ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! ( A Bishop Rood Story)

"And I truly think that if Brother Mikennon doesn't stop going around trying to sign up members for NuSkin, one of the members are going to..." Brother Henry Fine Frankfurter, 2nd Councilor was cut off as the fire alarm for the McCready 14th Ward in Milsapsidi Minnesota started blaring.

"Whoah! Take cover! Take cover!" Bishop Isaac Milton Rood was awoken from his nap, having flash backs to when he had been shot at recently trying to call on the less active, ie, lazy members of his ward. He dived under his desk almost toppling it over.

One of the clearer headed members of the Ward Council, Sister Mary Laquashia, of the Young Women's Presidency, and the 'TOKEN' black person on the council said, "We better get out there and see what is going on!"

They stepped out and were surprised to hear Metallica music blaring from the Chapel, as well as some country music coming from some other source. They went running, and in when they saw that the members appeared to be throwing a wild dance.

Inside the chapel, some of the female members had removed their dresses, and were attempting to use the chandler as some sort of amusement park ride

"Wheeeeee" Sister Bouragart screamed as she went spinning around.

Some of the Priest boys had started letting off bottle rockets inside the chapel and they were flying about.

Upfront on the pew, a wild orgy of sex and booze had broken out, and in the overflow,some of the Young Women were losing their chastity again (except that Bishop Rood had already done this previously)

Little kids were left unattended and screaming.

The town drunk, brother Marvin Gaskill (and one of the lazy, ie. less active) came in to stand behind the Ward Council looking just as confused as the Ward Council.

He had gotten up that morning and decided that he was no longer going to be powerless against his alcoholism after listening to Brother Fred Hoyle the previous week expound on its evils to him. Now he was surprised to see Brother Hoyle up in the stand with two people, not his wife, getting it on with a woman and another male, and holding a Jack Daniels in his hand laughing.

"WHAT THE &^^%*(&~! GOING ON HERE!!???!!!" Brother Gaskill screamed at the pandemonium, which Bishop Rood was currently trying to think of a way to evade the rest of the Ward Council and get involved in.

Everything stopped.

Bishop Rood seized the moment...

"WE ARE JUST 5 MINUTES LATE FROM WARD COUNCIL TO SACRAMENT AND THIS HAPPENS!!! You all should be ashamed of yourselves!!!! We will have worthiness interviews in lieu of sacrament meeting for the rest of the day. We'll see who comes out excommunicated and who is still a member by the time I am done! I will start with the Young Women..."




This story illustrates a point I think the Brethren REALLY think about the members. They are little kids. They cannot think of themselves, and if we didn't use guilt and fear in them ALL the TIME, something like this would happen. Joseph Smith said, I teach them correct Principles and let them GOVERN themselves, however, the members can't be trusted further than you can throw them, and we need those revenues, so fear, guilt , and intimidation and cries for repentance are used instead.

THIS IS WHAT THE BRETHREN FEAR WOULD HAPPEN TO ALL THE MEMBERS IF THEIR GUIDANCE, COUNCIL, AND HEAVY HAND WEREN'T THERE.

Complete Chaos