The fear. I really didn't even realize what a guilt ridden, fearful life I was leading. Nothing I did was ever good enough because I wasn't perfect. I would fall asleep during my evening prayers & wake up in a panic a couple hours later because I didn't finish them. I truly believed that god would punish me & my family because I didn't thank him for all my blessings that day.

Ugh. What a ridiculous way to live! Went out to eat with some friends & it was a real eye opener to see how fearful they are of the "world". How satan is lurking around every corner just waiting to turn them & their families into porn, drug, video game addicts.

It's amazing how much happier I've become. I'm more laid back, nicer to my kids & spouse. I am a good person because I WANT to be. Not because I fear punishment.

cl2 Wrote:
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> n/t


What does that mean when someone types +1?

It means, "I agree."

Yes! I totally understand. I felt the same way. I could never just be happy because their was always the adversary around the corner to challenge me and to test me. I always felt out of control and my family suffered because of this! It's nice to be free and realize sometimes "things" just happen for no reason. It has nothing to do with my worthiness or lack of!

Agree, knowing I have nothing to repent for.

I don't miss some dickhead in a black suit scowling at me while asking me about my sex life

+1. Those dickheads ruined my entire engagement because I dared to have sex with my fiancé. The man I loved so much & was about to marry. I was a grown ass woman. The whole wedding was delayed & I had weekly visits to confess. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. All to get married in that ridiculous ceremony that had NOTHING to do w/either of us! Still bitter about that one.

I was so (still am in some aspects) emotionally, guilt-ridden brainwashed that I did not want to have premarital sex. My fiance (not a member) was respectful in my request. And in retrospect, I was not physically or emotionally ready for it anyway. Six years later, he blames that as a reason he's not 100% satisfied with our sex life. After that, I will not be encouraging my daughters to wait until after marriage. I will encourage them to use good judgement and wait to be in a committed relationship, but I will not be endorsing "no premarital sex".

Just a suggestion about the comment
"I will not be encouraging my daughters to wait until after marriage.... wait to be in a committed relationship, but I will not be endorsing "no premarital sex"."

In studies of the brain it's found that the amygdala in women & teenage girls functions quite differently than that of a male. Just a few times having sex with a man and the female is hooked. It's as if her brain glues her to that man. In females there's certainly a range of how many incidents of sex it takes to become glued, but for some women it only takes ONE time - & these are usually the younger females. (this is also hypothesized as a reason women cannot leave an abuser).

It's very important also to realize that a young female/woman is not experienced enough to recognize the difference between a committed relationship and a "not committed one." They'll always believe they're in a committed relationship; all it takes is a feeling or a few words from a man that lead her to believe it.

There are way too many instances of this found in studies.

I'd strongly encourage any parent to tell their daughter to wait until she's married. (or at least the night before the wedding)

By the way, with your husband saying things to you as you just said I have to point out that HE is abusing YOU.

He's claiming he's unhappy because of something you didn't do 6 yrs ago? Sounds like he's an outright cruel person. I very sincerely hope you can see this. (I was unable to leave my husband who abused me in this way for years -- and I now understand I couldn't see it because my brain was glued to him. I could not see the abuse; I could only care about him & feel bad about myself).

Please tell what he said to you to a very qualified therapist.

IMHO you need to get out of that relationship before the physical abuse becomes severe (I was unable to see the physical abuse either until it was repeated several times a day -- body ramming that I just thought was him being clumsy). It took me 6 months after that before I was able to stop having dreams of love toward him. Please contact your local Women's Crisis Center or any charity & ask if they can tell you how to contact your local organization to help abused women. Phone them & don't stop there. Make an appointment & go in to talk to a counselor. Make notes of what he says to you, otherwise you will forget - your mind wants you to forget. Tell the counselor the things he says to you. Make a plan & if I were you: file for divorce and get him removed from the house.

What he said is horribly cruel. It will likely take you more than a year to realize all the cruelty he's done to you. Does he sincerely apologize quickly after saying something like that? Does he lie to you, even about things that don't seem very consequential?

The situation does not sound safe for you!

Yes! Oh what a wretched, sinful person I thought I was. My husband would want to watch a movie. If I thought the language was too bad, I'd just give him a "look" and he'd turn it off. We laugh all the time at what an insane bit*h I was!

Your husband must love you a lot :)

He does now. I think it was more of a fear based love before. Lol I have a lot of making up to do!

This is one reason why I don't like the idea for my children to attend (any) church. The motivation to do right comes from fear (fear of God and ward members) and not from actually from wanting to do right. I call it scare tactics. And it's down right medieval.

Once you decide for yourself what you want to do in your life, you own it. It's not because you are a Mormon, or not. It changes from "I can't because it's against my religion" to "No, thank you, I don't ...". For example, I agonized over not drinking alcohol. I traveled to Europe a few times after high school, and I read the Word of Wisdom lots for strength. (Back in my goodie-goodie days, ha ha). Then I tried a sip here and a sip there (and a couple jokesters spiked my Coke) and I decided myself that it's just not for me. I no longer attribute it to being "Mormon" or growing up Mormon, but it's my decision and I no longer dwell on it. And I married a German, who doesn't drink either (he's not Mormon!)

" And I married a German, who doesn't drink either (he's not Mormon!)"

Is he really German??????


LOL...just kidding. He doesn't like good bier then I take it....

ha ha! Yes, it is a little different, but actually there were quite a few Germans I met who don't drink or drink seldom. He drank quite a bit as a teenager and decided after a night of binge drinking and a bad hangover, that he doesn't like the taste. Because I don't drink, it's a big plus for our relationship!! :)

One of my few friends is an atheist Swede who doesn't drink at all either. He never developed the taste for it.

