I went to a friend's 85th birthday party today. It was so good to see her.

I found myself in a room filled with people that I haven't seen in a very long time. People I love dearly. They were so happy to see me. I was enveloped in many a big warm hug. I miss those people.

But there was definitely an awkwardness on my part. I don't think any of them knew that I'd left, except for the friend I went there with.

One of them said, "You've been a member of the Church for a very long time." I always wondered what I would say if faced with that situation. I always thought that I'd say something like, "Thank you, but I'm actually just not religious anymore."

But in this situation, it felt like my beautiful friend was celebrating her 85th birthday and I did not want to be obnoxious.

I just smiled and nodded a lot. To that friend, I said, "Yes, I was baptized a very long time ago." I just left out the, "But I left ..." part.

Another friend talked about his mission, because one of his sons is currently on a mission, and he talked about how he'd almost lost his testimony on his mission after talking to anti-Mormons. But he said that there was nothing more powerful than the bearing of ones testimony. Again I refrained from talking about how feelings are a very poor judge of truth.

On the way home, I was filled with mixed emotions. I felt so happy to see my dear friends. I haven't seen most of them for over a decade. I really miss them. I guess that's the one thing that I do truly miss. We had a wonderful sense of community. We older Single Adults used to sit with the ladies in what they called widow's row. They were the most fun ladies in the ward. I would always have chosen to sit with them more than anyone else, and did. One of them is now 97 and another 93. They're amazing.

On the other hand, I felt like a bit of a fraud, but it just didn't seem to be the time or place to make a scene.

Then I felt a little sad, because as much as I love those people, I truly do not fit in with them anymore. I never will. I can't go back, nor would I want to.

*sigh* A happy day, but bittersweet.

Life is like that. :) I'm glad that you got to visit with them again for one day.

You're not a fraud. I had a similar experience at a funeral today. I was asked if I was still in the ward and I just said no--I didn't say I resigned. I felt similar to how you felt, having mixed emotions about not coming out and being completely truthful. But I decided I don't have to explain myself or reveal personal information that might lead to conversations I really don't want to have with people I rarely see. I think we can save our full stories for those that we're close to. We don't have to reveal everything to everyone and can still be genuine.

I'm glad you enjoyed your time with old friends and didn't distract from the focus of the event by feeling compelled to say more than you needed to. There's a time a place for everything.

lineuponline Wrote:
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> We don't have to reveal everything to everyone and
> can still be genuine.


Yeah, you're right. I guess we really have learned that there is a time and a place for everything.

Ya know what? I've grown up since I left the Church. LOL

Certainly no one could pin the excuse of, "You left because you were offended," accusation on me. The organization offended me by being a lie and openly fighting against the rights of others.

But the people that I knew? No. They were and still are great. It makes me miss them though. But yeah, today was happy, so I think I'll choose to take that away as the main emotion of the day.

You made an elderly lady very happy, and she may not have another birthday.

I think you were totally classy.

Thanks. For a while there, I thought I wasn't being a very good ex-Mormon ambassador.

When someone asks the time, they don't want the history of watchmaking.

You handled it best. Never misrepresent or lie, but you don't need to tell the "whole truth" either. A somewhat misleading, but honest, response can avoid a lot of embarrassment and bad feelings.

On one occasion, I was asked by a group of fellow workers here in California who knew that I had graduated from BYU, if I had served a Mormon mission. I looked at them with a smile and asked "do you guys seriously think I'm someone the Mormon's would want representing them?" They agreed not, and over the eleven years I worked with them the subject never again came up to my great relief.

Would have been interesting to see how they treated you if they did know. Would there still have been so many warm hugs?

That's a really good question. Most of my friends who do know about it dumped me on the spot. But I have a feeling these older gals would still be cool. For one thing, most of them have children who are no longer members. The host (the birthday girl's son) and his wife were carrying around beers.

I think it's most important to be loving & kind............and you were.

I resigned from my childhood religion...........but that doesn't mean I wear the T shirt & preach against it.


I don't talk about my sex life, my politics or religious beliefs at every occasion.

I pick & chose how I share.

It takes lots of practice to be a loving human being............without sharing all the details.

If I tell sometime I resigned.......it's because they really want to know. (although I've been know to have a beer in hand to represent who I am now)

I don't represent Ex mormonism..........I represent myself as a loving caring person.

I think your experience validates the need to be Kind, Loving & Joyful....

Good for you
KJ/AnonyMs

> I don't represent Ex mormonism..........I
> represent myself as a loving caring person.


http://media.giphy.com/media/NnGGHE0muVqpO/giphy.gif

Ugh, I wish this board let us put up gifs. The one above is of the Rock clapping.

You know, My work saw me transition from a clean cut Mormon from Utah to a liberated, long haired guy who was grabbing life by the horns. They were there when I had my first drink and they all saw me start to finish.

A few have mentioned me being Mormon, ExMormon, Former Mormon and sometimes a few have asked for clarification. I tell them that I represent myself and I don't need a religion or anything else to define me. Instead of bucketing myself into one of those terms I just removed myself from the equation. It's a great feeling.

Thank you. I'm feeling much more positive about my day now. I'm just feeling happy that I got to see my old friends and had a loving and warm experience with them.

I am feeling a little more grown-up today. That sounds funny, but I really never did begin to feel like an adult until after I turned 50, after I left the Church.

I'm realizing how far I've come in the healing process as well. I'm feeling much more accepting of people who have differences of opinion from mine, when it comes to religion.

I went through a very definite stage where I simply hated religion, but I think I'm coming out of that period now as well. I will still never have any desire whatsoever to be involved with religion again, but if someone else does, so what? That doesn't affect me. And if they have a problem with it, well, that's not my problem to work out.

It is a great feeling.

I grew up without religion. I guess my fear of death had me searching one out by the time I was a teenager. I eventually settled on Mormonism.

But I'm finding that I feel more like myself before I went on that journey, as young as I was back then. It was a much more comfortable 'me.' I feel like myself again.

I too would have mixed feelings. But that is not unusual. It happens with a variety of experiences, I've found. It seems clear to me that not everyone I know in the LDS Church has any idea I left. If they do, they don't let on or treat me differently.They are friendly and share updates about family.
I agree, the b/day party was not the time or place to bring up your change in religious beliefs.
**** Hoping I will have an 85th b/day party!! :-)

SusieQ#1 Wrote:
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> **** Hoping I will have an 85th b/day party!! :-)

Me too!