How can you know who is right for you?

I have to be honest love I don't know. But I do know that whoever you choose it will be hard work at times.

First, cease assuming there IS one "right person for you."
And that somehow who is "right" or "wrong" is determined by anyone other than you.

Then you can start evaluating potential mates for rational and reasonable things, instead of through some fanciful (and wrong) idea of "fate" or "destiny" or "chosen by god."

The fact is, nearly any two honest, kind people willing to work at a relationship can have a great one.

You sound like Spencer W Kimball!!

Anon 4 this one Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You sound like Spencer W Kimball!!

Not even close. Notice I didn't demand that the two people be faithful members of the church, or be temple married...:)
I also wouldn't, as he did, imply that you get married before you know much about them, and "trust in the lord" that it will all work out.

There are thousands of wonderful honest kind and good hearted men I would never consider as mates. In fact no matter how hard I or they worked on a relationship, I could never be happy.

Spouses need to have lavish common ground for good communication and congeniality.

Choosing someone like that is the most important decision of a lifetime in my opinion.

And yes, I think they do need to agree on religion unless they want to walk on eggshells for endless years.

Don't have a whirlwind courtship like Mormons are so famous for doing. It takes like a year to really get to know someone. If a couple can seriously date for a whole year without breaking up, then they might be able to make a marriage work out.

I think that it's a terrific match, and will last for the long hall.

As Heretic 2 said, don't have a whirlwind courtship.

Take the relationship slow, after a year or two try living together and make sure you're still suitable and work well together in day-to-day life before making any commitments such as engagement/marriage.

The way to find the right person, according to me, is simply to meet new people as often as you can. Go out and socialise. Especially in the environments which are based around your interests & passions. Whenever you meet someone you're attracted too, go on a few dates with them and see how it progresses.

Eventually something will just click.

Also, another Mormon thing is to get married really young. Remember that there's no rush, learn who you are first and grow your own interests before worrying about finding a potential partner to settle down with. Divorce rates are high so you'll be sure to find a potential partner no matter your age.

Good luck,
Anon99.

Oddly, my match turned out to be someone with a very different personality than mine. Matching is not always best, sometimes complimentary personalities work together. She's a frank, outspoken, task oriented planner. I'm an introverted thinker, tend to procrastinate and live within myself. Yet somehow, we've made it work for nearly 20 years now.

I'll have to echo Susan and go with Time.

Spend time with people.

it's 2 parts:

Finding & Developing.


Finding Is the tough part, Developing is 'simple' given 2 people who:

*Put Love as #1, Kindness, Honesty, etc.
*are eager to make adjustments, 'Fine Tuning'
*are Reasonable (boundaries) in ALL THINGS

Based Around: Skills & Desires



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2014 09:07PM by GNPE.

It does not matter what you think that you want !

The thing that matters is MORmON Jesus / LDS Inc getting what they want.

In Pervert Joe SMith's case it meant Joe getting anything that he fancied. IN your case, the only thing that matters is IF the other person is a faithFOOL latter day saint that will see to it that you abide by LDS standards too, mostly like paying tithing to LDS INC.

If that requirement is met then you can be secret handshake shackled to anybody! No matter how repulsive and out of it that they are. That is what prophet kimball says.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yCm4zFVIe0

This was an o/t thread... by the way. Ot means off topic..

You'll be more likely to meet other people who like the same things.

Try and try again.

Well, maybe not!

It took me three tries (marriage, live in, marriage). Not a great record but that's what it took.

After returning from my mission, I was soon engaged to the first girl I ever really got serious with. My prayers were answered! It was confirmed to me she was the one (yep, I followed the "procedure!)! After the traditional short engagement (5 months) we were married in the Salt Lake Temple in 1976. The first couple days were blissful. However, while still on our honeymoon, overnight, she turned into the most controlling she-demon I'd ever met! She was no longer the happy, fun-loving, somewhat ditzy blonde she was before.

Twelve years and 6 kids (5 living) later we divorced.

Later in the same year I divorced, I was introduced to a beautiful Hispanic woman with 4 kids. We dated, got serious and then moved in together. After a couple years, her 10 year old daughter told me all about the men that would come over when I was travelling for business. At this point, we were expecting. Due to circumstances, I felt it wise to have a paternity test after a daughter was born. She's mine.

So, two relationships and 7 kids (6 living) later, I am a lone man in the Garden of Eden. I began to like it that way. Besides, by this point, a-n-y-o-n-e would have matured, whether they wanted to or not! And so I had.

