I have a much younger brother who I helped raise, and I was hopeful that he would turn out--ahem---a little more like me than like the rest of our TBM family. During his early and middle teens he loved for me to take him to the local cafe where he would order one of those candy-bar-in-a-cup drinks with a hint of coffee in it, and we'd play chess and talk philosophy, ethics, religion, etc. His mind seemed so open then.

But now the kid is 18 and as TBM as they come. I think he didn't want to hurt me by telling me directly that he now fully believes, so instead he quietly pulled away and that hurt even more. Now I learned that he is going to serve a mission, and it kills me. I already miss him, and now he'll be gone two full years. He will miss my wedding. Well, I guess I'll miss his too no matter when it happens, because I'm not worthy! That damn church does not support family. It supports itself at all costs, families be damned!

Sorry for your disappointment. It is totally understandable. Ask him about your wedding....how he will miss it and due to RULES in the cult you will miss his and does he think that is right? I would not hesitate to mention a few things that will keep you two at least somewhat apart and if he thinks a religion that promotes family should do these things to separate blood relatives. I would write to him on his mission and talk about all the fun things you did together. Keep his mind occupied with real life as well as his stupid mission duties.

Try to keep the lines of communication open. I would tell him kindly, "I hope that you enjoy your mission." ;)

As disappointed as you are that he has chosen the TBM path, now is the time to show him that your love for him is unconditional, and that you respect his choices even when you disagree with them. The LDS Church wants to divide you from your brother, but they won't succeed if you don't let them.

Send your brother off on his mission with sincere wishes that he will stay safe and be enriched by the experience. (If he thinks it means that he'll gain "blessings", but you mean he'll realize that it's all a fraud, who will know?) Send him letters full of your life as you plan and celebrate your wedding. Tell him that you wish the mission rules allowed him to come for important events like weddings, and that you miss him.

And someday, if he marries in a temple, find a nice little coffee shop to hang out in during the ceremony. Tell your brother that you'll happily join everyone for photos as soon as someone calls your cell phone to say they are done inside.

My condolences that he believes in the cult.

Your happiness is not your brother's responsibility. It is yours.

Guilt tripping is low class, regardless of the religious affiliation of who is doing it. Don't do things like saying "well you know, if you go on a mission, you're going to miss my wedding."

In short, don't use the same tactics Mormons use. We all hate when they do it. It is often difficult to take the high road. Take it anyway.

Good advice.

So did my cute nephew. He was such a cool kid - before. Now, probably turning into a zealot like his older bro.