How about....I am the president of the new janitors comittee, and my calling is important for I clean even temple toilets, and feel the spirit each time I bow my head and say yes while peering into the toilet I am cleaning. I know that the Lord inspired my bishop to call me...I had this spritual feeling that this calling was coming to me...and it did. I know the church is true and cleanlyness is next to godlyness, and I feel godly each time I get to go and clean.

I'm always prepared for that question, and I answer it with a long, boring ramble about my volunteer work. I don't mention I've resigned from the cult, unless I feel like it. I love to ask Mormons for money! It is my way of getting back at them for all the tithing they demanded I pay, and all the time and energy they took out of my life, and how they forced me to try to recruit others.

I always have a few charity and/or campaign brochures and fliers on the desk near the front door, ready to give to Mormon door-bangers.

Funny, but they don't come as often, anymore.

I am the personal assistant of the prince of darkness. Wanna sell your soul? I've got some great specials this week.

"I am called as a ex-Mormon."

Matt, I seem to be following you around. Just answered your post.
I agree. Being called as an ex-Mormon is a truly wonderful calling. And one I fulfil easily every day.

... the quorum of the seventy gay gang-bangers, and tell them their son/husband/any other single guy in his thirties in their ward is "still" welcome to cooperate, as if I had invited him before.

No seriously, I wouldn't dare to say that, but I do usually call myself president of the inactives' quorum. Not that I still get the question really. Nowadays it's usually "are you still active?" or "do you have a calling?" rather than "what is your calling?"

Must be the rainbow necklace.

Parent

I find the phrase "stake clerk" (said in a depressing tone) a good come back to the "what is your calling?" question. NO ONE wants a stake calling, they instantly shut up.

few years ago. I was sitting across from an older couple on a mission. The wife asked me what my calling was and I told her I don't have a calling. She freaked and said everybody has a calling. I told her not when you haven't been to church in 30 years.

You could have heard the proverbial Tabernacle pin drop. She started giving me shit about my being from such a faithful family etc. I wish I'd told her to shut her mouth before she started drawing flies.

or the warcraft like sentry. (I serve food to my son in law and husband Sunday mornings when they play video games together each weekend we're visiting)

the ward video game rater. I have to try them out. Call me after church & I'll report in on games you ordered reports on. It takes a lot of time to play them. But I'm ready to return and report on the latest game before you purchase them.
(insert proper gamer terms/ syntax/ typing style to improve believablity I'm not a gamer)

how about the ward hiker or dirt biker trying to find a trail to zion or the new jerusalem- holding the clearest path open just in case. still siting it out will return and report eventually.

How about the ward rock collector out trying to find a pretty enough gem stone to put in a temple Got a possibility out along a mountain road- I'll be sure to return and report, soon, very soon. I'm sure the early saints made needless sacrifices smashing all their China prematurely- if only they knew the amazing gemstones surrounding them in zion, its enough to weep. I'll be bringing some samples in I suggest would make a very nice decorative altar piece or stone decor for the next temple. Especially to fix up that tragic artistic mistake in the mini temple on the stake center parking lot- that's why you called me isn't it? Anyways- I'll be sure to return and report when I have the pick up full of rocks. I was just leaving on my next trip. What? Sunday? Well I better hurry tomorrow it'll be Monday & I have to go back to work. The Lord knows He called the right person to find the most beautiful gemstones on earth. That's my calling. No, not the Lord, gemstone collector.

I saw a former member of my ward (who had moved away) at a dance competition (I was watching my daughter). He asked me if I was the bishop yet. I replied that the day that I am called to be bishop is the day that he knows the church is false.

>Othering is a way of defining and securing one’s own positive identity through the stigmatization of an "other." Whatever the markers of social differentiation that shape the meaning of "us" and "them," whether they are racial, geographic, ethnic, economic or ideological, there is always the danger that they will become the basis for a self-affirmation that depends upon the denigration of the other group.

>When a group claims to be "chosen by God," the danger multiplies, not only for the "unchosen" other who may be subjected to violence, but for the chosen group itself that is at risk of being undermined. [In other words, convenient though othering is as a way of propping up one’s ego, it has an inherent fragility because it must constantly led be fed by the illusory inferiority by the Other – and is thus constantly at risk of being discredited – MU]

I tell them I am the ward NFL Coordinator. I watch football on Sunday and pray for all the Latter Day Saints players unless of course they are playing the Bears.

oops, wrong position on the board.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2010 09:25AM by karin.

I am called to spread the gospel of the church's "truthiness."

Ordained even:

http://www.beerchurch.com/Default.aspx?tabid=1214

Don't just feel the spirit, TASTE IT!

Timothy

and then say "Are you still into that?" in the tone of voice you would use if you found out someone hadn't heard about using a microwave. Patronizing disbelief. Then when they assure you that they are, shrug and say "Oh, well, you'll figure it out soon enough - everyone is learning the truth these days." The way you would to someone who refused to believe in the obvious but you knew they'd grow up eventually so it wasn't worth arguing about. I've found TBMs can handle anger and defensiveness from and exmo but are completely stumped by calm, self-assurance from a happy person.

membership specialist?

relief society education committee?

teaching coordinator?

these ones are all great because they're peppered with just the right amount of ambiguity.

the really depressing thing is that, I don't think there's any real problem with the majority of the tenants of mormonism becoming part of anyone's worldview. (i.e., learning things a step at a time, recognizing that everyone other person you meet is as sentient as you are etc.,) but it just...hasn't been presented that way yet.

believers in B*llsh!t, Magnet. I had just started it up a few moments before you showed up...

When i've been perficiulrly anoyed.

Ward Blinky, you mean as a blind person I can actualy get any callings?

Ward idiot, apparently every group of people needs someone to laugh at and I cant run from them.

Ward dyslexic, I read the book of moron.(at the time it was a refrance to the fact people thought I was a moron.)