Is Religion in general and Mormonism in particular, based on the Parent-Child Relationship?

I have often referred to the LDS Church/Mormonism as the Red Headed Step Child of Christianity. It takes it's cue from the Bible and uses the Parent-Child relationship in their own unique fashion.

Are Mormons typically very child-like in how they talk and behave as leaders how they parent, and how they treat their spouses and others?

Of course, not all Mormons are like this, however, there seems to be a preponderance of this child-like, parent-child relationship behavior and attitudes in the Mormon Church and it's generational culture.

Are these core beliefs: I am a child of God, the Bishop is the Father of the Ward, pray to Heavenly Father, etc, responsible for instituting a parent-child relationship in the LDS Church? Is their Line of Authority, which is all male, an extension of the parent-child relationship, right up the chain of command to Jesus, and to Heavenly Father? As a side note, I just assumed the Holy Ghost was male also! :-)

Do these basic core doctrines, and teachings produce child-like members who never mature into actualized adults in all facets of their lives. From my experience, I can say, firmly: YES! Not always, of course, but so often it's noticeable.

As a young adult convert, I noticed that the Utah generational culture, in general, tends to talk in tones for teaching Primary aged children, and even some of the adult classes take on that tone.

It is more common with the women, but men do it also, just a little differently. They tend to talk "down" to women using a condescending tone, in particular as if they were talking to a 10 year old. Is it their notion of the "preacher voice" -- soft, supposedly "Christ like" and non-offensive? I think it is!

I have always objected to being talked to and treated like I was a ten years old. The child-like gentle, overly sweet, syrupy tone by husbands and wives was disrespectful, in my view. It was predominately Utah generational Mormons that exhibited that peculiar tone.
The epitome of that tone is, of course, GA Speak, or the GA drone. That adds the voice of authority into that very controlled gentle tone!

This tone and manner of speaking is, from my observation, and experience, a combination of the generational Utah accent or drawl, if you can call it that, and the child-like attitude demanded and expected from their teachings and reinforced in the day to day life relationships with others. Particularly other members.

I noticed these kinds of behaviors probably more acutely, because I was a young adult convert. I had never experienced anything like that before. I had a mild case of culture-shock when I moved to Utah and lived in BYU Married Student Housing, from Oregon in the early 60's.:-)

Did you feel like you were a child being governed and supervised by a parent: the bishop (father of the ward) and other leaders? Did the Bishop chastise you like he was your parent? Did he treat you like you were a child and could not be trusted?

As a woman, have you had the experiences of having a conversation with a male Mormon who looked at your husband and directed the reply to him as if you were not there? They tend to do that, almost automatically. Very odd.
I have never seen that anywhere else but in the LDS Church.

Did the "garment feel-up" come across as your mama checking to make sure you had your undies on and dressed properly to go outside? This is one of the weirdest intrusive things Mormons do. Don't they know that is rude, intrusive? Don't they know not to check other people's underwear? Where did this entitlement come from? Unbelievable!

I have had this happen many times. Disgusting behavior. I am sure I am not the only one! I just thought they were being friendly when they gave me a little hug, until they ran their hand across my back, and I could feel them checking my garment line under my outer wear! Once they determined I was "worthy" I was given even more loving acceptance!

Part 2:
The Parent-Child Relationship, leaving the LDS Church and becoming a mature adult. Was this part of your process?

This excessive, authoritative control -- both overt and covert -- is the predominant reason why leaving the Mormon Church is fraught with so much consternation and confusion. Many are confused and confounded about how to change their world view from the child to the parent role.

It is as though the members have been told that one and one equal three and finding out that is incorrect is an intense blow. Their world has been turned upside down and now it is necessary to find a way to make life make sense with reliable, empirical factual means.

The process of extricating and untangling one's mind from being immersed in that very often regulated, excessively authoritative controlling environment, in the parent/child role, with it's restraints, rules, unwritten expectations, and a long line of authority micromanaging every facet of one's life, is fraught with extreme exasperation, irritation, and aggravation, resulting in a roller-coaster ride of emotional turmoil when trying to change our role in the world.

