I was feeling a really nice feeling this afternoon. I usually have to sleep days, and I was lying in bed hoping to sleep, but not trying too hard. And the whole time I was feeling what I chose to call moral peace.

It was "a compound in one" of several things I could identify. One was a sense of my own worth, and that it's important to me and others that I get things done and present myself well. And in trying to get things done, that I try often and honestly, but not create unrealistic deadlines.

Another element was something left over from last Saturday, that I don't need to feel guilty or defensive (especially defensive!!) about most of the mistakes I make or have made. The moral values always come up again in new situations, and that's when I have to decide what I want to do.

A third element was just keeping quiet. I've realized that I tend to have a noisy mind, replay incidents of conflict from the past, and talk to myself to force myself to do things. None of it really seems to be necessary.

For some reason it all came together today, and on top of those ideas there was this easy peaceful feeling. And then there was a knock on the door, and the missionaries were there "trying to get to know the members in the ward." If I were still superstitious, I might think that was a sign that God wants me to talk to the missionaries or go to church. But I just said "sorry" a couple of times and closed the door.

That's why I'm up now, writing this instead of lying in bed. I think it's frustrating to the bishop that I'm here but won't talk to anyone. I suspect he's just looking for someone to excommunicate, but oddly enough they've got nothing on me. And I won't give them anything.