Stepping back to the time I was introduced to my eventual live-in companion, I also met a tall (6'), honey-blonde, brown-eyed woman who had never been married. After a decent "cool down" period sans female companionship, I decided to see what was what with that tall woman I had met a few years back. She was still single, never married and currently available. We dated. We became best of friends. I couldn't imagine life without sharing it with her. We got engaged and then married (Salt Lake Temple).

We're still together, after 23 years. We're still the best of friends.

Story moral. I would say the moral of this story is that you make your own decision rather than letting Sky Daddy tell you what's what. He lies. Being good friends and having mutual respect help, as well. Don't base your relationship on lust. Those are the hard lessons taught to me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/29/2014 11:50AM by moose.

I have to ask. How many children with the current wife?

Oh yes.

moose Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Try and try again.
>
> Well, maybe not!
>
> It took me three tries (marriage, live in,
> marriage). Not a great record but that's what it
> took.
>
> After returning from my mission, I was soon
> engaged to the first girl I ever really got
> serious with. My prayers were answered! It was
> confirmed to me she was the one (yep, I followed
> the "procedure!)! After the traditional short
> engagement (5 months) we were married in the Salt
> Lake Temple in 1976. The first couple days were
> blissful. However, while still on our honeymoon,
> overnight, she turned into the most controlling
> she-demon I'd ever met! She was no longer the
> happy, fun-loving, somewhat ditzy blonde she was
> before.
>
> Twelve years and 6 kids (5 living) later we
> divorced.
>
> Later in the same year I divorced, I was
> introduced to a beautiful Hispanic woman with 4
> kids. We dated, got serious and then moved in
> together. After a couple years, her 10 year old
> daughter told me all about the men that would come
> over when I was travelling for business. At this
> point, we were expecting. Due to circumstances, I
> felt it wise to have a paternity test after a
> daughter was born. She's mine.
>
> So, two relationships and 7 kids (6 living) later,
> I am a lone man in the Garden of Eden. I began to
> like it that way. Besides, by this point,
> a-n-y-o-n-e would have matured, whether they
> wanted to or not! And so I had.
>
> Stepping back to the time I was introduced to my
> eventual live-in companion, I also met a tall
> (6'), honey-blonde, brown-eyed woman who had never
> been married. After a decent "cool down" period
> sans female companionship, I decided to see what
> was what with that tall woman I had met a few
> years back. She was still single, never married
> and currently available. We dated. We became best
> of friends. I couldn't imagine life without
> sharing it with her. We got engaged and then
> married (Salt Lake Temple).
>
> We're still together, after 23 years. We're still
> the best of friends.
>
> Story moral. I would say the moral of this story
> is that you make your own decision rather than
> letting Sky Daddy tell you what's what. He lies.
> Being good friends and having mutual respect help,
> as well. Don't base your relationship on lust.
> Those are the hard lessons taught to me.

Moose...we have lived parallel lives!

I've been wed three times & fathered 7 kids. The third time is the charm! I just wish I'd met my never-mo wife the first time around. Although when I wed the first time at 22 she would have only been 12. Worse than Joe Smith!

I don't know if actively looking for the perfect partner works or not. I met my wife on a blind date. Pure happenstance...and I fell into her brown eyes and in love that very night. Some times ya just get lucky.

RB

I dated a number of fine young ladies, many of whom were Mormon, over the years. With most, I would have likely had a good, but "settled for" marriage. However, I kept holding out for the "right one". By the time I reached my thirtieth birthday, my mom had completely given up on me.

Shortly thereafter, I met the "one" and proposed marriage on our second date. We were married two and half months later in a liberal Christian church with several hundred guests in attendance. Three weeks ago, we celebrated our 43rd anniversary. We have a very fulfilling non-mo marriage and to this day I still feel strongly that she is, indeed, the "one".

I believe that to find the "right one" it is important to also *be* the right one. Determine what characteristics you want in a companion, and develop those characteristics yourself.

It is important to observe the women you date in a variety of situations to determine their core character. That may take some time, and you run the risk of getting attached before they reveal their true core character.

Just curious, anonymousexmorm, are you still with the same woman you posted about a few months ago? If so, and you are wondering if she is the "right one,". it would be important to objectively evaluate the progress you both made in working together to address and repair the issues that were causing concern and conflict in your relationship. If you have been able to work together on those concerns, and see real improvement from her, as well as real improvement of your own, that would be a positive indication that you may have already found the "right one.". :)

You have it backwards....you must be the right person first, then the right person will find you, and/ or you will recognize the right person when you meet.

In other words, to find "the one" you have to be "the one" first. Get your life in order, know what you will tolerate and what you won't, be committed to love, kindness and compassion, but be fair, firm and stand up for yourself, etc.

