My sister just started dating a guy who left the church about two years ago. They go bar hopping together, so it seems that he has cut ties. I asked my sister to probe into the reasons and circumstances. She told me that he and his friends dressed up in an obviously political Halloween costume, and for some laughs wore it to church. They were disciplined by the bishop and he was disgusted by how intrusive the questioning was. My sister has been inactive since college and her current beliefs are light years away from Mormonism. My concern is IF my sister gets serious with this guy, and let's say marry, would he go back into full membership when they have children as the church is often known as a "good" place to raise children. First, that's a lot of ifs and secondly I'm learning that I don't trust detached members' motives, especially RMs.

I've seen it happen, but it's usually the woman who feels the pull and goes back. You'd have to have a long talk with this guy to see whether he still believes down deep but is just taking a temporary vacation from church.

It happens all the time. Just because someone isn't a practicing Mormon doesn't mean they aren't Mormon.

He'll probably "come around" and want to raise his kids in the church.

As long as he still believes the church is "true" he has a VERY good chance of coming back.

I think you would have to start a conversation with the guy where you go over all the problems for the church, If he laughs, makes fun of the church and agrees they are horrible he is probably safely out. If he acts suspicious of your claims, defends the church or doesnt want to talk about it he is probably a believer who is on hiatus from practicing.

My sister's present husband was exed 20 years ago and has never been back to church. His previous wife died 4 years ago (They were still married). He buried her in her temple clothes. (probably her wishes - ?..) but she was not active/attended nor had been.

My sister (who is resigned from the Morg) married him 2 years ago. She has to be very careful not to mention the church or her animosity toward it around him as he gets very agitated and defensive. Even though he is no longer a member and doesn't seem interested in ever becoming one again, he behaves as though he still believes it is true. and he still hangs on to the belief that tscc is the one and only. Sis and he agree to NOT discuss it.

Just saying that I believe there is a good chance the boy friend remains a believer even if he is inactive and parties. If it matters to the gal, she needs to get some clarifications as to his real beliefs aside from the sex.

If he wants to go back, he could always blame it on a bad experience with a lousy bishop. After all, "the church is true," even if people aren't.

Its not so black and white on whether someone is a real TBM or they are something else. A while back we had a guy on here who used to be a Bishop and full-time Mission President in the church tell a story about a kid who was his workout partner at a gym. The kid was 18 years old. He had a girlfriend and they regularly spent the nights together on Friday/Saturday (sex included) and went to church together on Sunday. Their plan was for him to go on a mission and for them to get married in the temple when he got back. The guy on here was faithful to his wife but no longer active because he doesn't believe in the church anymore and thinks its a man-made religion. Well his workout partner called him to repentance and told him to come back to church because he knows that the church is true and led by a true prophet. In the meantime he and his girlfriend are still staying the course of sex -> mission -> temple marriage.

BTW this was before the new revelation changing the mission age to 18 for the boys.

There are plenty of people out there who don't give a sh*t about the LDS rules but still believe that the LDS church is true and that the Great Plan (i.e. Exaltation, Celestial Kingdom, church being the gateway) is the truth. I don't know how they do it. In my case I suddenly came to discover that the BoM was fiction (thanks to my follow up research on the Simon Southerton story about Lamanites/DNA) and thus the shelf came tumbling down and then I spent the next 5 months still as 2nd Counselor in my Ward's Bishopric. It took me nearly 2 years from the time I discovered that the church is a fraud until I went inactive.

There have been a lot of challenges in my life since then. However I have no regrets over leaving the church. And I have no regrets over divorcing my ex-wife. My only regrets are that I didn't get out of manipulative situations sooner. My life has never been better than it is now.

alx71tx Wrote:
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There are plenty of people out there who don't
> give a sh*t about the LDS rules but still believe
> that the LDS church is true and that the Great
> Plan (i.e. Exaltation, Celestial Kingdom, church
> being the gateway) is the truth. I don't know how
> they do it.

There's an increasing tendency in American culture to take religion a-la-carte, sometimes called "cafeteria religion." A little of this, a little of that. I see it as forming a belief system that makes the individual feel good about himself without the burden of guilt or moral obligations.

The "work-out partner" sounds like the young St. Augustine, who prayed, "Lord, make me moral, virtuous and devout--but not until later!"

It is important never to confuse a Jack Mormon or lapsed Mormon with a former Mormon. Very different. May behave the same, may not.

One believes in Mormonism, one does not. Often times disciplined Mormons are Jack Mormons, that's where the "choosing sin" TBM credo comes from TBMs for former Mormons. They are talking about Jack Mormons.

You are messing in your sister's life with the intent of doing her good. This practically guarantees you will make things worse in one way or another.

I don't feel it's appropriate to talk with her boyfriend about how he feels about the church (at least at this point.) But I can talk to my sister about it. That's my concern as well, about butting in. I made myself anonymous in case this guy is posting here as well! I hopefully made his story as general as possible.

My sister recently told me that while they were fooling around, she saw his garments. She asked him why he's still wearing them-- 1 1/2 years after becoming inactive and doing stuff that is obviously against WOW & Standards of Youth-- and he said that he just hasn't gotten around to buying boxers.

That's just crazy to me. I don't have personal experience with garments, and apparently men's are more comfortable, but boxers are in every corner store! I doubt he's that lazy... he still must believe.

SUSAN....Please allow links....people are bailing because they are being better informed on Red dit ex Mormon. this is a great site but people have a hunger for/cut and paste truth. I talk to those people every day. We are all on the same page and and all want to end the enslavement of people in Mormonism , if its a matter of money I will pay for it....



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2014 12:52PM by nonutard.