I'm so hurt and angry and the response from my family has been disgusting. If I resign and tell them I've been questioning my sexuality for years, then I'm going to lose everything. It's hard enough feeling like I have no support system in my life. I truly hate the Church. I hate myself for staying in for so long.

It's hard to be in that situation. It's hard when you know your family doesn't look at you the same way, or accept and love you like they did before. You'll find people who love and support you. It's not like it used to be. Before, you were cast out and shunned with no one to go to. There are many who have been in your shoes, and accept you for who you are.

More than once I kept quiet about a problem for a long time, then finally said something about it to people and suddenly discovered that they had some ideas that would help. So I had some support, they just didn't know their support was needed until I spoke up. Granted, these were for lesser kinds of issues, so I don't want to urge you to do something you aren't comfortable with.

Please don't hate yourself. Not sure of your situation, but I think any distance you can put between you and mormons is probably the best thing. I know that's not possible for everyone. I hope things get better for you. We are here for you!

It may help to remember that the past is the past and it doesn't really matter now. What's important is that you live your life today, and do what you want to do.

^^^Yeah, this ^^^^

+1

I'm sorry you are in a bad position, xe. I know what it's like to feel you have no support system, and I know it is important to have one. I'm kind of new to this board, but I think this is an excellent place to start building your support system. I had no real support for my depression issues, and found online forums instrumental in keeping me from being isolated. Eventually I found some offline support and friends, and it helps. Right now I'm still not at the point where it is enough in itself, but I am stronger and less depressed than I was. I also have a fair amount of hope for improvement. Seek the support, I know I can be supportive of you, as will many others here.

Many people have been in similar situations as yours and gone on to have fantastic lives--like me for instance.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well. (An old saying)

Hold your cards tight to your chest until you are ready to play a few. By the end of the game you might find that the people who you thought had all the aces are only holding two's and fives. That is what the Mormons are doing. They have no straight flush, trust me. If they had a winning hand, they wouldn't have to stoop to what they are doing now.

RFM is a great place to sort out your thoughts and explore your own spirituality. Time will help you find some good non-Mormon friends who understand if you don't already have that.

Hang in there and remember you always have us. And take pleasure in the fact that you are able to see what the rest of your family is blind to. You are already ahead. You just don't realize it yet.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2015 10:44AM by blueorchid.

Great analogy!

Thank you for your responses, everyone! You guys are amazing. I'm so glad there's an active community of people like this. You're the one source of sanity in my life.

HI xe. I am a frequent reader of these boards but have never posted before. Your obviously pained post moved me to chime in. I don't know the specifics of your personal situation, but many of us share(ed) similar feelings of being stuck, hopelessness and misery. (And yes, even those of us who've been in this fight for decades think this latest policy is particularly evil)
It's obvious that at some point you are going to have to make your self and your feelings known. And you absolutely should do that. The fear will pass in an explosion of relief and a sense of all the agony of the years melting away, so you definitely should do it.
BUT- Your liberation should not be followed by even greater pain. If you are young, dependent on family, stuck in a rural place, etc, you have to really think about the time and the way you do this. You need wait until you have a place to go, some means of supporting yourself and some solid friends, offline as well as on.
So don't spend hopeless hours thinking there is nothing you can do. There is! Planning! Lay the groundwork for a safe and honest exit from a painful past into a beautiful and bright future where you live your truth and you are in control.I did, and the young me could not have believed the life the 47 year old me has now.
Good luck and much happiness in your incredible future!

How are you, xe?

I wonder about you being ok, too, xe.
Check in with us, ok?

By the way...THIS is why ex-mos are so upset about the "new policy." We know what it does to kids.

Hi!
I'm sorry to restart such an old thread, but I just wanted to check in and say that things have gotten better.

I've decided to study other religious practices like Buddhism and try to create my own spirituality that doesn't involve blindly following the Church leaders. I'm also looking into Mormons Building Bridges. The hate seems to have died down at my Ward a little bit, but it still hurts to know that people are being affected negatively by this policy.

Now that I think I've finally deconverted all the way, I'm more interested in getting real medical help for my depression instead of wasting time with my Bishop or LDS family services. I'm going to work on that as soon as the semester ends.

Good for you!!!

Good for you! So glad you're doing better. Life on the outside if good, indeed. Hang in there!

I also recommend counseling, xe. A support group like what you find here is good to a degree. But is no substitute for actual one on one therapy you could benefit from in some valuable counseling sessions.

Find someone who is not LDS, who can be impartial to the religion while able to hone in on the things that are causing you anxiety and distress.

There may be some things you can do while weighing your options with your recalcitrant family and church by extension.

It may be you need distance between yourself and them. If you can't for now, at least counseling will help you to cope with the stress your living arrangement is causing you.

I moved 2,000 miles away with my most cherished possessions packed into a foot locker. I moved back east with everything I owned packed into the smallest U-Haul available. By my third major move I had graduated to a Ryder truck. For all of that time, I lived with roommates -- 2 or 3 other people, often strangers at first, in order to keep my expenses to a minimum.

The thing is, independence is possible, even on a small income. Build your own life and visit your family on occasion.

I've had a very difficult time with this policy, too, and I am not even close to being in the position you are in.

I hope you can eventually find someone you can trust to share this with.

I didn't like the responses I heard from some TBMs either. I quit talking to them. There is so much hate in this one policy.

I told my son and ex that many TBMs are saying "This is the great test of our faith? Which will we choose?" Yes, it just might be the great test of their faith. Will they choose love or hate?

xe, you and I have more in common than you can imagine. Don't evers give up. I spent years in pain ans sadness, but after I discovered who I really am inside, things got better. Now, I have real friends, people think I'm cute and flirt with me, and I'm happy in and with myself.

Don't evers give up. It gets better.

I agree with Anna. It gets better. Check in please?

Always remember this: you're not the one who created the onerous demands and the heartless consequences. Those are weapons aimed at your personal right to be you.

Best wishes for you being you.

I left long ago when I was in college and realized I didn't have to be Mormon if I chose not to be. I knew my family and everyone I knew would desert me and I knew it would be well worth it to start new and have my freedom.

I can't speak for you, but for me it was more than worth it. I haven't been sorry once since 1967.

get a job where you work on sundays. It worked wonders for me. Management is gone for the day, coworkers are more pleasant, the commute is easier, sometimes they pay a buck more an hour. And then you don't have to deal with cousin so and so's babbly blessing etc...

You might want to search for the Mama Dragons facebook group. This is run by a group of Mormon (and less mormon) women who are trying to support LGBT youth in the church. It's a private group, so you'll have to ask to join. You might also want to check out the Utah Valley Postmormon group. Also private.

This is a rather old thread, so I hope you are doing better now.

Pick somewhere on the map that you might want to live, somewhere far from where you live now. Then tell your friends and family whatever it is that you think they might reject you for. If life gets uncomfortable, just pick-up and move to that place. Don't tell anyone where you're going. Build a new life with new friends and family-like relationships where you go. You can tell those few who stood by you where you're at if you trust them not to tell anyone else. Keep your old cell phone number if you have one so that if you call, they won't know what city you're in. You can block or answer calls from them as you want to. The key is that it's your life, you're in charge of it, and they only get to take part by following your rules.

Your Mormon life is dead. Move on and begin your authentic life. The one that God meant you to live.

We all have our challenges. Yours was being born into a LDS family.

(How's that for a twist you TBM bastards lurking about!)