I have lurked on this sight for several years and have not felt comfortable posting much until now. Now...now I need to vent and feel support from some who may understand.

I will spare the details of my upbringing for now but will say that I grew up in the church, did the mission, married in the temple, everything I was supposed to do.
I quit attending and participating about 9 years ago and separated from my wife about that same time.

She is the one I need to vent about.

She is one who follows the promptings of "the spirit" in EVERYTHING she does. She prays to know if she should shower in the morning or wait til the evening. She waits for "promptings" when deciding to attend our sons sporting events and has thus missed 90% of them and he participates on the collegiate level now. She drives around a parking lot waiting for the lord to tell her where to park. She has missed thanksgiving dinners and Christmas mornings because this spirit told her not to go, that it would be bad for her. I think she won't even take a sh*t without praying to find out if it's a good time to do it. You get the picture.
So, this morning I get a crying, hysterical message from her that she is being evicted from her house because she hasn't paid the rent for the past 3 months. You guessed it, because the spirit told her not to worry about it, that she would be blessed and that somehow it would work out. Yes, crazy! Literally, she is crazy. She is mentally ill and has refused help on many occasions. She says that everyone else is sick and that she is the only sane one.

It may sound insensitive but I refuse to help any more. I refuse to enable her bizarre behavior.

I blame the tscc for turning a once beautiful, easy going, happy woman into this unstable, irrational, non-sensible person.

End of vent for now. Thanks for listening. Any words of advice or encouragement are appreciated.

From what you've said, I'd recommend professional help. You'll probably get an argument over it, though. My father justified his antics by invoking "the spirit," so I know what it looks like. Best wishes to you.

I have a very good friend in a similar situation, but unlike you, he and his wife are divorced (but they might as well be married). You're in a very awkward situation as you obviously care for her, yet you see the insanity. You are correct in not letting her insanity pull you down.

Because she's TBM, I'd tell her that she needs to ask the bishop for help with her rent. If she says the spirit counsels her not to do that, then tell her that the spirit needs to tell her what her next steps are.

Please be very careful about the level of support you provide her. I've watch my friend get pulled deeply into financial issues that caused him great distress because he still loves his ex-wife and can't say no to her. It's classic co-dependency yet he can't get out of it.

Please post when you feel the need to vent. You'll get a lot of support and some goofy comments. Ignore the later. Very best wishes, The Boner.

Good one: "tell her that the spirit needs to tell her what her next steps are". No kidding. She listens to the spirit but when she gets evicted she comes to you?

If you think it would help, tell her that whatever she's been feeling isn't a reliable guide for living her life. She needs to make wise decisions.

But that probably won't help at all if she's actually mentally ill. Maybe contact her bishop or a family member and tell them she needs some kind of intervention and help. But I think you need to step back from the situation. You are not responsible for her, even if you do still care for her welfare.

She needs more help than you could possibly give her. Yes, I think she is suffering from mental illness. Mormonism is just putting a particular spin on it. If she were a Catholic she would be one of those extreme Catholics who attends mass every day and is constantly praying the rosary.

My TBM wife (also now ex-wife) also lives a life "guided by the Spirit."

I will cite one example:

When I was a ward clerk my wife would take me early to the bishop's home so we could travel together to PEC. One morning the bishop and I were following my wife out of their neighbourhood. The vehicle the bishop and I were travelling in was waiting at an intersection behind my wife who was driving our vehicle.

The bishop asks, "Why did Sister Idleswell turn right. Your home is to the left."

"My wife had a dream that she had an auto accident while making a left turn. She avoids all left turns until she has a dream where she takes a turn successfully."

The bishop suggested I nudge my wife to the left during the night.

Welcome!

I know one person who relies on the spirit continually, but not to the extent of your wife. My advice is to offer to assist her find help while being upfront with her that she is not acting rationally. If you do not waver in this, even she will get the message.

The Church may not cause insanity, but it definitely enables,
and, in some cases, amplifies it.

What could you possible to to intervene when she's guided by her "spirit" in everything she does? She's not going to behave rationally with anything you offer. Some people just don't make it on their own in this life. And you can't fix that.

Fasteddie Wrote:
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> End of vent for now. Thanks for listening. Any
> words of advice or encouragement are appreciated.

I'd say your attempting to assist a god. This kind of crazy is harder to deal with than just addictive behavior. How do you help her not listen to The Holy Ghost? Everyone is automatically not in tune.

Like trying to dissuade a suicide bomber for their god you are going to fail because of what you are up against.

I can only send you and your child my wish that you don't end up her collateral damage.

This sounds like delusional, mentally ill behavior, as you stated. As others stated, It sounds like mormon teachings amplified it greatly. I have never ever heard of a case where someone relied on the 'spirit' for literally every mundane, typical, insignificant decision they make on a day-to-day basis, and like most people here, I've met some uber TBMs. I would think that at least a couple of her mormon friends, maybe even someone in the bishopric, would indicate to her that this is not normal behavior, assuming that they are aware of her behavior or the extent of it. Especially with shit like not paying the rent and stuff.

I think people self-validate this 'listening to the spirit' behavior, because when they 'feel promptings', and adjust their behavior accordingly, and nothing catastrophically bad happens- or by coincidence, something good happens, no matter how trivial- they think they have been rewarded for doing what they are doing and continue doing it. I imagine in the case of your wife she has taken this to the absolute extreme.

I hope things work out for you, and you can help her by getting her the help she needs, cause it really sounds like she needs professional intervention.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/04/2016 06:24PM by midwestanon.

Even in some other churches there are some people who think they have to pray before deciding to turn left or right. My answer is that God gave us the power to decide and the brain to decide.

if the bishop is a decent man maybe you could contact him and the
"sprirt" could encourage him to suggest to your ex that she needs to seek medical help?

Just tell her the spirit prompted you that you should not help her. Then maybe she could see what it's like.

OK, seriously. Good advice above. I hope she gets help. I don't know if you have kids with her which could be a big issue.

Don't these people ever notice that almost everyone else who isn't waiting to be guided by the spirit is doing so much better and having a better life?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/04/2016 07:40PM by blueorchid.

No. Awareness of the obvious is not their forte.

:-)

As Summer and others have pointed out, if this lady is mentally ill, "helping her" is beyond just paying her bills.

I will say this, as one who has helplessly watched a family member self-implode - learn about your options now, before "the mother of my (your) children" is completely out of control.

I'm not saying that you are obligated to help her. I'm saying that if/when your (grown?) children demand that you act, you should have chapter an verse, legally speaking, to reply that you've looked into it, and that your actions are limited by law.

Nine years ago you knew what the solution was. It appears that it has just taken that long for you to accept it. The more you continue to run to her aid, the sicker she will become. Reality can sometimes really suck. I suggest you let her go and stop trying to save her. She WILL figure things out (or not).