In another thread, RfM poster "Actually Gone" asks: "As a TBM, was there anything that made you think your priesthood is fake?"

("As a TBM, Was There Anything That Made You Think Your Priesthood Is Fake?," on "Recovery from Mormonism" discussion board, 5 January 2015, at: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1476740,1476740#msg-1476740)


Yes, there was. The eye-opener came in a Provo ward Elders quorum meeting during a dramatic moment of hilariously unholy hoopla midway through the lesson.
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When I was doing undergrad studies at BYU back in one of those 1970s trippin'-out Provo summers, I attended an off-campus ward (if I recall correctly, it was the Provo 19th, but it may as well have been the Provo 666th). Allow me to explain.

It was a beautiful Sabbath morning during Elders quorum class, where those of us in attendance were treated to a demonstration of how--when push comes to shove--Mormon priesthood power is nothing but a limp, useless, toothless noodle (in this case, that toothless noodle was something to behold). The instructor was giving some eminently-forgettable lesson when suddenly, and without permission, a member of the quorum began to challenge him from his seat over some arcane aspect of the Gospel according to whatever brand of Mormonism the objector was seeking to protect from teacher misrepresentation, adulteratiuon and falsification. The protester became more insistent, even as the instructor attempted to ignore him. Try as the teacher might to move forward with God's lesson correlated from Kolob, the protester would not cease and desist from his increasing doctrinal commotion. The exercised elder got even louder, more adament, more persistent and more determined, yea verily, having now risen from his seat in strenuous objection to the direction of the lesson as it was devilishly being taught by the teech. The poor instructor looked helpless.

Time to call in the Commander-in-Chief.

In a last ditch effort to quell the member from hell, the instructor solemnly raised his arm to the square and, in his best imitation-temple-film voice, declared with puff-fish authority and sternness:

"IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST AND BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY PRIESTHOOD, I COMMAND YOU TO BE SILENT!"

The protesting elder smirked and shot back:

"YOU HAVE NO POWER!"

Hmmmm. Now what? Oh, Brethren, where art thou?

At this point, several members of the quorum performed another rescue attempt. They jumped up, grabbed the unholy heckler by his suit and tie, put him in some kind of Wrestle-Mania Magic Masonic Mormon hold that I had never seen demonstrated through the hole at the Veil and escorted this grunting, demon-possessed demonstrator out of the classroom and into the hallway. The instructor went back to giving his assigned lesson, in all his now-more-than-ever noodlessness.

This is not a joke.

Wait a minute. It's Mormonism. Meaning it is a joke--especially since I saw and heard it, punchline and all, with my own eyes that Sabbath day in Provo, as performed by Elohim's holy priesthood holders.

Now is the Great Day of Their Rolling Power Blackout.



Edited 7 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2015 03:26PM by steve benson.

Good story. Love reading your posts.
High Priest gave my FIL the healing blessing back in July. My TBM BIL thinks it was a success because he's still alive.
Poor man, he is STILL bedridden, STILL on a catheter,STILL on pain medication, totally miserable.
It's all in perspective, right?

I'm guessing the instructor's arm was being held at something slightly less or more than 90%...another case of user error in an otherwise perfectly perfect church.

The boy scout sign is what is used now. It has more power.

"IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST AND BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY PRIESTHOOD, I COMMAND YOU TO BE SILENT!"

This made me laugh. Would love to see a mash-up of this done "Exorcist" style...

That would've silenced me in naked shock. I'm proud of the protester for speaking up.

A pity he didn't say "Jesus we know, and Paul, but who art thou?" And then lunge for his throat. Still, the message was delivered.

What do you do about the experiences that *don't* show that the priesthood is false? I have my share of the and-then-nothing-happened experiences, but there were a few with suspiciously well-timed if serendipitous results.

Do you count it as blind luck? Do you forget it? Assume your prayer to Tash was answered by Aslan?

They just kinda stick in my craw, those experiences.

Even broken clocks are right twice a day

Shawn McCraney, an ex-Mo, ex-mish, evangelical preacher, had a local show for several years in Salt Lake called "The Heart of the Matter" explaining the fraud of Mormonism but, unfortunately also promoting the fraud of "Biblical Christianity". The show was an hour long weekly show that explained Moism in the first half and then took calls from viewers the second half. Shawn was quite charismatic and showed a good sense of humor but unfortunately espoused his Christian drivel.

Mormons would call in quite angry. One caller from Chicago called in to confront McCraney. At one point he said, "By the power of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood I rebuke you and I command you to turn from your evil ways...apostate...son of perdition..." Major fail. Shawn sat there grinning and said, "Now, is something suppose to happen?" It was too funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjWCuxydRBk



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2015 10:40AM by No Mo.

When the "Power of the Holy Priesthood" didn't work, Mormon leader John certainly demonstrates a knowledge that the Danites and violence did.

Whilst sipping my Bailey's-laced coffee, I blew the mouthful all over my laptop screen.

But it was well worth the laugh...

Thanks Steve.


Breedum

When I was a member I woukd occasionally here similar stories of priesthood members physically ejecting an unruly person. Is this a leftover from the days of the Danites?

