I've had to distance myself from TBM relatives. I don't often communicate with them because they've proven to be toxic.

When I do talk to them, I notice that their mindset and maturity levels are stalled where they were when they were teenagers and we all lived in a TBM home together. It's like they haven't grown or learned much of life in many decades.

The people I socialize with have grown and changed over the years. They become wiser and more mature the longer I know them.

But TBM relatives? They are like stubborn children who still make excuses and lash out to get their way. They start with a false conclusion and gather and kind of crazy "evidence" to prove they are right about whatever is under discussion. I feel like I'm back in our childhood dysfunctional household whenever we have to interact.

Have your TBM siblings and other relatives shown normal growth and learning over the years? Or are they also stunted and immature for their age?

I've noticed this too. It's like tbm's are in a state of never-ending childhood.

My theory is that tscc prevents tbm's from doing normal things adults should have already experienced. Like watching rated R movies, going to parties, drinking, exploring sexuality, etc... Usually, the more obedient a tbm is, the more socially backward they seem.

I have a sister who married at age 18 and is now getting a divorce after 4 kids and 13 years of pure hell in her marriage. Now she's finally acting like the teenager she was never allowed to be. She's super boy crazy, always going out with different guys, and not afraid to get as physical as possible without getting in trouble with tscc.

My parents had strict rules: no dates before 16 and no relationships until you're ready for a temple marriage. So my sister and the rest of us completely missed out on dating in high school. As sad as it is, I actually felt like I was at the level of a 12 year old boy when it came to relating to the opposite sex right after my mission. I guess that sort of explains why tbm's seem so immature, it's because tscc suppresses them.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2014 05:48AM by ette.

What's also frustrating to me is the assumption that I have not changed since childhood. TBMs haven't grown, so they assume that no one else has.

--> TBMs haven't grown, so they assume that no one else has. <--

I have noticed this as well. I think it has alot to do with the fact that mormons are: binary thinkers incapable of appreciating nuance; and, have all conclusions given to them by the church.

Mormons don't accumulate many new world views or insights because the body of necessary knowledge is complete. The only thing they spend their time doing is finding facts to support different preposterous theories of the church and conspiracy theories.

Their minds are going around in a circle, and digging deep ruts each time around. The ruts get so deep, it is impossible for them to break out after a while.

My TBM mother has always been a reader. The problem is that she reads similar Mormon books constantly. Each one is a regurgitation of the last. They have different authors but nothing new to say.

They like to think they're "becoming like little children", but then they stay frozen in that state. That's not childlike. Everyone knows that children don't stay that way for very long.

Oh, yes!

(And hi, Cheryl! You were too nice to me on a previous post, but I certainly did appreciate it. It were a boost to my ego.)

That seems to be the point of a lot of Mormon "development" (so-called), to keep people in a stunted state during their maturation. People have spoken many times of the infantilization of Mormons by leadership. Keeping you in that state allows for more manipulation by religious hucksters in SLC and at home. The down-side is that it keeps people in a state of being brought down by hucksters outside of church, too, which is probably why Mormons end up so vulnerable to MLM schemes.

Yes it's just as has been posted already. Mormons are suppose to be "childlike." GA's (which seem to all be lawyers these days?) are the fountain of present wisdom. The Cannon is closed.

But the world isn't simplistic and simplistic answers don't usually solve peoples complex problems.

For instance, What is the answer for a divorced mother who just didn't like being married or can't find the right person? Answer: "We love you, your so precious, but you will be a servant to people who fared better, for all eternity."

The truth is difficult life experiences will mature a person whether the church likes it or not.

"difficult life experiences will mature a person whether the church likes it or not"

I think you underestimate the strength of the brainwashing. I know plenty of emotionally immature TBM geezers.

In fact, many of us here are still struggling against TSCC's legacy of stunted emotional growth. The gift that keeps on giving.

I heard a sermon recently by a Christian pastor who talked about this Child of God phenomenon and how it didn't mean what some people take it to mean - that we should literally remain as children. He said God doesn't need followers who act like children and that people should grow up, take responsibility for themselves and their personal growth, be mature enough to extend themselves in service and become "Adults of God." I thought how different that was than Mormonism and, no matter what you think of Christianity, at least this guy supported people becoming something more whereas Mormons want you to become something compliant - obedient - someone who can be controlled.

I remember when my daughter turned 12 and started to go to YW. She came home from church one Sunday and asked, "Why do you think so many of the YW leaders still act like teenagers?" Out of the mouths of babes...

My dil has two children of her own. She pines away for the days she was in yw. It was the best time of her life, and she aspires to stay stuck in the yw mentality for the rest of her life. Even her voice is that of a 12 year old girl. It wouldn't surprise me if she gets up every morning and recites that horrible yw motto.

This same dil has told us that it's ok to give grandaughter baby dolls, but NO princess type dolls or dress ups. I guess she doesn't want any competition in the princess department.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2014 06:42PM by madalice.

I'm pretty sure Mormonism can stunt normal masturbation.

I do think so, to an extent. They don't have the adult experiences that normal people do. Also the church always teaches that it's a good thing to be child-like.

Like teenagers, TBMs don't get to make many of their own decisions, the church/parents make their decisions for them, and they have to obey, even if they don't ant to.

Yes. A million times yes.

