I have a niece in Utah who had a pregnancy that guaranteed 100% death of the baby, and would endanger her as well. I can't remember what the syndrome is called. It is very rare, and the suggestion is always to terminate the pregnancy. But this woman is so powerfully overcome by Mormonism that she double-thinks all doctrines and practices. For instance, instead of wearing normal sized temple garments, she buys them 2 sizes larger to make sure that everything gets adequately covered. This means that there was no way she was about to terminate the pregnancy. She began bragging that it could kill her, but that she would be rewarded in heaven.

When the baby finally came, it was so badly deformed that it was only going to live for minutes. Her husband rushed in with a couple of relatives and gave a Mormon blessing, and gave the baby a name before it died. And then the real weird happened: He built a small casket and they buried the baby in the back yard of their new home in Orem, complete with funeral service. Then they planted a tree on the grave.

Now, in most states, as it turns out, you CAN bury people on your property, but the property has to be so big and there have to be easements in place protecting the grave sites. They didn't have any of this. And now, a few years later, they're selling their house and moving. With a baby buried in the back yard.

That seems a little odd to me, since AFAIK hospitals will only release a body to a licensed mortician. And the mortician in turn will only work with authorized crematories or burial grounds.

Actually, in all but 4 states you can have the body released to you for a home funeral, but you just have to go downtown and get the proper paperwork. It's one of the services you pay for when you hire a mortician. And they charge a lot more for it. In most states you can get the body released, transport it yourself, and bury it yourself. All you need is the energy to do all the paperwork yourself, or have a friend do it with power of attorney.

Interesting. I didn't know that, thanks.

Wellllll....yes and no. The state might not have laws covering it, but cities and counties often do. For example, the Orem City Code states: "8-1-18: It shall be unlawful to bury human remains within the City, except at sites designated and approved by the City." This is in the section covering cemeteries. Whether a private residence would be so designated by the city, I have nary a clue. The also state that all burials within a cemetery/designated area must be placed in an approved concrete vault (8-1-7).

In my own county (in the Pacific Northwest), all of our water is ground water. The state may not care where people are planted, but my county certainly does, as do I. *thinks of well, fondly*

When my FIL died, I placed his coffin in the back of a u-haul trailer, and hauled him 3 states to the mortician.

I don't think this is weird at all. I think what is weird is that we are expected to pay someone else thousands of dollars to take care of this for us. Why is making a coffin weirder than buying one made by someone else? Why is burying a body in a large back yard any weirder than burying in a cemetery.

When my 7 month old died, he was buried in a beautiful coffin built by his grandfather; the liner and pillow hand made by his grandmother. Granted, it was in a commercial cemetery, but I really don't see the problem with burying elsewhere. Really, a buried infant isn't any different to the land itself than any other dead animal.

I think we, as a society, have become weird in our expectation of paying others to do everything for us.

I think you miss the point. Making a homemade coffin is highly acceptable, as is burying a body in a place you have selected. And even more desirable is being in control and not turning over all details to a mortician and then paying excessive amounts to do so. But it is illegal to bury people in your back yard, not to mention weird to want to do so. In most residential subdivisions, especially with HOAs, even burying a pet is not allowed. But then to bury and infant, and then move away as if there were no attachment is doubly strange.

Look, I still hope to be a so-called "death midwife" some day and run a "green burial" cemetery. I believe in home funerals, cheap undertaking, shroud burials, and DIY coffins. I don't believe in embalming, cement coffin crypts, steel coffins, or even burying a person in synthetic fabrics. In other words, I'm on your side in this argument, but you are focusing on the wrong part of it.

You can get permission to bury a person on your own land, but only within restrictions. The reason for the laws that are in place is to have an undisturbed place for people to rest in peace, which can't be done--certainly not guaranteed--on a plot less than, say (winging it here), 1 acre or more. There are also hygienic factors: Do you have a well? Irrigation water flowing through? In a residential setting of less than (normally) 10,000 sqft (5,000 - 7,000 is more like it) there's simply not enough room for even one undisturbed grave, particularly if you decide you just have to build a pool or patio or something. There has to be an easement or ordinance restricting what you can do within so many feet of the burial.

I agree with this, as Mormons are among the few in Western culture who dress their dead relatives before a funeral. For most Americans especially, their main involvement is taking clothing to the funeral home as they consider dressing someone part of the mortician's job. The Mormon tradition was once the norm, but that changed when the funeral home industry really became big. In much of the world, families take care of their dead relatives before burial or cremation, and that often includes casket building, bathing, and dressing the person.

that creeps me out.