If they had events like that every week in church I would make it a priorty to go. I love me some spiritual WWE.

Stood in the circle when my folks were on their death beds...and of course they both passed away forthwith. To this day I don't know who the blessings were meant to benefit as Mom and then four years later, Dad were comatose at the time. I and my brother were both non-believing elders so maybe the blessings were for the benefit of the friends of our parents who gave the blessings. The whole experience was very hollow for me.

Ron Burr

As I have stated on here before, my newobrn daughter lay dying in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit from a condition known as Fetal Hydrops. This was less than a year after we burried our newborn son. As a temple worthy priesthood holder I laid my hands on her head and demanded by the Holy Melchizadek Priesthood and through Jesus Christ that she live. She died 2 hours later in our arms.

templenamegabriel, thanks for sharing that difficult personal "testimony." While an excellent example of the powerlessness of the "priesthood," it must still hurt for you. I appreciate your courage sharing it with us.

"You have no power" ......................How funny.

Did you think it was funny at the time or what?

But, alas, I was beyond feeling, other than I thought it was funny.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2015 03:33PM by steve benson.

Years ago my exmo brothers and I figured out that the Power Angle is 28 degrees. We determined that this was the angle at which the young Prophet Joseph looked up in the Sacred Grove to behold God the Father and His Beloved Son, in Whom He was well-pleased.

I had a digital level we would use to correctly set the proper angle when we here horsing around Mocking God.

28 degrees.

During one exmo brother visit, I manufactured a triangle template set at 28 degrees. During an outing to the Oregon Coast, we roamed around on the beach looking for anything (rock strata, driftwood logs, house roof lines ... anything displaying intersecting lines) that happened to match the 28 degree template, and them remarking that it must be meaningful or sacred, etc.

I concede that another sacred angle is "to the square" which would be 90 degrees. I was just looking for an excuse to share my unpublished, esoteric information about the 28 degree angle.

(My apologies, SB, for polluting your excellent post with my childish drivel. I freely admit to getting terminally stuck at 8 years old - mental/emotional age. I think there was a stupidity virus in my baptismal water - just guessing. Or maybe my toe broke the water surface and nobody noticed ... resulting in an invalid baptism - for which I am being punished by inability to rise above annoying and infantile behaviors on RfM.)

Powerful story, Steve. That guy was a lion in a den of Daniels, so to speak. Everything humans subject one another to is backed by physical force. Get out of line and you will see arms of one kind or another.

The real priesthood power was my father's ability to beat me. When I grew too large for the beatings, I was driven out of the house and family. The power evaporated and had to be replaced by shunning and banishment. But you're welcome to visit, they said later, we're not unreasonable.

> the objector was weeking to protect from teacher

Is it a word used in Elder's quorum word? (They would never let me in there.)

. . . where concerned Mormon Cult leaders are noticing that certain wayward members of their flock are beginning to independently plan out their own weekly activities without first consulting with local LDS leadership who are ordained by God to plan out their weekly activities for them.

Like I said, I would like to have claimed that this is the definition of "weeking" but, in reality, what happened was a product of the "w" key on the keyboard being too close to the "s" key--meaning that I was trying to type out "seeking" but instead, spelled out "weeking."

Week and ye shall find, or something like that.

Thanks for catching the boo-boo. Duly corrected. :)



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2015 04:07PM by steve benson.

Steve, it's contagious:

<Quoting myself> Is it a word used in Elder's quorum word?

The second usage of "word" should be "world"! I really should register.

I weeked, and I found...my own typo.

Thanks for not thinking my query was facetious. I'm pretty good at understanding typos in context. I puzzled over weeking, thinking another letter belonged in place of the "k." Then, knowing that "proselyte" and "visit teaching" are ungrammatical components of the the church's lexicon, I decided I had missed something important from The Guys' Club.

. . . so I think we're safe. :)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2015 04:06PM by steve benson.

Hahaha. That's good stuff.

I would have loved to have seen cool stuff like that go down during priesthood! Just the regular borefest for me.

I'd guess that this "spiritual experience" is probably related a lot differently now by the "Instructor/Rebuker" decades later...? :-)

This reminds of one of the Elders I served with was convinced that he could perform this rite. He would literally shake his feet on someone's doorway as we were rudely told to go away. When he first did it, I barely noticed. Then the 2nd time I saw it I asked him about it. He told me what he was doing. I didn't want to correct him because he truly believed he had the keys and authority to do this as an LDS missionary.

Now even the church has backpedaled on this little known curse. The last explanation was that it was to be performed in secret and later so the recipient of the curse didn't know about it. Wikipedia entry: "Since the early-20th century, the practice has been rare. Nevertheless, there have been further doctrinal developments by LDS Church leaders and scholars. According to J. Reuben Clark, a mid-century member of the First Presidency, the ritual of shaking the dust off one's feet is a manifestation of a priesthood holder's "power to determine whether sins should be forgiven, or retained"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaking_the_dust_from_the_feet

That must have been funny to see! And, yeah, would certainly call into question the legitimacy of priesthood power.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1374102,1374102#msg-1374102


So embarrassing (shaking my head)!