And it wasn't until I really felt I had reached a high point with my compliance to all things TBM--but took a good hard look at where I was spending all my energy, that I began questioning. My goal was to look at the church through the eyes of an investigator (and we all know what happens then). The church asked the impossible, and interviews were a real source of torture for those of us committed to refining our lives. The first time I fudged an answer in a temple recommend interview it was a huge burden lifted. The further away from LDS inc I got, the happier I was. And the easier it was to live my life with a sense of commitment and joy.

Here's info. about how cultic Mormonism 'programs' people that may be of use: http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

I was on antidepressant medications for years because of the guilt I felt constantly. Most of the guilt was about things I "was not" doing that the morg said I needed to do in order to be a good and faithful servant and get into the CK.

This article is excellent and really puts things into perspective, and I wish I had seen it when I was suffering from depression from all the guilt. Thanks for posting it, I really appreciated reading it even though I am long past all the guilt.

I never felt good enough. Even when I was teeny in primary and I didn't know as much about the scriptures as my best friend did, I felt guilty that I did not know these things. I felt guilty that I wasn't reading the scriptures all the time, even though I did try my hardest. I felt guilty for my budding sexuality as a young woman.

As an adult, I felt guilty for not doing family home evening lessons every Monday. Every Sunday there would be a talk that would make me feel guilty. A lesson that would shove it in my face that I just wasn't perfect enough. When I went through the temple, I really was ready for it, but when I had thoughts flitter through my mind like "this is like a fricken cult" or "what the heck, this looks like a pagan ritual of some sort", I felt guilty for having those thoughts. When I went to the Celestial Room and didn't feel the spirit, but only noticed that it was a really pretty room, I was wondering if there was something wrong with me deep down....hence more guilt.

I was always impressed how TSCC could make a TBM stay-at-home mom that is following the most important rules, feel guilty. I just never felt "robotic" enough for the morg.