I mean, it would creep me out if I bought a house and found that. I realize, everyone has to grieve in their own way but....wow.

This is mostly because I just bought a house and we uncovered a dead cat buried in the backyard which was....unsettling.

The creepy part is that someone else will find a baby skeleton. That would freak me out.

I agree, that would creep me out to find a baby's skeleton in the back yard, to the point where I'd call the police and report it. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for those who have lived in my childhood home because we did bury a cat in the backyard.

My childhood home had a few dogs, a bird and my hampster. Finding animal bones would be unsettling but human bones would give me nightmares. I'm with you on calling the police.

During the time when my father was in the last months of his life, I was in the cashier's line at a local health food store and I saw a magazine cover article on Lisa Carlson and [the first edition of] her book: CARING FOR YOUR OWN DEAD (now in a new edition and retitled: CARING FOR THE DEAD: Your Final Act of Love).

She had lived this in the immediate aftermath of her husband's death...and after I read the article in this magazine, and then I read her book, I was totally on board. It seemed so SENSIBLE, and so wise [and, in addition, would obviously save a considerable amount of money as well].

I followed what she said to do in the book, step-by-step (a couple of steps were modified along the way because of California law, but I was alerted in advance, and guided through these by the relevant people, who were incredibly cooperative and helpful to me---some telling me that they couldn't understand why EVERYONE didn't do this).

"Caring for my own dead," in this case my father, turned out to be one of the most healing and affirmative experiences I have ever had. I am very grateful I had this extraordinary---for me---experience.

Google: Lisa Carlson, CARING FOR THE DEAD. (And, again, there is a prior edition of this book titled "Caring For Your Own Dead," but the newer edition has been updated to conform to newer state (and possibly provincial, I don't know if this works for Canada) laws.)

In my case, I come from a cremation-oriented family, so there was, and would be, no burying involved. After I had the post-death paperwork in order (Death Certificate, etc.), we took my father's body (in a required cardboard container; you get one from a local mortuary, and mine was given to me free: two very big pieces of cardboard, with pressed in lines, which make a long, human-sized box, plus a matching top) to the crematory in a van we rented for the day...the crematory employees came out with a gurney to transport my father's body inside...and we picked up my father's ashes a couple of days later.

The total cost (including all legal fees for paperwork) was under $250...

...but the experience itself was priceless.

I am a MUCH better human being for having had this experience, and for that, I credit---and thank---Lisa Carlson.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 07/29/2015 03:46PM by tevai.

I'm sorry for your loss and glad you were able to show love and respect to your father by taking care of his body. DH and I are going the cremation route too.

Thank you for the story, and for validation of the home burial (and cremation) process. Home preparation is the best way to show how much you loved the individual, and used to be the standard in America. It still is the standard in many parts of the world.

We used to have an RfM poster from the Pacific NW who was involved with making burial shrouds for green burial and cremation. I wonder if she's around today.

The flip-side to this (and we're getting off-track in the argument of burying people in the back yard) was my BIL's funeral. He was "paid in advance" in one of those programs that people sell you. So supposedly, it would not cost the family anything. They went through an LDS mortuary (maybe there's the problem), and got a bill for an additional $18,000 afterward, over and above what was paid for. They charge you much like a hospital. A $40 fee to pick up some paperwork from the county may cost you $2,000 through the mortuary. Mortuaries tend to be vehicle-happy, dispatching a hearse, flower coach (generally a 2nd hearse), limousines, etc., all of which is ringing up new totals. They charge for fetching the body from the hospital, pushing and pulling the damn body around, embalming, dressing, and all that. Then you have to pay thousands for the plot, hundreds for digging the grave, a couple of thou' to unnecessarily line the grave with cement, etc., etc. It's seriously out of control.

It should be a matter of disclosure, but I have never seen that question on disclosure paperwork. Next home I buy, I am going to ask.

IF I bought a house, and then discovered in what ever way by what ever means that previously unknown to me there were human remains in the yard that had been intentionally placed there and that were not of ancient origin, there would be a law suit.

+1

I have 4 dogs buried in the back corner of my property. Only one was buried there when I was facing losing my house and we planned on digging him up and putting him on my father's farm. It is also one reason why I haven't moved or sold my home. I will be leaving my home to my children. I can't imagine leaving my baby behind in someone's back yard. I get a lot of peace going to my parents' grave.