parents died a few years back, things that had no meaning, took on meaning. They may not have been perfect, but there are so many good things they did and so many good memories.

I think it is very important to have tradition. I know for my children--there were many things that helped them because of our own situation that were tradition, something they could count on even if it was the nativity set my mother made for me 35 years ago. My daughter has already laid claim to it. I think it comes down to what has value to you and what only reminds you of pain.

When my ex left, I changed the entire house. Painted, pulled up carpet. I even had painted floors for a while. I just needed to put the past behind me. When I pulled up my carpet, everyone was SHOCKED--except my therapist. He said he could tell that I was ready to move on.

The important thing is to decide for yourself what has value and what doesn't.

I moved to a smaller space eight years ago and the best thing about it was getting rid of the relics of the past, that weighed me down. I don't have memories stuffed in closets and stashed in bins. I only kept the things I love. My bedroom is an homage to the women in my family, past and present and is over the top girlie and filled with wonderful memories. The rest of my space is more minimally decorated, but there is something special in each room.

I loved your post madalice, especially the part about the holidays.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/21/2013 12:20PM by releve.