This overwhelming process leaves the person confused and floundering for some semblance of sanity, scrambling to retain their self esteem, self respect and self confidence which is assaulted by the Mormon Thought Police at every turn. Ingrained thinking as a child leaves many adrift when the parent figure - the Mormon Church is discarded. Fortunately, I was a convert. I had a built in monitor that wouldn't let it completely control me! Got much too close for comfort though. I never could adopt that syrupy, soft, gentle tone of voice though!

Often, those leaving Mormonism find themselves questioning why they didn't see the falsity of it in the first place, recognize that they were children in a parent/child relationship with no real adult role, and beat themselves up in the process of their attempts to make sense of it all. It usually takes months to years to unravel and untangle the web Mormonism has woven in one's mind. It's not just a religion, it's a generational culture with long established traditional rituals that are automatic thinking scripts.

The tangled web Mormonism's parent/child role is woven in the minds of it's members is so subtle that most members are completely unaware of it's deep and lasting impact long after they have left the church.

As a convert, I realized that I did not appreciate being treated as a child, and once I left Mormonism behind, I could be an authentic adult. Fortunately, I had a "leg up" as a convert, and could rely on my early upbringing and background as a foundation to guide me in stepping out into the real world of ideas. What wonderful freedom!

I've had that experience when talking to the bishop outside his office, he looked at my ex-husband and replied only to him, as if I wasn't there. I was an adult convert, so it was a shock to me when that happened.

I never went to the temple, so I didn't have to experience the garment feel-up, which is something that would have made me extremely uncomfortable as I don't like to be touched by random people.

One of the reasons why I ended up leaving when I did is that I hated being treated like a child, and for me the last straw was before my divorce was even final, getting an invitation to a singles dance, with a strict dress code.

adoylelb Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've had that experience when talking to the
> bishop outside his office, he looked at my
> ex-husband and replied only to him, as if I wasn't
> there. I was an adult convert, so it was a shock
> to me when that happened.
>
> I never went to the temple, so I didn't have to
> experience the garment feel-up, which is something
> that would have made me extremely uncomfortable as
> I don't like to be touched by random people.
>
> One of the reasons why I ended up leaving when I
> did is that I hated being treated like a child,
> and for me the last straw was before my divorce
> was even final, getting an invitation to a singles
> dance, with a strict dress code.

adoylelb -----
Not going to the temple saved you from this kind of thing.
This is the worse case I ever heard of:

"MIL got to garment-second base with my wife!

What is garment second base? Getting felt up under the shirt to check for garments. Now I am sure there are many here with crazy stories about various ways of being felt up for garments, but I will admit that this was the first time I had personally heard of someone sticking their hand UNDER the clothes and rub the skin! I want to hear your stories, but for now here is mine."

Read the rest here
See this link: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,13048,13521#msg-13521

awesome!

About a year ago and 4 months after I stopped attending church,my ex bishop called me into his office.(The reason I had stopped going was because of the serious mental and emotional abuse my dh was heaping on me. I refused to go to church and sit by him,so I just didn't go.) I am 58 years old and he is 35. I have a daughter older than him,and 2 kids close to his age. His oldest child was 6. So when he starts patronizing me (oh,and he had JUST been made bishop)and thinking I was going to cower to him-he got a real shock.I told him he had no business trying to councel me as I had a trained professional therapist I was seeing. Even as I am telling him all the crap dh had done to me he never once took me seious. His treatment of me was the push to start investigating mormon history. I was actually happy to find out what a joke the lds church was,because my ex bishop was certainly a joke.

I'm seeing the bizarre parent-child relationship happening with my two nephews. My sister demans obedience-or else. Obey every command, even if they're unreasonable-or else. Don't you dare have an unhappy look on your face-or else. I just found out one is seeing a psychologist at school. The other day he even said to me that he "isn't allowed to tell us things that happen to him." I would really like to know what the hell is going on in my sister's house.

Is that the word? Infantization? Is it a real word? The spell checker said no. Anyway, you know what I mean: In the LDS church there has always been an attempt to act like little children, particularly among TBM women. I don't know how many women or men are willing to own up to that. But you see it in the lessons, the songs (I dare not call them hymns) that are in the song book (I also dare not call it a hymn book), and just in the ways that people begin to interact with each other. It's a nutty affectation, and who could take Mormons seriously if they're always needing to act like this? I think it's integral to the whole parent-child thing you write about.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2010 09:41AM by Soft Machine.

infanticide. The churches don't treat adults as infants. That's a totally different thing.