Yer mom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "The fear. I really didn't even realize what a
> guilt ridden, fearful life I was leading. Nothing
> I did was ever good enough because I wasn't
> perfect. I would fall asleep during my evening
> prayers & wake up in a panic a couple hours later"....
> "Ugh. What a ridiculous way to live! Went out to
> eat with some friends & it was a real eye opener
> to see how fearful they are of the "world". How
> satan is lurking around every corner just waiting
> to turn them & their families into porn, drug,
> video game addicts"...."It's amazing how much happier I've become."

This cult makes people sick.

Constant guilt about not doing and being enough - not for humanity, but for an organizations arbitrary rules and rituals... Yep, don't miss it!

Ain't that the truth.....

It's like I let myself out of a mental prison, that I didn't even realize I'd been put in.

I know. After awhile you never think about it unless something specifically forces you too. Then it's mind boggling to think that I used to spend my days thinking Gawdalmighty and Satan were watching everything I do and micromanaging my life, my thoughts, Satan and "the spirit" constantly trying to sway me one way or the other. Now I just live my life. My thoughts, feelings, what I do in my alone time, and all of that are just mine and I don't share them with anybody. Unless I want to. And I never think anyone's watching me. How creepy was that?

Guilt is a weapon used artfully by the TSCC and in their families.
Church:
Guilt is a major factor requiring compliance in the following...manipulation and guilt trips if you don't fall in line.

Church callings
Paying tithing
Cleaning toilets
Home teaching
Visiting teaching
Worthiness interviews (TR, PPI, advancement, etc.)
Scripture reading
Family home evening
Attendance requirements
Fast offerings
Missions
Dating (members only)
Dating outside of race (now old doctrine)
Temple marriage
WoW
Service
Obedient
Constant prayer
Servitude to leaders
Loud laughter
No tats
No multiple ear rings
Long dresses
White shirts and ties
Bearing testimonies
Get married early
Chastity ( don't touch that! )
R rated movies
Shopping on Sunday
Scouting participation
Buying church magazines

Families using guilt with spouses and children to manipulate participation in all of the above.

Using guilt as a weapon, although successful in the short term, will cause resentment and noncompliance in the long run. The church after pounding guilt into the members for years now see a flood of people leave TSCC and the abusive tactics.

Like any abuser the church now wishes you to return! They love you, miss you and would love your money... Um I mean companionship. Come back...come back...come back.

Sorry, TSCC we will not come back. We have partaken of your fruit and find it nasty and your manipulation of members the most evil contrived upon mankind.

^^^Awesome post.

Guilt is attached to common human practices--masturbation, sexual thoughts, substance use, avoiding boring meetings. This assures that everyone will carry a hefty guilt-load. To ease the burden of your guilt, you are advised to give money and time to the very group that gave you the guilt.

What a racket!

The non-specific guilt that mormonism fosters is equally pernicious.

Everyone in mormondom is under the guilt-cloud.



Even looking at a coffee-bean is cause for terror ...

the HARM LDSInc does? I guess I will just never understand it. If an adult makes an informed choice I am fine with it but I will never understand how people can knowingly do it to their kids.

I completely agree, no more fear of judgement and guilt for being a normal human being.

I'm so sorry you and your husband had to go through that year of intimidation and judgment. You should have been allowed to be a free, happy honeymoon couple, that first year. You are right, the rules and ceremony was not about you.

There are so many GOOD things in life, that the Mormons ruined for me:

--Loud laughter
--My friendships with non-Mormons (which were truer, deeper, and longer lasting).
--Fun with the family on Sundays.
--Fresh air and sunshine.
--Sleeping in with the Sunday paper and a cup of coffee.
--Great sex, without procreation in mind.
--Cool, lightweight, one-layer of clothing in the summer
--Shorts and bikinis at the beach
--Playing music by the Great Masters (now not allowed)
--Good rock music, R-rated movies, wine, etc.
--Being a working mother
--Being a fun-loving single adult, and choosing to remain single
--Raising my children "without the priesthood in the home"
--Donating to charities other than LDS, Inc.
--Working to save the planet, recycling, cleaning up the parks and wild spaces, helping homeless animals--Mormons accused me of being a "tree-hugger." Probably any type of do-gooder work is considered by the Mormons as a waste of time, because it is time that the cult wants you to devote to following their orders.

--Earning, saving, spending money, and keeping it a private matter. The cult wants your money for malls, more real estate and business investments, first-class tickets, resorts, etc.

There are some very positive, uplifting pursuits that are necessary to independence.

We were trapped by our fears.

+1
The beauty of life emerges as you free yourself from bondage.

LDS Inc promotes OCD.

Not to be arrogant but I think the reason I left was because I wasn't afraid of it all. I just kept making excuses for why the church behaved in such a domineering manner. I would tell myself it was just a bunch of old-school priesthood who weren't thinking straight. I'd make excuses for the bigotry and misogyny. Those were just the olden times that haven't quite died out yet. I never felt guilty for turning down a calling. I knew my capabilities, strengths and weaknesses better than some ignorant bishop. He was just doing his best but I knew myself better than he did. So, when I finally got the information I needed (truth) about Mormonism, it was no great hardship to leave.

I'm sorry so many of you lived in a a world of fear. I was living in a world of apologizing and cluelessness. How could I have felt so sure of a religion that confused me so much? That I'll never know. I think I was just too naive and ignorant.