If your life isn't in order, you can't expect to the right one to have their life all peachy for you. I'm not saying you don't have your life together, I don't know you, just commenting on finding the right one.

I think too many people sit around wondering/ waiting why they can't find "the one".....the one that will make life so wonderful and fulfilling for them.....when they aren't "the one" by a long shot.

Focus on being "the one" first and you'll find "the one" for you in time.

I thinks you nailed it, Jonny!

...and he didn't choose me.

All the other guys I've met are either macrophiles obsessed with tall women or insecure boys who are only interested in being serviced by submissive vapid airhead arm candy that inflates their egos.

I've given up on men so I'm not the one to ask. It's even harder with women.

Well after spending 31 years with the wrong person and knowing it most of that time and now having spent the last 5 years with the most "right" person there could ever be for me I can tell you what I have observed.

I will only talk about my current wife because it doesn't help to talk about what NOT to look for. My wife is my wife not because we had some religious or political belief or need but because I am not a wealthy man and the only thing I have of any value is my name so I offered her my most valuable possession. Not only is she my wife but she is my mistress. I will never ever in my life feel the need to look for a mistress because I have more than I ever dreamed for in my wife. She is my best friend. We have the same likes and dislikes for the most part, we are like two halves reunited after being separated for most of their lives. My sweetheart is 20 years younger than I am but we absolutely never notice the difference and most people we meet can't tell that we are that much different in age. I always think of the eternal words from the show Jerry McGuire where she says "you complete me" because that is exactly what my wife does for me.

So to answer your question for me it was easy. We had talked via emails for about three months and we did not exchange pictures so we did not even know what each other looked like. When we finally decided to meet the moment I laid my eyes on her and held her in my arms I knew that she was the one I had searched for my whole life. I felt like I had come home after being gone my whole life. I felt comfortable and like the world was all good now. Her smell was familiar to me, her embrace was familiar, when we finally kissed for the first time her breath smelled sweet like fresh mountain air. There was not one thing that I can recall that was not absolutely completely "right" about being with her. I told her I loved her that first day that we met and I have never stopped loving her nor has my love stopped growing for her for one second since that first day that we met in person. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one and from that point until we moved in together I would have moved heaven and hell to be with her.

In my opinion when you meet the "right" one you will know without any doubt. If you are with someone and you do not know without any doubt and would not fight all of heaven and hell combined to be with that person then you probably are not with the "right" one yet. Now, please don't beat me up for saying that. I know that is a blanket statement and that there are always exceptions so I am fully aware that there are those people who are as in love as I described and who did not know it right away or who were even enemies at first. Those are the exceptions more than the rule though and I believe that there would be a lot less divorce today if people were more sure about the person they decide to spend their whole lives with before they commit and get married. All I am saying is that I believe that true deep passionate lasting love is possible for almost everyone, but not if they settle like I did the first time and like many people do. So that's my two cents worth.

I met the right one 49 years ago. We did not rush into marriage in fact we waited for three and a half years before we married. It wasn't our idea to wait that long but Uncle Sam wanted some of my

time. We were separated for a total of two years after we met and before we got married. If you know that right person for over three years, have a long separation and still stay together you

might make it. We've been married 46 years and even after all the prep time it has been a lot of hard work. We were babes when we met. I was 19 and she was 18. The waiting probably helped our

relationship. It gave us a little time to grow up. Some of the advice given here is good. Take it all in and then go on that search. There are any number of people out there who could be

your right person. Whoever you choose it will be a work of love to make it work.

I think one of the most important thing is to not try to win someone's love by being what you imagine they want. Be your authentic self. Otherwise, you end up with someone who wants the fake you. You would be wrong for each other.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/29/2014 08:44PM by Stray Mutt.

You need to be whole, yourself, before bringing someone else into the equation. You don;t have to have everything perfectly aligned, but you do need a deep understanding of self and what you really want, otherwise you're filling a void.

As the great Alanis Morrisette said, "I don't want to be your other half, I believe that one and one make two."

It took me awhile to find out what I really wanted in a partner. I had to mend my broken pieces before I could love someone like my BF and let him love me. It's not perfect, we make mistakes, but otherwise it's pretty damn good.

Get involved in something you like to do. Live your life to the fullest, while staying active with other people. Build and nurture your friendships. Make time in your life to meet new people (online dating, social clubs, etc.) The happier you are in your own life, the more attractive you are to others and the more likely you will meet the right person to have a relationship with. And if you get involved in doing things you enjoy, you will likely meet someone that you have a common interest with.

Also, one last piece of advice. Don't be fixated with physical attraction over mental attraction. Lust fizzles; true love grows.