This, more than any other reason, explains the anger I feel at the cult. More than the wasted time and abuse I experienced during the mission, more than the thousands of wasted hours spent in meetings, more than the tens of thousands of wasted dollars, more than any of it, I am angry about my own arrested development. I am angry that it took me far into my adult years before I learned how to say "fuck you" to authority figures. It took me years to realize that authority only has as much power over us as we grant it. It all seems obvious now, but when you have been conditioned to obey from the time you are born, it can be a hard lesson to master.

Life really set me on my ass pretty hard after my mission. Funny how that worked out since I was expecting immeasurable blessings to be poured out upon me for my faithful service. But I was really set up for failure in many ways by the cult and left very unprepared to deal with life as an adult. And I made some critical life decisions based on cult indoctrination that set me on a different path in life and I can never go back and do it over.

It takes years of hard work to overcome that programming. I hate it too.

Yes, the church wants the members to be infantile as they're not allowed to watch R rated movies or do other adult things. It's one reason I think so many Mormons are obsessed with anything Disney or things like Harry Potter, Twilight, or the Hunger Games books. Disneyland vacations are the only acceptable non-church pilgrimage trips that Mormons can take without being judged by the ward gossips. Most Disney Princess stories appeal to Mormons because girls are taught that they should wait for a RM to take them to the temple.

As children are generally taught to be obedient to parents and authority figures, the church wants people to remain that way because if people grow up and start to think for themselves, they won't be as obedient.

Because they really haven't got a clue about what is going on around them and what is more they don't want to know

You can't help but notice. People hand over their emotional identity to TSCC so that it never really develops.

That's one of the worst things about TSCC because stunting emotional growth is basically the same as putting people in chains.

I feel like the church stunted my maturity. I went out into the real world thinking I was a princess of God... like they raised me to be. I acted like one. I was privlaged and had an unrealistic view of reality. Once I distanced myself from the church and got into the real world a bit more I realized I'm not special. I'm just like everyone else... and while that may be depressing to some it's lifted a burden off my shoulders because I can live the way I want and it really wont matter in the end. So I enjoy my life! It's all I have as far as I know! :)

I think it depends on the person. The thing I've found interesting is the turning over of their children to the church.

The people I know let the church tell their children how to live their lives. They won't even give the advice to wait until after finishing college to get married and have kids to their own children. Who gives a crap what the profit says. GIVE your own DAMN kids the ADVICE they NEED.

I have noticed stunted growth in other "groups". Alcoholics that started drinking as teenagers seem to be stuck as well.

The longer I'm out, the more I notice it.

Mormons lose their ability to think for themselves

or have critical thinking skills. The thinking has

been done for them. They can't arrive at a solution

to something very simple unless they get a group

consensus. It's really sad. Their personalities have

been subsumed by the church.... they become just like

each other, bland and boring reflections of the group.

It's striking how different the average suburban ward member is from the historical archetypes many people see as being an integral part of church history.

Does anybody really believe that these baby talking,jello eating, Disney loving people are ever going to trek on foot to Apocalypse Zion in Missouri, save the constitution, etc?

Whatever one thinks of JS and BY, they at least did some interesting stuff. Nowadays its just a borefest you have to pay for...

This child-like devotion to the church can have terrible consequences. My mom and dad trusted a terrible man in their local stake high council with their retirement funds back in the 1990's.

I think they trusted him because of his position in the church. He "invested" the funds in spurious holdings and lost it all. I believe it was over $100,000, pretty much all they had.

If they had done due diligence and investigated this person and these investments, they likely wouldn't have done this. Several people they knew also lost all the money they gave this man.

Child-like trust is disastrous for adults; the church should be ashamed.

I'm 25, middle child of a TBM family and when I go home to visit it's like I'm with a bunch of 16 year olds. My relationship with my 49 yr old mother is nearly non-existent because it's like I'm talking to a teenager.

Arrested development is a hallmark of the LDS community.



How is it possible for an entire culture to exhibit such a symptom?

Are you serious about this Q.?
Or is this a joke?

Office Christmas party consisted of rootbeer, pizza, and watching PG version of Gladiator in conference room during extended lunch break. When asked who are we trying to protect with the PG version (all adults over 40, no children present) the room went silent. Again, I'm not part of the culture, and God forbid I should ask such a "stupid" question. I thought I was asking a valid question, but nothing but pregnant silence and some wide eyed looks like I was Satan Himself. Only answer came from the Ex Bishop, some utterance about all the crap out there and we are better than that.

Didn't know you could still get downrated versions of Movies.

Stunted maturation are words I would use. Only in Utah.

At my parent's progressive ELCA church, maybe about 5 years ago, they participated in a film-discussion series. I think the program was a non-denominational thing, going around at the time, perhaps, that their church had decided to offer as a fun educational program for anyone interested. Both my Mom and Dad (in their 80's) participated. They would view whatever the film was for that month, and then meet with the group to discuss. I thought it was interesting that more than one of the films was R rated. I clearly recall that they watched "Crash" for example. I remember hearing them talk about the series and discussion group that year and being impressed that the program did not shy away from rough subjects or treatments at all.

I seriously saw, "...mormonism can 'stun normal masturbation.'" I thought, "Whoa! What??" So... As you were. Just sayin'. I think we all know where my mind must have been.